Originally Posted by MysticLady
.............................Ahh, do you have a sister?
Hahahaha. Love this.
Sorry, no sisters. There have to be more girls like me out there. I think it takes a special trait to be so open hearted and minded tho. Believe me, I've been told on a regular basis since I found out that he's never letting me go hahaha. I've cleared my mind of all preconceptions and misconceived notions I was taught growing up. Love is unconditional... or at least it should be.
[QUOTE=docrobbysherry;3229158]I was thrown off, too, Vicky!
Awww, I'm sorry about the confusion. I'm trying to compile a lot of emotions and I may be a bit scattered. My apologies (:
Hi Sarah and welcome.
Where is it going to go? Nobody knows. Not even your SO.
Before I told my GF and started a relationship with her, I thought of myself as mostly a fetish CD, I had thought I wanted to dress fully, and try to pass. I still have plans to try that, but more to see what is possible than anything else. I'm sure I'll get a thrill out of it, but the urge just isn't there for the most part. I still wear panties, full time, I think they look better, it fits my self image, I much prefer the feel and comfort. And yes, I still get a little kick out of it. I change into a skirt as soon as i get home, and am working towards going out in public like that. I don't consider this crossdressing, I'm not wearing a wig, forms, bra, etc. I just want to be able to wear a skirt that looks good, and is comfortable. I've come to this point because I realize that I'm not a typical macho male, i still enjoy aspects of that, and can be the dominant one, as well as enjoying a very equal relationship, or being submissive when it suits. I want to express beauty, in my own way, I want to have warmer, closer relationships, it still feels weird to be that way with other men, but that is changing. Just to be clear, I'm not talking sexually, but more like the very close friendship that i have with several women already. I believe men are closed off from this by social pressures, and that some CDs are that way because they feel they can't, be like that as men.
The point of all this from your perspective, is that I didn't realize most of this until I was able to talk openly with my GF, her complete acceptance, allowed me to drop the guilt. I would bet that your BF is in the same situation. Don't fear it. it might not go where you want it to, but you can't force it. If you do, you'll never have a chance at the sort of relationship it sounds like you want. Your BF needs to spend time thinking about this, and talking with you about it, and maybe coming on here and talking with us. Hopefully, you'll both end up with a situation that allows you to be fully yourselves, it may be that you can do that together, it may be that one, or both of you, will need time to "do their own thing" That's fine, as long as you both agree and can live with it.
I have to say, that from your history so far, you have a good chance.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
If you are really good friends it may be an acceptable way to go for both of you.
Play it slowly and do what you feel is right.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum. As you can see from our collective answers, individual perspectives and experiences differ from person to person. I think i can safely say that as you seem to be open to different lifestyles, i think your period of adjustment will be shorter than many of us who told our SOs after many years of hiding it. I do think the fact that he told you means he didnt want to hide it from you. Frankly, that says a lot about being as honest as possible with you. I would also bet that CDing for him will be a journey of self discovery as well - who knows where it will take him. As Ceri said, you are embarking on this adventurer called life together and there is bound to be some rough roads - I wish you a smooth a journey as possible.
XOXO
Bree
Last edited by Sabrina133; 07-04-2013 at 05:49 AM.
Sarah,
I feel you both just communicate your needs.
But for me and just because i enjoy dressing that way I want to return to man land cause that stuff is too difficult to do daily.
This past week was my first time doing it on the road two days in a row and I had enough.
Best of luck!
Megan Martin
" some guys play golf, I play girl"
I dated a girl for awhile that was lesbian .. I asked her once why are you dating me if you like women sexually? She said it wasn't about that ...It was about companionship ..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Sarah
You and your SO have an interesting journey ahead for both of you. I wish you well and hope the journey lasts forever.Like I said, as long as we can make it work together.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
DON'T go there! This forum exists for the sole purpose of supporting those who need and want the support, and it seems that you definitely fit the bill.
You gotta question - ask it! You wanna rant - go for it! You just wanna bullshit with people and have fun - enjoy!
