All is lost...

[CherylFlint]

“Purging” is the curse of the CD.
Purging has never accomplished its goal: to stop the inner desire to dress.
All purging has ever done for any of us girls is to cost us a lot of money.
There is no “cure” for dressing, and the whole concept of purging is about the dumbest thing any of us could ever do.
That said, I’ve purged about three, four times and wish I never did. What a colossal waste.
Other than your purging, that you’ll NEVER get over, I wish you find someone who really likes you for all of you.

[Barbara Ella]

Chin up, keep moving forward. Sucks now, but you are more resilient than you know. It sounds like she was doing a lot for you. My wife did that during her short time of total acceptance, and unfortunately I did many more things than I would have done if I had been learning them by myself (less than 2 years into this). It has taken me a long time to regain even a portion of the confidence she forced me to have, and then took away. But now I know it is me who is doing this, and it is my knowledge, it is my life. Please just take this as a sad opportunity for you to gain your own sense of self accomplishment, and really begin to flesh out yourself, by yourself. What you gain b yourself no one can ever take away from you.

Hugs,

Barbara

[mary something]

I'm sorry to hear about your recent break up. I agree with the poster who said that she was saving you from a lot more heartache later. Kids make the crossdressing situation a lot more complicated. It's true that the best way to get over a woman is to get over another one I suppose, but first take the time to learn what happened in the relationship that caused it to fail. Don't put all the blame on yourself, but learn something from the experience.

I got divorced a few years ago. At the time I was heartbroken and it was very fast. She told me that she needed to be alone, and her family told me the same thing. She said she needed some space to work on our relationship... I checked some cell phone records and read her text history and unfortunately there was someone else. I filed for divorce.

That was the best thing that ever happened to me! I'm with a fabulous gal now who is completely and unabashedly accepting of me. She is such a sweetheart that she goes to my laser apts with me and is my biggest supporter. We've been together almost two years now and are engaged. She bought me a women's engagement ring and popped the question to me

Sometimes changes might seem scary but they need to happen to get to a better place. Allow yourself to grieve some and then focus on finding who you are as an individual. Be the best you that is possible and everything will work out just fine.

[flatlander_48]

Like a "runaway bride" kinda thing. Things become perfect, she runs. As simple as that. *sighs*

That's a key piece of information and should reinforce the idea that this wasn't your fault. For whatever reason, some believe that they are not deserving of good relationships, a good life, etc. It's sad because it appears that things were good until this pre-existing condition bubbled to the surface. In any event, it sounds like this situation was in place long before you showed up.

[kimdl93]

As said earlier, it hurts to break up. And it takes time to heal. But all is not lost. Take the healing time and put it to good use, figuring out what went wrong and to what extent you can avoid whatever it is in the future.

[Annaliese2010]

What splendid epic drama!

NO! I am not being unsympathetic nor sarcastic by saying that. Just the opposite! While reading your passage I was MOVED. Totally drawn-in. The feelings you evoke by your words, the images they render in one's mind are transcending! I can so identify and understand your angst and soul deep emptiness. I may not be able to truly appreciate the exact shape & depth of your pain but I've walked the land of broken hearts..so many times. It's horrible! In fact there's truly nothing worse.

I feel for you Amber. Please don't let this crisis harden your heart. Don't steel yourself away from love. You're beautiful. Warm. Intelligent. Articulate. And by the poignancy with which you write I just gotta say... if you don't already, you should consider capitalizing on it. You don't need a college degree, you just need the in-born talent which so obviously possess! There are so many opportunities out there! You could become rich, kid you not.

'Cause baby, while $ can't buy you love nor eliminate all the sh*t life throws at us. It sure does help one deal with, get over & go forward. Forget the hurt. Turn the page. Regain happiness. Move on

Attachment 206018

Just remember. You're never alone!

[MysticLady]

I have realized she does that. Like a "runaway bride" kinda thing. Things become perfect, she runs. As simple as that. *sighs*

that's very strange to me. I wonder why she does that.

[Jana]

Sorry to hear that Amber. There's not much to say at this time, except that there's nothing like a day after another. Hang in there.

[BRANDYJ]

that's very strange to me. I wonder why she does that.

