I'm T, not G!

[Angela Campbell]

Do any of you have plain words to describe yourself to straight or LGB people?

Not really. I find that if they can understand then they usually already do, or do not care either way and need no explanation. If they do not understand they likely never will anyway so why bother.

[flatlander_48]

Funny, I had the reverse of this situation. I identify as a bisexual crossdresser. I joined our LGBT employee affinity group back in 2003. What I didn't know until some years later is that most assumed I was a straight ally as I have a history of working with various groups. We never had a situation where we were asked to define our identities, so it just didn't occur to me to make a declaration.

This came to a head a while back when we had invited Joan Darrah to come and do a public talk about Gays In The Military shortly before DADT when down. Her partner, Lynn Kennedy was with her and at one point in the conversation, Lynn said something to me that assumed I was an ally. At that point I realized that I needed to fix that.

However, when asked or if I volunteer, I list my identity as bisexual. I don't go into the crossdresser part as that would likely be a much longer conversation that I don't think many are ready for. Besides, I live in a small town and often see people that I know from work. I still need to be here for a while, so I keep a relatively low profile...

[NathalieX66]

I feel no connection towards G when it comes to the LGBT spectrum.
I'm pretty boringly average T.
I prefer to dress as female....don;t know why, I just is.

[ShelbyDawn]

Two things:
1. Do you really need to say anything? I mean their opinion of you is their business, not yours.
2. Wen you get your cosmetology license, can I come to SA for a makeover? . (Seriously. It would be so much fun)

Shelby

[Brooklyn]

Thanks for the kindly advice, everyone. Ordinarily, I don't worry about what other people think and just live my truth. It's mainly when acquaintances become close friends, or when I am out dancing en femme with some man who just bought me a drink, for example, or when one of my gay friends wants to set me up with another guy that I sometimes need to make things more clear.

Just tell them you prefer women. No need to label yourself either T or G.

These words have proven useful in many situations. I do consider myself T, however. And BTW, I do go to school as Ashley: that name is on my birth certificate. I'm a lucky girl!

[DebbieL]

I had a really hard time passing as male growing up. Everybody assumed that because I was effeminate, that I must be gay.
Even as a teenager, when kids would ask "are you gay?", I would say "yes, I'm a lesbian" - but made it sound like a joke.
Often, humor is a great way to tell the truth, while appearing to be deceptive.

When I did start getting sexually intimate with women, I really enjoyed pleasing them, but couldn't tolerate when they tried to touch me "down there".
I would tell them I was "ticklish" (I was). I was afraid that if I enjoyed sex with a woman, I would have to remain a man.
Even before I came out, nearly ALL of these women observed that when I was pleasing them, it was like they were being seduced by a woman.
I'm surprised my smile and wink didn't give it away completely.

When I finally went public after my first marriage ended, I accepted dates whenever I was asked, and was soon getting fixed up with bisexual women.
Ironically, one 2 year relationship ended because she WAS BISEXUAL and needed a MAN! She brought home several lesbian lovers who confirmed that I really was a Lesbian - even in how I liked to be pleased.

In my case, I was very small. I often referred to it as "my itsy bitsy teeny weeny shriveled up and wrinkled peenee" - (sung to melody of itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini). When a lesbian friend referred to "that thing down there" (thinking I was larger), I'd grin and say "you mean my little bump?".

The only time anyone should care is when they want to "fix you up" with someone. You need to let them know you want a bisexual or lesbian woman, not a gay man or gay

The one thing I have noticed, is that I like more aggressive and assertive women. Nearly every one of my lovers pretty much told me that they were going to seduce me, and that I should just enjoy it. I had a few "one night stands" (their original intent), the shortest of which lasted 6 months.

[GBJoker]

Every one here knows that I'm bisexual... Yet, oddly, I hit the same issues you do, Ashley Smith.

Usually, when I get even the slightest suspicion that a person is confusing gender identity with sexuality, I get right up in their face and very bluntly explain the difference. And strangely, it has worked thus far, but I'm working on trying not to be so up in their faces and blunt, just in case.