I feel I am at a point where I'm going to have to seriously consider going full time. I'm not out at work yet but I will need to tread lightly when I do. I have over ten years with the company and don't want to jeopardize my job. However, I feel my appearance has already changed enough that my co-workers know something is up even if they are not consciously aware of it. So I'd like to ask, what made you decide that the time was right to go full time?
If clothes make the man, I must not be one.
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, I am definitely from Earth. Somewhere in the middle.
You may call me Dana BOriginally posted by Inna
If you find your self in pain, yet not able to stop the pursuit, rest assured, you are on the right path
I came out at work over two years ago and all has gone well. Think couple of promotions passed me by cause i wear a skirt and am different but have gotten raises last two years and love my job and love living as a woman of which in october i will have srs and will be what i havev dreamed to be most of my life. So just girl up stand your ground they will accept you trust me. Marianne
For me it was very simple. I knew I had to transition, so there was never any question of doing that part time.
I would, however, counsel anyone in this period of global unemployment to work closely with your HR department and your line managers to ensure that your change works smoothly for the company
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Cheyenne - Do you think they would fire you for being trans? If so, depending on where you live, you can sue them for discrimination!
I think I started going full time the day I realized that I could!! (with the right make-up and hair style, clothes and ear rings) and now I love being full time!
Full time feels amazing!!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss
When I turned 20, it was just..... time. That was my plan.
I am working a plan with my companies HR. I am going to spend the next year with preparations, electro, growing my hair out and possibly getting some work done to the hairline, lose a little more weight, allow the hormones to work a while, and then start on the legal part of name and gender change. It is going to take a long time but I am committed to making it smooth.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
That's cool ! Hang in there girl and good luck!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss
My wife and I relocated when her Mom died. It was just the right time for me. Only a handful of people here have ever seen the male me.
To be honest, I look back now and I wish I had waited, but I never regret the decision. I was so under prepared for what it was really like. Everything about me has changed so drastically and I was incredibly unprepared. Had I not made the decision I would not be who I am though, so no regrets.
Life inside the music box ain't easy
The malots hit the gears are always turning
And everyone inside the mechanism
Is yearning
To get out
http://sandra-absent.blogspot.com
THIS is the best advice you'll get ... including mine !Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
{mine} You have two opposite needs: take care of biznez (look out for your own, keep the home fires burning etc etc), and be honest with the world because that is the only way it works out - really. Yes, I know, those two answer go against each other.
Sue ? Any employer can fire you on some pretext that has nothing to do with trans !! There is no real protection against this, thinking there is that protection is foolish - forgive me for being blunt. Hard advice {but good advice}. The best protection you can find against being fired for being trans is to do three things at work: be polite (to a fault), be kind to your co-workers and show up on-time and do a great job. Those things will go much farther than any policy can.Cheyenne - Do you think they would fire you for being trans? If so, depending on where you live, you can sue them for discrimination!
I think I started going full time the day I realized that I could!! (with the right make-up and hair style, clothes and ear rings) and now I love being full time!
Full time feels amazing!!
SMOOTH is great !! I agree !! There does come a day when you have to do "the thing". Show up to work in a skirt or dress. OR/and change your name to a female name - no, I do not mean "Tracy" or the like, I mean "Susan" or similar. No amount of smoothness can prep co-workers for that day. My best advice about that day is simple: be prepared for it. The above advice/story is very good, definitely try to smooth the road ahead at work. Do not assume that because you've gone gender-queer, anyone has noticed. Folks are surprisingly numb to these things until the two red flags show up ( dress or skirt ).
Do not be unprepared, disaster is likely if you are.
I'm sorry if I come off harsh. The reality of transition is harsh, and the better you get ready, the more easily you can handle the bumps in that road.
Count on one thing, if anything, from this post: there will be bumps in the road - and some may be pretty big.
Last edited by CharleneT; 06-27-2013 at 11:42 PM.
There is a road—no simple highway—between the dawn and the dark of night.
And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.
When it was clear that my employer was going to find out about what I was doing I came out to him. Actually I was already to late, right before I went to meet with him a friend called to warn me he already knew. At first there was support, and it looked like my transitioning at work was going to be okay and I planned to be full time 6 months later. But he had a change of heart, decided he did not like the idea of me transitioning and things got ugly so I backed off going full time for another year and a half. That was a really hard period of time, the stress was killing me. finally I said to heck with it and I filed for a name change with the court, went back to my employer told him I was going to do it, I was ready to finally get fired. But he did not do it, I kept my job. He did have a lot to say to me about it, not good stuff. The whole experience really sucked.
Hi,
Going full time & when did i decide, never did . I spos thatll be strange to some fact is i know it is,
i did not transtion its that simple , from what to what any way. born male female , cant change, you live in no mans land for years, & even after you get out not much changes, only those around you in how they have percived you. some knew most not.
basicly i just told every one im a female & as i grow into a woman thats what youll see, from here on out, so have done my body started changes 20 years ago, i knew the time was coming & when it started i knew well this is it its happening . i did not decide when or how or why, i just knew, from age 10.
You see i did not wont to be female or male for that matter, yet our hormones can change things with in , i thought no they cantnot posiable, they do & can for those of us who are intersexed, how much will depend on the person,
So it came down to change the clothes yea that was neat, yet it was not about clothes, i mean if you meet me youd understand, read my posts youll get the idear its not about looks, for sure, any way its about who i am as a person & being a woman. who's female just not as in fun i was going to say just not quite all there, ya ya i know insane.
for myself its allways been there just the timeing had to be right, & my body was insync & the changes that took place, after that i knew there would be some surgerys and were pretty good , was really a fantastic lovely time, so all up its been just so neat,
Iv grown into a woman that too was neat, my apperance that has allways been my downfall. from age 10 till now, i just dont have that female look so ill allways give out mixed messages, am i male or female. = both. those who know me dont care, they accept this is who i am .
