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Thread: Tips to an SO's acceptance

  1. #51
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    My problem is that early on in our relationship, my SO said that she'd love me no matter what happened to us. She said I had very feminine qualities and she had very masculine qualities. Well, when I started to talk to her about my feelings that I would like to crossdress, she flipped out. Did I want breast implants? Did I want a sex change? To myself I answered possibly. To her I told her that I felt like my feminine side wanted to be more feminine. Well that was going to ruin the business we had together and all of our friends would desert us. So she changed the rules on me. However I really was and am in love with her so I stuff it and cross when I get time alone at home, which is about once every 2 or 3 years. We've been together for 35 years and I wish there was a way to get her to let me go on trips as a woman where there isn't a chance of upsetting all her newer rules.

  2. #52
    Member Kalista Jameson's Avatar
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    Great post, Greenie!

    I thought everything you wrote was from the heart and good advice. Glad to have your insights here.

    Cheers,

    Kalista

    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, through and through.
    I love nylons and high heels, mini-skirts and shopping deals!
    I don't care what others say, life's too short, it's time to play.
    I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, how 'bout you?

  3. #53
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    Hi Greenie,

    I am very new here. I recently took the leap and told my wife everything because our marriage (me in full male mode) was beginning to collapse due to my own confusion. I was frightened beyond words to tell her but amazingly she understood. It has only been a few weeks and she has been great but you are right . . . the key is communication. We are travelling down this road and I use the same approach I would use in my male job (military) when approaching a potentially difficult infil, slow and steady. Each new step I take, I explain it to her first and ask if she is comfortable, what she thinks etc.

    Don't get me wrong I am still completely frightened she will say "ENOUGH" and leave. When I decided to dress for the first time (complete femme), I asked if she would help me so she could be part of the process instead of just seeing the final outcome and she did. It helped with that very first transformation. Afterwards I thanked her and asked her if any of that felt awkward . She was truthful and we talked through what felt okay and what did not and have taken one more step toward mutual understanding and boundaries.

    The one thing she particularly likes is that Isha likes to cook and bake while en femme and since she hates both I ensure our meals are very special and always reflect the love I feel for her. It has helped to move our relationship forward.

    But then it is only three weeks and I am still very insecure.

    Isha

  4. #54
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    *Sigh* I wish I had seen this thread before I met my ex-wife. I couldn't tell where things went wrong, or if it was on multiple fronts. What I do know is that over time she began to resent the hell out of my dressing. She basically demanded I don't do it in front of her, and then yelled at me when I hid it. Part of the problem as someone else said is that your SO may compare the two of you and feel threatened.
    I don't know how many times I had to tell that (then)lovely woman that she was beautiful sweet and was by far so much more feminine than me that there was no comparison. In any case we kept going deeper until she had enough and wanted to dramatically pull back. That left me as a crossdresser feeling like I had been walking on ice that I was sure was safe until I heard and saw cracks forming all around me. By then I was in the middle of it and couldn't just cut that part off from me.

    Sorry ladies if this was a downer, but tip of the day, NEVER, EVER take your SO's acceptance for granted, for one minute.

  5. #55
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    Awesome post!!!! Im still learning as my SO and i have only been together for 1 year now. But if I may add....women love to be told they are beautiful, we also love to be made to feel wanted, and loved!! I feel that when my SO is Cass she also loves to be made to feel the same way. So we need to remember to complement each other and make each other feel loved, and beautiful. I hope this makes sense.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]----Live....Laugh....Love------SO of Cassandra Lynn.

  6. #56
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    Wonderful post, Greenie

    And heatherdress.....no wonder your wife accepts and continues to support you and your dressing.....if couples, whether or not one (or more) dresses, followed this advice there would be a lot more happy marriages and committed relationships out there.
    BRAVO!

  7. #57
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    I am very lucky in this respect. I am in poly relationships with two partners who are both incredibly accepting of me. their first thought was of what they had in their wardrobes would fit me!
    A couple of days after I first came out to them they both, separately, confided in me that their first crush was Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror and they were more than happy with me in dresses.

  8. #58
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    Why did I not see this before? Great job, Greenie, I agree with every point!

    Reine

  9. #59
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    What a wonderful thread. So much of this applies to my wife and I now. It has been since last December that she has known. We were married 6 months prior and dated since 09. Being honest is so crucial in any relationship regardless of its circumstances, and no less so with CDing. Yet, it is where there is so much denial or lack of disclosure. My wife has told me the hardest part was me not telling her about all of me.

