I lost her. The only one who "got" me. We broke up and I had no say so. It was cruel. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I was blindsided. I was crushed. And it had nothing to do with CD'ing. I tried to talk to her. I tried reasoning. I tried bargaining. I purged. Everything. Gone. Lost. I have cried for a month. Over losing her. Over losing "me". I have to start over. Alone. No support. No comfort. No peace. She helped me shop. She helped me choose things. She did my makeup. She loved both of "me". She was my best friend and lover. I have nothing now. Several hundred dollars worth of clothes, shoes, forms, wigs, makeup. Lost in a vain attempt to save something that was apparently doomed from the beginning. I'm tired. My soul is tired. My heart hurts. I feel like she and "Amber" have both died. *sighs deeply as a tear falls down my cheek*
