Page 16 of 16 FirstFirst ... 6141516
Results 376 to 393 of 393

Thread: Tips to an SO's acceptance

  1. #376
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    321
    It's a two way street. And he is obviously not behaving the same way he was. Cant beat yourself up for that. I'm a very mild CD compared to most people here and my wife has expressed she likes having a man around the house. I have no desire to go farther which is a good thing bc it would put my marriage and family in jeopardy. She's never had an interest to be with a woman and me dressing and acting is not going to be something she is interested in. Womens Jean's, yoga pants she's bought me, Panties, pantyhose and camis in bed is one thing. Dresses, wigs forms is quite another

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    I can be manly in camis, panties and pantyhose, but hard to be manly in forms, wigs and dresses

  2. #377
    New Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    Niles Michigan
    Posts
    7
    So sorry you have come to this point. You are right and he is not giving you your do respect. He should bend over backwards meeting your needs for all you have willingly given to his wants and desires. I do hope things can be worked out. Good luck.

  3. #378
    New Member tmonsivais's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    16
    Quote Originally Posted by Greenie View Post
    Tips to an "easier" road to acceptance, as told by a GG.

    I think that I have made a place for myself here. Many of you know me. I have met and become friends with many of you. I just realized a lot more lately there is quite a bit of verbiage on here that worries me.

    Many of you have become my friends. And friends help friends not make horrendous mistakes. As a GG, to be honest if Luca said HALF of the things I have heard around here about wives, SO's and etc. I would be CRYING in the corner and then packing my bags. If the goal is to find an ACCEPTING SO or to have your wife accept you.... Some of you are doing it wrong.

    The GG's that are here, who stick around, have SO's that they are making it work with. We aren't always right either but I think that we have some valuable insight that might make it easier on you and your wives. Take it with a grain of salt because all relationships and wives are different.

    While Lucas and I's relationship is FAR from perfect. CDing is my LEAST concern. I think its because we have done a pretty good job in the last couple months establishing "rules of thumb"

    DON'T lie:
    When you tell her, be an open book. Answer her questions when she asks. Tell her that you will answer any question she has and will be honest. This establishes trust.
    Don't tell half truths, this will hurt later on down the line and we found this one out the hard way.

    DO Appeal to our femininity:
    Explain to her the feeling that you get when you dress. Its similar to how when we dress up for an event or wear heels. When most women dress up they feel Sexy. Confident. Ready to take the world. Find something about how we like to feel when we dress and when you tell her appeal to that need or feeling. For us it was luca telling me he thought that it was "fun" to dress up and he wanted to be included in that idea of "fun".

    NEVER tear down HER view of what makes her feminine:
    Remember that she is a NATURAL woman. She has things about her that make her feminine by birth. her CLOTHES. HAIR. MAKEUP. NONE of that is what makes her feminine. Its her walk, her talk, her attitude, her confidence. What makes YOU feminine and what make HER feminine, don't have to be the same things.

    NEVER compare yourself to her:
    This would be a disaster. Comparing how "good" you look, or how "well" you walk in heels. This is never going to help. if she is super feminine and she is the "kind of woman you would like to be" Then use HER as the EXPERT. Ask her for help. Just last week I had a "walking" in heels impromptu class for Luca down the hall way. If she feels like she is the "leading expert" on being a woman she will not only be happier with herself, but in turn will be happier teaching you to be more feminine.

    DO respect that she has been a girl her entire life,
    Sometimes wives aren't your idea of feminine. Remember that your idea and her idea of feminine are different. But being a woman here entire life she has a great deal of amassed knowledge that you, having lived most of your life as a man, will probably never be able to approach. So DO ask for help doing your nails, even if you think you know how. She might have some tricks for you. DO ask her for help with your hair and makeup. DO talk to her about those silly things like why women insist on showing bra straps under a cami. DO defer to her on many things.


    DON'T steal her clothes:
    If you have in the past, FESS UP. Then stop. We don't like to share. We don't want you stretching out our favorite blouse, or heaven forbid ruin one. (note) some wives are cool with sharing. Just ask/talk first.

    DO have her help you purchase new ones:
    Buying clothes for luca was a bonding experience. I actually found out his size and went shopping for him on my own. It gave me time to get used to the idea that this was a new reality. I could pick up something and decide that I liked it. Yeah this way some things didn't fit. We had to do some returns, but I got comfortable knowing.

    DON'T use CDing as a substitute:
    For anything. For sex. For emotional connection. CDing is a part of you, but it cannot rule you. Once you start using CDing as a substitute for something else it becomes this large pink fog monster that your wife will have no idea how to handle.

    DO tell her when its going to move further:
    So this part sucks. CDing for most is progressive. Luca and I had a conversation about always being honest when he needs more. But I am always allowed to be honest and say when it becomes to much. Is this scary? Yes. Could this mean either a massive compromise that leaves one of us un happy? Maybe? Could this lead to a break up? Maybe. But in the end just TALKING about wants, needs, fears. Will give a greater understanding of "what's going on."






