Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 101

Thread: Plain ol boring CDers

  1. #1
    GG/SO of a CD
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Seattle, wa
    Posts
    680

    Plain ol boring CDers

    Hello everyone.

    I have been mostly a forum lurker the last couple of weeks. Posting here are there when I get a chance. I got a second job so I am a busy bee.

    I wanted to start a dialogue (not a war!) about something that is concerning me a bit and hope I can get some feedback from you guys.

    As most of you know, I joined the site when I discovered my BF of 6 years was a CD. I got a ton of support from you guys and really enjoyed the insight I received. I would go to Luca and say "you really need to join" everyone is so helpful.

    So finally after a month or so of poking and prodding and telling him to join. He did. He saw how much great stuff I was getting here and then in turn bringing back to our relationship.

    He joined and to no fault of anyone in particular didn't feel like this place was helping him.

    In the first week he joined he saw a post about how CDers who didn't wear wigs or makeup didn't "try" hard enough to be feminine. I kept telling him that people didn't judge here and he would find a place. This sentiment was repeated in numerous ways throughout all parts of the forum.

    He didn't feel "feminine" enough to be here. He likes to wear a skirt and a blouse sans makeup and walk around the house. He read thread after thread about shoes, and boobs and hair and makeup and try as he might, he still felt outside it all.

    I guess what I want to know... Is there a place for him here? I feel like there are more of you that are like him than he thinks. And if you are more like him, do you feel like there is not a place for you either. Such an emphasis is placed on "pass- ability" and like it or not some "girls" judge others on here for not being like them. Or not being feminine enough.

    He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.


    So I guess this is both a place to respond, but also a place for you to hear another members plea. Lets stop creating a place where there is a "right and wrong" way to CD. Lets stop scaring away all of those forum lurkers who don't feel like they belong.




    (mods: not sure where to post this. Hope this is okay. move it as you see fit please. )

  2. #2
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,655
    There are a number of members here who like to wear women's clothing but otherwise present as men. (There really is something to be said for wearing a skirt as opposed to pants, regardless of gender.)

  3. #3
    Lady in Being (7/20/17) AmyGaleRT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    3,264
    Greenie, I don't judge CDs by what they do or don't do. I encourage those that are presenting well to get out and enjoy life, because I know that feeling and I want to spread it around. And, if someone wants my honest opinion of their presentation, I'll give it. But I know there are about as many ways to CD as there are CDs, and also that it can change over time. (It did for me!) I think CDs should be happy with themselves, no matter how they dress or whether they get out or not, and I think they should look on themselves as having been given a gift...they can appreciate things most men wouldn't even understand!

    I hope that other sisters will feel the same way.

    - Amy
    Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
    Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
    aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Tampa
    Posts
    2,275
    Welcome back Greenie. Have you ever looked at the bottom of any thread? It shows how many people are looking at the thread. How many members and how many guests. Right now it shows only you and I looking at the thread. It's not uncommon for threads [especially when new] to show members/guests at 1/3 or even 1/4 which to me indicates interest. I believe members show as guests when they are not logged in, but I don't know why members would come and not log in - can't post that way. I think lots of lurkers indicates lots of people who feel the same as your hubby.

    And I fully agree with you. Many folks who water here don't seem to care about/consider the Newbies or how impressionable they might be. I doubt if they are going to change their ways however.

    Sure does not hurt to ask though! Maybe a few might not even realize they A R E discriminating?

    LATE EDIT: I just looked ... 8 members and o guests looking at this thread. Must be some kinda record!!!
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 07-21-2013 at 12:20 AM.

  5. #5
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    I am glad you brought this up.
    I get some grief for dressing in womens clothes and NOT wearing a wig or make up all the time or trying to be all out femme.
    Get grief for dressing casual and not to the nines every time I go out.
    I'm a casual dresser because I want to be and I don't feel the need to present fully enfemme all the time. I enjoy being a mix of both genders as to what I wear and how much make up I want to wear.
    I get ma'am'd a lot in 50/50 mode.
    I don't feel the need to present 100% all the time but I do enjoy going all out as much as I do 50/50 mode.

