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Thread: My queer-ness is showing!

  1. #1
    (formerly tiffanyw) AshleyW's Avatar
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    My queer-ness is showing!

    It's only been a few months since I accepted I was trans and started cross-dressing properly. Almost immediately I noticed a whole bunch of areas besides dress where I had been forcing myself to conform to the masculine gender norm. Things I say, how I walk, talk, sit, etc. I determined I would start just being myself in those areas, too. The result, I suppose, is that even in guy mode I now come across as a lot more feminine than I used to.

    Last Friday I was making small talk with a co-worker (a straight male) and he asked me casually, "So, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" It was the first time in my life that someone has made it explicitly clear they're uncertain what my orientation is. (For the record, I'm straight). I smiled and said, "Nope, no boyfriend, no girlfriend!" Which, you know, didn't really clarify things.

    At first I was quite pleased by this. I liked the fact that someone had noticed my "queer-ness," even if they misunderstood its exact nature. I told myself I would rather people think I was gay than think I was cisgender.

    However it slowly dawned on me that perhaps everyone I work with thinks I'm gay. And the more I thought about it, the more it started to bother me. I'm honestly not even sure why. I really really hope it's not due to some latent homophobia buried somewhere deep in my psyche. (I'm ashamed to admit that I used to be a homophobe back in my days as a fundamentalist Christian, though that feels like a different lifetime now). I will have to take some time to think about what this means.

    I had set myself the goal of showing up to work with my nails painted before the end of the summer; now I'm no longer 100% sure I want to do this. I probably still will, but we'll see.
    Last edited by AshleyW; 07-14-2013 at 11:52 AM.
    "Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales"
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  2. #2
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    Well it seems to be something that shows. I have actually been asked while in boy mode if I was a lesbian...I have been told I have a girly face...I just stopped caring what people think about me anymore.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Maybe your friend was just being PC and wanted to cover all bases.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

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    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    why did you choose wearing painted nails to work as a goal? are you eventually hoping to be more openly transgendered?

  5. #5
    Member Jenny CD's Avatar
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    I have a co-worker that is lesbian. She and I talk about our lifestyles quite often. She, her gf and I even went out together and had a blast. She asked me if I was straight, bi, or gay. I just smiled. She finds it 'cute' when guys (possibly tranny chasers) hit on me, and then I shoot them down... Her words. Anyway, like someone told me in another thread, just be yourself and accept who you (we) are. Have fun with it. By the way, I used to belong to a fundamentalist Christian church too. I know where you are coming from.
    Change is inevitable...

  6. #6
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Straight, gay, bi-, whatever. Be happy being YOU and leave the labels for bottles of wine.


    Seems that people aren't happy unless they can squeeze another person into a neatly labeled box. Why is that?
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  7. #7
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
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    Don't you just love leading questions?


    My brother keeps trying that sort of thing but that just means he'll be the last to know anything.

  8. #8
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Sounds like the story of my life.

  9. #9
    A Lucky Girl Kim_Bitzflick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whowhatwhen View Post
    Don't you just love leading questions?


    My brother keeps trying that sort of thing but that just means he'll be the last to know anything.
    I just love those questions like "have you stopped beating your wife?"

    In the end you need to answer just like you did. Don't satisfy them with an answer that they want.
    Kim

    "I just gotta be me"

  10. #10
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    Like you I came from a fundamentalist set of beliefs. I managed to she'd them some 25 years ago. The early training holds tight.
    I go out regularly with my nails polished. I always remove before returning home. Here lately I have been shopping from the women's side of the aisle for my every day clothes. I just assume those who see me believe me to be gay. Why is it easier to have people believe I'm gay as opposed to a crossdresser. *must consider this more*

    No matter what, be happy with who you are

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    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
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  11. #11
    Member Jenny CD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Grandpa View Post
    Why is it easier to have people believe I'm gay as opposed to a crossdresser. *must consider this more*

    No matter what, be happy with who you are

    Hug


    Rita
    Reminds me of how my mother would accept me being gay but not CD, or transgendered. Weird.
    Change is inevitable...

