The first person you out yourself to....

[Leona]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?

This question is based on the reasoning that before you can tell someone else, you have to have some minimum level of self-acceptance. For me, I outed myself to my wife at exactly the same time I outed myself to myself. So the growth I've been enjoying since then, and she has been enjoying, and what we've done as a couple, it's all been new to both of us. I didn't get to show her pictures, or dig out my stash and show it to her, or anything like that. It was all new to both of us (other than the part where I'd known all this time, just didn't accept it about myself).

[lingerieLiz]

My sister when we were very young. After I got caught the rest of the family. Aunt and the list goes on. My girlfriend now my wife. And the rest of the world as they notice my figure (bra and projection usually gives it away).

[heatherdress]

I never knew that I was a crossdresser. When challenged, I purchased a pair of high heels. As soon as I put them on, I loved the feeling. I knew I had discovered - me. I was excited and happy. I felt different. I felt great. I accepted this awareness immediately.

[MysticLady]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?

Because I was tired of being a meanie

[Leona]

Victoria! You? Really?

[Beverley Sims]

I accepted myself when I was nine or ten years old.
Others never thought of it as being an outing.

[Laura912]

Truthful answer...not too sure. This all started so early, long before self awareness of gender, that I do not think I really knew at the time what it meant. A corollary question is "When did you know that your journey would be no further than where it is now?" For me, as a young teenager...teenagers know everything!

[Cristy2]

Not really sure either. The first of my friends to find out was the late Christina.

[Jana]

This question is based on the reasoning that before you can tell someone else, you have to have some minimum level of self-acceptance.

I agree. I'd known about my gender dysphoria since childhood, but only decided to accept it in my 30s. Later, after marrying my now wife, I shared it with her. Not that it was easy, but the fact I accepted myself made it possible for me to share.

[daarleane]

I had probably "know" about for years, but I did not accept it until I was married and out of the military. Up until then I was still busy trying to prove to myself that I was a "man" not one of "those".

[samanthasolo]

It is a wonderful feeling to not only gain self acceptance for yourself but it is a rare and wonderful thing to be able to share that with your wife and be accepted for who you are. I told my wife very early on, based on prior experience with my first marriage I knew I owed it to both of us to not have a deep dark secret, but also she deserved to have the choice of staying or going. I knew I was at risk to loose her but I did hope she would look past everything and see ME. THE PERSON! She did. Even though understanding eludes both of us about the WHY in this all, we have grown together as a married couple but also like we are best girlfriends.

[mikiSJ]

Because I was tired of being a meanie

That hit me right between the eyes, Victoria

I worked most of my life in real estate development and as an executive had to be this macho guy and super aggressive and cutthroat. Everyone I worked with was an "A" personality and while I always tried to hide that side of me I had to un-hide every morning to go to work and do battle.

I knew for a long time, since around 6, that I was a crossdresser, but it wasn't until I was forced out my job last year did I allow the Miki to come out and grow - without the competition from Michael and the other "A"s in my life. I really like who I am now.

[Ina Girdle]

It was this site and some others that allowed me to accept what or who I was. When I first came across this site (about 6 months ago), I was elated to find MANY other people like me, (shockingly similar life experiences and similar in age to me), that had arrived at this stage in life that I finally was able to accept me as I was. I like Miki was a very type A personality (at work) and after 3 decades of increasing responsibility with a company, suddenly found myself shuffled out the door in a corporate re-organization, which is happening to allot of people more and more.

My elation at reading stories of SO's acceptance of their husband's Cross-dressing was tempered by the stories of those who took the huge step to trust someone with their secret, only to have it blow up in their face and watch their relationship implode before their eyes. Once I could accept that I was truly a CD, after allot of years of self loathing and denial, I had to deal with the guilt of not telling my wife before we were married, because I was a coward. In two months, I read MANY threads on telling a spouse & loved ones and used that info to put together my explanation. I am very lucky as my wife is a very accepting person. Although she had and still does have some reservations and concerns, with compromise on both sides we are moving forward and I am in a great place.