    If anyone has any rules of thumb to add, want to talk about mine or whatever. Lets talk about it. I think it would be nice to eventually have a massive list of these. Even though all of them wont work for your specific situation. Even if one tidbit is helpful that would be great.

    Isn't that what we all are here for? Support? Acceptance?
    My wife and I have a wonderful relationship but even reading this I something new...Is trying on her clothes while she is sleeping considered to be stealing?😬 She usually catches me anyway or blames even though I didn't try them on 😂 She is a good sport about it . But I think what you wrote is great!

  4. #379
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    17
    In my case, it has been "the classic" step by step approach.
    About two months ago after having sex with my SO, I confessed that I love wearing lingerie for sex. That it excites me very much, and that although I am not gay, I would love to buy a few items "to spice" our bedroom life. I asked her if she would mind or if she thought that I was gay and she answered that on the contrary; that she thought it was fine, and that it was also exciting for her to see me wearing panties.
    So the next day I went online and purchased three sexy thongs, which I have worn to bed with her. At this point I want to take it, a step forward, but I need to see how she reacts.
    CD is something that I have loved since I was maybe 10. That is the farthest memory that I have, when my parents found me playing with my older sister, wearing a complete dancing custom from my sister.

  5. #380
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    14,251
    Quote Originally Posted by praderas View Post
    In my case, it has been "the classic" step by step approach.
    About two months ago after having sex with my SO, I confessed that I love wearing lingerie for sex. That it excites me very much, and that although I am not gay, I would love to buy a few items "to spice" our bedroom life. I asked her if she would mind or if she thought that I was gay and she answered that on the contrary; that she thought it was fine, and that it was also exciting for her to see me wearing panties.
    So the next day I went online and purchased three sexy thongs, which I have worn to bed with her. At this point I want to take it, a step forward, but I need to see how she reacts.
    CD is something that I have loved since I was maybe 10. That is the farthest memory that I have, when my parents found me playing with my older sister, wearing a complete dancing custom from my sister.
    With all do respect to the Gg that posted this thread I think you missed the point
    One of of the first things she said was
    DON'T lie:
    When you tell her, be an open book. Answer her questions when she asks. Tell her that you will answer any question she has and will be honest. This establishes trust.
    Don't tell half truths, this will hurt later on down the line .


    I can not agree more !
    You have done this since ten and want to take it a step further to see how she reacts?
    I know many take this approach and I would say for many it back fires on the cd . There is no trust only games.
    Maybe your partner will not react that way but fair warning many do.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  6. #381
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,448
    I have to agree with Di here. By going “step by step” you’re creating a progression which plays into the fear that many partners have.

  7. #382
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,188
    I also agree with Di and Micki. "Step by step" usually signals to the GG that there is "no end game". It kind of leaves the newly informed SO in a state of confusion. (What's next?) In my opinion, it's really an unfair way to let your SO know what is going on because she will never really know or trust what will be coming up next.

    If you truly want to dress all the way, let her know the extent of your interest. Lay everything out. Don't lie, hide, or think that by "sneaking" up on the issue, that it will go well. It often backfires.

  8. #383
    Member rian's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    middle East
    Posts
    442
    Well said ...this is how i opened to my wife ,,,yet you should have added that breaking the news has to come progressively and not all in one shot ,,,,my wife to this moment does not like to see me wearing in front of her but she shares talking about it ,,and buy some outfits to me from time to time ,,,but she asked me not to see me wearing in front of her ,,she even helped me with make up and nails ,,,but no more ...so we should know where are the red line limits to stop ,,,,
    Cross-dressing is a cross between woman's soul and man's heart.....

  9. #384
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    240
    My progression of the last 10 years has been a step by step progression. I've been as careful as I know how to be in balancing any revelations to her comfort zone. That's what I've told her all along. She has made it clear that she doesn't like me in a bra. I've made it clear that I don't hate the idea. She hasn't 'demanded' that I don't wear one. I haven't forced them on her. But, I did walk out on the patio on day in a sports bra and shorts while she was out fiddling with her plants. I asked her outright if she hated it. She told me that "it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be". Not exactly praise, but it is enough affirmation for me at this point. We worked it out with very little drama. That's the way it's been all along.

    I can't tell her an 'end game' because it's all experimental for me. Things I thought I might like turned out not to be all that desirable. Other things that I wasn't so interested in have turned out to be favorites, and often for her as well.

    I did tell her that I wanted HER to do my makeup. She made it clear that she's not ready for that, but said it in a non-judgmental way. I'm actually less interested in 'wearing makeup' than in having her DO my makeup. She's done special event makeup for many women/girls and is good at it. Weddings, proms, parties, etc... I'd just like to get that kind of attention from her AND see my makeup done 'right' rather than 'the best I could do'. I'd love to find out that SHE liked it more than she thought she would. Not expecting it but wishing.
    Last edited by Bea_; 08-20-2020 at 05:02 PM.

