therapist about crossdressing

[tiffanynjcd24]

I went to see my therapist about my crossdressing issues. I told her that I was frustrated I cant dress up because I am living with family(my family doesnt know about me). Also I told her that I want to give it up because I cant find a supportive woman and I havent done it in a long time. Everyone knows the reason that I am a crossdresser. Basically she help me understand that being a crossdresser really makes me happy and that I am not harming myself or anyone else. Also I said to her I am proud to be who I am a bisexual cd and that crossdressing is a part of me. Lastly she told me that if the relationship starts getting serious or before it starts to get serious then I need to be honest with anyone because I dont want to hurt anyone and I dont want to get hurt. Lastly we talk about the cd organizations and stuff. She basically told me be myself

Any comments or questions

[Angiemead12]

She said to be yourself, which means coming out! Are you ready to do that?

[tiffanynjcd24]

I am willing to do that you mean coming out as what

[Angiemead12]

as who you are to the people around you. Being true to yourself and to others, I tell you Im not there yet but I would like to be!

[tiffanynjcd24]

Yes I would love to be open about my crossdressing

[Beverley Sims]

Are you ready for the big step of revealing yourself.
You can't hide forever, maybe a new circle of friends will help.
Try befriending a group of girls.
That is what happened to me.

[tiffanynjcd24]

you mean like a group of crossdressing girls or ggs and yes thats why i am going go to meetings

[noeleena]

Hi.

Im going to ask /Answer this a bit different,

Lets look at who you are first, how you see your self what makes you who you are, your interests not wether your male or female or wether even if you like dressing or not they are parts of who you are we know that. this is about you ,

maybe it has to do with what you like to do work wise what you love doing spending your time being involved in how do you get on with people & others around you, do you like meeting people , are there groups who you can meet with i dont mean trans or dresser groups this is about where you are at live your digs = place you live in.

What about family are you close to them as family like you spend time with them,

Can you join a group or two become a member get involved maybe on the commitee get your self known & accepted become part of the community , as i dont know your interests its a bit harder to advise you, okay as a ie do you like sewing or gardening maybe art'e maybe even do volintary work such as a Musuem or other .what about danceing. okay you get the idear. its about real people in the real world .

There are groups who do dress up not as talked about here no dought youll know what im on about & yes i dressup. in times past.very involved with them .its another part of my life not the only thing i think about or do clothes for. its about a balanced life, okay that'll do. do tell us, give us some idears you may have,

...noeleena...

[tiffanynjcd24]

well thing is i like computers i am currently a tech support and i would want to join a crossdresser organization. i am not really the close with my family the fact that i kept it from them so long to because thing is i have to worry about my safety

i like poetry and dance and video games (i am not that good with dancing and i havent wrote something in a while) i dont do to much of it and i have joined in different organizations while i was in college. but i just want to do something different like i like programming and databases. i am in to arts and crafts. even though i am a cd there are times when i dont think about it that much. are you trying to suggest that i should give up dressing or find a different hobby?

[Anita_2]

She said to be yourself, that is all right but how to realise in this world?? Step by step?

[tiffanynjcd24]

yep i know hun i know trust me i love being me

[kimdl93]

Hopefully, your therapist will help you fully come to terms with who you are. It takes time, but eventually you can actually believe that it's ok to be transgendered and can more confidently build your life to incorporate CDing. It need not be all consuming, just a part of who you are.

Your short term objective should be to achieve financial independence and a place of your own. That way you can either keep your CDing hidden from family or come out slowly and selectively on your own terms and timetable.

[tiffanynjcd24]

i agree with you hun i just really am tired of purging and i just want to keep my stuff and maybe the therapist told me about the possibity to leave the door open for transitioning and i thought about but i told i am happy that i am a cd for now

[Barbra P]

I’m a little confused, you wrote in your opening post that you are still living with your family, but then in a subsequent post you wrote that you are worried about your safety. Is there someone in your family that would harm you? I do think that it is perfectly normal not to want to hurt our families and revealing that you are a crossdresser and/or bisexual might very well do that. I think a lot of things will change for you once you are able to move out and get a place of your own.

I see by your Profile that you are only 24 so you are still very young. I also noticed the photo and I was completely blown over by how gorgeous you look presenting as a woman. I think you’re too young to want to give it up because you can’t find a supportive woman. I also believe that your Therapist will tell you that crossdressing isn’t something that you can simply turn on or off like a light switch – crossdressing is an integral part of you. Probably most of those here that are a good deal older can tell you that they did give up crossdressing, for whatever reason, for awhile but the desire eventually returned; that desire often returns with even more intensity.