I think the members should always remember that there are newbies coming along every day and that if we can help them out by sharing our experiences and advice to help them discover who they really are, IT IS A GOOD THING!!

Leona, Thanks for asking the question, made me think!! That's a good thing too.
Ina

[mariehart]

It was gradual for me. I didn't understand what it all meant when I was 11 years old and started putting on girls clothes. Thought it might be something to do with getting close to girls by dressing as one. The acceptance and understanding developed over the years in my mind. When I finally outed myself to two of my sisters by getting drunk and walking in on them hoping they might accept me. It backfired and they reacted badly. I did come out to my brother later and he mainly ignored the issue. But by then I was nearly sure of what I was. But I had absolutely no support from anyone. It is a very lonely thing.

But it was many years later that I finally came out to friends although by then I'd met others like me. It was the friends acceptance of me that finally settled it for me. Although ironically the final realisation led to a crisis in my life that nearly ended badly.

Now I'm back alone with the issue, except through this forum. My wife may or may not realise it and if she does has chosen not to confront the issue. Which probably means that even if I told her outright. She wouldn't want to deal with it. I know this from other aspects of our life where she simply dismisses issues and won't discuss or sometimes even acknowledge there is a problem.

So for all my self realisation, I'm alone with it again. Having to keep it all a secret is really uncomfortable.

[cyndigurl45]

I'm not sure about outing to, but my 1st wife and I shared the closet, heels etc

[Jasmyne]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?

Leona

Great question and one I couldn't have answered until a couple of days ago, because I think I only just now accepted that its a part of who I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

One thing I've loved about following this site over the last few weeks is seeing how many others out there share the same experiences. I'm reading post after post and thinking to myself "wow, I'm not the only one! This is fantastic!" Before I thought it was just Bi or Gay men or just in the movies. Reading all the post impressed me so much because I've always felt a strong shame and guilt since I first experienced crossdressing at age 8. Off and on over the years I'd pick up something, dress up and a few days later throw it all away because I was ashamed and afraid someone would find out. I'd suppress it for years at a time until it was like a tsunami crashing against me, at which point I'd reveal in the pleasure of it being happy for a few days until the shame and guilt took control again.

A few years ago, I told my wife how I liked dressing up because of a comment she made during a random conversation we were having about men who dressed up as women in movies. She was already accepting of men who did it, thus I think that is the only reason I told her. I did dress up a couple of times, with her assistance with makeup and clothing choice, however, that was nearly 13 years ago. The habit of suppressing it crept in. It has only been in the last few days that I've really accepted this is a part of me I need to embrace, not be ashamed, and just be happy! It's been an amazing feeling, one of feeling whole and complete which I've never experienced before. I'm a bit nervous that shame and guilt might take hold again, but just taking it one day and one step at a time.

Thank you all, its posts like these which make that nervousness just melt away!

[Princess Grandpa]

I have a gift for denial. I had been wearing panties for some time and didn't realize the implication. I had my own drawer (in her dresser) with panties. They were only worn occasionally when we were being intimate. She even bought me this lovely lace nightie. It still never occurred to me I could be a crossdresser. After all I wasn't gay.

One night a few weeks ago she had set out my nightie of me to put on. Of course I was pleased. "Sweet gonna get our freak on tonight". While showering I thought "I should have her paint my nails". I got out of the shower put on my nightie and asked her to paint my nails. "Really?" She exclaims! I panicked. I thought I had crossed some line. I can't show weakness! "Yea! I don't know why, but yea paint my nails please. She giggled and said ok.

I don't even remember what color she used. Probably red since my nightie is red. I remember looking down at my nails and something snapped inside of me. "We'll what do you think"? She asks. What do I think? My eyes tear up a little bit. Suddenly I realize this is who I am. "This is the most amazing feeling" I say as I hug her. I" don't know how it's possible because I'm REALLY not gay but I'm a crossdresser babe!

It took a moment to realize that if my son or any of my friends came and told me this about themselves I would be accepting and happy for them that they were living their life true to themselves. How can I not allow myself the same?

