"Ouch"

[Lorileah]

I know this will be a roller coaster ride, emotionally and physically but right now I am sitting in the front seat with my hands in the air

Earlier thread I talked about my visit to my doctor and how the counseling department called before I even left the exam room. I called them back and made an appointment (July 10th...that is fast I think) and they gave me the name of the person I would be seeing. I was worried (Kaiser) that I would get someone without any TG background. When I mentioned the name though to some of my friends I found out that who I am seeing has personal experience with transitioning.. Hope that is a good thing. (now wondering what I should wear to my first visit)

second major event...

I talked to my mother Sunday (she is in California and we talk every weekend) and some how in the conversation about Father's Day (I told her I left a message with Dad...) she said "Your father didn't want daughters." OK so I wasn't thinking (It was PRIDE weekend here and I was hot and sweaty and tired and on my first Margarita) and without thinking I said "Well that's too bad because he has one now." There was a short pause on the line then. My mom knows about me but she just thought I was a CD. She asked what I meant. I told her about my plans to transition now. She said "are you sure?". I said yes. She said "you know it is hard to be a woman" I said yes. She said are you having surgery. I said yes...eventually. She said "ouch". Literally, that is all she said Ouch. Not, don't do it, how could you ruin your body?, are you crazy? Just Ouch. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Either that or after she hung up she screamed...I don't know. But I think she knew long before . Mom's know. So one hurdle cleared. My father is going to be a lot harder. He doesn't even KNOW about Lori. And he never wanted a daughter...

[Kalista Drake]

Never wanted a daughter? I can't imagine why??! Really, what does he have against girls?

Moms are great!! Dads.... not so much!
But hang in there. Maybe your mom will out you to your dad. For me, my mom outed me to the rest of the family, which worked out great! I just could not deal with their possible reactions. So I told mom it was ok to out me to the others,(older brother, my grandma (her mother). Then my grandma outed me to my uncle (my mom's brother).
So it was no big deal really. they all accept me (I think). But I know for sure that my mom accepts me and that's all I really care about! My dad, I haven't seen or heard from in about 30 years! But that's ok, - he's an asshole anyway!


What to wear for the 1st visit... I would just go as fem.

O
Kal

[Nicole Brown]

Your mother may just be giving you some sound advice and something to look out for.

I began my hormone treatment almost 4 months ago and in the past month I have discovered the meaning of the word ouch. While no large change has been noticed in my chest, some minor growth has occurred along with tenderness and discomfort when touched heavily or bumped. I have had to learn to take my boobs into consideration and to allow extra room for them, else the word ouch comes into play.....

[Kalista Drake]

Been there honey! After some time has passed, your girls won't be quite as sensitive. but don't despair. it just means they are growing!

Kal

[Barbara Ella]

I thought I was a good Dad to my two daughters, so I have to think there are some good ones out there. Now I wonder if I was a father, or just covering a deep unawareness. I know now i would have made a pretty god mom if I had known. Even without the "ouch" part. Mom has just forewarned you Lori.

Barbara

[Kalista Drake]

Thinking further on this, I think maybe there are some good dads out there. There must be. I just meant that it's usually the mother who is the most supportive.

Kal

[kimdl93]

Your father may surprise you...then again, he may not. Time will tell, eh?

[KellyJameson]

It is interesting how parents react. My mother did not want a daughter and she was one of the reasons I did not transition sooner. I just could not take it anymore living in the twilight world I had cut out for myself in between genders.

I think age is starting to mellow my parents or maybe because the shock is less now for parents because more and more are hearing about it through the media so transitioning has become somewhat "normalized"

My mother takes the whole thing a bit personal and does not realize it has nothing to do with her.

My father said he always knew from how I acted starting around two years old that whatever makes a boy was not inside me.

I think my mother is concerned that somehow she will be blamed by the faceless society she worries about.

You definitely need to give them emotional space and time to absorb the changes.

Ouch! has become my mantra so your mom is very perceptive.

Good that things are starting out somewhat smoothly for you. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[Marleena]

Time will tell, eh?

Kim, you been talking to us Canadians, eh?

[Kalista Drake]

Thanks Kelly! You have quite a way with words!
OO
Kal

[Leah Lynn]

I love my son unconditionally, but my daughter, well, I was there when she was born. She almost didn't make it, and she's been special to me ever since. I was wrapped around her little finger right from the git-go. No matter what, she'll always be daddy's little girl.
And she's the only one that knows about ...

Leah

[mikiSJ]

Moms are great!! Dads.... not so much!

You didn't grow up in my house!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Lorileah good luck with your dad...

I bet in your heart you know how he will react...I was lucky because everyone told me my dad wouldn't like it, that he would be devastated...in my heart I didn't believe that and I turned out to be right...
I hope you have the same experience

[docrobbysherry]

All the best with your dad, Lori.

Altho I didn't start dressing seriously until after my dad passed, I often visualize him rolling over in his grave. I would NEVER have Sherry go visit him there!

[Paulette]

Lorileah, family dynamics are always a consideration for anyone transitioning, the farther down the road the more complicated the decisions will be. People with children and grandchildren often make the decision to continue remain in their birth gender for the sake of all of the other people in their lives. It appears that your mother is some what supportive and you have her unconditional love. I hope that your father surprises you and accepts who you are, a love inv child of two loving parents. As for the pain comment she is very correct, making the change from male to female hurts, emotionally, and psychically. Anyone who has had surgery know that there will be pain, electrolysis, laser, and high heels all cause pain, the true question is, is it worth it.if you answer yes then you are on the correct path.

[Lorileah]

Paulette, after walking 2 miles Sunday in wedgies, I question if the pain of heels is worth it...OK it is I have only recently purchased flats

Electrolysis? I don't wanna but being blonde and going grey I guess I have no choice.

The mental pain is the question. I don't think it will be too bad for me as I have spent the last year and a half presenting 75% of the time (only not at work yet...). But telling my dad is the hardest part. He dotes on me. I am the doctor in the family. I am the one who can help him with construction. I am the one who followed him like a puppy the first 5 years of my life (until for some reason they decided to make a NOT only child...can you imagine how spoiled I would be now?). He, as stated above, didn't want daughters but the strange thing is he remarried and now has two step daughters (he calls them his daughters) so maybe it will be OK now. You know how men are when they are young. I just have to get the courage. Next year will be my 40th class reunion (high school...I was very young...only 7 when I graduated...) and if I go I will be already into the transitioning so I will have no way to hide it ( I only hide me from a few people). The smart move would be to tell long before that. One of two things will happen. I expect he will be shocked and a little hurt then decide to ignore it (that is what he did with my gay brother) OR he will disown me...not likely.

I know it has been said that after HRT you are less tolerant of pain but I think the physical pain won't be an issue with me. The mental as far as how I feel won't be a problem. The mental of how I feel I have let others down in the issue.

[Angela Campbell]

Electrolysis isn't so bad. Yes it is not pleasant but it hurts less than having that ugly facial hair. The only problem I have with it is it takes too long. I want it complete NOW!

[Kalista Drake]

You and me both, sister!!