Plain ol boring CDers

[ReineD]

Greenie, I think that your boyfriend needs to not take the handful of posts that seem like criticism, as representing the entire spectrum of CDers here.

It's true there might be more to talk about if a CDer wants feedback on makeup, hair, mannerisms, experiences with going out, etc because they do want to go out and blend, and so it may seem as if the bulk of CDers here present this way and go out. But overall, I think there are more CDers like your SO who just like to wear the clothes at home. We just don't hear from them as much since there is less to talk about? Or, maybe they are the members who talk about what color is on their nails, or what they are wearing today. There are also many pictures in the Gallery that are cropped at the neck.

I think that your SO should give this place a chance for maybe 6 months, so that he can get to know others who are like him. He might want to participate in threads to give his own viewpoint. I'm sure there'll be others who will post after him and agree. And if he wants to post in private, there is the GM section.

Last, I was like your SO in the beginning, it looked to me as if everyone here wanted to transition and sleep with men. But now I know that half those posts are pure fantasy, while the other half are just our more vocal members ... but most important, I wasn't paying attention to the tons of other posts that had nothing to do with wanting female body parts or wanting to sleep with men.

[AmyGaleRT]

I think it's mostly a matter of what each of us have as our particular "comfort level" with dressing and with our femmeselves. My particular comfort level is up at the point of getting out of the house and going and doing things as Amy. Luca's is at a somewhat lower level, preferring to stay inside. All of these comfort levels are OK!

Also, our comfort levels can change over time. I used to be at about the same level as Luca myself...but then, thanks to the influence of my fiancee and my girlfriends here and elsewhere, I took those steps outside that led to Amy becoming "a woman of the world." But I had to find the will and desire within myself to do that. They couldn't force me. Similarly, I can't force Luca or anyone else, and it wouldn't be right to do so.

And yes, maybe those of us who get out tend to be more chatterboxes about it. The closeted ones may very well be the "silent majority." But I'll never put anyone down for that. I'll simply talk about my own experiences and my own feelings, and offer encouragement and cheers as I can.

Mostly though, all my closeted sisters, you shouldn't feel bad about what you do. You may be a little out of the ordinary, but not to a particular extreme; you can see how many of us there are! You're not bad, or cursed, or anything like that; my opinion is that you and I have been given a gift. We can see the feminine part of ourselves, nurture it, learn to see the world through "her" eyes, and learn to appreciate and take pleasure in the feminine. It's an experience no cisgender man could fully comprehend, or enjoy to the same extent. The power is yours...as is the choice in how you use it.

- Amy

[Michelle789]

I've never gone out yet. I do want to go out eventually, and my desire to do so started long before I joined this forum so it isn't pressure from anyone here or some competition. My two cents is follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you, be it stay in or go out. No one can talk you into going out dressed as a woman, and no one can talk you into staying in. It's dangerous either way to pressure someone into going out or not going out. If someone wants to CD in private, let it be. If someone wants to go out while dressed, that person needs some support to do so, and to overcome the psychological obstacles necessary.

[AmyGaleRT]

I've never gone out yet. I do want to go out eventually, and my desire to do so started long before I joined this forum so it isn't pressure from anyone here or some competition. My two cents is follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you, be it stay in or go out. No one can talk you into going out dressed as a woman, and no one can talk you into staying in. It's dangerous either way to pressure someone into going out or not going out. If someone wants to CD in private, let it be. If someone wants to go out while dressed, that person needs some support to do so, and to overcome the psychological obstacles necessary.

Exactly right, Michelle. When you do finally make it out (and, with your attitude, I think you will!), I will congratulate you and enjoy your success right along with you. If you ask for advice before going out, I will give it if I can. But I am in the position of Morpheus: I can only show you the door, you have to be the one that walks through it. And I'll never gainsay your decision, one way or another.

