I dont have a good title for this thread.

[Erica Marie]

How many of the girls here feel the same way as me? My dressing started out when I was in my early teens as kind of an experimental thing, then it turned to a form of sexual release, then as I grew older I attempted to creative a more feminine passable look. Now over the last year I really have been doing alot of thinking. I dont need to dress to feel feminine. Its part of who I am. Like a female trapped inside me. Most ggs can dress anyway they want and they are still a female. Just because when I look in the mirror and see a guy am I really? Every day I seem to be a little more confused. Anyone else feel this way? Anyone who can lend a little insight to this it would very appreciated.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erica Marie, You just sound like a normal Crossdreser .
It's who you are and it's what you do.

[Karren H]

The logical solution would be... don't look in mirrors.... or don't go to the gym.... ok so sometimes logic doesn't solve all my problems....

[reb.femme]

I really need to be dressed to feel femme, otherwise a guy looks back from the mirror. Nice guy I think, but I love femme me most.

That unfortunately will always be there for me.

[Ellie52]

Erica - I know exactly where you are coming from. I think CD'ers should stand for Confused Dressers..I certainly am. I went through exactly the same thing, starting in my early teens and now I am 52.i still havent found the answer. if you need to talk PM me......Ellie

[NicoleScott]

I dont need to dress to feel feminine. Its part of who I am. Like a female trapped inside me.

Sounds more like TS than CD.

[Tina B.]

Don't listen to engineers, this defies logic, and it doesn't solve every thing. This deals with emotion, feelings and unknown causes, it's a mystery that has been studied, discussed, and fought over for decades.
First, feeling feminine, many of us do, and not just the T girls, many of us CD's also feel it at times. As far as the TS/ CD thing, if you didn't have a feeling or desire to dress, and act fem before you teen years, I doubt your TS, you are most likely CD, but only you can ever know for sure just what you feel.
As for the way it's grown, that sounds just like the way I've gone.
I never know, I wake up, and lay in bed and ask myself, what I'm going to put on when I get up. It's a surprise but I don't know at first weather it will be Jeans and Tee, or a Skirt, if I feel ready tear it up and get real, it's jeans, forget the shave and go, but then it is just as likely I'll lay there and get to thinking about who knows what, and it hits me, I feels all girly inside, and I dress to match how I feel. The feeling run deep, and I truly feel very feminine.
But I don't feel like I'm a women, just very feminine. After all it's those feeling that keep me dressing.

[Beverley Sims]

Life is a constant experiment, if it doesn't work try something else.
Stop the deep thinking, it doesn't work.
Just do it.

[Kathy Smith]

Please don't get into the logic of it all, Erica. It doesn't really matter - just go with the flow. The chances are that you may feel differently eventually anyway. Sometimes male CDs discover that they are really TS. Occasionally one of those who thought they were TS eventually realises that it's really CD. Not everyone stays constant either.

It's just life and those labels are just another form of little boxes to neatly sort people into.

Just try to make the most of things.

[Jane G]

Sounds more like TS than CD.

Just labels.

These days I can look in the mirror, flick my head back tilt my arm and see the woman inside looking back. The clothes do add colour and I do love them, but they are not as important as the acceptance of who I see looking back in that mirror. Don't get me wrong most of the time I see a male looking back, but just a few simple mannerisms can change all that in a heartbeat.

I'm in no doubt I have some TS in me. However, like others here, I have spent a lifetime supressing, to some extent, part of my self, due in no small part to a loving partner, who still struggles at times, to except all of me. I have made the choice to live the compromise, rather than lose the many wonderful things my life has provided, as a husband and father.

As for a title for the thread. "Lets just be who we are."

[JamieTG]

Erica I'm quite the same way and it seems to be common for changes to occur around middle age. Up until age 45, I was strictly a fetish CD and quite comfortable with my masculine male body. Then things started to change and over the past 14 years the flashy clothes became less important as I felt more feminine on the inside. Now I'm somewhere in the middle and thats how I present myself 24/7.