The reason may be due to her being very badly hurt or abused in her past. From what I understand and have read, it's common for an abused person to run when they fear a closer bond.
My last heartbreak was from such a woman. Very badly abused from early childhood up until early adulthood. Abused children have a choice of either "fight" or "flight". Most chose to take flight.
As strange as in might sound, I think she still loves me but can't face risk being hurt again. This last breakup was 7 months ago. One prior than that went 6 months with no contact from her. That was about 3 years ago. After 6 months she sent an email. I will never forget her words. She wrote, "It has taken me 6 months and 1,200 miles to realize that I love you". Things were fine for about 3 years and then out of the blue, comes a letter of goodbye with no reason given.

[MysticLady]

The reason may be due to her being very badly hurt or abused in her past. From what I understand and have read, it's common for an abused person to run when they fear a closer bond.

Things were fine for about 3 years and then out of the blue, comes a letter of goodbye with no reason given.

That is odd to me. GG's unfortunately are wired w/ a heavy emotional burden which are their emotions. My wife is like that and AARRGGHH, that really ticks me off. It seems to me that the older she gets the more emotional and cranky she gets.
I can now understand that adding another burden like child abuse or other trauma would a heavy cross for them. I feel for them. Thanks Brandi for your info.

[Tara D. Rose]

Like I said before, it is not that time will heal you, it will be a new love, waste no time, find someone new, and you will feel so much better. When she left you, she left a void and empty vacancy in your heart, fill that vacancy with a new love, and you will heal.

[BRANDYJ]

Tara, I agree with you. I know I have a strong capacity to love. I know I am not happy being single. Fact is I hate it. So I am looking for someone else to fill that void. I hate the process, but know I will be fine when and if I find her. But still...It's hard to let go of someone you love or loved so deeply.
Then I find sayings like this that holds me back to some degree....

If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worth it. Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for ~~ Bob Marley

[Christie Camelle]

What splendid epic drama!

NO! I am not being unsympathetic nor sarcastic by saying that. Just the opposite! While reading your passage I was MOVED. Totally drawn-in. The feelings you evoke by your words, the images they render in one's mind are transcending! I can so identify and understand your angst and soul deep emptiness. I may not be able to truly appreciate the exact shape & depth of your pain but I've walked the land of broken hearts..so many times. It's horrible! In fact there's truly nothing worse.

I feel for you Amber. Please don't let this crisis harden your heart. Don't steel yourself away from love. You're beautiful. Warm. Intelligent. Articulate. And by the poignancy with which you write I just gotta say... if you don't already, you should consider capitalizing on it. You don't need a college degree, you just need the in-born talent which so obviously possess! There are so many opportunities out there! You could become rich, kid you not.

'Cause baby, while $ can't buy you love nor eliminate all the sh*t life throws at us. It sure does help one deal with, get over & go forward. Forget the hurt. Turn the page. Regain happiness. Move on

Attachment 206018

Just remember. You're never alone!

This... moved me. I was left without words to explain, I was suddenly outside of me and feeling agony for the girl you were writing to. Then I realized it was me. I cried. Loud... Hard... Soul breakingly, to the point I thought I may be having a panic attack. I took a breath and read it over and over. And then again. Thank you all so much for the kind and uplifting words. Thank you, Annaliese. Thank you for Making me feel myself from outside myself.

[Ceri Anne]

That sounds devastating...... but rather than wallowing in self pity and despair. how about getting out and starting all over again..... be the person you always wanted to be.... even if its alone for now.... remake yourself for you.... not for them.... I think a lot of us would love the chance to start fresh......

Well said Karren. There is a time of grieving, but to be hurt and then build a wall around your heart to keep it from getting hurt again, also prevents if from achieving happiness when it comes your way again. Be who you are, love who you are, and when the time is right, open the door to your heart again and something even better may come along. Until then, hugs from a sister.

[Cheryl123]

So sorry Amber ... I feel your pain because your words bring back the hurt I've endured. But all is not lost! And Amber is not lost. I know this. Time heals all broken hearts and there will come a day (not too distant, I pray) when a woman will walk into your life who will be even more accepting and loving of Amber. She will be the love of your life, she will be your best friend (and she will have a terrific sense of fashion!). She's out there waiting for you, but you won't see her until you get beyond your present pain. Clean breaks are the best .. give thanks you don't have to die a thousand times over as you would in a slowly crumbling relationship. A big hug for you. Dry the tears. Put on your big girl pants and move on. Lots of love.

[TeresaCD]

Never easy, Amber honey, Hang in there.