    I think he has a place here.
    Stacy B and I call it TG lite!!
    Last edited by Tracii G; 07-21-2013 at 12:20 AM.

  6. #6
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450
    Relaxing at home most nights with wife and kids, normally skirt or legging and nice top, no makeup or wig (that's more for outings).
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Akron, Ohio
    Posts
    517
    While there are many who really do want to be women, there are still quite a few of us that enjoy being men too! I dress when I can and I really do enjoy it, but there are many more days where I don't feel like going through the routine. It takes a while to hone this ape into a proper lady. I present as my male self about 98% of the time.

    From the short time that I have come to terms with this side of my life, I have found that we (cd'r) are all different. None of us have exactly the same ambitions when it comes to dressing. Some want to dress all the time, and others (much like me) keep it in the closet most of the time. There is a whole range of differences here.

    I'm sorry to hear that your BF didn't feel like he belonged here. But that is ok too. He is always welcomed to come back if he has a question or needs some advice. The girls here are great at giving advice from many different angles!

    He is a lucky man to have a lady who is willing to go the extra mile to understand what this is all about! Good for you!
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    1,051
    Greenie. I can understand his feelings on that. Its really his call, as there is a lot of pressure (subtle and not so subtle) to get out to everyone, advance the cause, etc. And to do those things it usually But its hard to keep a topic going implies getting more and more feminine. He isn't the only one who just likes to dress once in a while and has no desire to be a woman or just focus on his femme side, though. But that can be hard to see sometimes as the topics you see every day don't always prove that.

  9. #9
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Usually, wearing a skirt somewhere
    Posts
    1,137
    I thought I wanted to mimic a female form. I thought I would eventually get around to actually getting makeup and a wig and trying to pass.
    But I don't think so now. I am happy changing into a skirt when I get home. I've been out in the back yard a couple of times in skirt and t shirt since moving to the new place with the girlfriend, neighbours have seen me, no comments were made. The landlord and GF have seen me as well ( he's a friend, had told him about it beforehand ) and again, nobody made any big deal about it. For me that's enough for now, I would like to be able to go to work like that, and it might happen. Don't want to go out dressed as a female, just want the right to wear which items I want, without getting hassled about it. Seems like it might actually happen. Don't think of myself as a woman, just want to express some parts of my personality that others might think of as feminine, but I don't think of it as such.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  10. #10
    Member JBPerry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Lewisville
    Posts
    285
    Greenie,

    I can understand how he feels.....Right now and even when I go home (after I get out of the military later this year) I don't concentrate on passing...I go out in women's clothes because to me they are more comfortable....I'm not planning on transitioning female at all....I just want to wear something more comfortable and to me that's wearing women's clothes

  11. #11
    GG SO of CD ErinSassyPants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    West Coast, USA
    Posts
    190
    Thank you for posting this! I am going to send the link to this discussion to my husband. He refers to himself as a bloke in a dress (Thank you Eddie Izzard) and he sometimes likes to wear girl clothes but he has no interest in make up or wigs. He has found a bit of interesting stuff here but nothing that has made him feel comfortable or like he's found his community.

    I wonder if they would consider a forum specifically for men who have no interest in passing? If there was a spot for them maybe they would feel more comfortable starting and joining in on discussions.

    It would be wonderful if everyone on the CD/TS continuum could feel welcome here. It would also be wonderful for the GGs who love them.
    Erin
    I wear the sassypants in the family.

    “The greatest obstacle to connecting
    with our joy is resentment.”
    ~ Pema Chödrön ~

    A Guide to Overcoming Envy

  12. #12
    Awakening AshleyScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Aquitaine, France
    Posts
    39

    Not so boring - I hope

    Greenie, bonjour from France

    Quote Originally Posted by Greenie View Post
    He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.
    He's certainly not alone.