- Amy

[ryenmatt]

I read the following paragraphs below and these are my thoughts on them. I feel the exact same way about this forum and have come across this same thing with real life crossdressers. I actually get snubbed by crossdressers in real life cause I don't try to be passable. HE IS NOT ALONE. I FEEL THE SAME WAY HE DOES. I don't fit in with the straight crowd cause I dress like a woman. I don't fit in with the gay crowd cause I am straight. I don't fit in with the crossdressers here cause I don't go full fem. So I know EXACTLY where he is coming from. He is absolutely judged on here for not going full fem as am I. Even in today's world you have to be either a boy or a girl. You either have to look like a boy or a girl you can't be both no matter what crowd including this crowd you interact with. He is exactly right. I have experienced this myself. Does it stop me from being me. HELL NO!!!!!!! But you do have to be either guy or girl or go it ALONE. Which is a bitch to go alone but I don't like living a lie and being 36 years old DAMN IT I AM LIVING MY LIFE BY MY RULES even if that means I have to do it ALONE.

I guess what I want to know... Is there a place for him here? I feel like there are more of you that are like him than he thinks. And if you are more like him, do you feel like there is not a place for you either. Such an emphasis is placed on "pass- ability" and like it or not some "girls" judge others on here for not being like them. Or not being feminine enough.

He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.

[annecwesley]

This forum has improved some in its acceptance of those of us who just want to be a "Guy in a Skirt". But I got stung pretty badly when I asked advice on going out in a skirt in male mode. I think some guys on this forum have a group think mentality where crossdressers are a "community" with certain values and political/social ideas. Anyone else, even if the crossdress, is a traitor or else is risking the social and political progress of "the movement".

I wish I could discuss being just a Bloke in a Skirt here or the simple comforts of lounging around at home or in the shop in satin and silks - as a guy, not a "gurl", but ther is not (yet?) a "Blokes in Skirts" formum here and my experience has not been good. I had a great time recently traveling in a plaid skirt (and sattiny underpinnings) and would love to discuss it - but I still feel intimidated because I've been told essentially that I'm ruining it for those on the forum who want to pass and not see the community ridiculed because of people like me.

My 2 cents worth.

[TheMissus]

Greenie hon, tell your guy to dress however he likes. He doesn't have to join some non-existent movement to push the agenda of a vocal few. Sorry, but that's lame. If anyone feels that strongly about public CD, they can fight that battle themselves. Most people walking this earth are thinking about their gender about as much as they think about their toenails and many here would do well to remember this - gender is a non issue for the average person. If it's something you personally spend all day thinking about, doesn't mean everyone who CD is doing the same. Plenty here might be like the rest of us and not think about gender at all. Maybe it's just a bit of fun!

Just be yourself and forget about the rest. Life's too short.

[Marcelle]

Hi Greenie,

I am saddened that your SO has been put-off by the forum. I truly believe that a majority of us who CD are truly a broad spectrum and we are very accepting of us all whether you are just a guy who likes to wear a dress or someone who tries to blend complete en femme.

Heck, I would hate to think that any CDer would not look down their noses at another CDer because he/she has not achieved the level of success (in their own opinion) that they have. We are all different but the one constant should be that we all support one another . . . we have it hard enough as it without ostracizing each other.

I for one will run the gambit of dressing. Some days I may complete en femme others I may just put on clothes, wig and nail polish and spend my day doing things around the house - au natural gal as my wife refers to it.

I hope your SO might give us another chance as there is lots of support. Even though my wife is very supporting and we talk about everything, it is nice to share things with my sisters from time to time.

Hugs

Isha

[Connief]

Luca is not alone. I enjoy dressing, but don't have a wig (cause I don't go out anymore), rarely wear makeup (too much work when just sitting around the house), don't do out anymore. Mostly do to where I live. It does seem to me that if you don't "try" to pass, don't go out or a few other things, you don't belong. That's why I don't post much and didn't do a introduction post. I'm even cutting back on the time I do spend here.

[Ina Girdle]

Hi Greenie, I will throw in my comments here. I have not read through each post here, I skimmed through. I enjoy reading through the list of subjects posted every day and pick and choose subjects that interest me. I agree with some others who have said that at first, I thought the majority of members were located closer to the totally FEMALE side of the gender Identity scale than the Male side, but what we have in common is that we are all on that scale or have an SO who is. I personally have no desire to present in full FEM either in private or public. It took me 50+ years to figure out who I am and I am so very lucky to have a wife who is willing to deal with my gender identity issues and BOTH of us are learning as we go. Having read some of your posts, Luca is a very lucky person to have you in his life! I am able to discuss with my wife, but I also like many CD's value a GG's opinion very much and read your (a GG) posts and comments closely. I think for many here who do not have a GG to talk with in person, you women provide a very important viewpoint to us CD's. I am getting off topic here, but wanted to assure Luca that there are many of us who are not on the Super Fem end, but like anything else in life, take things with a grain of salt and pick and choose what he decides to read and comment on. And in regards to commenting or starting a thread, put on your kevlar panties, cause in a large forum you are going to ruffle somebody's feathers (one way or another)! And in the end we all should respect an individual's right to express themselves anyway they want. We ALL here should be some of the MOST TOLERANT people around, but sometimes we are not.

