Why do we go out in public?

[Alexis.j]

I had a conversation with a close family member who understands I have a feminine side, and claims to support me, but, she does not like it very much, (hasn't seen me dressed completely or seen photos yet), I dress in comfy attire at home, skirt bra light makup etc.
Now, the thing is, she cannot understand why I (us) would want do go out dressed in full fem (or dressed too much for that fact, androgynous is ok though), she says why would we want to make fools of ourselves... and that I should keep it at home or in private...

Now, why do we have the urge to go out, and be seen and accepted? Is it a rush? Im still very new at this and still trying to figure it out for myself, but I don't want to hide, I want to express how I feel inside!!! Most of the time it eats at me, and keeping it in causes depression... I want people to see me for how I feel inside, and thats a woman.
I will never pass 100% as im 6ft tall, big hands feet and deep voice, but I still think I somehow look cute ( or at least feel that way)

[ArleneRaquel]

Going out enfemme for me is an affirmation of my being "ArleneRaquel." Not that I really need it as I live nealry 100% as a female. I just love living this lifestyle, it is so liberating.

[Rachelakld]

We go out because we are very much human and as such have a need for human contact and acceptance. This is the same reason we allowed gays etc the right to go out.

[Kandy Barr]

Its a good question Alexis, I like Arlene's answer of it being an affirmation of being who we are. For me I think I have to add acceptance as part of that equation,whether I pass 100% or not. Like you I'm going to stand out no matter how carefully I dress, apply makeup, or add shape wear as I'm over 6' and I'm 61 yrs young!!! I, like you, want to be accepted for how I feel, and to me its a shame to have to keep the woman in me hidden like there is something wrong or shameful in being the person I am. There's nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing wrong with what we do, so I for one am not going to hide in a closet. I do the best I can in being presentable and will just have to let others think what they will. If you are curious about how another tall girl doing the best she can looks, you can peek at some pics by clicking the flickr link at the bottom of the post. Good luck in your adventures out and about, please do remember to keep safe.

[Kate Simmons]

The reasons we go out in public are various and sundry my friend. Some want to fool others, some think they need to "prove" something, Others, like yourself, just feel they are a woman and want to be accepted as such by expressing themselves. Personally, going out in the general public per se never did that much for me and I find endlessly shopping in stores to be quite boring. I would rather spend quality time en femme with like minded folks and not waste my energies trying to get by or along with others who don't appreciate me and who cannot possibly understand why we do what we do.This is why when I get dressed, I normally go the my local LGBT club to dance and socialize as I really love to dance. That my story and I'm stickin' to it Hon.

[Khaleesi81]

It's a complex question! I agree that it's probably slightly different for all of us. I have no idea why I'd like to go out dressed, maybe to feel an acceptance?

[PretzelGirl]

Personally, going out in the general public per se never did that much for me and I find endlessly shopping in stores to be quite boring.
....
This is why when I get dressed, I normally go the my local LGBT club to dance and socialize as I really love to dance.

Wouldn't that be "going out in the general public?"

But it does bring an interesting dynamic as we all feel differently. As others say, some like to go to see how they pass, others because they don't want to be shut-in while being themselves. A lot of this relates to how you feel about what you do. And it also very much comes back to the reasons why some do go out at all. I know it sounds kind of obvious, but I think the default thinking tends to be not going out because that is the mode for erring on the side of safety. In other words, I doubt there are those of us going out that feel they would rather stay at home but there are definitely those staying at home that have the desire to go out.

The main thing is that you should be able to do what you want to do. If you want to go out for whatever reason, even if it is just for the heck of it, then you should be able to do it. The one catch is that you have to be sure you are ready for any outcomes that present themselves to you. If you aren't, stay home. There are reasons there are many here that don't go out. And every reason for going out or staying in is a good and valid one.

[Sharon B.]

