I guess there are more than a few of us here who are fathers in addition to being TS.
Today is Father's day at least for a few more hours. I wonder how many of us have issues with being fathers, since our issue is being male in the first place.
I guess there are more than a few of us here who are fathers in addition to being TS.
Today is Father's day at least for a few more hours. I wonder how many of us have issues with being fathers, since our issue is being male in the first place.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
I would have made a good father, but a piss poor role model. It does make me wonder. Would I have continued in denial/silent desperation, if I'd had kids?
I became a father in 1975 when my son was born. In 1977 shortly after the birth of my daughter we were divorced. Due to a cort order I was not allowed to see my children. In 1980 I went full time as Jorja and had moved 4500 miles away from my children. One day in 1995 I got a knock on my door. There stood two young people, a boy and a girl. When I opened the door they both asked, Dad? I haven't been able to get rid of them since.
Jorga, it sounds like they must have come to visit you shortly after your younger turned 18 and could no longer be denied the right to visit?
Myself... About the time I hit 40, I finally felt that I had gained enough experience and patience and self-knowledge that if I were to become a father, I would handle it Okay; before that I felt too unready for such a big responsibility. And then at 41 1/2 my major depression started and I become clearly incapable of being even close to handling anything like that. But the long-term longing never went away once I finally felt I was ready. The hardest choice by far I had to make with regards to starting HRT was the aspect of losing the realistic chance to have children (sterility was only one aspect of that.)
Hi,
As i was thinking about this i really did not wont to answer, ill try, what is a father, i really dont know, i did not have one .
For my first 5 years after i was born there were a few men in our house, as boarder's remember 1947. on, times were tough so Mum had to live, so income were from boarders, i never knew a father, things happened to me that i have no recall went to school at 5 & only found out i did 3 years ago.
My well surposed father tryed to murder by strangulastion my Mum that would have ment my death as well. so we had to get out fast, & move away, we did.
Age 10 my mind woke up. no memory before then, so my thoughts on = a father = is nill . theres just nothing there a void .
Yes Jos & i were married,39 years ago, even being intersexed i was able to give Jos what was needed for a time so we had 3 children our forth one died, so yea that was tough on myself, Just could not talk about it at all. that was real hard, Jos it was mixed yes a lose yet Jos said to me she did not know if she could handle another baby.
I was hurt, yea a lot of emotions there . I said i would have been able to take care of him. & heres the difference as a Mum.
I never ever could have seen myself as a Father, i told Jos that, I love our kids well adults of cause, yet not as a Father, even for myself its void i just could not relate in any way, now i would say how as a Mother. im not going to say oh yes id be great. cant say that, iv loved more than our kids Dejarn. because she has & is just so close, would i have been a Mother to her , oh yes total it was all on. yet Kaylyn said your not the Mother i am , well Kaylyn gave birth to Dejarn yet she is my child i could never have, strange as that is,
So because of my very early years iv allways been very weary around men so Fathers dont have an impack in any way for myself or being a father,
...noeleena...
I have helped raise our two wonderful children. I think I was/am a good dad. I did diapers, late night feedings, school work, coach; all the things that dads should do with their children. I love my kids with every fiber of my being, and I would do anything for either of them. They are now young adults in their 20s, have jobs, and no debt due to us paying for their schooling and all. I worry now, as I'm seeing a gender therapist, and I'm not exactly sure where this is going to take me. I'd like to think that we raised them so that they would be understanding if they found out about me. Yesterday's Father's Day celebration left me feeling a bit down; the future is somewhat cloudy.
When the answers escape us when we start to fade
Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are
Interesting, as this has been on my mind this weekend. I got skipped at Mother's Day (OK, I'm just not anyone's Mom so no harm, no foul) and I was wondering how Father's Day would play out for me. Would I be forgotten?
Although I had issues with being born male I never had any issues with being a father. I always loved being a Dad and did my best to be as good a father as possible. Although it takes a man to be a father for me the job tasks always seemed gender-neutral, other than the big part of that which was to show my kids a good role model for what a man ought to be. And I think I did that well, despite my own conflicts with gender dissonance.Originally Posted by celeste26
I got 2 Father's Day greetings yesterday. The first was from my boyfriend, who saw the paradox of wishing a woman a Happy Father's Day.
The second was from my son, who (like my boyfriend) wondered if it was appropriate to wish me Happy Father's Day but told me that he appreciated me as a parent all the same.
My answer to both of them was that they could wish me Happy Father's Day if they wanted to, and that I was honored to receive that blessing from them.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
I was feeling a little weird about it. I was not included in mothers day, which is alright as my wife does not want to share that title with me and my daughter definitely does not recognize me that way.
Fathers day I have mixed feelings about. My daughter was out of town with my mom but she did not call me. My wife did not offer me any special recognition yesterday either. It should not really matter, I don't really fit neatly into either category anymore, but it did hurt a little.
I think I need to come up with my own day
Jorja - I was wondering if your son and daughter recognize you on fathers day, or mothers day or if there is some other special day that they give special recognition to you?
added:
I did not make my daughter stop referring to me as dad, but she found it awkward to keep using that term.
So her and my partner came up with "Poppy"
A couple years ago she gave me a hand made "Poppy's Day" card for fathers day, but not last year or this year.
Last edited by arbon; 06-17-2013 at 01:25 PM.
