Stress-induced transsexual feelings?

[LeaP]

Dreamer, a diagnosis is useful for access to things like hormones, but not always necessary for that, either, depending on the doctor writing the prescription. My doctor does want the diagnosis on the HRT recommendation letter. YMMV.

Beyond that, the diagnosis doesn't do anything but establish a medical stake in the ground that may be useful in the future by showing a treatment trail that may be needed for insurance (provincial coverage in your case), etc. If you ever move to SRS, you will need multiple diagnoses, one by a PhD or MD - at least that's what the standards of care call for.

No SRS? No need for a diagnosis, though some find it validating. It doesn't define you. As a medical pronouncement, it's nothing more than a partial view into who you are.

[dreamer_2.0]

SRS would be necessary as one of the stress inducers is hanging between my legs.

[Tina955]

Another confused one here. All I know is I spend every waking minute envying women. Never was comfortable with my own body.
After 3 years alone as a widower, I am thinking of becoming a woman more than I think about meeting and having a relationship with a woman
Going to take the advise to see a therapist. Because this is all consuming to the point where it just won't go away.

Tina

Noticed quite a few on the fence and floating somewhere in between.
Was wondering if say you had no family or friends to speak of, would you be more apt to contemplate transitioning. Or would that make no difference? Now this is coming from someone who hasn't seen a therapist yet. But at this time my thinking is in a heart beat. This is just a hypothetical question and I am happy that I do have family and always love them more than anything in the world. Would say I love them more than myself, but that wouldn't be saying much right now.

Tina

[Luna Nyx]

i feel both all the time. I like my boy bits but there are times where i feel they are wrong. If i could have both i would. but im just as confused as everyone else. I feel like i only get that way when things are going very wrong in my life.

[dreamer_2.0]

Another confused one here. All I know is I spend every waking minute envying women. Never was comfortable with my own body.
After 3 years alone as a widower, I am thinking of becoming a woman more than I think about meeting and having a relationship with a woman
Going to take the advise to see a therapist. Because this is all consuming to the point where it just won't go away.

Tina

Very similar here, minus the widower part. Been single for close to 4 years, haven't made any serious attempts to be with another woman but constantly envy them. Actually, it goes beyond envy as I have this unwarranted anger towards women.

Noticed quite a few on the fence and floating somewhere in between.
Was wondering if say you had no family or friends to speak of, would you be more apt to contemplate transitioning. Or would that make no difference? Now this is coming from someone who hasn't seen a therapist yet. But at this time my thinking is in a heart beat. This is just a hypothetical question and I am happy that I do have family and always love them more than anything in the world. Would say I love them more than myself, but that wouldn't be saying much right now.

Tina

Having distanced myself from the majority of friends I'm partially there. Family is still around though which I'm thankful for...mostly. If friends and family weren't in the equation? It would certainly make the decision to transition easier although the general public is still around making things still quite scary.

If it were possible to transition privately then there's no question or hesitation that I'd do it. Don't think that's an option though.

[Angela Campbell]

That is one of the things my therapist asked me on the first meeting. If you want to transition but are scared to or have reasons not to like family or employment, what would the decision be if those items were not on the table. If they were not there at all would you transition? In my case if I didn't have any family and was independent financially.

My answer was if they could do the surgery today I am ready to go right this minute. You see when it comes right down to it these were just excuses I was using to give in to fear. This lead me to a lot of thinking.

[mary something]

You see when it comes right down to it these were just excuses I was using to give in to fear.

Most of the barriers to transition are self imposed. That's not to say that there aren't real consequences to transitioning, because there are. There are real consequences to any decision in life, even indecision.

The word transition means change over time. If you're unhappy now and find yourself constantly having an inner dialog about gender or feeling envious of women for the fact that they get to be female and you don't then that is an important clue to who you are. It doesn't mean you should necessarily go straight and have srs, but it does mean it's time to see a therapist before things get worse.

How much change and over what period of time is best decided by the individual who is feeling the stress of not being authentic. Pay attention to your feelings, but don't let them rule you, because they can change quickly and flip flop over time back and forth again.

If you feel like you would transition for sure if there were no consequences then that is an important thing to remember about yourself. In my opinion it means that specifically you could benefit from working with a therapist on accepting your feelings and considering your options, then making a plan to live a better life in incremental steps to find your comfort zone. It could wind up with a complete gender and social role change or something less, the choice is yours.

[Angela Campbell]

Actually Mary, that is exactly what I have been doing. It is going well as a matter of fact. I still do not know how far it is going to lead me because I cannot see the future, but nothing is out of the question. I am in transition with a plan and I am taking it slow...mostly because I cannot do it quick.

Dreamer, don't think you have to be in a hurry. Sometimes it just takes a while to find where you want to go.

