Panties Don't Count

[ErinSassyPants]

So I have several times recently been about to say that my husband doesn't dress very often. Then suddenly it occurs to me that he wears panties every day. Every. Day.

So why don't panties come to mind when I think of dressing?

I have been thinking about it and I thought my realization might be helpful for some who are trying to help their SOs be more comfortable. The reason that the panties don't even register with me is because it is totally normalized. They just happen every day with no fanfare or todo. In the beginning I noticed and they were something to "be ok about" but when day after day they continues to be totally normal they just stopped being anything but just normal.

So the first part of my post is to share that and suggest that for some it may be helpful to just take small things and just let them be normal. Boring even. See if that helps.

The second part of my post are the questions.

For SOs, I wondered which things in relation to your SOs dressing or transition have become so normal that you don't even think about them any more?

For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

[Taylor Ray]

So why don't panties come to mind when I think of dressing?

Not to oversimplify your question, but I have been wearing panties since I was 16, and all of my girlfriends were aware that I did. Underwear can be very personal and intimate in a relationship. The act of wearing "over-wear" of the opposite sex takes the situation to a different level. Wearing the outward clothing of the opposite sex seems to take a private matter and make it somehow public -- which, incidentally, now challenges not just the norms of the private bedroom but the public norms of gender identity and clothing.

I have begun to dress fully the past 4 years and feel that my chances of finding a like-minded gg are slowly diminishing

[Davena Doll]

The thing with panties for me, I hang loose so I did not feel to fem. So its a mini skirt or garter belt for me and the one thing that she was originally uncomfortable with that now she is ok with is that I have a boy friend.

[Polka Dot]

...I hang loose so I did not feel to fem.

I have had to try many different styles of panties to find ones that fit properly. Otherwise, as you pointed out, I hang loose (My wife calls it "Scooching out" and is disturbed by how it looks). My favorites are Victoria's Secret Second Skin Satin briefs. The stretchiness helps keep things in place.

[Kelley]

Hi Erin, it's the same with the panties for my wife. I love to wear long night gowns in the evening while watching TV. In the beginning it was something that she saw as a bit odd but was OK with it. Now it's just the norm.

Kelley

[kimdl93]

As a CDr, yes there were things that at first were out of bounds that later were accepted. Not so much the undies or stockings...those were accepted as normal almost immediately. But it took some time, several years really, before I was fully comfortable attempting to dress fully in my wife's presence and before she grew accustomed to the same. It seems the real noticeable changes...clothes, wig and make up were the most difficult adjustments. There's no gradual way to start wearing a wig, I guess. But we made it and now it feels normal.

[NicoleScott]

I think whether or not it counts as crossdressing depends on the intent.
I bought a waist cincher for a little shape control whenever I transformed, but now I prefer a corset for even more dramatic results.
I discovered that I like the waist cincher for how it makes my back feel. I bought 2 more, and now I wear one every day under my guy clothes. I am not an underdresser, and wear the waist cincher only for back support. I don't consider that crossdressing/underdressing.
If a guy likes to wear panties because he likes the feel/fit/fabric but not because it makes him feel girly, I wouldn't consider that crossdressing.

[jennyscott]

Panties 24/7 and nightgowns after the kiddos are asleep. I also have a few pair of shorts for around the house and out for errands.

... If a guy likes to wear panties because he likes the feel/fit/fabric but not because it makes him feel girly, I wouldn't consider that crossdressing.

I like the feel/fit/fabric of most all sundresses. However I don't think the above quote would apply. Just playing devil's advocate Nicole.

[Di]

Great post!

For SOs, I wondered which things in relation to your SOs dressing or transition have become so normal that you don't even think about them any more?

I know our situation is a little different but I still can answer....
In the beginning alot was new and exciting to both of us and some new things were scary.
Now yrs later it all is normal....still we have fun.

[Marleena]

Hi Erin. I think every SO's worst nightmare is to catch their hubby in full female garb, or have them appear suddenly fully dressed enfemme including wig and makeup. I imagine it would come as quite a shock.lol. If hubby eases in to it slowly there will be better results as long as the wife is open minded about it to begin with. My progression has been very slow and now my wife will go out with me dressed as a female. I guess I'm lucky in that respect.

[Wildaboutheels]

"Panties" alone and/or pantyhose alone are NOT CDing. At least according to Ann Landers or Dear Abby. I still have a newspaper clipping of just one incident and that was maybe 20 years ago or whenever and she was trying to assure the writer of one letter...

She said it was a VERY common thing and by itself meant nothing. Basically, don't go declaring "YOU LIED", or THE TRUST IS BROKEN. Or any of the other NONSENSE often expressed here.

Dear Abby would NEVER lie.

Would she?

[ShannonIL]

Panties, or really most "underclothes", aren't something the world is going to see your SO wearing. You can wear them without projecting a single bit of femme image. I never really considered wearing panties to be part of my crossdressing wardrobe either for that same reason, though I know there are some who do. To each their own

[Tina B.]