    I like to wear some female clothes because I like the look of those clothes on women. It's the appearence that I like, not the wanting to be a woman.

    I have a rather muscular torso... not body builders type, but just well toned. So feminine tops don't look so good on me.

    I don't have much hair, it's cut short and I don't do make-up - except I do like to paint my toe nails. I think I look ridiculous in a wig.

    But as this toning comes from practising Yoga every day, I also have shapely legs and bottom (I think so and others, both male and female, have told me so). Most days I wear skirts, heels, feminine underwear and stockings, etc. I'm getting more comfortable wearing those in public - and I think some of the stares I get come from the fact that I cause confusion in the minds of those who blindly follow fashion.

    My wife and 2 daughters are not so keen on my dress sense. But my son, his girlfriend and other relatives and friends are quite happy to be seen with me in public.

    I'm more cautious when children are around as they tend to be inquisitive and most adults don't quite know how to handle their questions. Of my 6 grandchildren, 2 aren't allowed to see me so dressed, 1 is too young to notice and the other 3 accept their grandfather's love without bias.

    I've perfected my style of tucking, so wearing a bikini bottom at the public pool often gets me side glances - and always petit bisous (little kisses) from the female pool staff.

    Airline hostesses are always polite - though some of the passengers could do with a lesson in good manners. And sailors on ferry lines sometimes whistle.

    When my appearence causes amusement or laughter, I'm pleased to have bought a little happiness into another's narrow minded life.

    This forum is a good place and I've learned a lot about myself as a result... I see no right or wrong, just different perspective.

    Thank you and your boy friend for the opportunity to share.
    Last edited by AshleyScott; 07-21-2013 at 01:26 AM.
    Ashley

  13. #13
    Member Nyla F's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    205
    Hi Greenie,

    When your BF posts does he receive positive comments? I think this is the most reliable measure of being accepted on this forum.

    It took me a while to get comfortable enough to start posting here. There is a lot of talk of being feminine, going out dressed, or other things that are not part of my CDing. But eventually I learned there really is a wide spectrum of people here and you often see people at opposite ends of the spectrum be supportive of each other.

    One thing you quickly learn on this forum is that there is a lot of confusion and difference of opinion on these labels we use to describe ourselves. It is also evident that there are a lot more types of crossdressers than we have labels for. So please don't get discouraged if throws a definition out there that doesn't fit you.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Ellie52's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    690
    Greenie
    I totally understand where your BF is coming from. I spent 35 years happy to wear an occasional skirt and blouse though this was done in secret. About 2 years ago I told my wife and she surprised me by saying it was OK. Things escalated once I bought the WIG...(The one in my Avatar).. I can still remember the day I bought it and tried it on. I know what people mean when they say they remember the day their lives changed. This was mine. i was so shocked how I looked in the mirror that I had to sit down. I had spent 35 years with Eloise trapped inside and I did'nt know but that one day she exploded out of the mirror (freaky - Stephen King stuff) and nothing has been the same since.
    Now I want to say I DONT WANT TO BE A WOMAN, never have and I dont think I ever will. I love my wife and son far too much. What I do love is the feel and style of women's clothes and shoes, nothing in the men's department compares. I'm sure your BF would agree, wearing a skirt is so cool.
    Now for the warning. Don't believe everything you read on this, or any forum, people here are so nice and polite but sometimes the advice is misguided. Up until 3 months ago I never thought about going walkabout (shopping trip) dressed as Ellie but after certain comments on this site I feel I could do it easily and I really wish to try - in fact its all i am thinking about at present. I know my wife would kill me if she found out Id gone out without her knowing about it, so anything I have to do has to be with her approval. i am ok with this.
    Please be very careful, as once the genie is out the bottle it is very difficult to get it back inside. You may get your three wishes but they may not have the outcome you desire....Good luck for the future...Ellie
    Last edited by Ellie52; 07-21-2013 at 02:18 AM.