I’ve been seeing my Therapist for a little more than two years and she told me during our first session that she could help me accept who (or what) I am but she could not help me if I were looking for a “cure”. I joined a support group and went to the monthly meetings for about a year and I enjoyed getting out enfemme and meeting other people while presenting as a woman. I’ve been out shopping while dressed enfemme on a couple occasions; once after going to my therapy session enfemme and my Therapist suggested that I go shopping on my way home.

I don’t view crossdressing as a hobby, fishing is a hobby, model railroading is a hobby, but crossdressing is part of what makes you – you. When your Therapist tells you that you need to be yourself she is telling you that it is OK to want to wear feminine attire and to present as a woman and that it is also OK to go along with that desire.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand where you coming from hun. I am sorry if I have you confused. You really think I look beautiful and I am not really worry about a relationship as a right now. But its true that I need to be myself and not trying to pretend this is not me. Crossdressing is a part of who I am and I cant really change that. Thing is I am not giving it up it makes me happy when dress en femme

[DeniseNJ]

I don't know how young you are but how would you like to be over 50 and your whole life you wished you would have come out sooneer. You kept those feeling pent up inside for years. Had your highs and lows but deep down inside you feel better dressed as a woman and feeling feminine is the greatest feeling ever. I believe is is a CURSE being a crossdresser, but it is heaven when the mirror smiles back at you as a girl. Talk about a wild ride forget what normal is if you comeout as a CD to the world. Yes the public is more accepting and I feel that if I was 17 at this place in time I woul;d want to live as a girl full time. Life can be cruel and decessions harder. To those that looked FEAR in the eye and went with their heart. I commend you for being true to yourself, I guess I am a chicken sh!t like many others and I can not accept the WHAT IF!!!

[Anita_2]

The tipical problem is we CD are still underground I think - I think none is fight for our rights but for diference there are meny fights for homosexual rights and as results in some countries they can marrige. I dont know any strong organisation which demand CD rights - that is reason why is hard to go out and some CD will stay underground to the end of life. But if you have supportive woman or GF it is easy to release yourself in home and that makes you happy - but for rest you need a lot of fight.

[Angela Campbell]

She said to be yourself, which means coming out! Are you ready to do that?

No it does not. It has nothing to do with coming out.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I don't know how young you are but how would you like to be over 50 and your whole life you wished you would have come out sooneer. You kept those feeling pent up inside for years. Had your highs and lows but deep down inside you feel better dressed as a woman and feeling feminine is the greatest feeling ever. I believe is is a CURSE being a crossdresser, but it is heaven when the mirror smiles back at you as a girl. Talk about a wild ride forget what normal is if you comeout as a CD to the world. Yes the public is more accepting and I feel that if I was 17 at this place in time I woul;d want to live as a girl full time. Life can be cruel and decessions harder. To those that looked FEAR in the eye and went with their heart. I commend you for being true to yourself, I guess I am a chicken sh!t like many others and I can not accept the WHAT IF!!!

Well right now I am out as a bi crossdresser so I am happy as that. And I love being true to myself I wouldnt change a thing I planned on telling others once I get my own place in october

[DebbieL]

The tipical problem is we CD are still underground I think - I think none is fight for our rights but for diference there are meny fights for homosexual rights and as results in some countries they can marrige.

When you see the abbreviation, LGBT or GLBT, the T stands for "Transgender". This term was chosen over transsexual because it a a more broad and inclusive term which includes cross-dressers, transvestites, transsexuals living in stealth, pre-op transsexuals, post-op transsexuals, and even people who are perceived as transgender (effeminate men, "butch" women...).

In the USA, there are many states that have adopted new rights for transgender people. These measures include protection of employment, child custody and visitation, use of bathrooms based on presentation, violence against transgendered as a hate crime, and school policies against bullying. There are also changes for those who want to transition, including the ability to legally change your name, and the ability to change your gender on your driver's license and other documentation. Social Security has JUST changed the law to state that you only have to make significant progress (such as hormones) rather than full SRS to change your gender marker on SSI documents.

The American Psychology Association and American Psychatric Association have both decided that it is UNETHICAL for a practitioner to attempt to convince a transsexual to remain in their birth gender.

Much of this is because there has been a huge surge of actual emperical research, including surveys of over 1 million transgender respondents (including CDs, transsexuals, and everything in between). Shocking statistics related to suicide rates, criminal activities, and hardships for those who have not had support, and 98% of those who had transitioned or gained support of family and friends were emotionally stable, financially successful, and more inclined to be responsible productive members of society.

I dont know any strong organisation which demand CD rights - that is reason why is hard to go out and some CD will stay underground to the end of life. But if you have supportive woman or GF it is easy to release yourself in home and that makes you happy - but for rest you need a lot of fight.