Thanks for your participation and I hope your hubby has a chance to come back and throw in his 2 cents!

Cheers; Ina

[Ressie]

Since this thread has made a come back let me add something. When I first joined in 2008 I didn't feel that I quite fit in. I didn't even check in to lurk for months at a time. But eventually I found that there's always some activity here and this site has been growing on me. That said, I know it's not for all CDs out there, for example some have been banned for breaking the rules. I sometimes just wear a couple of fem garments around the house too. We can all do whatever we want, within boundaries of course.

[Seana Summer]

Long live the "Plain ole boring crossdressers"!!!

It dose seem a bit frustrating at times when I see someone seemingly getting attacked from within. I am very happy to have met many wonderful "plain ole boring crossdressers" here and will respectfully ignore those who feel I'm just not trying hard enough. I am me.

p.s. Greene I hope you don't mind I stole the title of this thread weeks ago to be part of my signature line

[Rachael Leigh]

Greenie I am very much that way. I too love pretty skirts or tops that seem more suited for gals but just don't see myself female, since I am not. I love the cute workout gear too like the shorts and sports bras and when I workout that's what I'm wearing. Underwear for me is just that not panties but to me it's all underwear I don't care if it silky or lacy I wear it because it's comfortable. I don't see the need to hide myself in makeup or wigs. I did do that long ago but it was way to much hassle so it's not me. I keep myself shaved as well because I like how it makes me feel and look. But I'm still just a guy with a different style of dress.

[GeorgeA]

Hello Anne,
I'm also "a guy in a skirt" and have no desire to look like a woman. Perhaps a designation "Guy in a Skirt" can be used to distinguish ourselves from the "main stream crossdressers. Perhaps "gis" = guy in skirt? For a long time I've been struggling to find a monicker and the one that you mentioned was at the forefront of the ones I considered. If you or someone else can find a better one I will be glad to use.
For now,
Gis

[Connief]

I would give just about anything to find a cure for my desire to wear a dress or lingerie. Purging does not work, getting married failed, joining the military didn't work. Failing several times trying the dating thing after divorce hasn't worked. Any suggestions?

[Leona]

I don't wear a wig, I grew my hair long. In boy mode, I'm a metalhead with long hair, and in girl mode I'm a metalhead with long hair.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest he may not belong here, and that's exactly why he should hang out here! I don't feel like I belong here either, but I don't feel like I belong anywhere, most of the time. And just like Jimmy, who cracked corn, I don't care.

(There is a more serious explanation: If you go places where you don't belong, you learn more about people you'd have never met in the first place, which in turn feeds back into learning more about yourself and generally being a Good Person. To learn something you don't know, you must do something you'd never do.)

[PaulaQ]

I'm also "a guy in a skirt" and have no desire to look like a woman.

A common designation for you would likely be "Gender Queer" - meaning that you don't really conform to the presentation of either gender exactly. Some of us TG folks are just as serious about the gender binary as any cisgendered person. (Not me - whatever someone needs to do to be themselves is always fine by me!)

[SabrinaDubh]

Maybe a difference in perception but I tend to come here because it's mostly CDers and not TS's. Also, regardless of the labels I find that the discussions here are not as "serious" as they are at a couple of other forums I frequent.

[krissy]

Hey I love the way you think .i dress to be myself its great don't have wife's support but i have Friends here glad to talk and share I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR BEING THERE

[Stephanie47]

Each to their own comfort zone. One of the complaints I've made numerous times has been some members chastising others for not "getting out there" and asserting themselves or promoting the cause. Some are transsexuals who have a totally different situation than the "plain ordinary" vanilla cross dresser. I am a "plain ordinary" cross dresser who likes wearing feminine attire on occasion. I have no desire to become a female. I enjoy being a man in all capacities, past and present. I do not want to cause myself, my wife or my family unnecessary angst. I limit my dressing to my home and the secluded backyard. I am happy with my self imposed limitations.