  15. #15
    The non-GG next door.... Candice Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Never, Neverland
    Posts
    875
    Greenie,

    MTF CDing has a very wide spectrum, from being a man in a dress to dressing completely to pass as a woman its all CDing. There is no wrong or correct way to CD, the purpose is to let us express our feminine sides. I think the hardest thing for a CD is to accept themselves for who they are. Because of society considering CD to be taboo. This can lead to a CD thinking that there is something wrong with him, when there is actually nothing wrong with him. After all its just clothes, and make up there's no harm in him wearing them.

    It is true that the majority of active members here present completely as women when they dress, but there are a lot of members that are like your SO that don't post. Which is a shame, because it would be nice to get everyone's opinion on a topic rather then just the regulars. And even the regulars don't always dress to pass, even me. I just don't post about it, no one wants to see me in my PJ's with a messy wig and still a little bit of eyeliner that I didn't get off when I removed my make up earlier.

    Just like the people they are every CD is different, we come from all over the world, all races, and religions.

    Hopefully your SO will stick around and feel accepted.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Ellie52's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    690
    Quote Originally Posted by Candice Mae View Post
    Greenie,
    no one wants to see me in my PJ's with a messy wig and still a little bit of eyeliner that I didn't get off when I removed my make up earlier. .
    Candice
    I would'nt mind. Post/Pic it and we'll see...Judge jury and executioner...Ellie

  17. #17
    Member Oddlee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    I live in the Portland, Oregon area, with my (now) 18-yr-old daughter.
    Posts
    149
    Nice - thank you, Ashley, for your response...

    I thought AshleyScott's response was pretty accurate. For myself - as a male I'm slender with build. In femme, I have too broad shoulders and to narrow hips. Nonetheless, my daily clothing habit is en femme. I'm fortunate to be able to work at home, so clothing has little relevance to my work. I always think I look like a guy in a skirt and sweater (or a guy in a dress, for the more common expression). Doesn't matter, I'm comfortable this way.

    This forum has helped me quite a bit (appreciation to all who have posted here) to just accept myself without explanation - I've been a cd for 50+ years, but only in the last 5 years or so have I come to just let it be, what I am, and move on...

    Be well,
    Lee
    Last edited by Eryn; 07-21-2013 at 02:44 AM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts. Please use the edit or multiquote buttons to avoid consecutive posts.

  18. #18
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    waimate new zealand
    Posts
    3,326
    Hi,

    For what its worth.

    Think about a female who is different, who is not feminine has no hair does not wear a wig or makeup yet is a dresser of a different times two in fact not your normal day/evening wear. does not look like a female too masculine in her facial features,

    Passability that would be nothing more than a joke as far as im concerned , okay im an oddball do i fit in here, youd have to ask others here for that answer,

    as far as dressing is concerned no i dont im not a dresser. as for trans again no ,, im not trans, a transvestic again no whats left, well im not a male or gay, so we are getting down to the bones now, not M to F or F to M only one detail left, Ill leave that open,

    So some where along the line no i dont fit in i skirt around make comments here & there, how they are recived is any ones quess, i belive i have been given respect because of my age allmost 66 i think i have said a lot about myself nothing is made up its all true & can be backed up by many out side of this forum being well known by many 100's of 1000's of people why would i lie , i would soon be found out & made to account .

    I try to fit in where i can though some times i can not answer in some places because of my background, & its no different on the many other forums im on. except one forum i can because those there are all women, so theres no exclusion there,

    maybe i can fit in because i can bring a different perspective because of my difference so if i can be accepted here, im sure any one who is different can . i dont fit the normal in any way shape or form.

    So Greenie ,

    Bring your So in & to the other lurkers you may all think im weird nuts mad & insane , well the thing is if i were not i dought id be here,

    Just for a laugh... if i put a sack over my head i would be passable so long as i have my army boots on. see i told you i was mad......

    .........................no offence to any one here, ...................

    ...noeleena...