[mary something]

I love that Ellen - " I am taking it slow mostly because I cannot do it quick".

[Sephina]

I've seen a few posts here suggesting that "IF YOU ARE TRANSSEXUAL THEN YOU WOULD DO THIS" if you dont then your not, well id say whoa Nelly on those type of comments, i mean i know im not very experienced in this as opposed to others who actually have transitioned, but i think isn't that one of the things that we get so angry with others doing? making absolute statements? i mean i know how i feel but i don't know how others feel, so maybe someone is TS and leading toward transition but for whatever reason they feel they cant right now or don't think its plausible due to situations in their life i wouldn't say that they aren't TS i don't honestly think this is a black and white issue, in the sense that we know that we are female/ male inside but not outside but i don't think that if one doesn't transition i don't think that makes their claim to be Transsexual a sham. Like i said i don't know. i am not an expert i don't think really anyone is not even gender therapists that have had years of experience dealing with issues related to this, i think that transsexualism even tho its pretty well as old as the world is i don't really think that there is a real "CLEAR" definition or answer out there i think that as a species we are just starting to understand the phenomenon, but because we know more then we did 10 years ago we want to claim mastery over it i dont think its that simple i dont think this is a black and white issue i really don't however that's just my views i could be wrong but there it is.

[GirlieAmanda]

I thought I was "just a crossdresser" from age 13 till age 40. Then, I was released from my marriage. I always wondered what would happen if I could do what I wanted. Well, I think I got my answer. When the barriers came down, the floodgates opened. I realized that all along I was just trying to deny that I was TS. I wasn't sure how to proceed. Meeting others like me, FINALLY, made a huge difference. Then, meeting 3 TS girls who became friends was the straw that broke the camel's back. They showed me HOW to be a TS. I started transition a couple of months later. That was nearly two years ago.

[Badtranny]

i don't think that makes their claim to be Transsexual a sham. .

I don't think it's a sham either. People feel how they feel and I'm certainly not qualified to tell them what those feelings mean. My point is simple, every TS girl I know has transitioned or is transitioning. Have I ever met one who is not? I don't know, if I have or not, I mean, how can you tell?

If someone is aching to transition but they can't, I feel sorry for them, but the very fact that they are NOT transitioning separates them from the girls I know. How do you relate to someone who is part-time? The lifestyle is completely different. I don't make judgments, I don't even really care, except that there IS a distinction between those that are transitioning and those that are not. Why they're not, is none of my concern, I'm sure they have some very good reasons.

[Tina955]

Trying to understand. If you haven't started transition, then you are not TS? So you are not considered TS until you start to transition?


Tina

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This sounds about right. Having not been officially diagnosed as TS as of yet, my comments dont carry much weight, though I do know the GD is quite stress inducing. While a huge part of me wants to pursue transition, the practical side of me doesn't and wants these thoughts, feelings, and stressors to disappear. Mere CDing helps a bit but actually exacerbates the GD because these clothes aren't meant for males. Looking in the mirror is a painful reminder of that...yet I continue to do it (the dressing, but avoiding mirrors).

I want to be female, not a male wanting to be female.

Guess I'm in the running from, denial, ashamed, stage (assuming I'm TS, but I don't know anything for certain). Fortunately though, my therapist has referred me to a specialist. unfortunately though, our first appointment is a couple weeks away. Until then the stress continues. Actually, it'll probably continue for a long time.

I really enjoy reading other people's posts in threads like this. It's nice hearing the commonalities between us and knowing we aren't alone.

Your comments carry plenty of weight. THey are direct, informational and honest.

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Sephina I analyze Melissa's comments about experience and the practical realities of life. Talk is cheap. Melissa feels sorry for folks, me too. How crazy is it to feel sorry for people that didn't marginalize themselves in this world in return for authenticity!!!

It may not feel good to non transitioners that identify as transsexuals....trust me feeling not good about those comments is going to be the smallest problem in your life..

There is no way to look back with hindsight and change things..or to predict your feelings in years to come...and although we all tend to speak in absolutes there are probably a couple of exceptions.
but basically those of us that transitioned after our 20's all experience the exact same thing... and its horrible.

Whether it hits in your 30's, 40's or later....assuming you are transsexual all the talk about controlling it and how much you love your wife will get flushed down the toilet..all you've invested into a male life becomes cruelly empty and unless you act relatively quickly or decisively your quality of life will hit rock bottom and you will look up from the bottom of a bottomless pit and wonder how you are going to climb out, then decide whether you'd rather live or die...that's what its like...


and if you think "not me" talk to the ladies in their 60's and 70's here..they said "not me" too..

