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Thread: How do you find GGs who actively like girls like me?

  1. #26
    GG SO of CD ErinSassyPants's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    I think that you need to substitute "T" for CD in your thinking...Some of us are upfront and honest about meeting and interacting with others as our female identities are very important to us..Just my opinion.
    I guess that's true. I only mention CD for me because as I'm straight I would not be interested in someone who is a woman even if they had male parts. But I think my advice is true in any case.
    Erin
    I wear the sassypants in the family.

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  2. #27
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly Smith View Post
    Hi Girls,
    I have a couple of similar but distinct questions:

    Does anyone know if there are one or more other personality traits possessed by GGs that correlates closely with a fondness for heterosexual crossdressers?
    I have dated several women who sought me out because I was a cross-dresser/transgender. There ARE some traits that I have noticed. First, many of these women were either more gender neutral themselves, or a bit "bossy", what some men would call "bitchy". They wanted to be respected and accepted for who they were inside and outside, including wanting to be equals to other men. Most were also rebels as well.

    After that, it was really a wide spectrum, everything from a tom-boy who loved to dress ultra sexy with me to a woman with a soft gentle voice who was psychic.

    If you go into, say, "plenty of fish" what strategy would you use to find such GGs?
    When I finally decided I was "On the Market" as transgendered, I was 34 years old. I had a counselor and a sponsor giving me guidance. They suggested that, after coming up with a "safe and sane sex ideal" - what I wanted in a relationship that wasn't selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or hurting others, I needed to write it down and share it with at least 12 other people. In my case, this was a 12 step inventory done using the AA "Big Book" method, and even though I had 10 years clean and sober, this was the first time I had really gone this deeply into these transgender aspects and shared them with a sponsor. I was already getting divorced (because we had both lied to each other when we first moved in together 8 years earlier, me not telling her about being a cross-dresser, and her not telling me she couldn't accept it).

    At that time, I was so worried about getting hurt that I couldn't even speak it verbally. I literally showed these 10 women and 2 men the inventory and waited for their reaction. It turned out that 2 of the people I shared with knew women who really LIKED transgenders. One of the women introduced me to a friend of hers who was transsexual and living as a woman full time. She had shut herself off sexually to become more comfortable with his female sexuality and her roommate was looking to get laid and wanted a someone - like me. We hit it off and what started as a one-night-stand lasted 2 years, including living together and me becoming part of her family. She also had other girl-friends and brought those she trusted home with her, offering to share me with her friends. One of those women even moved in with us. Not your "traditional" family, but it worked for us.

    Eventually, she met an old friend, an Alpha Male who didn't want to share. He proposed, making an offer that was too good to pass up, and our relationship ended. Over time, I had 2 other lovers, one lasting over 15 years together in a long distance relationship. We'd see each other on week-ends and holidays, which were always fun and romantic, then she would go to her place in the mountains, while I went back to work, flying wherever I needed to be.

    Probably the easiest way of all, however, was when I put my profile on some online web sites. I included pictures of both Rex and Debbie, and in my profile I put something like:

    I'm a combination of Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Bill Gates, and Sean Connery, with a touch of Madonna. I'm as weird as Robin, as crazy as Jim, as nerdy as Bill, and an old geezer like Sean, and I have Madonna's fashion sense.

    I included about a half dozen pictures of Debbie, including pictures of me with other women (not former lovers), so that they could get a sense of what I looked like, proportions, and how well I could pass, or stop traffic in NYC on a Friday Night.

    Lots of women came to look at the profile, around 1,000. About a dozen were genuinely interested but had logistic issues (location, living situations, and so on), but there were 6 who were really serious and wanted to meet in person. Of those, one was hoping I would be more dominant, another was hoping I would be more submissive. One had the cutest little pug dogs - but I was allergic to them. Another had an autistic 30 year old son who lived with her and wouldn't be accepting even though she was. Another lived with her mother and needed to take care of her, so mom would have been part of the package. Lee lived with her parents, but they didn't need her, and her parents even went to Florida for the winters. She had a daughter who was just about to graduate from college.

    Before contacting me, she showed her daughter my profile and her daughter said "Well mom, at least you won't have to worry about threatening his fragile male ego, give it a shot". Lee shot off an e-mail saying "Dude, your wearing a dress, what's that about", and I sent back a longer response explaining how I was transgendered and had been since I was about 4. I told her that I had been deceptive about it in my first marriage and wanted to be up front about it in all future relationships, that it was an important part of who I was. I also sent her my phone number and asked her to call me that night. She called, we had telephone conversations for about 2 weeks (I was working out of town), which gave us lots of time to find out about each other, about family, friends, spirituality, and so on.

