Hi Dana, What do you have to loose it could be great .
Hi Dana, What do you have to loose it could be great .
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
She already knows you cd. Go a step at a time, like let her see you with painted toenails or an obvious ladies' top. Build your comfort level with her. If she has known about your undies for years, with no repurcussions, she can probably be trusted.
In my case people close to me knew more than I thought and one way or another found me out (and I really thought I was careful). My true friends who learned of my cding have been, to my surprise, very accepting, to the point of telling me it doesn't change our friendship in the least, and it hasn't. Those are my true friends and I have several. The rest who stand in judgment don't matter, they are not really friends. Imho, unless you are very very part time and super secretive, sooner or later those close to you are going to find out, at least in my case they have. Take this for what it is, my opinion and experience, but if your friend stays with for any length of time odds are she'll find out one way or another, so the question is do you want her to find out by chance, or by you telling her? Just food for thought Dana, whatever you do I wish you a peaceful resolution and happy ending!
Last edited by Kandy Barr; 07-10-2013 at 10:59 PM.
Link to my flickr photostream:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kandybarr
I agree with everyone else. What's the worst that could happen? She'd move out!!!
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Is that really the worst that could happen? I realize I lean towards paranoid, but I can quickly think of several scenarios much worse than that.Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi
A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
~Marlo Thomas~
I agree totally with Allie. don't see how we can tell Dana what to do without knowing much about the roommate. Is she open-minded, talkative, trustworthy, understanding, etc?
There is no risk in putting CDing on hold, especially if the roommate's stay is temporary.
Leah's advise about roommates is most valuable. I had a roommate, taken in out of kindness who never left, never contributed, and proved difficult to live with. Boundaries and payment contributions are essential and a move out date must be clearly identified.
Let her know that what you do in your own house is your secret and ask her to abide by those rules. Helping her out shows that you care about others she should be grateful and keep your secret. Who knows she may see another side of all cd's and be very considerate to you, maybe even have fun and help you out.
You are weird. By definition. We're all outliers. We're not normal, therefore we're weird. So why worry about it if she thinks that? It's true!
Compatibility is the issue here, and you're in the dominant position. But don't abuse the position. But she's not an SO, so the issues that come up with THAT aren't going to come up. Sure, some, maybe, like the bit about you threatening her femininity, but you're not asking her to be seen in public as your girlfriend when you're en femme. You're only wanting the freedom to continue dressing up in your own home.
If it were me, I'd tell her about it, see how she reacts, then do it, and see what she does. I'm with niki and her paranoia, there are a lot of crazy things she might do. But if she's my friend, I've already vetted her against hate crimes and the like, so she wouldn't have even stepped in my door if I thought there was a serious risk she'd do something terrible to me after seeing my closet.r fri
And all you're demanding of her is that she not be an ass about it. That's a reasonable demand to make when in the dominant position. She doesn't have to like it, and she doesn't have to be comfortable with it, and those things may strain your friendship, and that'll be for you to figure out how it affects your friendship. But she does have to tolerate it, because it's your house and you live your lifestyle. As far as you're concerned, she has to tolerate what you wear the same way she has to tolerate you not filling the ice trays or only running the dishwasher when it's full or whatever.
If you care about the friendship, take a compassionate approach and make sure she's comfortable. If you care about the friendship, but you'd rather lose it than have her judge you wrongly for liking dresses, then you need to push it somehow.
But it's your home, there's no logical reason you should restrict yourself in your own home. If you do restrict yourself, then you give her control over the home. And then it's not yours anymore.
If it were me, like I said, I'd do or die and she can go eff herself if she doesn't like my choice of clothing. But I'd already know before she moved into my spare bedroom how she felt about it.
Thanks for all the advise, your probably right I suppose if she knows I wear panties, she easily may suspect and accept that I wear more then just panties. Its just that letting anyone know about my crossdressing is a bit hard to do I suppose, the only one that completely knows is my girlfriend and sure , she took it great and has been completely supportive but that not the reaction everyone will have about something like this. I have known this friend for like 13 years and we are very close and im pretty sure she wouldn't freak out about the crossdressing , but im not sure things wouldn't change if I told her, and I don't really want what we have to change If you know what I mean.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
...you don't want anything to change....so don't tell her anything, just find a reason to dress and show her how fun you are. ...suppose you were watching something on TV, like RuPaul's drag race for example, and you said something like 'those guys are incredible, if it wasn't for the fact that I would be the most ugly female on the planet, I would do it!' ...and there you now have placed a challenge on her and you can judge her reaction. If all goes well, she will say, 'you would be surprised how good you can look,...' you say...no impossible, she says yes...you say no...yes no....l'll prove it, lets go shopping! If it doesn't go that way, you can still go buy some stuff and let her see it....just say you were thinking about it and your going to try it (don't tell anyone). ...she might jump on board or say you are crazy...but, then go for it anyway as a crazy guy stunt. Be 100% positive and matter of fact...you want to appear confident and calm.
Chickie
You can be assured that things will change, and who is to say whether the change will be for the better or worse.