    She told me everything about herself, where as I did not. That is something that I need to own, and allow her the same pace of acceptance as it took and is taking with me. One thing I would like to add is that at least in my case, I denied so much about myself to myself, that when I finally began to open up to her it is now evolving. I guess it is progressing in a way, as I discover and accept this part of me. I imagine that that can be difficult and frustrating because not only is there the initial shock, but then it begins to evolve.

  10. #60
    GG / SO to a CD MatildaJ.'s Avatar
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    Yes, that does make it all hard, that neither person knows where it's going... It's good to acknowledge that, and helpful if you agree to evolve slowly, so she can adjust gradually to the changes. The pink fog is scary for bystanders!

  11. #61
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessM. View Post
    Yes, that does make it all hard, that neither person knows where it's going... It's good to acknowledge that, and helpful if you agree to evolve slowly, so she can adjust gradually to the changes. The pink fog is scary for bystanders!
    I can see how the pink fog can overcome a cd'er. I have felt it pull at me a few times. Keeping my femininity locked away and living in self denial for nearly 30 years, once the feminine part of me was released from its prison it at times has overwhelmed me.

    Only speaking for myself, the masculine part of me has not changed, I still like and enjoy all of the typical masculine things I have in the past. I am learning to accept that I am dual gendered, but I do not have a separate persona. Dressing does not change me or what I like or dislike. It may work best for many here, and that is fine. I am a live and let live person. It wouldn't work for me though. I can see how a spouse or SO would view it as changing or replacing, but with me it is adding an additional component of my being that was kept dormant.

  12. #62
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greenie View Post
    Tips to an "easier" road to acceptance, as told by a GG.
    I think that I have made a place for myself here. Many of you know me. I have met and become friends with many of you. I just realized a lot more lately there is quite a bit of verbiage on here that worries me.
    This is completely FABULOUS advice. I have a few additional suggestions at the bottom. I'll also add some comments directed to the CD/TG/TS aspects, since I can see that it would be a huge struggle for most of us to follow it. I can provide some suggestions to make it easier to break through.

    Many of you have become my friends. And friends help friends not make horrendous mistakes. As a GG, to be honest if Luca said HALF of the things I have heard around here about wives, SO's and etc. I would be CRYING in the corner and then packing my bags. If the goal is to find an ACCEPTING SO or to have your wife accept you.... Some of you are doing it wrong.
    The GG's that are here, who stick around, have SO's that they are making it work with. We aren't always right either but I think that we have some valuable insight that might make it easier on you and your wives. Take it with a grain of salt because all relationships and wives are different.
    While Lucas and I's relationship is FAR from perfect. CDing is my LEAST concern. I think its because we have done a pretty good job in the last couple months establishing "rules of thumb"
    The key is that you have succeeded where many of us have failed.

    DON'T lie:
    When you tell her, be an open book. Answer her questions when she asks. Tell her that you will answer any question she has and will be honest. This establishes trust.
    Don't tell half truths, this will hurt later on down the line and we found this one out the hard way.
    This is often a real struggle for us, since nearly every aspect of our cross-dressing has involved secrecy, deception, and dishonesty. For many of us who started very young, the consequences of being honest could be violent, brutal, and terrifying. Often, we fear that if we told the truth, how we really felt, terrible things would happen. We could lose our wives, our children, our jobs, our parents, and our standing in the community. For those of us who have gone to extreme lengths to maintain a more masculine facade, the potential consequences can seem even greater. Everything we've worked for for decades could be destroyed simply because we let ONE person know PART of our secret. For some of us, it's already happened, more than once. It's almost as if we would DIE if the TRUTH were known. In many ways, this could be true, even if we were totally accepted by our SO. Who would be be if we DIDN'T have to lie to that one person we are supposed to trust more than any other? It would kill the foundation of the framework of myths on which our facade has been built.

    Still, the willingness and ability to honestly answer every question asked, as honestly as possible, based on our current feelings and knowledge, is a powerful basis for a REAL relationship, based on love, trust, and mutual acceptance.

    DO Appeal to our femininity:
    Explain to her the feeling that you get when you dress. Its similar to how when we dress up for an event or wear heels. When most women dress up they feel Sexy. Confident. Ready to take the world. Find something about how we like to feel when we dress and when you tell her appeal to that need or feeling. For us it was luca telling me he thought that it was "fun" to dress up and he wanted to be included in that idea of "fun".
    One thing I have learned is that I need to tell my wife how beautiful she is, and how much I love her, often. I try to do it at least 12 times a day when I'm home, and say it to myself when I'm on the road. I've learned that doing so is something that reminds ME of how much I love her and how beautiful she is. Even when she is size 24, she has a beautiful smile, beautiful blue eyes, and I love being with her and making her laugh. Even when she's laughing AT me, I can laugh with her, because I like to see her laugh. There are times when I will flirt with her even though I know we won't be making love, just to let her know that I still find her attractive. At the same time, I like to be intimate without being sexual, cuddling together, snuggling before we go to sleep, or just sitting on the couch together holding hands while we watch a movie. It's really cute when we both start crying at the same moment in the movie. Sometimes she'll laugh because I have a harder time keeping it together.