    When we finally met, she was dressed very nicely, a bit thinner than I had expected (she had sent picture of her in size 24, so I was prepared for the worst), and when I met her, I could see she had applied make-up, so I kissed her on the neck, behind the ear. She practically melted right there. By the time we finished dinner, she made it very clear that she wanted to go to my place, so we went. We've been together for 9 years and married for 7 years this month.

    The thing about writing a profile for a web site is that you don't need to please every woman who sees your profile. What you want is the 3-6 people who see your profile and think "That's what I WANT!". Keep in mind that a woman who is looking for a TG or CD boyfriend is probably having as much trouble locating you as you are having locating her. If you are LOOKING for a trangender male, that can be even harder than BEING one.


    TIA,
    Kelly
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
    Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
    See also:
    Open4Success

  3. #28
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    I think that you need to substitute "T" for CD in your thinking...Some of us are upfront and honest about meeting and interacting with others as our female identities are very important to us..Just my opinion.
    In this case Erin may be correct. She may want a CD even though the "T" encompasses that. She is just narrowing it down.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jana View Post
    Sorry, but they are as rare as a winning lottery ticket. And as such, it's not a matter of strategy, but mostly dumb luck.
    Then I am one lucky person. I have had two women so far. They aren't as rare as you believe. What is rare is a woman who sticks by you after you hide it for years . (I had one of those). But when you are honest early and let the woman decide if she likes YOU, you will see there are many out there who are willing to be supportive, IF you just let them make the decision themselves
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  4. #29
    Member Kalista Jameson's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Here's my take on it. I think women may mostly be interested in checking off a few important criteria before they will consider any man. Is the guy stable - mentally and economically? Is he serious about a relationship based on important things and not just sex? Is he trustworthy and dependable? Things in this realm I believe to be the top of the list. Beyond that is open territory and how a woman receives what you are presenting about yourself. Granted, for us crossdresssers, there will be instantaneous deal breakers with some women because of their personal belief systems regarding gender expression. But say we pass "Go" on that front, I then think it gets down to how much emphasis we place on crossdressing in the profile and its role in our lives.

    I've never written a profile for a dating website, but if it did, I may write it something like this:

    ***45 y/o divorced, financially stable, mature, straight male looking for a fun-loving and caring female companion. I enjoy the outdoors, playing games, spending quality time together and am easy going. I love movies and socializing. I'm a healthy mix of introvert and extrovert, content and happy under most circumstances and have a large comfort zone. I enjoy trying new things with the right person. I am strongly driven by integrity, honesty and truth in all my relationships in life and would love to meet someone like-minded. I also like to occasionally gender-bend in terms of clothing, but nothing else. All in all, a regular guy with a few fun twists. Send me a message and we can talk more.***

    I'm putting myself out there honestly without drawing much attention to the fact that I crossdress, which should be obvious enough though. I would think that would filter out those obviously wanting to do nothing with crossdressing, but leave the door open in a light hearted and positive way for those who don't care and at least put me on even ground with non-crossdressers and have them focus on the other things I have shared. This was all of the cuff, but that's the general idea.

    Cheers,

    Kalista

    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, through and through.
    I love nylons and high heels, mini-skirts and shopping deals!
    I don't care what others say, life's too short, it's time to play.
    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, how 'bout you?

  5. #30
    Member Oddlee's Avatar
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    In my limited experience, HR personnel are accepting of gender oddities such as ours... An online friend whom I've hiked with for over a year (we knew on our second encounter that we were not a pair - she's religious, I'm cd), get along well in all other respects. She tells me that men post en-femme pictures on dating websites. I guess this is a good way to pre-de-select women who are turned off by our activities.

  6. #31
    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
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    I tried to join a couple of mainstream dating sites, and my personal description included one carefully worded sentence about my gender bending and my search for a woman interested in same. Both sites refused my application. On another mainstream site I omitted the gender bender mention and was accepted, but my attempt to upload a G-rated femme photo was rejected. Just sayin.

  7. #32
    Member Kalista Jameson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sherri View Post
    I tried to join a couple of mainstream dating sites, and my personal description included one carefully worded sentence about my gender bending and my search for a woman interested in same. Both sites refused my application. On another mainstream site I omitted the gender bender mention and was accepted, but my attempt to upload a G-rated femme photo was rejected. Just sayin.
    I guess if some of the major dating sites have those rules in place that actually prevent us from being ourselves in order to use them, the deck is stacked against us. That's too bad too. Hopefully that will change over time.

    Cheers,

    Kalista

    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, through and through.
    I love nylons and high heels, mini-skirts and shopping deals!
    I don't care what others say, life's too short, it's time to play.
    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, how 'bout you?

  8. #33
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    The relationship im in (6+ years) and the one i was in before that all came about through on-line dating.