I was surprised, and perhaps I missed the fact that your girlfriend knows and accepts. So maybe before coming out to this friend you should talk with your GF about it....and explain the reason you would like to. Just a matter of courtesy.
Of course she's going to think that you are "weird".... but... SO WHAT????? It's your turf... and, if she doesn't like it, she can LEAVE..... There's no good reason for YOU to compromise YOUR life... on behalf of someone for whom YOU are making a sacrifice!!!!! Please come back on... and tell us that you TOLD HER that you C/D..... and that THAT's some of who you are.... AND that she darn well better be (or, GET) comfortable with it... 'cuz it's "the way things are" around your home....
Good luck...
I think I'm going to just keep my little secret for a little bit and kind of try to feel the situation out a bit. At the same time I'm not going to hide my wigs or dresses or any of that stuff. My girl stuff is in my room which she isn't supposed to go into and I keep the door shut. We will see how things play out and see how long she is going to live here.
What is really weird is that I've had 33 years to dress up and only half ass enjoyed how it made me feel due to shame or whatever, then in the last 6 months I've really embraced my girl time and now I have to shelve it for a bit. Maybe I'm just rambling but I thought I share my feeling with you girls, most of you probably know how im feeling.
Ill try to keep you girls informed about the situation and how I'm feeling about the lack of dress up time.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
I think that you have made the correct decision. Congratulations. I also understand about finally getting there, only to have to put it away for awhile. Hopefully, it will be a very short while. In the meantime you may find ways to be yourself without being real obvious to your roommate. Good luck.
If she knows you wear womens underwear and to me that would include bras and accepts that with out question. Why would she consider the outer clothing weird or something, just leave a few things out in the open on your bed or in the laundry and see if she comments. Years ago I wore fem jeans, slacks and other casual outerwear etc. My girlfriend thought it was weird that I didn't wear panties and suggsted I try bras etc. Which I followed up on, then wonder why I didn't do it sooner.
You have already done something that true friends do for each other. You took her in when she needed you. If she really is a true friend, she will have no hesitation about accepting your lifestyle. She already knows and accepts part of the story. You really should complete the picture. Who knows? You might gain a shopping partner, or better!
A lot of people draw pretty strong distinctions between the two. Wearing panties can be interpreted as rebellious, or a private fashion statement, or even reflect a fondness for softer materials. Wearing a bra, on the other hand? A lot of women will immediately wonder why and the answers are a lot more complicated. I've hard many other women observe that if they didn't need the support they wouldn't wear them at all, and I have to admit that it's often a relief to get home after a full day and shed mine.
Outer clothing carries its own implications, and raises the specter of being seen with you wearing them. That's a non-issue with underwear but a whole new subject as soon as "what would other people think" enters the equation. It doesn't matter if you go out dressed or not, the question springs to mind and complicates things.Why would she consider the outer clothing weird or something, just leave a few things out in the open on your bed or in the laundry and see if she comments.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
Well she is aware that I wear panties, not bras like Kimberly said there is a leap from one to the other. She thinks I wear regular panties (conservative non pink lacy thongs with bows) because the material is lighter and breathes better (which is true, I mean god dammit could that make a pair of men's underwear without it having a yard of material and a 2 inch thick waistband?). This is the reason I have given her anyway, and ok she is pretty smart and she probably doesn't 100% bye that story but having doubts and knowing for a fact that I love the aforementioned pink lacy thong, well that my friend is a horse of a different color. Oh and lets not talk about the liking makeup and heels.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
That reason might collapse when/if she discovers they make men's underwear in bikini brief styles. They're just like panties, but they have room for the jewels. Hanes has a line, Fruit of the Loom, etc.
Dana - Even though I was very careful, my houseguest discovered that I crossdressed. She claimed to have figured it out, but I think she snooped and made her way into a locked spare room. Even though she was very accepting, there were problems. Good luck.
Well... if my friend gets snoopy and finds my stuff I guess ill deal with it at that point. I guess at least at that point the cat is out of the bag so maybe it wouldn't be that bad if it went down that way.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
I've always been very accepting about how people chose to present themselves, even before I had a clue that I might be trans-gendered. Only if they chose to tell me would I even acknowledge it and even then would assume that it was in confidence and keep it to myself (not mine to talk to others about without expressed permission).
I still believe it's the right thing to do, so this, perhaps, may be how to begin your discussion with your friend. Once you've established what she believes, then maybe you can move the discussion onward. Of course, she could always lie, but you've been friends for long enough to make a judgement call on that.
Last edited by donnalee; 07-17-2013 at 04:12 AM.
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
Ive known this girl for a long time, we dated like 10 years ago so she knows im a bit of a freak in the bedroom. I've been thinking, and I really don't think she would care a lot about me crossdressing and may actually think its cool and wanna do my makeup or something like that. I think the big reason I'm hesitant to mention anything to her is because I don't know if I want to open up this side of myself to her (if that makes any sense). We have what we have as friends and I just don't know if I wanna risk changing what we have.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
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