I wouldn't want anyone here to feel like maybe they shouldn't bring this or that up. What the heck is the point of a support forum if you're afraid to say things?
First, his honesty and your honesty is important. You have cleared the air a bit. Second, you are not married. No kids. Great. A clean slate. Now, the tough part. The two of you must sit down and discuss HIS needs and your needs and YOUR boundaries, etc. The problem with being with one of us, and I say it is a problem, is that your feelings and his needs may change over time. A lot of questions need to be asked and answered honestly.
Most importantly, HE will be what he will be. Your acceptance won't somehow make him TS, etc. Our state of mind is way beyond anyone else's influence. If you can afford it, get a few sessions of couples counseling to sort things out if you feel you need it. I am not suggesting you do, but a neutral third party can help you navigate some murky waters.
A few questions you must ask him. Does he plan on going out? Is there a sexual component to it? Does he want to fully dress with a femme name? How does he feel about being a CD? A tough question, but a fair question is this: has he ever thought about transition?
You see how these waters get tough to navigate. If he is happy dressing at home with or without makeup and doesn't want or desire to go out, etc., then I think you two can work out time for him to enjoy this. Peggy Rudd's book My Husband Wears My Clothes is a great little read. It is a bit dated now, as it was published over twenty years ago, but some of the concepts are important. The late Joann Roberts also wrote a tome Coping with Crossdressing. Check them out. This forum is filled with many great contributors with great advice as well.
You have found a great place to start.....hugs, Melissa.
Hi Sarah;
Welcome to the forum;
My wife and I where married for 19+ years before she recently passed on.
I love to dress, she knew it before we where married, and she was OK with it.
I still like girls and girls only; I just like girls so much that I enjoy wearing their
clothes. I did not want to be a girl, just dress like one.
I bet your BF is much the same as most CDers are Heterosexual.
Rader
There will be changes as he explores and feels free to express his feminine side. Period. But they won't be on the same level as your ex because THOSE changes were hormonal. I would say that you fell in love with your ex's girl facade built up as a defense mechanism, and then became his true self after transitioning. Would you agree or disagree with that, seeing as how you're still very close?
You may find whole weeks go by (sometimes into more than one week) when you have a girlfriend with a penis. You may also find whole weeks go by when he's the manliest man you've ever known. It takes real balls to be a man that wears women's clothing. I wonder if you'll find him feeling more masculine when he's in his male self?
You may also feel like you're in a polyamorous relationship. Where you fall in love with the girl and the boy you're with, and it feels like they're two people. My wife used to feel that way with me, but over the past year I've been able to more integrate the two sides. Still not quite a cohesive whole, but it has been a fun journey. Now she feels like she's with one person that has two names, heh.
Your fears are well founded, I think, but over time, with the attitude you're showing here, you will they are just fears. Facts always trump fears, and it will just take time. You now have a very unique bonding experience available to you, should you choose to take it when it comes (and sometimes you'll fail to take it, and sometimes you'll succeed).
I definitely think you're going into this with the right attitude, and seeing what you've written here already tells me you probably also have the strength to do this. I wonder if there's anything we can actually do to help you.
This part I'm afraid troubles me for some reason. This is not directed as you Melissa. I don't understand why a woman would need a third party to give a reason to believe this is ok. It troubles me that when a man tells his woman that's how he feels and is, why does she wanted confirmed by someone else? Is not the words of her man enough for her. Does she not seek comfort from them. In other manly issues, a woman would not have any trouble w/ the decisions of her man. Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. If you think this will help you, then by all means, have at it.
Well, personally, i think you are on the right track and he is lucky to have you. You are a rare gem indeed. Think of trans as a thermometer. You have guys like me, who want to be identified as male and just simply love fashion and styles that women have and just simply want to take part in it. I rank somewhat on the cooler end of the thermometer (pun intended). The hotter you get on the thermometer, the closer you get to transsexuals who feel the need to transition. (Theyre cool too i guess)
You guys have some good communication going so its just a matter of figuring out where he falls in on the line. You guys will have to talk that out and explore things as you go along. If its something you are comfortable doing, then set some guidelines and agreements that you both think is fair. You started dating a man because you want a man...or the perfect one came along and you snatched him up. Good for you! Lucky *******!...him! Not you!