  12. #12
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    A lot of people assume I'm gay so I let them think what they want.I never give them a solid answer to that question because if the right guy comes along they will think they were right all along.
    Never dress 100% guy anyway so people always wonder I'm sure.
    I like being different and found most people just really don't care what you are.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
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  13. #13
    Member Jenny CD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    A lot of people assume I'm gay so I let them think what they want.I never give them a solid answer to that question because if the right guy comes along they will think they were right all along.
    Never dress 100% guy anyway so people always wonder I'm sure.
    I like being different and found most people just really don't care what you are.
    Absolutley correct Traci. Most people just don't care. If you live a city, people might look at you funny and say something to a friend later, but who cares? They won't recognize you a week later.
    Change is inevitable...

  14. #14
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    The guys I work with aren't too sure about me. It's fun to keep them guessing.

    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  15. #15
    Member Rebecca Watson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiffanyw View Post
    However it slowly dawned on me that perhaps everyone I work with thinks I'm gay. And the more I thought about it, the more it started to bother me. I'm honestly not even sure why.
    My guess: There's a misunderstanding both about yourself and about homosexuality in general; you feel you'd like to correct it, but (a) you shouldn't need to and (b) it's pointless because there's a common viewpoint in society that atypical behaviour implies homosexuality. "I [paint my nails] because I like to and nothing more" doesn't seem to make sense to muggles.

    However, asking if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't in itself imply that he thinks you're gay; e.g. he could simply be gay-friendly. Do you remember the movie Love, Actually where the boy tells his father that he's in love, and the father asks "And what does she - he - feel about you?"?

    - Becky

    PS. I wear coloured nail polish to work from time to time (including right now, with blue and shiny nail polish; although currently it's the weekend and nobody else is here). It did get pointed out (more than I expected): one lady asked if I had matching toenails; one lady explained why she doesn't paint her nails anymore and gave some tips on how to maintain painted nails; and one lady pointed out that she and I had matching fingernails. No bad experiences, however.
    Last edited by Rebecca Watson; 07-14-2013 at 03:53 PM.
    "It's my life, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive. " - Bon Jovi

  16. #16
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I would wear clear polish on my nails at work and no one said anything.
    One of the office girls did say you have really well manicured nails for a guy ever think of a color other than clear? I said I save that for the weekends.
    She smiled and said I do that too.
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  17. #17
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leah Lynn View Post
    The guys I work with aren't too sure about me. It's fun to keep them guessing.

    Leah
    Oh geez, I'm not even sure about me!
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  18. #18
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I think some I worked with thought I was gay because I never chased after the women in the office.
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  19. #19
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    Now what you should have done when asked if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, tiffany, is said no boy or girl friend. Then ask if he would like a date and drop a business card with the phone number of a local escort service on it. If asked if it is your number say no, I thought you were hard up to get a date. End of prying questions.

  20. #20
    Senior Member mikiSJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by almostalady View Post
    ...I have actually been asked while in boy mode if I was a lesbian...I have been told I have a girly face...
    How long did your smile last after that comment.

    I remember back when I was 18 and sitting with two GFs (1 romantic) and they both remarked I would make a great girl. After figuring out they didn't know about my CDing, I wore a smile for a bit.
    When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.

  21. #21
    (formerly tiffanyw) AshleyW's Avatar
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    Thanks for helping me think through this everyone! I guess I should just be myself and not worry what people think.


    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    why did you choose wearing painted nails to work as a goal? are you eventually hoping to be more openly transgendered?
    It's a nubmer of things. Mostly I want to reach the point in my life where I'm sufficiently out of the closet\open enough to paint my nails without having to think about when I'll have to remove it. Also it's about being confident enough to not be embarassed by it.


    Quote Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie View Post
    Sounds like the story of my life.
    Oh man that was the best thing I clicked on all day!
    "Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales"
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  22. #22
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I think I would say that you are straight and do not weird out your workmates.
    Employment is a useful past time.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

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