[nethiker55]

Well I think if it were my thread I might have to call it "Dazed and confused for so long it's not true." Old rockers may get the reference.

You likely are not a TS but just have a strong feminine side or it is finally just asserting itself. I myself like many here feel very feminine when dressed and sometimes when drab. I say dress how you want and act how you feel. You may find you like being a girl and want to be all the time or you may find it is more enjoyable to do it sometimes. Just go slow and it will work itself out.

[kimdl93]

Erica, I started a bit earlier than you...my first interest in feminine things goes back to very early childhood, but the adolescent and young adult phases are probably familiar to most CDrs. But not everyone progresses to the stage you're at....and it doesn't mean you will continue to evolve in that way. Each of us that feels as you do today is faced with the same question. My advice would be to seek out a qualified gender counselor to help you work through your feelings. Self discovery, alone, or with a professional guide, is the only way you'll reach the answer you seek.

[WandaRae2009]

As many here have already stated. Your feelings mirror many of us in most ways. It's a rollercoaster of a journey just hang on and go for the ride.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Erica,
While I started in a similar fashion, I kept the 2 sides separate. In my 30s I allowed myself the freedom to create a dual personality known as Rachel.
My personalities are semi-detached, the male self wanting a body like Dwayne Johnston (aka The Rock) and girl self would like a body like Kylie Minoge.
When my trapped girl self wants out, she makes me moody and my wife tells me to dressup and go out for a bit of fun.
Best advice here - stop thinking, and do what feels the best
As to what happens next, I'll find out later, but for now, this is fun for me.

[Tracii G]

I see that guy in the mirror everyday but I know inside I don't feel like one.
That is just the way I am and no confusion to me at all.
Stop reading too much into it just let that side of you do her thing when she wants to.

[Diversity]

Hi Erica,
I understand how you may feel, and in many of us, we all share similar beginnings from experimental, to having sexual releases brought on by the excitement and arousal we got from dressing in ladies clothes. The desire to continue to dress came on and off as I grew out of my teens and this was due to my need to suppress these urges as my life and responsibilities with work, achievement, and family took primary position. It is now in my later years that my suppressed urges to dress again have surfaced, and I am enjoying this new awakening once more. When I look in a mirror I see a guy, and am indeed still a guy. A guy however who wishes to express the feminine side which has so long been hidden from the outside. I still, however, act like a male, and I know I won't change in this regard. I like being a male. But, I do enjoy feeling the feminine side through the occasional times I get to dress as a female. It is still as stimulating, at times arousing, enjoyable, fun, and in many instances relaxing. I do wish, however that all males had opportunity without any societal distain to be able to wear any clothing available to them, just as women do now. As men, we see women in every conceivable type of clothing (including dresses paired with combat boots), and while we don't necessarily agree with the given 'styles' we do accept them and don't mock them for the clothes they wear. I wish the reverse was true for men.
I don't know if any of this helps you in anyway, but I thought by relating my feelings and views on this, that it may just be of some help to you.
Good luck, and I am sure that if you continue to search and be honest with yourself, you will come to peace of mind, and self acceptance from within. CD'ing is an individual journey for all of us.
Kind regards,
Di

[MysticLady]

How many of the girls here feel the same way as me? My dressing started out when I was in my early teens as kind of an experimental thing, then it turned to a form of sexual release, then as I grew older I attempted to creative a more feminine passable look. Now over the last year I really have been doing alot of thinking. I dont need to dress to feel feminine. Its part of who I am. Like a female trapped inside me. Most ggs can dress anyway they want and they are still a female. Just because when I look in the mirror and see a guy am I really? Every day I seem to be a little more confused. Anyone else feel this way? Anyone who can lend a little insight to this it would very appreciated.