Hug
Rita

[MysticLady]

That hit me right between the eyes, Victoria
I knew for a long time, since around 6, that I was a crossdresser, but it wasn't until I was forced out my job last year did I allow the Miki to come out and grow - without the competition from Michael and the other "A"s in my life. I really like who I am now.

I didn't mean to do that Miki, I would never a friend between the eyes.
Sometimes, Blessings come in different disguises. Imagine how someone would have reacted if the "Prideful Macho" in them, would have taken the forceful eviction of a high position in a company. That's probably explains the awful news stories of men taking themselves out along w/ the family. That is just so sad.

[Tina B.]

I started dressing at around 6 years old, by my late teens I knew just what I was. Back then I didn't know it had a name, or that anyone else did it, but I knew I did and I knew it was important to me.

[Dianne S]

I fantasized about dressing in girl's clothes from about age 6 and started doing something about it around 12 or 13.

This was in the pre-Internet days and I really felt alone. At university, I found and read some books about crossdressing, which helped. I think kids today have it quite a bit easier because they can easily find a TG community on the Internet rather than feeling like they're the only weirdos in the world who do this sort of thing.

[Sabrina133]

I realized i was a cross dresser when i tried on my first skirt and blouse - I was about 12. I accepted and therefore outed myself when i was 24.

[Stephy]

I realised when it went from just liking the underwear and ladies gym tights to wanting to dress fully. For some time I had been in denial labelling myself borderline CD, thinking that CD was something "freaky" that people like me didn't do. It was through meeting others in a support group that I realised that CDs are just normal people like me. Now I feel bad for having been judgemental, especially since I would not want to be unfairly judged by others. Looking back, there had been a lot of hints along the way. When I was 9, I went to a fancy dress with my female cousin and we decided to go as a couple, but dressed as the opposite genders. I really loved wearing a dress and several people remarked that they thought I was a girl because my mannerisms fitted so well with my appearance. Through my teenage years, I would often try on my sisters bathing suits when she left them hanging behind the bathroom door. When I left school, I started to wear ladies tights to the gym. I tried to convince myself it was just about comfort, but I found myself choosing more and more feminine styles. It was a great relief when I finally accepted this part of me.

[Tami Joy]

I guess i'm one of the lucky one my mom started dressing me when i was 2 years of age [Really] she wanted a girl so i was it.As i got older 5 year old i was into my sister outfit's by then .But was not happy until i got my first bra at 15 year. 50 year's later and still going strong.Thanks Mom.

[Robin777]

I outed to myself when I was 12-13. That is when I started dressing.That is when I accepted myself for what I am. Before that I really didn't know what I was. Looking back I was always fascinated with women's clothing and lingerie. Growing up before the internet, I had the Sears and Penny's catalogs to look through. I remember getting a nightshirt to wear in the winter. They sold them for boys in the Sears catalog. Basically it was like a long sleeved nightgown, but for boys.

Another thing, I remember my mother saying they were hoping i was a girl, Because they wanted a girl after 2 boys. I don't know what influence that had on what I am. The only other person I have outed to is my lovely wife of 33 years. I have always accepted this part of me and I enjoy being me.

[Hannah W.]

Hmmmm I'd say that for me, I've still not really fully accepted who I am. About a month ago was when I realised that I WAS a crossdresser (despite dressing in girls clothes on & off since I was about 12), it was an exiting yet also scary realisation I think brought in by realising that as well as dressing in ladies clothes, I also wanted to look more like a women when I was dressed (wig, make up etc).

The reason why I say I'm still not wholly accepting, is at the moment I don't know where this will end! When I started I thought I just wanted this to be a home thing only, but since getting my wife's acceptance I'm feeling the urge to one day leave the house dressed...not yet...but at some point in the future.

I don't think I want to live en femme full time (I like being a guy too!) & I've genuinely no interest at all in transitioning. Once I'm more comfortable when I know where I'm going...then I'll truly be accepting of me!