Panties are easy, no one else will see, and you don't have to think about him wearing them once he puts his pants on. Trying to wear a dress, long wig, skirt, or even Capri's, enough to get them thought of as normal, would be pretty hard for most of us.
But I do think your theory holds a lot of truths.
My wife has always been pretty accepting of what where ever the dressing has taken me, with few limitations. But to much time spend dressed would get to her at times, and to please her and keep peace at home, I would put it away for long periods. Since retiring a few years ago I've slowly increased how much time I spend dressing cross gendered, and she has gotten quite used to it. Now it's gotten to the point, if I have to go out, and just mention I'm going to go change into jeans, if she doesn't know I'm going to town, her first question is Why. some days she just thinks it's strange that I would want to dress like a guy. I agree with her, so unless business dictates otherwise, I pretty much live is a pair of Capri's or a skirt, and I'm happy she is unfazed by it, it's just normal.

[Claire Cook]

ASo I have several times recently been about to say that my husband doesn't dress very often. Then suddenly it occurs to me that he wears panties every day. Every. Day.

So the first part of my post is to share that and suggest that for some it may be helpful to just take small things and just let them be normal. Boring even. See if that helps.

I've not worn male underwear for years. Are my panties "normal"? Of course! Are they boring? Never!

For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

My wife was very worried about my / our going out en femme in public. Her main worry was that I would be embarrassed. When she realized how natural it was for me and how comfortable I was (and that I wasn't embarrassed or hassled), that ceased being a worry. Now the girls just enjoy their time out together.

[linda allen]

I wear panties every day (not "24/7", I take them off for sleeping, showering, etc.). I still have BVDs for doctor's visits. The bra, skirts and blouses, and flats around the house are pretty "normal" as are the boobs. Not so the wig but I'm working on it. Makeup is a issue because my wife seldom wears it and can't understand why I would want to go to all the trouble.

It seems a partner may be accepting at first and with gradual additions, but at some point, she draws a line in her mind. That's where I seem to be at this point.

[Kate Simmons]

The clothes, including underwear, are just that--clothes. They are really nothing else unless our mindset or attitude makes them so.

[Angie G]

I alway wear Pantie except at work. They feel better then mans underwear but I don't consider them as dressing But then to me dressing full tilt is like normal.I don't really know what my wife thinks is normal.
Angie

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I've been wearing panties for almost 30 years now and it's just a natural thing for me giving it no second thought. When I started my then girlfriend (now my wife) thought nothing of buying me several pairs. Lots of pastels, lace, and florals! Ever since then I've given no second thought to wearing nightgowns and robes. I have several women's pajama sets too. It's just natural for me and my wife now. Even during the day I might wear a floral house dress. It has become our "normal."

I only have ONE pair of men's BVD's to wear for doctor appointments. Yuck! They may as well be made of burlap! LOL!

Cheryl Ann

[Taylor186]

For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

I have shaved my legs for eight years and my wife was uncomfortable with my shaving in the beginning but now it is non-event normal. Of course, shaving alone is not crossdressing but it does facilitate crossdressing.

I wear footless semi-sheer black tights (with black lycra shorts) to yoga every week and that is also a non-event with her. I actually don't think of this as crossdressing even though the tights and shorts come from the women's side of the aisle.

Panties are a total non-event these days.

The clothes, including underwear, are just that--clothes. They are really nothing else unless our mindset or attitude makes them so.

I agree with this mostly, though my wife wouldn't. I would not get away with wearing a dress or skirt out to dinner in guy mode. Nor would I want to.

[NicoleScott]

"Panties" alone and/or pantyhose alone are NOT CDing. At least according to Ann Landers or Dear Abby.
........Dear Abby would NEVER lie.

What in the world qualifies Dear Abby to say what is/isn't CDing?
Wife walks in, catching hubby wearing pantyhose. "You're a crossdresser?!?!?"
"Not according to Dear Abby."
I have the feeling that such an explanation won't work.

[jennyscott]

My wife was very worried about my / our going out en femme in public. Her main worry was that I would be embarrassed. When she realized how natural it was for me and how comfortable I was (and that I wasn't embarrassed or hassled), that ceased being a worry. Now the girls just enjoy their time out together.

That's reassuring. I have seen elements of that already. Thanks!

[Princess Grandpa]

I never associated my desire to wear panties as crossdressing. Not really sure how I was able to lie to myself so long so well.

Hug
Rita

[Georgette]

Why change just for the Drs. they really don't notice any way. I go to the dr. with my girly panties on lace and all she doesn't make any comment or reply, so why worry.

[sandra-leigh]

I wore my panties to my GP (general practitioner) for years before my GP had a clue, and then it was only due to my saying something.

My current assigned GP (though on paternity leave at the moment) is only directly aware of my underwear due to once having done a prostate test on me (in response to something specific, not just on "general principles".) Though the entire clinic there would likely assume I was wearing panties anyhow, as they know I am there as a transgender patient, and I present female at the clinic, and my records ask "Please call her Sandra-Leigh".

The closest analogy I have in my life is that when I go in for massage or physiotherapy, then due to the location of my major muscle problems, the providers (and any assistants that help out) are much more likely than not to see at least part of my panties.

Ummm, lemme see... I'm pretty sure that my dentist hasn't seen my panties, just my skirts or dresses.

[Allison Chaynes]

Erin,

My wife only wanted me wearing white cotton panties in the beginning. She grew comfortable with me wearing pretty much any kind now. She is used to seeing me in women's shorts, capris, even skirts when the kids are not around and those things are becoming normal for us.