Transgender rights are important to CDs. There was a time when CDs and transsexuals could be arrested for appearing in public. Violent crimes against trangenders were often unprosecuted. CDs could be blackmailed and could lose their jobs. CDs could even lose visitation rights or be restricted to supervised visitation. "Treatment" for CDs and transsexuals was electroshock and lobotomy. Doctors who prescribed hormones could lose their privileges at hospitals and could even lose their medical licenses. Even if you could pass, you could be arrested for using a ladies room, even though using the men's room made you a target for violent attacks if you were seen leaving the men's room while presenting as a woman.

Most corporations now train employees to use proper pronouns and names based on presentation even if you don't pass perfectly. Again, this prevents unwanted attention by being outed by someone who has read you to many others who have not noticed you.

These may not seem like big steps today, but for those of us who have been transgendered for 40-50 years, it's almost like we are on a different planet.

[DebbieL]

I don't know how young you are but how would you like to be over 50 and your whole life you wished you would have come out sooneer. You kept those feeling pent up inside for years.

I remember being 8 years old and telling a psychologist I was seeing on a daily basis that I wanted to be a girl. He said he knew about that, but it wasn't an option, so we couldn't talk about it. I was part of a research project to discover whether emotional state impacted the severity of asthma attacks. When I was staying with the girls' house mother, and spending my free time with the girls, my health improved so dramatically, they thought about moving me to resident status, living away from my parents. When they put me with the boys' house mother and I had to be with the boys in my free time, I got so severely ill I almost needed to be hospitalized and end that phase of the experiment.

I came out to my mother when I was 6, telling her I wanted to be a girl. She talked to HER therapist, and was told that the treatment would involve electro-shock and if that didn't work, a lobotomy. Mom tried to protect me as much as she could, since she had been through the shock therapy and wouldn't have wished that on her worst enemy.

Had your highs and lows but deep down inside you feel better dressed as a woman and feeling feminine is the greatest feeling ever. I believe is is a CURSE being a crossdresser, but it is heaven when the mirror smiles back at you as a girl.

Even when I DID find therapists who would talk to me about dressing, back in the late 1980s, they tried to convince me that I was NOT transsexual, that I was ONLY a transvestite or cross-dresser. Even in the mid 1990s, I was told that transition would not be an option because I was still sexually attracted to women.

Simply put, the therapeutic community had a policy of doing everything possible to drive toward minimal intervention. I was a transsexual, but they tried to claim "It's only a phase", then "you're only a transvestite", then "you're only a cross-dresser", then "you're a transsexual, but shouldn't transition", and eventually, "you seem to be happier as Debbie, so be Debbie", but still withholding the letters required to get medically supervised hormones. It was only when I started taking hormones that it became clear that I needed to be medically supervised.

Talk about a wild ride forget what normal is if you come out as a CD to the world. Yes the public is more accepting and I feel that if I was 17 at this place in time I would want to live as a girl full time.

I wish I had been able to transition when I was 6, to at least be able to grow my hair long and wear dresses and look and act like a girl. I was inter-sexed (no testicles), and my testes were up inside me "like ovaries". I have other biological markers that indicate that I was biologically more feminine than masculine. I even seemed to have "periods" in my teens and early twenties. I'm surprised that I could even have children (even that took some effort).

Life can be cruel and decisions harder. To those that looked FEAR in the eye and went with their heart. I commend you for being true to yourself, I guess I am a chicken sh!t like many others and I can not accept the WHAT IF!!!

The fear and terror I went through as a "Sissy" in elementary school and as a "Fairy" in Junior high was incredible. I was physically attacked regularly, I was stoned (boys threw rocks the size of tennis balls), clubbed (sticks 2-3 inches in diameter), kicked (tripped during soccer, then all the boys started kicking me instead of the soccer ball), and almost crippled (boys held my ankles then tickled me to make me let go of a tree, when I let go, my back snapped at my shoulder blades and I couldn't breathe. I was passing out as Mrs Gifford picked me up and popped my back. If she hadn't taken that action, I would have died then. I was even whipped (in Jr High), the boys would wrap their towels into "rat tails" and soak them in water. As I went to my locker, and tried to change, they would whip me with the towels, leaving welts and blisters 1-2 inches long and 1/4 inch wide, as the gym teacher watched and smiled).

Puberty even made it worse. I my testes came down, and I tried to "kill them", taking baths so hot my legs blistered, wrapping them with rubber bands, even trying to crush them. I even asked a doctor to remove them.

When that didn't work, I became suicidal, turning to drugs, booze, and going into regular black-outs where I would try to get other people to kill me. I'd even play "matador" with cars, waiving my big black coat like a cape and touching cars as they whizzed by at 40 mph while I walked down the double yellow line, or the dotted white lines. I'd wear black so they couldn't see me, and walk a poorly lit section with lots of sneaky curves.