The biggest thing is going to be comfortability. Make it casual and as low stress as possible. If its been a secret for him for oh so many years, you can expect a bit of shyness and hesitation. Be like...listen, im cool with exploring the different sides of you, we just have to be there for each other and when i need a man, youve gotta be that man. (Its the different sides of a diamond that make it sparkle) thats true with people too. You seem really cool and open with him and that is super awesome. Keep going on your path and try and keep it as stress free as possible. Be the woman and keep him grounded firmly on the ground so he doesnt float away. I wouldnt worry so much about him being TS. I dont have any statistics for you, but i think that its a smaller percentage of the trans community that actually want to transition to be a woman. Be true to yourself and be honest with him and encourage him to do the same. Keep that communication going, thats the biggest thing you two have going for you.
There is only one kind of tiresome question: those that don't get asked. Questions are expected from genetic ladies who come here to get answers. Never assume anything, as we're all different with different goals from CDing.
I've never been in a relationship, so you can take this as you see fit: Trust, honesty, and open communication are the backbone of a healthy relationship. It looks like you two have a good foundation built already.... I just don't know about this and I'm really trying to learn as much as I can. I like when my bf dresses. I like the way it looks and I like the way I know it makes him feel.
We have an open dialog and I couldn't ask for more. There's a trust between us I've yet to experience. I am very lucky. My priority here and ensuring his happiness and making sure I stay open as well. I appreciate all the help, you're all very kind to help me with a little direction.
The tiresome questions bit that was brought up... Is very annoying. My future wife just started posting here and that is pretty disrespectful. It would made me pretty upset actually if she had questions and got that response. Far as I am concerned anyone within our society new to the whole cross dressing scene coming and asking questions is a good thing. Mostly coming from someone being open to the idea of dating someone who cross dresses. Far as woman leaving to find a "normal" life... Well that maybe another's personal experience but I can safely say if I get left it won't be because I like make up, skirts, and high heels.
I think if your ok with alternative lifestyles coming in your going to have an easier time than those who have a more conservative mindset on what is a proper relationship. I personally love to completely cross dress but I have no intentions or desire to become a woman nor do I want to be with another man sexually. That isn't of course the case with all here, but if that is what he is telling you and you have no reason to believe otherwise I say go with it. We got a honesty policy in my relationship and she told me if we run into anything she doesn't like she will just tell me. Thus far we haven't ran into anything.
Since he is new to moving along with doing hair, shaving, etc etc he maybe like myself and just needs to take it in his own steps. The support she gave me did/does help "a lot" even though I might not have jumped right in actually doing it. It was very comforting knowing her support/love was there
Welcome to the forum
Welcome Sarah nice to have you with us.
Welcome, Sarah! I'm happy you're trying to understand and support your bf. Don't be afraid to ask any questions.
Others have already given some good advice, so mainly I wanted to add one thing. As you read this forum, and other transgender related sites, remember that we MTF transgendered folks are a pretty diverse bunch. Some are fetish crossdressers, some crossdress for non-sexual reasons; some are heterosexual, some bisexual, some homosexual; some think of themselves as male at all times, some think of themselves as having dual personas, some fantasize about becoming women but never take any real steps toward transition, some identify as women and may or may not fully transition depending on any number of factors. You'll read posts from people throughout that spectrum, and some of it may frighten you; what if your bf will want to be with men, or want to transition, or want to have a lesbian relationship with you, etc? Just keep in mind that there's no reason at this point to think your bf is anything other than what he says he is: a heterosexual CD'er. Most CD'ers are heterosexual, and most will not want to transition. So don't panic!
Hi Sarah,
I think it's great you have an open dialog with your man on this. Both of you just need to take things slow and keep talking. A lot of what he is going through is very new to him and he won't be able to answer everything about what he wants to do. It's all uncharted territory for him now that he has finally shared with someone. A lot of it will be experimental until he figures things out. It's great that he has someone like you to explore with.