Hi Sweetie, you know, sometimes this may take some time too realize what it is you want out of this. Don't stress yourself over it. In time you'll realize where your niche is on the spectrum. If you not comfortable where your at , then you may consider the next step, whatever you decide that will be. When I look in the mirror, I see a very happy person and I'm satisfied w/ that. I feel that I don't need to go any further. Enjoy this and don't exhaust yourself wondering about it. Just follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be.

[Christine.Lolita]

How you have described your feelings about CDing is very typical of most of us who are TG. This how we were born and who we are. I understand the feelings of confusion. Eventually I went to a therapist to help me figure it out.

[CynthiaD]

One thing you need to understand and accept is that your feelings about yourself are a normal part of the human spectrum.

Speaking for myself, I have male body parts, but I am female. I have always been female. I am not a woman trapped in a man's body. I am a woman in a woman's body that just happens to have male body parts. I'm not sick, nor is my body deformed in any way. For most people, their external sex matches their internal gender. For some it does not. Both are part of the human condition. Both are normal. I am proud of being a woman, and even though I would like to look more feminine, I am also proud of the fact that my body allows me to assume a male role when it is useful to do so.

I'm not suggesting that my point of view is best. You will find many differing points of view among the membership here, and they are part of the human condition as well. You need to decide what is best for you (this can change from day to day). And you must be proud of who you are, whatever you decide that is.

Cynthia

[paulaprimo]

i think many of us here have questions and some of the same concerns as you. i think we all tried searching for answers or some kind of explanation as to why we act and dress the way we do. i've rattled my brain many times also and have never even come up with even a partial answer. the only thing i can suggest, is what i have done, and that is don't question, just go with it!

we are a product of our society, generation, up-bringing and 100 other things. i think anyone over 40 was raised in a very different world.
and this is the major reason why we have questions, concerns and even some guilt now.

Most ggs can dress anyway they want and they are still a female.

society also accepts this. if it was tolerable for us to dress when we were growing up, i have to believe we wouldn't have so many questions now...
so my best advice is to live your life, without question and avoid the confusion!!

[MysticLady]

A good title for the thread would probably be something like..................Change of perception.

[jillleanne]

"On The Road To Self Acceptance" is your title. Like many of us, you have reached a place where you are recognizing who you are on the inside. The confusion comes from not being able yet to totally accept who you are. You will, be patient. The hurdle will be deciding how far you can go and still live with yourself happily/completely. I had to leave the provebial closet to find happiness/completeness, and I did. Only those who have come out completely and accepted who they are completely can understand what I am feeling on a day to day basis. No fears, no lies, no secrecy. Just a normal person living a normal day to day life.

[AmyGaleRT]

Erica, I've passed through many of those same phases. I've gone from curious exploration of my mother's closet, through the fetish dressing, into the development of my full Amy presentation, and now I can step outside and be Amy without fear. Yet, at the same time, even when being my male self, I recognize that Amy is always there with me, too. (Likewise, when being Amy, my male self is "along for the ride.") I have two halves to my soul, male and female, and I strive, between the two, to find happiness, peace, and balance. You might be feeling something similar to what I feel; there's no need for confusion. Accept and embrace both parts of yourself, and, whether you're being a man or a woman, strive to be the best one you can be.

- Amy

[Miss Trudy]

Erica hun, I doubt there is a one of us that if we really think about it could deny we have not been where you are now. I was about 9 when I first tried on my sister's training bra and garter belt and stockings and have never looked back, that was 50 plus years ago! We have all been through the doubts, guilt, and pleasures you describe and many of us have come to grips with who and what we are. Some of us are heavily closeted, some of us still racked with guilt, and some of us, myself included, embracing our femininity.

I have no idea how old you are, I am 62, however if I knew back then what I know now and had access to the information available today thanks to the internet and other channels I am sure my life would have been a lot different. I came out of the closet back in the 80's and believe me back then I caused quite a stir with my friends and relatives, today I am sure while you may still find some narrow minded individuals you would see a lot more love, tolerance, and acceptance then I found when I took a step in the daylight! Embrace who you are and your feminine side and enjoy life to the fullest!