    IMHO picking the correct sites is key. There's several out there and getting the right one is half the battle (i tried a few and funnily both of my relationships that worked out came from the same one) diffrent sites attract people with a differing mind set finding the mind set nearest yours is hardest but really helps your chances. Then there's the selling your self, just like an on-line auction sale details, a crap photo and crap description gets you no where. Gotta big it up a bit, gotta be interesting gotta offer something more than the usual male attempts. POF whilst not a success for me sure has some good hints and tips about profiles it sure increased my hit rate when i put some of it into practise. Can't help on the specifics your trying to get, but i do think on-line dating is a damn good way of someone shy getting out there and trying to meet people. It's also very good if you typical interests don't involve encountering large amounts of new faces on a regular basis.

  9. #34
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    I joined a few forums to see if there were any women who were interested in haveing a friend i do know quite a few, though the thing is they are looking for men who are real men never any talk about dresser's or trans. though that does not apply to myself ,

    yet i have had 5 men ask me if i was interested in a friendship come relastionship. heading into marrage, i politly declined & said they needed a woman who could give them what they needed, or were looking for in a normal woman.

    I was surprised that any men would ask me . i mean come on not this kid,

    Now the other side is there are women looking for other women for friendship & to have a companion,
    Most of my friends are women that stands to reason.

    Of cause you know my stance be up front & honest, i think two men would have taken it further,

    Can i sugest what i say, join a few different groups with interests that you may have in common with others namely women & mixed groups danceing or sports, there you get a partner try that,

    Im involved with over a 1000 people with in our membership of different groups yea i know i can do it, if you dont put your self out there then dont expect others to just knock on your door,

    Sorry im not much help , im not a guy & never looked for a partner, that may sound strange comeing from me yet its true,

    ...noeleena...
    Last edited by noeleena; 07-19-2013 at 04:46 AM.

  10. #35
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    there is a few website were very good looking women are looking for TG's.

    I meet them all the time.

    I use w4t and w4w.

  11. #36
    Junior Member Patsy's Avatar
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    Oh, they are out there. No strategy really, just luck. Find one, hang onto her. I had one, said my body looked female The main thing, react positively when it happens, I doubt you'll get two bites at the cherry. As for personality traits, probably a fondness for male type jobs. Strategy - go for the weirdoes, the girl that's sitting on her own. She has some problem, maybe one you like.
    Last edited by Di; 07-19-2013 at 07:57 AM. Reason: tmi
    L’imagination au pouvoir!

  12. #37
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    The only gf I ever had that totally accepted my crossdressing was bisexual and a hair stylist. She also seemed to have a thing for gay men, and the gay lifestyle which didn't quite work with me.

    DebbieL, loved your story. You really made finding a partner a mission and finally got results.

  13. #38
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    Ok, my two bits. There are more women that accept...enjoy might be a bigger stretch...than some would lead you to believe. I've been married to two women who were and are accepting.

    Under it all, besides having open minds attitudes, there needs to be a strong mutual connection...not just passion or romance, but a real desire to be together. That only comes with time and effort.

  14. #39
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    The simple and correct answer to your header question is....You don't.

    You find a woman that you as a MAN is attracted to and she is attracted to you, the MAN.

    Date her, get to know her, let her get to know you and see if there is reason to continue seeing each other as a MAN and a WOMAN. You can feel her out about her openness, her sense of acceptance of others and diverse lifestyles. You will get to know her moral stand etc. Once a bond is made, you then tell her about you being a CD. Making it the main issue is a big lonely mistake.
    I have had 2 past wives that once told early on in the relationship grew to not only accept it, but participated and even had some fun with it. The only woman that knew from day one was my last 7 year long relationship. We met on a website for those into BDSM and D/s. A site where we are accepted and many dominant women tolerate or even like a CD.
    I'm on several dating sites right now. I am once again looking for a life partner. But I will not post anything about my being a CD. That's for them to find out later once a bond and trust in one another is established.

  15. #40
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    The simple and correct answer to your header question is....You don't.

    You find a woman that you as a MAN is attracted to and she is attracted to you, the MAN.
    What? I think you'll find that some DO, I know a few GG's here who actively joined to find a CD partner and some GG's started actual relationships on this forum, 2 of them are actually on staff.... Di and Sher...
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  16. #41
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    I know you are correct Tamara. I was referring to sites that are specifically for dating and meeting a partner.

    To bad we are not a dating site with a section just for GG's that want to find us. Would make life easier. LOL

  17. #42
    GG SO of CD ErinSassyPants's Avatar
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    It doesn't seem like this would be a target rich environment, aren't most of the GGs here already in relationships or having just left one because the CD was not something they are comfortable with?

    But in any case that turned out for the best, It's wonderful that you will have another chance to make things work with your wife. Good luck to both of you.
    Erin
    I wear the sassypants in the family.

    “The greatest obstacle to connecting
    with our joy is resentment.”
    ~ Pema Chödrön ~

    A Guide to Overcoming Envy

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