Yes, I enjoy the entire "enchilada," full dressing with a wig. Why a bra when I have nothing to pack into it? Well, it seems natural, if I'm wearing a dress, slip, hosiery and panty. Why a wig? Well, when male pattern baldness sets it, the image looks a little strange. I guess I could shave my head, but, that may seem worse than the male pattern baldness.

Again, whatever is your comfort zone. And, please stop chastising those of us who are in our comfort zones for not entering your comfort zone.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I love how you take into consideration how your wife and family feel about it. I give you kudos for your concern for them and not putting yourself first and not caring who gets hurt or embarrassed.

[lisalove]

Of course there is a place for him here. There is a mytrad of cds here. Where on the great spectrum of transgenderism he is iof no consiquence (sp). If he has something to say, or ask. then he better well ask or say what ever is on his mind. There is no dumb question. except the one that is not asked.
Oh by the way. calling us guys is just wrong unless you are refering to our ftm members. I as a mtf crossdressewr and I am sure there are others who prefer to be referred to as a she or some derivitive of the female pronoun. And yes there are others who may or may not prefer it. I hope they will speak up for them selves. That's today's lesson lol

Tell your boyfriend to get on here and pst away. and tell him he's one luck gurl to have a girlfriend like you who accepts him for who is, not what society says he should be.

[cdmorganashley]

Hi Greenie, I think there is definitely a place for your SO here, but I can definitely see where he is coming from as many of the threads here do talk about passing and looking and being as feminine as possible and similar topics, however, I think this is a very open-minded and accepting place to talk about and get feedback on anything related to CDing... that being said I kind of think you will find what you are looking for here in that if you are looking for this forum to be what you are looking for you will find it to be, but if you are expecting it to fail you it will do that too--self fulfilling prophecy type thing I think... I am sure there are CDs like your SO, who are not interested in presenting as a woman, and I would encourage your SO to create some threads expressing himself and asking for the support he might find helpful and I think he will find some other CDs he can relate to--above all though I would advise you not to push him to do something he is uncomfortable with and if he seems to find this forum a poor fit for him right now don't push him too hard to use it as it may be useful to you, but not to him... anyway, he is lucky to have you trying to find ways to give him support in addition to yours, which is amazing!!

[Tina_gm]

count me in as a plain boring CDer. I do not go out in public. I do not make a full transformation. I am never going to say never, but this is where I am at right now. I dress for the way it makes me feel 1st and foremost. Dressing for me is not the end all. It is part of what helps me to connect to my inner femininity. I also shave most of my body hair because I like the way that it feels. I do also like the way that it looks, but I also do not like the look of body hair period.

My nails are just slightly long for a guy, but not really noticeable unless someone was looking right at them and even then, it would not be something that would grab someones attention all that much. But I like the feminine feeling. I suppose if my wife was more comfortable with it all, and society in general I may go somewhat further with all this, but I value my marriage and my family. They are my 1st priority. Being a father comes 1st to me, and I do not want that to change.

I cannot change the extra femininity I have, lord knows I have tried to get rid of it, but it does not go away. So, I am learning how to live with it. How to express it for my comfort while keeping my 1st priorities in life. It can be a frustrating balance at times. For me, I do not come on here to learn how to better portray a woman. I come here because it feels good to be in the company of others who are at least somewhat like me. I come here to learn how to better accept myself, and to continue to learn how to balance my feminine side with my masculine side and my priorities in life.

[donnalee]

That, Luca, is exactly how I feel about it. I started doing this when I was 60. As I don't wish to look like a superannuated hooker, I don't use much makeup and seldom use any. I don't feel comfortable poking pointy things at my eyes, so no eyeliners or mascara. My hair is down to my shoulder blades, and, due to some medication I was and still am taking, my breasts have grown out to fill a dress well, although bras don't fit very well so I seldom wear one. Unless I go out, I dress 24/7 because I am comfortable that way. I really don't care about others opinions; the only ones coming to my door are trying to sell me something and leave when I introduce them to my dogs (75-150 lbs each). Don't really need them but it saves talking. In other words, I'm the old curmudgeon I aspired to be in my youth; I just do it in a dress.