[Marleena]

This thread is refreshing in the fact the OP is not in a panic mode. Far too often we have people in meltdown mode convinced they're TS and ready for SRS right away without even seeing a gender therapist. Talking common sense to them is met with anger instead and ends up an exercise in futility.

I'm one of the older people now transitioning late in life. I did attempt to transition in my twenties on my own and now realize how dangerous that was. It was desperation though. You see back in the sixties and seventies it was difficult to find any help in transitioning, support groups, etc. Most of us suppressed it as a coping mechanism and we hit the wall later in life. It is very common.

What I can tell you is I rather not be TS. I'm taking this slow and don't know where I'll end up but I had to do something. So.. I'm a newbie basically with lots to learn myself. HRT has changed my life for the better in many ways so I know I'm on the right track.

[Rianna Humble]

I've seen a few posts here suggesting that "IF YOU ARE TRANSSEXUAL THEN YOU WOULD DO THIS" if you dont then your not

I have reviewed the whole thread up to the post that I have quoted and I have not seen anyone say that. If you can find post(s) which say that or which call someone's claim to be transsexual a sham, and which I have missed, please report them.

There have been posts saying that if you don't want to transition or if you like being male part of the time then you may want to consider the reasons for this, but that is not telling someone that they are not TS simply because they do not behave in a particular way.

For those of us who are transitioning or who have transitioned, things are very black & white. It would also be extremely wrong for one of us to try to push someone down the road of transition simply because they have not considered the alternatives. I'm not sure where you personally stand, but there are other posters in this thread who have suggested that they thought they might be TS because they had not considered the possibility of being bi-gender. to push one of these to transition would be to do them the worst possible disservice.

As you state that you have not begun to transition, you currently have no idea what that is like. If you did have, you would understand why transitioners see things so clearly and try to discourage people who have no need to transition from making a mistake.

Rianna Humble
Moderator Transsexual Forums and Safe Haven

[Badtranny]

Trying to understand. If you haven't started transition, then you are not TS? So you are not considered TS until you start to transition?

This is apparently a really difficult concept to grasp, so let me try and reduce it to its essence. It doesn't matter if you're TS or not, if you're NOT going to transition.

When I see a transitioner on the street, I immediately identify with that person. I don't ask them if they are TS. I know what they are because I can see it. They may be a completely different person, but they are experiencing some of the same stuff that I am. They are being stared at, or whispered about, or having a mom sort of steer her kids away from you. We have a kinship, and even if we have nothing else in common. We have that, and it's pretty big and pretty rare.

If you're NOT transitioning, then how in the world is anybody supposed to know that you "would be if only"? Because you say so? If we met at a party and you told me that you were a transsexual too, how do you think I'm going to feel about you when you give me your business card and it's a dude's name? Or refuse to give me your card altogether because "you're closeted". Or if you're hanging out with a group of us, and we are all leaving to grab a drink and you don't go because "that's a place where I might see people I work with".

Why is it so hard to understand that transitioning is a whole different experience from BEING transsexual. Why all the histrionics to convince people on the internet that you are sooooooo transsexual? What you are isn't the point, what you DO is what I'm interested in. I want to hear your experience with transitioning, because that is an experience that I share. If we're not talking about the trials and tribulations of transition then what is the TS forum for? So we can have people talk about what they WOULD do? So we can talk about wearing panties because that's how you can "feel better without transitioning"?

This is a forum for fellowship, and maybe support. I like to read about people that are like me and how they handle this wacky life. I like to give honest reports about my own experience for my girls that are going through, or will be going through the same stuff. What do I have to learn from or impart to someone who is not transitioning? They have no idea what my life is like.

As far as I'm concerned everyone on the forum including the fetish sissies could very well be TS. Who cares?

[Angela Campbell]

Perhaps some of the "support" is for those who are at the pre transition stage, or maybe so someone who may or may not transition can learn what they can about transition. Some who will eventually transition will go kicking and screaming because they are terrified of what they will go through. It doesn't mean they won't and it doesn't mean they will, it just means that a threshold has not yet been crossed. Transition is that threshold. It scares the crap out of you and rightly so.

We all have our own reasons as to why we do or do not, but I can understand how someone may not know yet. To the point of the OP, as Misty said ...it makes no difference if you are ts or not. It only matters if you transition.

Stress has never caused me to have "ts feelings" or "urges" nor has stress ever made me want to wear any particular clothes. I was born with whatever this is and it has been pretty constant and growing all of my life. It never really comes and goes. (at least for me)

[dreamer_2.0]

Would it be safe to say this "black and white" scenario would come to those after they come to understand themselves more and accept themselves? Was it always black and white for you or did you go through various stages like questioning, denial, etc? I imagine it would have been quite clear for some prior to transition but not for everyone. I believe a few previous comments have addressed this already. Some of you ran but others started relatively early in life.