Cheers,
Kalista
Last edited by Kalista Jameson; 07-04-2013 at 02:41 AM.
I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, through and through.
I love nylons and high heels, mini-skirts and shopping deals!
I don't care what others say, life's too short, it's time to play.
I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, how 'bout you?
Personally, I think all relationships should go by this rule. Just enjoy the person you are with.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
Firstly, thank you to everyone who reached out to help expand my understanding if all this. I find comfort in all this support. I told my bf about what I was writing here and we read through it together. What a great experience, I love how open and honest we can be together. My experiences so far have proven to be so profound in my life and I'm very proud to be the woman he is able to share this with. It truly isn't about the person, it's the companionshiop. It's an added bonus that I have found myself to really enjoy this side of himself. It's an intense feeling. I love how good it makes him feel.
I have always been attracted to women and enjoyedmy lesbian relationships. However, at the end of the day, I wanted a mans arms wrapped around me. This is almost like having everything I had ever wanted. I just had never thought about it like that before my bf came along. I feel so lucky. I don't even care where this takes us. I found so much comfort in his words and the words of those here, that do long as our relationship grows and remains healthy, I'm the happiest I have ever been. Thank you all so much for sharing with me. The intimate details you all so selflessly shared with me mean the world to me. This was very helpful. I look forward to continuing on this journey. And I hope our strong bond lasts our liftime. Happy Independence Day!!
My recommendation... follow your gut... you see it, he is shy to admit it. What you need to do is go full out. Help him experience everything he needs to in order to understand where he needs to go... My own experience, was once I admitted to myself that I needed to do all I could to explore I accepted myself, I learned I can live a pretty much average life and CDing is just the icing on the cake if I choose... before, I was hiding too much, felt like I was holding back, was scared, etc etc... it impacts everything in your life to repress something. The way I felt, if I died tomorrow, would I not have done what I needed to do in my life...so I did it and now I feel great.
Chickie
OK so my first response was not so nice so here are some other things that should help -
Just talk to him about if he wants to become a woman. You already knows he CD's so it is not like the cat isn't out of the bag. He is more likely to be truthful.
He probably doesn't want to. Figure like this - Take all the males who dress as women either sometimes or all the time. Most of them don't actually want to be women.
You do have a few who want to become women but then reality sets in with possible costs or the fact that living as a woman changes one's life. They decide their career, family, etc are more important so they never act on it.
So ultimately, it is unlikely that you will lose your man.
Moreover - the only TS who really pass well naked are the ones who started young and had really strong feminine traits to begin with. If "natural feminine traits" doesn't describe your man, you have next to nothing to worry about
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Sarah,
I would also like to say welcome to this little corner of the net.
There isn't really much else I can offer that hasn't already been said. You have as much right to bring topics to the table as anyone else. Yes, we may have seen similar topics before but you wouldn't have. We all need to remember that. Frankly, I was appalled at some of the responses you received. I remember a thread complaining that we don't treat GGs all that well. Until this thread I hadn't
seen anything like that. We are all very diverse in how we view our individual journeys. I would reiterate that the key for you and your bf is to communicate. It sounds as though you are doing marvelous on that area. I understand your worries about too many changes. I would suggest that you not worry about somethings that may not happen. The best way to keep from being surprised is keeping the lines of communication open. Secrets happen when there is a perception that a topic is out of bounds.
Your level of support for your bf is something a number of members here dream of.
I wish you success and happiness.
Happy Independence day
Annette
Thank you Nicole, it was nice of you to come back and offer me some constructive advice. If anything, I hope my relationships lasts my lifetime. He is it for me. No matter where life takes us. My lifestyle is meant to include him always.
I know my bf does not want to be a girl and he's not interested in men. And I have become very tenacious in exploring other avenues. My mind is at ease and I'm just enjoying all the special moments we share together. I feel that I am just the luckiest right now (:
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