Although I haven't mingled with the general public when dressed as a woman, but hope to in the near future. To me it is how I feel on the inside, somewhere in a previous life I had to be a woman it just feels right whenever I am dressed as a woman.
I am also over six feet tall with a deep voice but still think I can be who I am and be the person I want to represent regardless of what I was born as.
I have seen some woman that are tall and they carry themselves with confidence and I believe I can do the same thing.

[TGMarla]

I really don't go out much. But for me, going out is on some level, an attempt to experience the world as it might have been had I actually been born female. I absolutely love wearing dresses and high heels, et al. I like everything about the female presentation, right down to the pretty fingernails. It sometimes feels so wrong to me that I can't simply choose to wear such things without having to crossdress. So often, I feel that I should have been born female. To actually go out into the world where everything really takes place, and to do so "as" a female, is an incredible rush to me. And, of course, on some level (sorry for the redundancy there) it feel so right to me.

[RenneB]

'cus I've got stuff to do... The butterflies left me months ago and now I go out to go shopping, the mall, errands, shopping, museums, GNOs and stuff .... that's why...

Renne......

[Kristy 56]

I really don't know why,but I suspect for me it was for the adrenaline rush that comes from taking on risk. Kind of like a skydiver,scuba diver etc. It's been awhile now,but I do miss the excitement of being the total Kristy out there in plain sight.

[Eryn]

Everyone has a different reason. I do it because I have come to crave interaction with others. It's not about simply looking like a woman, it's about the whole experience. Problem is, the more experiences one has the more possibilities reveal themselves!

Oh, and I certainly do not "make a fool of myself" any more than a less-than-attractive GG would going out in public.

[Emjay]

Good question! You'll probably get as many different answers as there are members here too haha... I guess for me it's a mixture of several different things: validation, socialization, being me, and just getting out of the house (I mean, c'mon, I just spent ALL this time getting dressed to just sit around and do nothing? Well, sometimes that happens too but you know ).

Sometimes it's just nice....... to be outside and be me.... I think this is probably my best reason actually.

I could compare this to the classic answer to why do people climb a mountain? Answer: Because it's there

[Leona]

I like the "because I have stuff to do" reason. That's why I currently do it.

I think that there's a fundamental acceptance issue that you'll find almost everybody has, because it's a natural, normal drive for humans to seek out membership in a group. And being accepted completely in that group is certainly part of it. Whatever other reasons are built upon that or coexist with it are all quite valid as well. I'm suggesting that without that fundamental acceptance issue, the drive wouldn't be nearly as strong as it is.

For reference, the need to be accepted into a group plays into all aspects of life. It's why we seek to join teams (at work, for most people), why we try to identify with a nationality, ethnic group, religious group, etc. It's why we have these rivalries between sports teams and schools and even businesses. It's why we had a civil rights movement, women's suffrage movement, and now the LGBT movement. It's also why we have gender roles and their associated traits.

It's the foundation of civilization as we know it, and without this need, there would be no civilization at all. Or rather, the dominant species would probably be a coalition of the great apes and we would be referred to as bushmeat.

So it's quite reasonable for us to want to go out en femme and be accepted. We're humans, after all.

Going on, this need is reflected in many mammalian species. Wolves travel in packs for a reason. Cattle in herds, etc. Birds, while not mammals, still group together for their bi-annual migrations. Lions, tigers, and bears all collect into groups. Whales, even (although the humpback whale made famous by Star Trek is mostly a species of loners, they still group together for annual mating riturals). So it's not just natural and normal for crossdressers, it is natural and normal for a great deal of the world we live in regardless of species.

So I'd suggest it's your close family member that's the one having the problem. It's certainly not us.

[Dana L]

Great Question! It's like you were reading my thoughts. I still haven't really gone out yet and my wife isn't all for it either but hasn't forbid it. Like you I am 6'+ with large hands and feet and not a very feminine voice. None of that matters though. I've got this need to go out and be the woman I should have been. The clothes the heels the makeup and hair is only part of it. I just feel at ease when I'm dressed and want to feel that way always. If I could make this all go away I would but I've tried and it is part of me and that part won't rest until it can be free. I know I'll never pass but I think dealing with the looks from others is better than dealing with the resentment from within. So yes someday I will be out even if that day is when I'm lying in a casket dressed to the nines with perfect hair and makeup.