For those who have or are currently transitioning, may i ask what stress levels were like prior to starting your journey? Did transitioning alleviate that stress? Did transitioning introduce more stress?

For those who have completed their transition, I understand transitioning can be quite challenging, how would you describe your life now compared to before you began?

[Angela Campbell]

I don't even know if stress is the right word for it. There was something there from childhood, it grew, slowly almost imperceptibly but still grew to the point it could not be ignored. It caused me to live an isolated life. Never having friends, never trusting anyone, never being happy. Not even knowing what happy is. It boiled and boiled until it overflowed. That is when I finally chose transition over the excuses I had of why I could not.

Once I made this choice, it settled down, as long as I am working toward a goal and make some kind of progress. Working with therapists was progress, electrolysis is progress, HRT is progress, making plans on other things that are still in the future is progress. There is still stress as it takes a long time but it is manageable now. Some days I feel like I am not making progress and the feelings return, but most days it is ok. There is also fear induced stress, but it is not as bad as what the other one is.

Sometimes it just feels like I am living in a nightmare. It always feels like I am all alone.

[dreamer_2.0]

Sometimes it just feels like I am living in a nightmare. It always feels like I am all alone.

Heh. I was kind of hoping the nightmare feelings would go away leaving feelings of peace. Perhaps it does for some. Still though, comments like this make me hope I'm not TS and the specialist can help me accept life as a male.

Thank you for your response.

[stefan37]

For me it was never black and white. My own feelings about my gender aside, I was able to mitigate and hold my inner urges with various coping mechanisms many of them unhealthy at bay for the 50+ years I was cognizant of being different. Going to therapy and being told it was ok to feel as I did and what I needed to do to improve my quality of life. I have fought against it and in some ways still may be. My motivating factor for such a fierce fight and struggle was because of my wife. She is a remarkable woman I have spent 33+ years of my life with. She means the world to me and my decision to transition has seriously harmed her and our relationship. I do not feel good about that and it has caused me much anguish because of the course of events over the past year I have been on HRT.

Had I not been married my course of action would have much different with much less anguish. But for me once I realized what I needed to do I took action and hrt for me was a life saver. My anxiety went from a +10-0 within 3 days. I have been more comfortable with myself and I am capable of handling stress and accomplishing things I would have been incapable of years earlier. For me transition is the best thing I can do for myself and although I am still relatively early in my transition it has come at great cost. My relationship with my wife as we knew it before hrt is over and it will never be the same. We are navigating the difficult process of my socialization as a woman and her acceptance of those changes. It is not easy and we are almost always traveling a road filled with ruts and potholes that swallow an elephant. I had mentioned in another post about an individual in my support group that goes by a male name, lives and works as a male, desires no hrt or body modifications yet self identifies as a ts. Why someone not transitioning would want to declare themselves ts escapes me, but so be it. I have no connection to this individual other than he may be transgendered, but our experiences are nowhere close. He is part time and when things get rough can go back to the safe port of his own birth gender. i will have no such luxury. In many ways I am at the point of no return and after my name change becomes legal this summer, I will only have whatever sheltered cove I can find for solace. There will be no hiding behind my birth gender.

Someone mentioned in another thread and it is so right on the money. We spend our time hiding and suppressing our true selves only to transition and make it all public. My family, friends, all my employees, most of my close clients all know my commitment to transition to the opposite gender. Is it scary, hell yeah it is but there is also joy in allowing myself to be seen and not have to hide anymore. I usually have to restrain myself from blurting out to those I just met I am actively transitioning. I have learned that only those close to me or that will become a part of my life need to know. There is much sadness, but it is tempered by the joy that your are improving the quality of your life, even though it may not seem like it at the time. 2 things are so true about transition. Only transition when it becomes absolutely imperative it has to be undertaken and transition will cure you of gd and allow you to live an authentic life. All your other problems in life will remain. Your happiness is not guaranteed and it very well mean your are unhappy for reasons unrelated to your gender identity. If you successfully transition to whatever degree you need to your unhappiness about your gender identity will disappear. The energy you consumed dealing with gd can now be channeled into other areas you may be having difficulty with.

[Angela Campbell]

Heh. I was kind of hoping the nightmare feelings would go away leaving feelings of peace. Perhaps it does for some. Still though, comments like this make me hope I'm not TS and the specialist can help me accept life as a male.

Thank you for your response.

Keep in mind I am at the very beginning of transition, I have a million more miles to go. Every step makes it a little easier but there are so many steps I have to take and it may take years. Likely as it built up over years it will also take years to get to a comfortable place.

I can't find any "be a girl right now" pills.