You made me cry Jorja. I am not joking!......... But in a nice way.I became a father in 1975 when my son was born. In 1977 shortly after the birth of my daughter we were divorced. Due to a cort order I was not allowed to see my children. In 1980 I went full time as Jorja and had moved 4500 miles away from my children. One day in 1995 I got a knock on my door. There stood two young people, a boy and a girl. When I opened the door they both asked, Dad? I haven't been able to get rid of them since.
I am proud of the fact that I'm a father and will never deny my daughter the right to call me Dad. She has supported me all the way with my GD and subsequent transition, even though she lives over 300 miles away.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
Jorja
The only thing that would have been better than that moment would be if it occurred on Father's Day. I am glad for you that your kid's need to know their father was greater than their mother's hate.One day in 1995 I got a knock on my door. There stood two young people, a boy and a girl. When I opened the door they both asked, Dad? I haven't been able to get rid of them since.
I have two kids, an adopted son (46) from my wife's first marriage and a daughter (35). We share the house (not good) and we shared a Father's Day dinner (good). We are close but my wife will not let me tell them about Miki. At least there was no court order.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
I spent Father's Day with my son and his wife who is due to give birth in 2 weeks to their first child, my first grand child, a boy. We also spent about 30 minutes on Skype with my daughter who live on the west coast. We all decided that from now on, we will follow the example started by my friend Randi and instead of celebrating Father's Day, we will celebrate Other Parent Day. Maybe not the perfect name, but I don't mind it at all, in fact, I kinda like the idea.
Oh, and my daughter in law has decided that since I do not want to be called grandma, I will here forth be known as either Aunt Nicole or Auntie Niki. I think that is so sweet...
Oddly, I had been wondering about the kind of paradox this situation might have for some of us. Alas, I do not have any children that I know of; spent four years in the US Navy, very long story.
However, I couldn't help but wonder about those here on the forum and how they might feel and or handle this situation. I had even been trying to think of a way to bring this up.
Thank you, celeste26 for starting this thread. My curiosity has been sated.
The source of fear is in the future
And a person freed of the future
Has nothing to fear
"That's life. It's not always rainbows and farts. Sometimes the farts have a little something extra." -Emma
Rock meet Hard Place.
Jorja, this is a sad story and a beautiful story all in one. It is so sad that you missed their childhood and upbringing. I know you must have shed many tears as a result from that court order. But it's a happy story because they are in your life once again and never to be estranged from each other. But it is great that they are back in your life today and forever. I met my son for the very first time when he was 9 years old. I was seeing my daughter from my divorce, but had never met my son from a GF before my marriage and daughter being born. It turned out that my daughter and son were in the same school and classes, and my daughter even had a crush my my son for I guess he reminded her of her father. I learned this later, when the mother of my son to took me to court for child support for a child I didn't know I had. DNA proved I was the father, and I got visitations and I went to pick him up for the very first time. But before I went to pick him up, I told my daughter on her weekend visit that we're going to pick up her long lost brother and my son. I assured her, how much I loved her and nothing will ever change that. I wanted her to know that my love for her could never be replaced but there is such joy for us all to have with going to pick him up for weekly visits. We all went to pick him up, My wife, my daughter, my step daughter, and this pretty little innocent child came and got in the car with us and we got home. My daughter said he was in her classes and they knew each other. And that she had a crush on him, but now that she found out that this young boy was her brother, that was gone, but today they love each other so much as brother and sister. I am very proud of both of them now as young adults. When I looked at the two of them way back then, I saw how he looked just like me and that my daughter looked just like her mom.I became a father in 1975 when my son was born. In 1977 shortly after the birth of my daughter we were divorced. Due to a court order I was not allowed to see my children. In 1980 I went full time as Jorja and had moved 4500 miles away from my children. One day in 1995 I got a knock on my door. There stood two young people, a boy and a girl. When I opened the door they both asked, Dad? I haven't been able to get rid of them since.
Last edited by Tara D. Rose; 06-17-2013 at 05:21 PM.
Nice posts so far, just a gentle reminder to keep it on topic for the TS forum, please.
This thread is about how you as a TS woman relate to being a father, not general stories about long lost children.
Rianna Humble
Moderator, Transsexual Forums
@Sandra-Leigh – Yes it was about a month after my daughter turned 18 and had graduated high school.
@Arbon – We decided to celebrate on both Mother’s day and Father’s Day. We call it a Family Day. Any day is a good day for a party! We do not do the gift thing unless it is something the entire family can use. It’s usually a good meal and quality time spent with family.
@Miki - It was around June 7th or so as I remember. They had to wait for school year to be over. I do know they do not care for their Mother. Even so far away, I stayed in touch with them. My family still lives there and did a lot with the kids as they grew up.
The court order was a direct result of my being TS. Back then I was just a crazy pervert that thought he was a woman. It was not safe for little kids to be around me, you know.
Suzy1 – Sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone cry.You made me cry Jorja. I am not joking!......... But in a nice way.
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 06-17-2013 at 11:38 PM. Reason: Multiposting is making a post directly one after another, when you could have edited the additional comments into your first post.
AMEN !! Fathers Day is our day ,, We are the Father ,, We helped make them an will always be the Father no matter what ,, We can't go back an erase what has happen in our lives an why would we want to ,, This is just another chapter in our journey an we will alway be the same person inside No Matter what we look like on the outside . So bring on Fathers day an accept your gifts an be Happy your children are healthy an happy an we live to see another Fathers Day with them ,, Hell Mothers Day is all ways Crowded enough ,, Talk about asking for trouble trying to get in on that day ,,,lol,,,, Any how I am not there Mother an never will be !!
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