[Miss Trudy]

This one is a toughie! I have been thinking about this for a lot of years and although it is an affirmation of my feminine side to me there is more. I feel the reason I go out is my acceptance of myself, who I am and how I enjoy being as feminine as possible. I have been told I am passable but that is a trite term and really doesn't mean anything to me. I am who I am and accept it. I have and believe me I struggled with that for years as I am sure all of you have.

[Alberta_Pat]

My answer is: "I am who I am."

Take me or leave me. If you take me, then you will meet an interesting person, well educated, well spoken and all round great person.

Walk by? You don't know what you missed, but, I know what I missed, and I really don't miss it.

[Alice Torn]

The risk and daring of it. The excitement mixed with fear of the possible embarrassment. Like Marla says, the desire to see what it would have been like to experience life as a well dressed lady. Most times, i chicken out. I pick my outings very carefully, at six foot five, huge hands and feet, pretty much male voice, though i try. Being a shut -in gets old, and it gets old. I don't get dressed up as often as i used to, as it robs me of other more important duties, and on a fixed income, hurts! The rush of being dressed in public is something amazing, though, as long as certain people don't out me!

[AllieSF]

My goal when starting dressing was to out into the real world to those places where I would go in male mode. Why? I am not sure but it is made up of a lot of reasons, such as:

* I want to and I can, so I do
* I have so much fun out interacting with others
* Having fun makes me feel good
* Probably for some validation that I can blend in fairly well and feel that I have a decent taste in clothes and complete outfits
* I am a very social person who needs interactions with others
* I don't really think about acceptance or tolerance because it is not that important to me. Being myself out has proved that I am tolerated and even accepted
* It is definitely a rush of different intensities depending on how the outing goes
* Probably a small element of risk taking, i.e. doing something that very few actually do and get away with

[Sejd]

Going out in public is to know I exist. To know I am for real and not just dreaming at home. I make sure I have public experiences on a regular basis. I'm OK about people looking at me like I am a TG, or CD or whatever, cause that is what I am. I would go nuts if I didn't get to be public sometimes. Of course, everyone is different.

[Asp]

Hey sweetie (long time no talk)! To be honest, if you're like me and think you are a woman imprisoned in the wrong body, you probably want to go out because you've stayed in your male "costume" for far too long and just want to be yourself (atleast that's how I feel).

Love you sweetie!
Asp

[Alexis.j]

Thanks for all the responses, sometime people don't have a clue how we feel inside. They might understand the "you were born that way and there's nothing wrong with that" but it goes much deeper than that, as we clearly see...

[Cheryl T]

We are social beings and crave the company of others.
We want to interact with others, be it in the social vein of a support group or just out walking in the mall.
Some don't feel the need, but many others do. It's not to subject ourselves to ridicule, but to be a part of the world in all ways.

[dawnmarrie1961]

A long time ago...we're talking years...my oldest sister, after first finding out about me and having done some internet research on the subject asked me a similar question "Why do you go out in public? Is it because you like the shock value that happens when people realize who you are?"
My answer to her was "I don't do this for them...or anyone else. This is not about them. This is about "Me" feeling comfortable with myself. I'm not out there to deceive anyone. I know who I am and who I am not."
"What about the ridicule that people will throw at you? Can you handle that?"
"I can and I have. People are entitled to their own opinions. I'd be lying if I didn't say that it hurts me sometimes. But that is just a fact of life. Ignorant people say ignorant things."
"Well you make an ugly woman anyway." She added.
"Thanks,Sis."I said "You're really a confidence booster but I love you anyway!"

[lisagurl]

never went out dressed, cept for under my clothes, id like to, dont know where to start though....