Is it a lonely life?

[dreamer_2.0]

I've gotten this impression from various threads and comments but wanted to just come out and ask.

Is the TS life a lonely road? Every situation is different but overall do TS girls (pre and/or post op) find dating and friends difficult to maintain?

You may be whole now with your new body, but are you lonely?

[Lorileah]

I have more friends now than ever. I have many "T" friends in all stages. But then I am getting out a lot more now too

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It is an unavoidable risk. Especially at the beginning.
It's especially dependent on what happens to your family relationships and of course your SO if you have one

That being said, if you are driven to develop close relationships in your correct gender role, its on you if you can't.

[Kalista Drake]

I agree with Lorileah. I am really much more friendlier now (3 1/2 years on HRT pre-op still) and so it's actually easier to make friends!
Also, the 'quality' of my friends has very much improved! I mean they are more like 'family' than just friends. I guess that explains why we (TG's/TS's) often call each other 'sisters'.

[kellycan27]

A lonely road yes, a lonely life..... ( speaking for myself) no. I have a lot of friends old and new. Family wise it's just my mom and she's come to grips with it. I am married and have 2 adopted kids. My in laws know and have accepted me into their family. I am blessed!

[Jorja]

I think it depends on what type of person you are. If your the shy and quiet type your going to be lonely. If your the outgoing friendly type your going to have plenty of friends. It's up to you.

[Kalista Drake]

Actually I was the shy type for most of my life!! Until I started on HRT. The hormones made a HUGE difference to my personality!! For the better! I have lots of good friends now, male, female, or trans too! Actually, all of my friends now are either L,G,B, and/or T !!

[Badtranny]

Yes.

Transition is something that will forever mark you as different than everyone else. A rare few will assimilate and pass through life unnoticed, but most will always be recognizable as "other".

[arbon]

Yes it can be lonely. The process has been lonely, and even still it feels lonely it some ways even though I have my partner and daughter and a lot of friends.

[STACY B]

Lonely ,, I wish ,,, You being trans has no bounds on how much you interact with people ,, Dam you can't catch it ,,lol,,,

Just go about your everyday stuff an sluff off the rest ,,, Hell try an find people like you an then you know you will have something to talk about !! Or maybe just tell people that are NOT like you an Educate the rest of the world for us ?

P.S. THANX !!!

[sandra-leigh]

Is it a lonely road? It is for me. Always has been, long before I realized that I was a cross-dresser.

Being on the fringes is a constant theme in my life.

Dating: I've only had one date in my life (and we took a quick dislike to each other.) I had to go to another continent to find my previous relationship, and my current one is someone born in a different continent. Projected future dates if I do not transition: zero. Projected future dates if I do transition: ummmm... one?

Friends: If/when I go full time, I can only think of 4 or 5 non-family that I would speak to in person (by phone), and only one of those "immediately".

There isn't a lot of "downhill" left for me to go as far as social relations are concerned. And I can be sure that no matter what I call myself, there will still be people wanting me to do their computer homework for them.

[Aprilrain]

I don't think loneliness is a trans only issue, there are lots of lonely people in the world. If you transition you will likely lose some people but you will likely gain some people too. Like everything transition related its a crap shoot.

[dreamer_2.0]

Hell try an find people like you an then you know you will have something to talk about !! Or maybe just tell people that are NOT like you an Educate the rest of the world for us ?

Still very much in the closet about this so meeting people with similar interests is a challenge. I attempted to get to a TG Support group this past weekend but ended up chickening out. I'll get there one day...

Till then, going to continue educating myself before moving on to the world.

[mary something]

there are other conditions that are MUCH more lonely than being TS. I'm sure it has it's hurdles, but so does being the only black kid in a school, or albino, or a quadriplegic.

If you want to have friends find common interests, smile, and listen twice as much as you talk to them.

If you're lonely and not sure about how to make new friends then go volunteer somewhere. It's essential to happiness to be doing something for someone other than yourself sometimes. You'll make friends too.

99% of life is about showing up.

[dreamer_2.0]

I think it depends on what type of person you are. If your the shy and quiet type your going to be lonely. If your the outgoing friendly type your going to have plenty of friends. It's up to you.

In that case, I'd be doomed. Unless of course HRT affected my personality positively, like it did for Kalista. Fingers will be crossed should I take that step.

there are other conditions that are MUCH more lonely than being TS. I'm sure it has it's hurdles, but so does being the only black kid in a school, or albino, or a quadriplegic.

If you want to have friends find common interests, smile, and listen twice as much as you talk to them.

Words of wisdom.

[Kalista Drake]

A good support group can help immensely! At least it did/does for me. My group is an LGBT support group so I've met all kinds of people! Been going to it for about 3 years. I was weary the 1st time I went too!! I was very shy which didn't help! The thing is - they all (there's about 8 that show up regularly so it's a small group) support me and each other!! We have become a great 'family'!! I hope you can find a nice 'family' too!! I suggest going there 2 or 3 times to get a good 'feel' of the group. then if you don't like it then don't go again but, at least you will have tried. Who knows? you might even like the group!

