Is there a way to criticize without criticizing?

[Sandieland]

I hope the town folks don't come after me with torches blazing... but. I see so many pictures here of beautiful ladies, and everyone is very supportive of them - and that's a really good thing. But what happens when you see something in the picture that just screams to be corrected? Something that would improve the whole presentation? You see a wig a little crooked or worn too far down on the forehead. An outfit that accentuates manly shoulders instead of the opposite. A beautiful makeup job if only the beard was hidden better. Etc., Etc. So, the question is... do you not say anything when you feel it would really help that person - keeping quiet so as not to seem unsupportive? Or do you speak out and hope you don't grind this beautiful girl's fragile personae into the ground? In other words, is there any good way to criticize someone's presentation? And now, I'll be up in the windmill with Mr. F. Monster awaiting your arrival. lol

[linda allen]

If I see something I don't like and they haven't asked for comments, I let it slide. I'm not sure everyone is really trying to look like a female anyway so if they have the look they like, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Ask me though, and I'll tell you.

[kimdl93]

Sandi, if you see room for improvement, just say it. A kindly phrased, but honest bit of criticism will generally be appreciated more than faint praise.

[Princess Grandpa]

Sometimes girls will ask for critique. Sometimes they just post pictures. I personally have no advice to offer anyone as I have NEVER payed attention to women's fashion but if I did I would use that as the guideline. If they ask for help I would offer suggestions. If they didn't I would point out something I thought they did well.

Mostly I just look and thinks"I wish. Could look that good. /giggle

It's a good question I look forward to reading other opinions
Hug
Rita

[Sandieland]

Hmmm... two different approaches. And that gives me an idea that didn't occur until now... why not simply send them a personal message or email instead of posting it on the open forum?

[marlenesexton]

If I see something I don't like and they haven't asked for comments, I let it slide. I'm not sure everyone is really trying to look like a female anyway so if they have the look they like, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Ask me though, and I'll tell you.

I think that's generally good advise. If they aren't asking for tips or comments, I wouldn't give them. If they've asked, I'd still start with the good news and then reveal the bad, (Nice hair and makeup but that dress doesn't flatter your figure). I'd only break that rule if someone seems to be walking into trouble. For instance, "Here's my new look. I'm going out this weekend and I think I look great and am going to pass," and you see something badly amiss you might want to mention it. You know, like spinach in someone's teeth or a skirt tucked into pantyhose. Embarrassing but better to know than not.

[Jana]

I guess the worst kind of advice is the unsolicited kind. I try to offer pointers only when the OP specifically asks.

[Lexi_83]

Private messages?

I'd love makeup help, think most of us would!

[reb.femme]

I have occasionally given my opinion, but I prefer to 'keep my own counsel' in general. Or should that be, 'keep my big mouth shut'?

I mean well but I will never be considered a great loss to the diplomatic corp.

Reb

[Sandieland]

When I mentioned letting the lady know through a private message or email was because being criticized in public (in the open forum) and in front of all your friends can hurt... even if it's done with all good intentions. Going private seems more what a friend would do.

[kimdl93]

I have to admit, I seldom offer make up or fashion advice. Some people, as Linda pointed out, are not trying to pass or blend...they just want to enjoy themselves and share that enjoyment. Of course, there are time when my reaction is OMG! But I quickly close rhos threads and move on!

[Cheryl T]

There is constructive criticism and destructive criticism.
I try for the former if someone asks for an opinion. Hopefully people remember that opinions are like ********...everybody has one.

[Jodi]

How to tell? It's called tact. Tact is the art of telling someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.

Jodi

[Ms Mira]

Just start with a compliment and then maybe a little corrective note.

[Leona]

It's also worth keeping in mind that criticism need not be negative. When you tell a girl she's pretty, you're criticizing her looks.

People in general need to learn how to take criticism gracefully no matter how badly it's delivered. I'm reminded of the island in Erik the Viking that would sink if any drop of blood were spilled. Nobody there criticized each other, so they sang badly, dressed poorly, and had a very stagnant civilization.

I figure if someone reacts badly to my criticism, at least I did my part for king and country.

[Kate Simmons]

I will never offer suggestions or critique unless someone asks and then will only do it by PM. As I've said before, If I say someone looks nice, I mean it.

[Stark]

Over at Susan's Place, there are regular "Do I Pass?" threads that people can upload photos to and get feedback. Maybe there's threads like that here and I (newbie) haven't found them yet, but if not, maybe that's something someone would like to start?

The only caveat is that I notice over there that few people are willing to come out and say "no, you don't. Sorry, sweetie," even when it's blatant (IMHO) that the person doesn't pass. I would want the brutal truth, and most people seem to be cheerleading vs. critiquing. :/

[heatherdress]

If they want criticism, they ask for it. Why risk hurting someone's feelings or making them feel self-conscious unless they specifically ask for help?

[Eryn]

"Perhaps you might like to pair a lighter top with that skirt" is received a lot more readily than "That top is too dark!"

[celeste26]

If I had constructive criticism then my approach would be like this: "Some time ago when I had that problem I found this or that worked for me." Empathy is the feminine way and it defers the blame. If I had experienced that problem and still did not have my own solution I would say that too. Joining with them in their problem spreads the blame. Using I, me and we instead of you, you, you. This leaves the choice up to the one receiving the message and not making demands and eliminating choices. Of course if you are a fashion authority and dont care what others think one can do the reverse.

[Barbara Ella]

I don't do a lot of criticism....don't have a lot of experience to base anything on. But as with most, i know what I like when I see it. If something just doesn't work for me, it is just my like/dislike, and always phrase my response as a solution, or something different to try, not that what is there is wrong.

Barbara

[Leona]

Celeste: I hadn't realized it until you mentioned, but I often offer criticism that way. And for me it's not so much about spreading the blame around as it is about ensuring that there isn't blame, there is only discussion.

This post counts as doing that, in fact.

[ArleneRaquel]

I almost never criticize another CD'ers choice of clothing, makeup, hairstyle, and so, unless they ask for constructive criticism, which I will provide, in the softest of tones.

[Andy66]

I always offer unsolicited advice to ladies.
I also get slapped alot.

[Leona]

Andy66: You're well on your way on your journey of being a man.