At 21, I ended up in a psychatric ward, and then a half-way house, finally moving into a small furnished studio and doing out-patient therapy. I reached a point where my car broke down and I had to walk 10 miles. Every block (1/10th of a mile), I'd pick up a small shard of glass from the street, and wash it down with some beer. After midnight, I washed it down with Dr Pepper. When I got home, I ground up some extra chips, including broken bottle pieces and windshield glass - and washed it down with some wine. I didn't tell anybody for 4 days, hoping I'd just bleed out.

When I finally told them, they took me to a room and asked me "what's up". I told them about wanting to be a girl - and they said "We can't even talk about that, so don't bring it up again".

A modern therapist, who MUST take courses in treating transgender patients, would see this as barbaric, even unethical and malpractice. But even today, medical doctors will try to delay, divert, misdirect, and avoid treating transsexuals, in spite of the APA (Psychology AND Psychiatric) declaration that trying to force a transsexual patient to accept his birth gender was UNETHICAL.

Even in my late 50s, it doesn't get any better. I am still transsexual, and I still have to live in stealth part time, and I still have to worry about consequences. I still have to listen to conservatives and "GI Joes" ranting against gay marriage, homosexuality, and "liberal agenda". I'm able to live most of my life in female mode, and have started gender transition therapy (counseling, hormones, exercizes, RLE,...).

The hardest thing for anyone in the transgender spectrum is that we have to live a life of deception, pretending not to be what we are, and pretending to be what we are not. Every breath we take is a lie, every step we take. We have to learn to walk like a man, talk like a man, act like a man, even try to think like a man, even though this is not where our heart truly lies.

At the same time, we have to avoid any actions, dress, mannerisms, or talking that would alert others to our feminine leanings, be they wearing a pretty dress at home, or wanting to spend the rest of our lives as women. Many of us can't even share our TRUE feelings with our own wives. Even when we do share, we try to minimize the risk and impact.

When I told my first wife, I told her "I only want to dress up at home, for sex" (LIE!).
Or "I only want to dress like a girl, not BE a girl" (LIE).

I wouldn't tell her that when I looked at a beautiful woman in a beautiful outfit, that I wanted to WEAR THE OUTFIT, BE THE GIRL, and HAVE HER MAKE LOVE TO ME. I couldn't even tell my wive's and lovers how much I wanted THEM to SEDUCE ME, taking charge romantically and sexually.

Even when I told them I liked to dress sexually, I usually didn't tell them it was because I found my male parts so revolting I didn't want anybody, including her, to see them.

[MysticLady]

Hi Debbie, You're a talker, we have definitely have to sit down over a pot of coffee, Girl.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Oh wow thats a long advice hun lol. I know for a fact I struggled with at times

[DebbieL]

Oh wow thats a long advice hun lol. I know for a fact I struggled with at times

Sorry for the windy post. My hope for you is that you get your chance to find out who you really are, and then get the chance to be yourself. Telling family and friends is hard. Not everybody will be loving and accepting, but unlike when I was your age, there is information available to the general public. There are sights like these, there are resources you can google, and fiction and non-fiction books written by transgendered people like us.

When I was your age, I couldn't find the Harry Benjamin paper in the public library, a book store, or even as a medical journal. When the movie about Christine Jorgensen came out, I wasn't 17, so I couldn't see it. Even if I told my parents I wanted to see it, they wouldn't have taken me.

You have the chance to be who you really want to be, and I really hope that you get that chance, and that you don't struggle with it they way I did, or so many of the people like me did.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Sorry for the windy post. My hope for you is that you get your chance to find out who you really are, and then get the chance to be yourself. Telling family and friends is hard. Not everybody will be loving and accepting, but unlike when I was your age, there is information available to the general public. There are sights like these, there are resources you can google, and fiction and non-fiction books written by transgendered people like us.

When I was your age, I couldn't find the Harry Benjamin paper in the public library, a book store, or even as a medical journal. When the movie about Christine Jorgensen came out, I wasn't 17, so I couldn't see it. Even if I told my parents I wanted to see it, they wouldn't have taken me.

You have the chance to be who you really want to be, and I really hope that you get that chance, and that you don't struggle with it they way I did, or so many of the people like me did.

Thank you Debbie I already know that I like dressing up, but my therapist suggest I should leave the idea of transition open if I want I wouldnt want to rush it. And I told her I didnt want to do it. Its just right now I want to enjoy life as a crossdresser. Its great I came in terms with it instead of feeling ashamed about it. And dont worry I will not purging anything