[Kittie]

I think it depends on what type of person you are. If your the shy and quiet type your going to be lonely. If your the outgoing friendly type your going to have plenty of friends. It's up to you.

This - it's in your hands for the most part. I am not particularly religious, but this quote sums up my sentiment precisely:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

[KellyJameson]

I have always identified as female even when I consciously pushed the identification out of my conscious awareness.

This identity is a living thing that guides your behavior beneath your own awareness until you "identify it" and see how it has shaped you.

All living things wish to survive and identity is no exception so my identity as "me" compelled me to remove myself from anything that would challenge it.

I automatically avoided anything that forced me into gender roles that were expected by others.

This means all men who expect men to act like men and all females who expect men to act like men which is a sizable part of humanity.

I would only connect with those who also did not "fit in" which were largely the misfits and cast offs of society.

People who were "fringe" for whatever reason if their humanitarian values matched my own.

This is a very small group of people compared to the sea of humanity and I usually only found them in books.

What I "am" pushed me into having relationships with people through meeting them in books so I am alone but not necessarily lonely.

I think loneliness for the transsexual will be decided by how you adapt to being a transsexual.

I love humanity but I have found connection with any one member of humanity to be difficult except in those rare instances where I meet someone walking a similar path.

Transsexuality certainly threatens loneliness but it does not have to be the final verdict.

We are exotic birds of feather so for us certainly "adapt or die" carries unusual hurdles not faced by most people.

We must be particularly careful about not isolating ourselves while accepting that we are always going to be "different" from 99 and 9/10 percent of humanity even when you are able to be completely stealth.

We will always relate to the world in ways that are unique to the transsexual and you carry this with you.

We look out of our eyes differently than those who are not transsexual and this is inescapable.

Intuitive people will feel your difference even when they do not see it. They may not know what this difference is but they will still feel it and you may "feel" them "feeling this difference" and if you are uncomfortable with it you could "pull away"

I think it is important to become comfortable with people experiencing you as unusual even when they do not know why otherwise you could escape into yourself and go into loneliness

[StephanieC]

Dreamer_girl: Getting in the support group should help you with your self-confidence. They get involved, perhaps at your local LGBT. That might lead to something outside the LGBT community. Local friends would also help. For me, I was fortunate to luck into a LGBT choir which became a non-LGBT choir and lots of splinter groups along the way.

Discover a group which piques your fancy. Perhaps even volunteering (LGBT might be a good start). Be open to new things. Try to let your natural self shine through: that's what people will see...l.beyond the shell.

-stephani

[Angela Campbell]

Lonely....yes. But it has been so all of my life. I isolated myself from childhood because I didn't know how to be around other people. They might find out ....they don't want to know me anyway, I don't understand them and they don't understand me. No one knew me and no one could ever know me.

Once I joined a TG group (2 in fact) I made more friends in less than a year than I did my whole life. I go out and I visit and I almost have a life.

[Ann Louise]

Hi Dreamer! May I suggest that you take your time and let your spirit unfold. You don't know what you'll be like tomorrow as transgender, anymore than you'd know what you'll be like tomorrow if you weren't. Always be kind and speak the truth, YOUR truth to potential new friends. Don't take it personally, one way or the other if you think that someone doesn't like you. It's their trip, not yours. Don't make assumptions about what other people are thinking of you. Neither you or anyone else is a mind reader. And always do your best for your self and everyone else.

Love and respect,

Ann

[Nicole Erin]

dating can be a nightmare.
But lonely - not really. Your social circle may change but not necessarily diminish. I do have a couple TG friends and some non-TG friends. My family relationships have not changed.
Once you learn to accept yourself, you will run into few problems. Oh sure there will always be some pricks who have problems but they are not usually the type of people you would associate with either way.

[Katelyn B]

Not in the slightest,

Why would your life be lonely? Yes, as someone pointed out there will be something other about you, but the same is true for so many people that isn't any impediment to surrounding yourself with awesome people. They might be different from those pre-transition, my best friends would not have been cis women for example, and I probably wouldn't know quite so many trans women, but now there are so many fabulous, interesting, strong, funny people around me my life is immeasurably richer. Heck, yesterday my girlfriend and I took her mother to Legoland for the day, and had a lovely time, just three women wandering about having fun.

I guess people can choose to believe that or not, if proof is so desperately sought that you can live an awesome fulfilling life full of friends and family post transition then my FB page is linked in my signature, add me as a friend and feel free to peruse my photo's

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Yes.

Transition is something that will forever mark you as different than everyone else. A rare few will assimilate and pass through life unnoticed, but most will always be recognizable as "other".

I disagree.

I get maam'd all day and all night. I got lots of cattle

here is the proof

[josee]

Thanks for the picture Kaitlyn! The FFS is really paying off for you.
I haven't laughed so much in forever!!!
My life is truly richer also. The quality of friends is way improved.