...noeleena...
As others have been said, sometimes you just know. With me, my last hurdle was when my parents passed, it was the final event holding me back. As far as work goes, I have been very lucky. I involved my bosses and HR department early. Everyone has been supportive, and I have tried very hard to be a model employee, always on time, never call in, don't complain, do an excellent job, etc. Much luck to you...............Stephanie
In the fall I start HRT. I'll let the work a while and once my skin and body hair are sorted I'm going to do FFS when we feel my face is not going to change much more. If I have to do some bone work I'll do that in January 2014. So about this time next year I'll go out for my FFS and go back to work as Chelsea. I have worked everything out with my HR department and I just have to give the word. My HR manager is a good friend and she doesn't think I have to wait, that I can go anytime. But I want to go out as my old self and come back looking completely feminine with my name and gender markers changed.
I'm retired from the FAA and working with a great non-pofit that is very family and LGBT friendly. My bosses know and are fully supportive. We have 15 other transwomen in our department.
For me, it was just knowing. My therapist and I had a rough draft of a plan I followed. We figured 6 months after starting hrt was time. I have had a year and a half of planning and electrolysis, which has come along very well. By the time I went full time, I was essenentially full time in every aspect except formally at work, even though customers were already refering to me as female for more than the past six months. I was blessed to have good support at work, especially from my boss who is VP. She has known I was TG for more than 15 years, although I didn't come out as TS to her untill about a year and a half ago. That is also a key for my transition. The key people in my company have known for quite a while now. My company is a small family business and I have worked for them for 30 years.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
So you have made the decision. I am sure you have given considerable thought to that decision. I hope you have built your support network and made an attempt at formulating a plan. You will need both. There will be some along the way that will have problems with your decision. Do not pay them any mind. You do what you need to do. A little something to help you along, your life as a female depends entirely upon the depth you undertake to live in that role.
Good Luck, we will keep a light on.
Last edited by Jorja; 06-28-2013 at 11:42 AM.
Joni, I'll bet the reaction for you will be "why did it take so long". Instead of "OMG he's a she now". That is the ultimate transition, when everyone you know is expecting and supporting your change over.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
I haven't hit the wall quite yet. My wife has been super busy lately and hasn't had time to talk about where our relationship is going. It was only a few weeks ago that I came to feel that I don't need to fully identify as female to go full time, and that my emotions have been telling me that although I don't (currently) need to go full time post-haste, that I want to at least try before I die. "... most regret the things you didn't do..." (Twain) I realized that I had been telling myself that if my relationship broke up, that I would change my name and that I want to get breast augmentation.
I have slid over to the idea that I want to go full time before I look for another job: the idea of hiding myself at work all over again makes me feel ill.I had been earlier struggling about what to do, but now the balance is in favor of going as female; I know there are relationship challenges involved but now I have an aiming point.
I took a small but symbolically important step this week: now, all of my regular appointments have been asked to refer to me as Sandra. The only semi-regular place that hasn't been given my new name yet is my dentist (but I have shown up there in dresses, and my HRT is on their charts.) My provincial medical records already have a note "Please refer to her as Sandra".
Guess I should start thinking about voice...
Alot of the girls here agree, with good reason, that you should be at X point in transition before going full time. Not in disagreement, but as an aside. I went full time 16 months before starting HRT. I wanted to find out if just presenting as a woman would alieviate the symptoms of GD. It didn't. In fact, it just re-enforced how much I needed to begin transition. No regrets, just did things a bit bass-ackwards. My only real piece of advice...don't wait as long as I did to change your life. Misery doesn't improve with age.
In my case ,I underdressed for several years ; thought about when I could transition a LOT. As soon as I was separated ,I went full time for and three months after that ,I started HRT. RLE couldn't have come any sooner for me;never been happier.
PaulaAnn
" I'm learning to fly"..............(Tom Petty).
I had kind of a rough plan in the works for about the last year. I would wait until my son had graduated high school. Well he did that a couple of weeks ago.
I began electrolysis in August 2012 then bought a Groupon for 6 Laser sessions and did those. I began hormones November 5, 2012 and started living as a woman everywhere but work about the same time.
Yesterday I came out on my old Facebook page that I started years ago. I have had two Facebook profiles for a couple of years and will shut the old one down soon.
I have a meeting scheduled with my boss on Monday where I will come out to him and make my intentions known that I will be going full time by August 1.
So to answer your question I set a time period (June after graduation). I began living as a woman as much as I could until then and have been sort of playing it by ear with the exact timing. With all the GLBT news lately it seems like a real good time to come out in general. When you feel it's time to is a pretty good indication.
Would you mind elaborating on this? What weren't you prepared for?
I knew when to go full time when I really realized I really wanted to be a girl.
Pinkessence Transliving Urnotalone
Starting HRT in the fall and expecting much facial change by January is not realistic. Wait to have any FFS (especially bone work) for at least a year, preferably 18 months. Also, unless you are very, very lucky, you will be nowhere near done with your facial hair. Expect that to take a lot longer than anything else, 2 to 3 years minimum.
As far as waiting until you have your FFS to go back to work as Chelsea, why wait? You said there are 15 transwomen working there already, it should be no big deal, at least for your employer. The biggest thing that has made a difference in my life, along with the emotional changes from hormones, is being able to be myself in every area, without having to hide from anyone. I did not realize how much stress I was having, until it was gone, the day I made the announcement at work. I also find that every day I gain a little bit of confidence in myself, and a little bit more inner peace. I wish you much luck in your future.....................Stephanie
Wow! I would have been three years old.
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