In trouble for wearing nail polish.

[Stephy]

On Tuesday, while I was working from home I had put some red nail polish on my toenails and dressed. I decided not to take the nail polish off since it is winter and I am wearing socks 80% of the time (and stockings 10% !) and figured nobody would see it anyway. Well, this morning I was taking a shower and my wife suddenly decided to get in with me. I thought she must have seen my toes and wasn't bothered by them. After some time, we got out the shower and started drying off. Suddenly she freaks out and shouts - "Why have you got red nail polish on - take it off! What if the kids see you? What will people think if you change at gym and they see you like that?" Reluctantly, I got the nail polish remover out and took it off, while she lectured me about it.

I felt so down after that. Having thought that she had accepted it, and then finding that I was quite mistaken. I just want to be me. Isn't it unfair that it is acceptable for guys to inject ink over most of their skin (which personally I think is gross) but a little pretty, temporary colour on the toenails is taboo?

[MissTee]

Sounds like your wife doesn't want you "out," and that maybe you pushed the envelope too far for her comfort. My wife is very accepting and has been for several decades, and our agreement is that we keep it to ourselves. No out in public, no telling the kids, etc. She will gently nudge me back when she thinks I'm getting over confident and risking discovery. I have to wonder if it were just the two off you off alone somewhere would she react as strongly, or at all?

[Stevie]

I understand totally if my wife saw that she would have the same reaction.

[MysticLady]

After some time, we got out the shower and started drying off. Suddenly she freaks out and shouts - "Why have you got red nail polish on - take it off! What if the kids see you? What will people think if you change at gym and they see you like that?" Reluctantly, I got the nail polish remover out and took it off, while she lectured me about it.

Hi Stephy. I would have said.........Ahhh, Shut Up. Stop Nagging Me. I like them and that's that.

Stephy, it's your fault for bringing this out in me. A nagging and lecturing woman is very tiresome.

[winny]

hi stephy,
i have to agree with victoria on this issue. people don't really care about what you have on your fingers and toes.. it's her own insecurities she's worried about.. if you're ok with polish, then so be it!

cheers,
winny

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes you have to decide what is more important, your relationship with someone or being yourself. Any talking or agreements have to be between the two of you.

[Nyla F]

Years ago a coworker came to work with fingernail polish. It was a dark color, not a overtly feminine red or pink. I did a double take, but didn't say anything. I didn't hear anyone make a big deal out of it. We didn't have a dress code and some people would stay in their gym clothes after a lunch time game of basketball, so I guess people had a more relaxed attitude there. I miss that place.

[Tina B.]

Yes she over reacted, my wife would have just said, "just keep your shoes on", but having said that, after all you did surprise her, and word is out, if you talk, and let them know what you plan to do, and give them time to digest it, you have a better chance of success than if you surprise them. You can never be sure how others will react, but most people jump back when surprised, they don't push forward into it!

[kimdl93]

Sounds like you need to talk to hr about what makes you feel good and about what she fears. Her fears may be overblown and she may not fully understand your needs.

[Kandy Barr]

My late s/o was accepting and even taught me how to do my nails professionally, I miss her so but have no desire to go through the process of finding another for just the reasons you state about your wife's reactions. I have to agree w/ Victoria on this and in mho, your wife way over reacted. Probably time to have a long over due talk w/ her if you plan on continuing to dress. Just a suggestion..... but??????

[linda allen]

"What if the kids see you? What will people think if you change at gym and they see you like that?"

That's the answer right there. She's protecting the children from embarrassment and protecting you as well. You may not care about yourself, but do you want to have to explain toenail polish to your children? Do you want her to have to explain it?

Not all women wear nail polish so it's not something you have to do to crossdress or feel feminine. If you're sharing a house with your wife and children there are lines that need to be drawn. This seems to be one of them. Put some clear polish on your nails and move on. Your wife is not being unreasonable here.

[Angie G]

I've had red polish on my toes for up to a week at a time even at work and my wife never says a wordabout it. She knows I take care no one can see it.And I wear clear polish on my fingers 24/7.
Angie

[Tracii G]

Sounds like you need to put your foot down.