  10. #385
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    6,026
    My wife has known about my crossdressing since I came out to her almost 7 years ago. We have been all over the map with her acceptance and/or tolerance. Early last year she found out I was on this site, I had not mentioned it as I knew she would not like it. She was very upset about it and accused me of lying to her, she said it was the lie of omission. She lost trust in me and it finally seems like she is over that but maybe not. I feel like I am on probation.
    As long as I was talking about this site I mentioned the wives and SO’s that are here and the forum for them only. She was not one bit interested which is unfortunate.
    Trust is such a huge issue with our wives or SO’s and of course everyone is different but whatever you do try and not have her lose trust in you. It is a long road back.
    Crissy

  11. #386
    Living in CD Heaven Helen Grandeis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    I only rarely check in
    Posts
    1,691
    I came out to my wife in May of 2011. She went ballistic. She was totally against me CD in any degree. I gave away all my clothing at the Grand Rapids, MI LGBT center.


    I embarked on my long term strategy of being a value added husband. After 8 tortuous years, she adopted DADT In 2017. Recently she made a huge leap and told me that if she truly loved me, she had to love all of me.


    My wife has made a major paradigm shift and is now completely open and accepting of Helen; however due to a bad Helen in her past, I am changing my name to ?Hope?.

    I gave her the complete fashion show and received valuable feedback. She has opened her closet to me and given me several dresses and tops. She even has given me two pedicures - one purple and the most recent white. I am living in heaven with my wife.

    Note: I will not be active on this site but did want to post my happy ending.

  12. #387
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    California
    Posts
    145
    Just stumbled across this thread for the first time...I read a couple of the responses, but figured Id share mine.

    Heres a little not so secret secret. Your wife wants YOU. She wants her man, period.

    If youre 5, 10, 15, etc years into your marriage and you?re wondering what she wants...she wants that man she fell in love with. Women are generally better than we are...they are less selfish (ok, not always...I understand that), but in general they are.

    Anyway, put her first, second, third above your needs. When you do that, and when you lose yourself, serving her...your chances for more acceptance will go up 100 fold. She may never LOVE it the way you do (and you need to be ok with that). But if you show her your love and commitment, shell begin overtime to understand how to be help you and that will bring you and her the most happiness and satisfaction long-term....I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the point.

    Oh yeah, when she does reach out in that way you are hoping, Dont blow it. Go right on back to putting her first, second, third, etc. Make Her and your family the priority...you CAN do this. Dont serve her looking for favors...you can do it hoping...but dont expect them...this could take a while...could take months and/or even years...but its the way to happiness in your marriage. Good luck!
    Last edited by DTelia; 10-02-2020 at 06:04 PM.

  13. #388
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    312
    Great advice. I'm on year one of my new life with my wife and can attest that success will come from concentrated and consistent efforts that demonstrate to her the positive ways the change will benefit her. I could go on and on about my success story in coming out to my wife, perhaps for another thread. There's a lot to read here and I really like most of what I've read so far, looking forward to digging through some threads and sharing ideas with this community.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-05-2020 at 03:38 PM. Reason: No need to quote the post just prior to yours

  14. #389
    New Member Naty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    7
    I think I can only talk about acceptance if my wife knew about it before we got married. If she found out after that, I think all I can talk about is tolerance. We have to try to put ourselves in her shoes. She could feel really betrayed, or disappointed to say the least. It must feel a little like you bought something because of the advertising and then you go home and realize that it's nothing like what you were offered.

    But in spite of that, it is in fact possible to get your wife's support for this. At least I did. Although unfortunately I also know that all cases are not the same. In my case I think it was very useful to think about my wife's needs before my own. She expected a lot from me when we got married and I must fulfill that (I promised her). On the other hand I think it is very important not to abuse her tolerance because it is very complicated to gain her support for this and very easy to lose it.

  15. #390
    New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    28
    I need all the Tips i can get. My Wife knows I like it but shes not on board yet, she may never go along wit it the way I'd like her to.
    Wish me Luck, Suzi

  16. #391
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    Central California
    Posts
    499
    Suzih, I started talking with my wife a year ago. She has not seen me yet. Do not push her. I do not know how to tell you how important this is. If you want to stay married and love your wife..... Do not push. It takes women months to process things where I think men just deal with it and move on. My wife brought up a subject we spoke on about 3 weeks ago. That is the file in her head that is being processed.

  17. #392
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
    193
    Quote Originally Posted by SOtoaCd View Post
    As A SO what am I supposed to do when my needs aren't being met. There is never man time at home for me. Jennifer is always needing to be present. I have been supportive for over 5 years, with outings, role playing , make overs for Birthdays. And yet I sit not getting reciprocation back . I do love her and him, but I cant force them to love me. So I am sure that the "I'm done" stage is very near.
    hey that sounded very hard, how did this pan out? are you two still together? did you have a long talk about needs? and what did you mean cant force them to love me. how did their crossdressing play a part in that?

  18. #393
    New Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Posts
    10
    Wow! Ive been reading thru some of these responses and yall are so supportive! I love it! I think Ive found a home here

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State