Friendzoned

[Aly Cat]

So I know this may seem weird, but since I have been dressing again, my relationship with my wife has gotten better....as friends...
We almost seem to be growing into a strictly platonic loving relationship. We have been doing more things together like playing cards, watching movies, and just spending time together in general. When it comes to sex though, nothing... I seem to have been friendzoned. I tried to initiate it the other night and she wasnt all that responsive. It was dark and I told her after some time of trying to get the mood going....I cant see you so I don't see your reactions, but it kind of feels like your not really in the mood. She then stated...eh, not really. So of course I stopped and told her ok.
We then both rolled over and went to bed.

Like I said though, we have been spending more time together and have been feeling more of a friendship. It just feels more platonic relationship wise. Not sure if thats a good thing or bad. The problem I see is that I feel the same way for her. Like we are great friends, but not great lovers. Oh well. It is what it is I suppose. Maybe we are just starting back from the beginning and giving everything a second chance. Thats the way I'll look at it for now.

[Melissa73]

I sympathsize with you! as one who is recently separated and heading into divorce, I noticed the same! course in my case, my wife came out as gay...but now that we live apart we talk better then when we were together. And even though my feelings for her never changed, hers has. but id rather have her as a friend then nothing at all...

melissa

[Tracii G]

Not much you can do but wait and when she is ready she will let you know.

[Persephone]

Sounds familiar.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eva Lynn, It sounds like she traded in a old husband for a new girlfriend.

[Rogina B]

If there is acceptance that this is important to you,no matter what,the dynamics of the marriage changes.We live like 3 girls in a house when I am home every so often..being friends is good..

[danielle.cd]

ok i know this sounds strange but being just friends when u want more out of your relationship is not good . it just shows her that she gets what she wants and u end up with nothing in return but a better friendship . she gets to have fun with u being the good friend to be there for her. thats not fair she should be giving u what u need also or else your marriage is toast and u just live together and r friendly. .
u need to talk it out with her an tell her what u need or else live with the fact that your not gana be getting it from her any more .

[Julie Gaum]

Eva, there are many unknowns here that need outing before we can make any sort of observation. For example, did you tell her of your inclinations before you tied the knot or later? What was her reaction then, in other words just how fully did she support or accept or no comment? Those answers have a bearing on her present lack of interest in sex.
Julie

[Rogina B]

u need to talk it out with her an tell her what u need or else live with the fact that your not gana be getting it from her any more .

Danielle,There is no mention in your post whether or not you are married. Sometimes there are cycles to marriages brought on by outside situations.There are smooth and rocky times to many marriages.Remember also that financially,two can share a roof a whole lot cheaper than living under two different roofs,especially with kids involved.

[Aly Cat]

I told her after 10 years of marriage. That was this past December. The lack of interest in the bedroom is a recent thing though. It was after I told her that I couldn't follow through with not dressing and that I had to be myself that this dynamic has started. In all honesty, it doesn't really bother me all that much. I know it probably should, but it doesn't. Sex has never been one of our strengths and I am used to weeks if not a month or two without. This time around though, it just seems to feel different. Like we hit a friend zone that is more platonic in nature. I'm not all that worried though because whatever happens I'm pretty well at peace. After telling her that I was going to need to be who I am, I know that if she rejects that, than she is rejecting a part if me and that is beyond my control. That will be her choice and whatever she chooses to do is up to her. I'm letting go of the handlebars on this rollercoaster and wherever this ride takes me is where I'm going to go. I know that this part of me is not a flaw, and its not wrong or a malfunction in my character and if she chooses to not accept that, than its like choosing to not accept someone because of a physical appearance or because of a personality traight. Its a personal preference. That frees me from a lot of stress and I know that I will be true to myself no matter what. I worry about my kids, but I will not cease to show them all the love I have for them nor will I badmouth my wife to them. I have no reason to. She is a good mother to them and takes care of them well. I have so much love for my kids and wife and no matter what happens, that won't stop me from showing that love. Even if it is just a platonic non physical love to my wife.

[danielle.cd]

Danielle,There is no mention in your post whether or not you are married. Sometimes there are cycles to marriages brought on by outside situations.There are smooth and rocky times to many marriages.Remember also that financially,two can share a roof a whole lot cheaper than living under two different roofs,especially with kids involved.

i am married and know all about the ebbs and flows of marraige but as the sudden lack of intrest that to me doesnt seem normal escpecially from someone who seems to know there wife, i also know that a few month after i told my wife she got all confused as to what i was really trying to do and didnt want to be with me if i were to be come a women . after a lengthy explaination ( to witch i though i did the first time i talked to her about it ) i assured her that its just part of me and not the whole me . i had to let her know that if im going to go out dressed im gana look like a women rather than a guy in a dress , i want to be seen as a women if im gana dress like one , thats when it got way easier for both of us , u could see the relief in her attitude toward me imidiatly and now its like our little secret that we share and can talk to ourselvs about it and not have her get all ewwww and me get upset cause shes not into it.

[Marie-Elise]

The sexual part of our marriage ebbs and flows. I, too, told my wife after being married for 8 years. She knows this is a part of me and has told me that if she wanted to sleep with a woman, she wouldn't have a goatee. She also said she thinks of me more as a girlfriend when I am dressed. Luckily, I work from home so I have ample opportunity to dress.

We have gone months with no sex no matter how much I try to initiate it. But then, there will be a period (like the past few weeks) where we are really into it and it is amazing.

What I would say is to not try to make dressing a specific part of sex with her. If you are dressed and you kiss and things go further great. But don't make it "I'm going to get dressed and we are going to have sex".

Just my two cents. I trust everything will work out for you.

[Gypsy Sam]

Don't ask,don't tell,has been my mode of cross dressing. Thirty + years of great sex when we were dating. Then evolving finally to unless it's her idea don't even bother. Along the way the numerous advances on my part, and the rejection on her part led to a psychosis of lowered self esteem. Caring and providing for each other has been attributes to be considered. Both of us not wanting to have failed make a marriage work, and live with a divorce as a result of it. It's tough when your attracted to her and find her desirable, yet for her not so much. Must be a lesson to be learned, or God's way of keeping us humble.

[Princess Grandpa]

Keeping in mind we are just a bunch of girls on the Internet with no real knowledge of your situation. We can say what we think but only you two can fix or end your marriage. You told her you couldn't continue on as things were. You pretty much gave her no choice or say in the matter. I understand you really have no say in the matter either. Her response was quiet acceptance of your need and a distancing of herself from you and intimacy.

You two need to get open and honest communication going if your to hold onto your marriage. If you could get into couples therapy or something that might help. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that she could come around and realize she can have the best of both worlds, a loving husband and a BFF. IMHO this is a long shot if you don't get healthy dialog going

Says the girl who really knows nothing about anything.

[Dianne S]

Sex has been an issue in our marriage for a long time. I want it a lot and my wife doesn't. It's put a huge strain on our marriage which, frankly, is probably about as bad as it's been in the 22 years we've been married.

My wife has been allowing me to CD more and has even bought me clothes and makeup lately. It relaxes me and makes me less in the mood for sex which, I suppose, reduces the pressure on her.

Anyway... we're in a rough patch. Not sure how it will turn out.

[kimdl93]

have you talked to her about this? it could be a momentary thing...but you won't know if you don't ask.

[Alice B]

As long as it works and you are both comfortable with the relationship it should be fine. But keep letting her know you care in all departments.

[Beverley Sims]

Eva,
I suggest go with the flow for now, work at it slowly as there appears to be an attraction still there.
Do not spoil what you still have, let it mature.
I am sure it will in time.