[Jean 103]

I stopped by a friends house the other day , he answered the door with pink toe nails. I didn't say a thing, and he said his kids did it wile he was sleeping. I could go on with other examples, bottom line nobody really cares. It is probably more of a trust issue with your wife, talk with her.

[Leona]

My wife puts pictures on facebook whenever I repaint my nails.

In 1995, I went to work at a fast food place wearing purple nail polish on my hands that I'd let my then-girlfriend put on. I took so much crap for it that I found myself standing up for it and arguing "If the girls can wear it, why can't I?" Eventually, after a week or so worth of fighting in which my job was threatened, guys were threatening to jump me after work, etc, the acceptance came.

[Stephy]

Thanks for all the advice and support. It seems there is quite a range of opinion on this. I'm going to go with accepting her wishes on this for now. Perhaps in the future she may grow to accept it more. I guess it's not important enough to make a big issue of anyway. There are bigger fish to fry.

Hugs,
Stephy

[candydawn75]

I have to agree with the others that somewhat side with her and her comfort. My wife is very accepting and is loving and encouraging about it. However, she will tell me when she isn't comfortable and if I am going over the top. Friday night she dressed me and said "wow I think you could pass" (yes I know she was being VERY nice). I said let go for a drive?? and she said if we were in our new town we would just not here (we are moving). I was fine with that, she just wasn't comfortable with it. You may want to sit her down and somewhat draw hard lines that you both agree on then you will know.

[VAWyman]

I was wearing light pink toenail polish with some glimmer to it a while back. I had it on for several days. My daughter came over unexpectedly and my youngest grand daughter said "Uhhh pretty!" to which my wife asked what was pretty. She answered "Papa's toenails." Ironically the only think that saved me from a tongue lashing was the kids being there.

[Eryn]

A better response would have been to tell her that you had considered both issues and that your children do not come into the shower unannounced and that you had no intention of wearing the polish to the gym.

To me it seems that you need to have a sit-down with your wife and tell her exactly how you feel. I get the impression that she is of the mind that she can shame you out of CDing. She probably does not understand the gravity of being TG and you should try to rectify that.

[Rachel Morley]

"Why have you got red nail polish on - take it off! What if the kids see you? What will people think if you change at gym and they see you like that?"

You see, IMHO that was all about her freaking out because of concerns for her ... not concerns for you. Did she think you hadn't of thought about things like that? It was all about her. Sigh. That said, marriage is about togetherness and so you should maybe talk to her about why she has such concerns and dis she think that you hadn't considered the consequences of such an action like painting your toenails.

[linda allen]

Sounds like you need to put your foot down.

I'm going to guess that you're not married and have never been married. Partners in a marriage don't "put their foot down", partners discuss things and work things out to where they are mutually acceptable.

[I Am Paula]

You should storm right up to her, point at her top, and say 'Don't ever wear that top again, it's disgusting'. I guarantee you'll be feeling a size 7 1/2 Birkenstock to the cojones. Now who's playing fair. Go paint your toenails.

[Karen_K]

Where the lines are drawn is not too critical, it could be at toenail polish, or shaved legs, or going out in public, etc. Many couples with CDs find a set of boundaries that work for both people. But when the lines are not well defined ahead of time, then its possible for one party to feel like the other has crossed one of them, even if there was no intent to do so. It sounds like that might be what happened here. I would talk with her and try to work out a set of circumstances that works for both of you.

[Princess Grandpa]

A better response would have been to tell her that you had considered both issues and that your children do not come into the shower unannounced and that you had no intention of wearing the polish to the gym.

To me it seems that you need to have a sit-down with your wife and tell her exactly how you feel. I get the impression that she is of the mind that she can shame you out of CDing. She probably does not understand the gravity of being TG and you should try to rectify that.

::flowers::

That's would have been the perfect response. Only you know if you should bring it up again.

Hug
Rita

[Phoebe Reece]

Every couple has to work out what boundaries work for them. Marriage is a partnership and both sides need to be able to compromise at times. My own wife, who has been very accepting of my crossdressing for over 40 years, has issues with me wearing nail polish on my toes at times that I am not going out crossdressed. It's not that big a deal to me either way, so I take it off when I am not going to be dressed for a week or so. Life is much simpler when I agree to some of the few things she asks me not to do. Choose your battles carefully.