An anxiety dream this morning

[sandra-leigh]

Last night I had an anxiety dream involving being curtly called back to work (I was laid off a year ago.) In the dream, the organization was more or less telling us "Jump!" and expecting us to say "Was that high enough? I can jump again if it wasn't."

And in the dream I was fuming, and ended up telling myself, "I won't do it. I won't go back. I don't appreciate being treated this way! I'm not going to go back unless I can transition first!" (In the dream, that included breast augmentation and name change and effective gender change for organizational purposes.)

This was the first time I have really dreamed about pushing forward with transition. I have dreamed about generally being treated poorly by my former workplace, but in those cases I was trying to get some work from them, whereas this time they were trying to get some work out of me and I was clear in my dream that some degree of (further) transition was more important to me.

I had been doing some research on augmentation for several hours before bed, but the theme of the dream had nothing to do with selecting the wrong size or variety.

The dream was also a good illustration of how much keeping myself repressed at work was messing with my head.

[StephanieC]

Is your subconscious telling you something?

-stephani

[sandra-leigh]

"The dream was telling me to become a post-structuralist film-maker. Which, you know, was something I was thinking of anyhow."

(Laurie Anderson)

[Beth-Lock]

I used to get very many dreams about going back to where I used to work, as if nothing had happened, etc. I guess it just has to work its way out of your unconscious. With me, they went on for years, but very far between each one. I don't think they meant anything in terms of practical action to take.