Please don't misunderstand me. I wasn't dirty or anything. However, I am considerably more meticulous about my hygiene today. I took a shower every morning, brushed my teeth etc. Now i feel the need to shower at night as well. Cant put those pretty things on in the evenings if i don't. Heh! my showers take longer. Im spending much more time with the nail brush and stuff like that. It used to be Julie would have to nag me about my nails. They were always dirty. I wouldn't even notice. If my nails got long i might grab a pair of clippers. More likely i would just tear off the excess. My nails have sort of become a focal point of my feminine self. I spend more time in one day attending my nails now than i would have used in several months previously. I have worn a beard for 25 years or so. I rarely shaved. Once a week or so I would trim back the whiskers and neaten up the cheeks and neckline. Far too often I would let a few weeks go by and look like Grizzly Adams before I cleaned it up. (Sorry babe!). Now I'm shaving every morning and frequently again in the evening, if I plan on putting the wig on. We have only played with make up a couple of times but even without it that 5:00 shadow really kills the mirror image.
I have always had a decent eye for fashion. I never worried about picking an outfit for Julie's birthday present. Well other than getting the right size. But I hated shopping. My dude wardrobe consists of maybe three pairs of jeans, three pairs of shorts, a bunch of t-shirts, one pair of casual slacks with a matching shirt and a suit. Julie almost has to fight with me to get me to buy clothing. Now, all I want to do is go shopping. Rita's wardrobe is nearly as big as Mike's. it probably is bigger if you count panties and other intimates. Of course I still have no interest in buying dude clothes. I expect it to be even harder now. Anything I buy for Mike comes out of Rita's budget.
Julie was my prom date and words cannot express how I feel about her. Unlike many couples we never really had separate hobbies. I would go to work but otherwise we were together. Today we run a home based business and we are together 24/7. The fun we are having together shopping and playing dress up is amazing. I don't think we have giggled so much together since we were dating. We enjoy an active and healthy sex life. (Healthy? we have fun). We have during most of our years together. Without being too crude, things are over the top. Quantity has picked up, despite the fact that we were already quite active. You know how sometimes sex is good, sometimes it's ok and some time it's OMG! Things are over the top these days.
I have always tried to be a good husband. When faced with a decision regarding my relationship I would stop and think "what would Dad do?" Then I would do the opposite. I try to listen and truly hear what she's saying. And I try to be uplifting. That's what I try for but more often than not I'm probably just a tool. Today I find myself more patient and understanding. I feel less of a need to fix every problem and can let things work themselves out as they need
For the first time since I don't know when I I don't have a prevailing sense of guilt. I noticed feelings of depression after using Chantix. Maybe they were there all along but I was watching for them because of the medication. I haven felt depressed even for a moment since meeting Rita.
I lean towards paranoia I suppose. Worry, despite my efforts, tends to be a constant companion. This has not changed. I worry about how things will progress with my wife. I have read so many stories of spouses who accepted at first then as time went on they came to understand they couldn't accept it after all. I would rather spend the rest of my life in turmoil feigning contentment than lose my wife. I worry about the slippery slope. I love pretending/presenting/identifying with my femme self. I don't want to want to "progress" if you will.
Rita you have changed my life. You have made me feel whole. You have brought me a feeling of peace and contentment i don't think i have ever known. I look forward to learning more about you.