  19. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    127
    Although my ultimate goal is to "pass" in public, I really do spend most of my time partly dressed at home. The other night I went into the bathroom, fluffed up my hair and did a minimum makeup job with lipstick...just for fun. Oh, and slipped on some panties. After doing that I proceeded to watch TV for the rest of the evening... but it felt cool, even though I was only partly dressed. This sort of thing happens much more than trips outside.

  20. #20
    Member toniloraine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    kansas
    Posts
    148
    Hi greenish I dress at home almost full time no makeup no wig usually just forms bra and comfortable girl clothes there are a lot of like that.

  21. #21
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    83
    First off to just let you know I have read some of your posts and think your really valuable member here. Have enjoyed reading your post.

    Anyhow I fall more in line with your BF than some others found here on this site. Granted I don't post very often but I visit/read at least once a day.

    I must admit I kind of understand where he is coming from. I sometimes have wondered the same myself about belonging here but I wonder about that everywhere I go lol. I have along the way talked to some pretty cool people who are like myself.

    He isn't alone though. Myself I don't plan on ever trying to pass, no interest in changing my voice, taking on a female name (though my real name can go either way), I don't change my stance/walk, I don't "hold" myself in feminine way, and I am perfectly happy being a man.

    I am just a guy who likes some things our society has deemed as feminine. Nothing more and nothing else.
    Last edited by CD_blue; 07-21-2013 at 02:51 AM.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    12,387
    Greenie, I think of being TG as a continuum. On one end are folks who occasionally wear women's items. On the other end are those who need to transition completely and become female.

    Most of us live somewhere in the middle. We find a comfortable place in the continuum that meets our needs and those of our loved ones.

    This forum provides a safe place to talk about ourselves and what we do. I happen to like to go out in publlc dressed and occasionally write about it. This does not mean that going out is for everyone. There are also sections in the forum where our TS members talk about their experiences. When they experience a milestone in their journeys I will join in congratulating them. That does not mean that their path is the one I should be on.

    Occasionally a member will mistake the continuum for a competition. Remember that many of us are testosterone-impaired so we tend to be naturally competitive, even when femininity is concerned. It's a competition only if one chooses to compete.

    Greenie, your SO is as welcome here as anyone else. If he feels that he is being treated badly I ask that he contact me via PM and I will do my best to correct the situation.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  23. #23
    Silver Member daviolin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    2,756
    I am very much like your BF. I usually wear 50% woman's clothes all the time. I never go out anymore in full dress. I just don't like to bother with it. I enjoy staying home when I fully dress. Its much easier. Anyway I don't dress to impress. I dress for my own sanity. I'm a clothes monster. Daviolin
    [SIZE="6"]
    [/SIZE]
    A CD AND HIS WARDROBE, ITS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Deedee Skyblue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Near Boston
    Posts
    1,142
    I like the comments so far, and I like the fact that it is not a war. In response to certain comments:

    Greenie: "In the first week he joined he saw a post about how CDers who didn't wear wigs or makeup didn't "try" hard enough to be feminine."

    Wild: "Many folks who water here don't seem to care about/consider the Newbies or how impressionable they might be."

    It's more than just the 'impressionable' Newbies who are affected by this. When I see posts like that (that say or imply that I, or someone else, isn't doing it right), it lessens my interest in being here as well.

    Tell Luca there are others here who feel the same way he does. I love to wear certain female items (skirt, heels) while not attempting to present as a woman, also, stealth dress - wear as much visible clothing as possible that is female, while still presenting as a male. I don't want to wear forms (although I do have small moobs which I would hate to lose) and I don't want to learn to spend hours putting on makeup. I want to do the things that are comfortable to me, and which I enjoy.

    The 'right way' to be yourself isn't the same for everyone; the only one who can say if you are 'doing it right' is you.

    Deedee :

  25. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,787
    Hi Greenie, To each his own the only one that you have to please is yourself as for me
    when I get dressed it's all or nothing,
    I'm here to enjoy not to criticize if I can't say something positive then I'll just pass.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State