    NEVER tear down HER view of what makes her feminine:
    Remember that she is a NATURAL woman. She has things about her that make her feminine by birth. her CLOTHES. HAIR. MAKEUP. NONE of that is what makes her feminine. Its her walk, her talk, her attitude, her confidence. What makes YOU feminine and what make HER feminine, don't have to be the same things.
    My wife likes to dress for comfort, which often means that she dresses in long pants, baggy shirts, and flats. At the same time, she will add accessories, such as jewelry or a scarf that keeps her looking and feeling more feminine. There are times when she LIKES being more masculine, and likes being in charge of it. When this happens, I let her know I love that too. She knows she can be herself with me, whatever that is. I even tell her "I love you just the way you are, and just the way you aren't, and there's not a thing you can do about it, because no matter what changes, I'll love THAT too".

    NEVER compare yourself to her:
    This would be a disaster. Comparing how "good" you look, or how "well" you walk in heels. This is never going to help. if she is super feminine and she is the "kind of woman you would like to be" Then use HER as the EXPERT. Ask her for help. Just last week I had a "walking" in heels impromptu class for Luca down the hall way. If she feels like she is the "leading expert" on being a woman she will not only be happier with herself, but in turn will be happier teaching you to be more feminine.
    Lee is NOT super-feminine. On the other hand, she doesn't like it when I dress too sexy, ****ty, or "skanky". I resisted at first, but I took her coaching and have been amazed at how much easier it is for me to blend and pass now that I'm not attracting too much attention. In fact, now that I'm buying to blend, I buy very few men's clothes, and more women's clothing for everyday wear. Just changing shirts is enough to have people addressing me as "miss" or "ma'am". These days, I have to be more aware of "PING" - nipples popping through tighter fitting shirts. I need to make sure my face is bare or lightly made up because PING and 5 o'clock shadow (which now takes about 4 days to grow), make for an awkward combination. Fortunately, in the situations where I need to pass as male, a dress shirt with a size 17-1/2 inch neck fits like a pup tent, and a good camisole or undershirt can protect what needs to be protected.

    Gradually, with her coaching and support, I've found that I have a nice range of outfits that I can wear, that range from very feminine skirt, hose, & heels outfits to pants and flats outfits. I look age and situation appropriate, which means that I'm rarely noticed as anything other than a nice 50+ year old lady. I can even talk about my grandchildren.

    DO respect that she has been a girl her entire life,
    Sometimes wives aren't your idea of feminine. Remember that your idea and her idea of feminine are different. But being a woman here entire life she has a great deal of amassed knowledge that you, having lived most of your life as a man, will probably never be able to approach. So DO ask for help doing your nails, even if you think you know how. She might have some tricks for you. DO ask her for help with your hair and makeup. DO talk to her about those silly things like why women insist on showing bra straps under a cami. DO defer to her on many things.
    This one is REALLY important. We often have many wild and wonderful fantasies of what it would be like to be a girl, especially a beautiful girl or beautiful woman. We often forget that women who are too attractive have difficulty being taken seriously, especially in business environments. We forget that teachers tend to call on boys (because they squirm and wiggle more) more than girls. We forget that attractive women are often perceived as sexual objects first, and must earn the respect and admiration to be accepted and admired for their business, technical, and community skills.

    Most men think it would be NICE for an attractive man or woman to make a pass at us. Some of us even think we would ENJOY being sexually harassed or even sexually assaulted - by a beautiful woman (or maybe even a handsome man). It's usually not until we've been out there in a really cute outfit that we experience the reality and discover how really terrifying it can actually be. We often don't perceive sexual threats and physical threats as being similar.

    Shortly after I came out and started going out in public on a regular basis, I had a few rather frightening experiences. Guys would sometimes say to me "Takes Balls to wear an outfit like that", and I would correct them "No, testicles are a liability, it takes COURAGE to wear an outfit like this. It takes even MORE COURAGE for a WOMAN to wear an outfit like this". Women often appreciated that I appreciated what so many of them had experienced at similar stages in their lives. It was frightening at 33, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a similar experience at 12 or 13, yet I'm acutely aware, because of my work with other women, how common it is for women to have these first frightening experiences when they are in their early teens.

    DON'T steal her clothes:
    If you have in the past, FESS UP. Then stop. We don't like to share. We don't want you stretching out our favorite blouse, or heaven forbid ruin one. (note) some wives are cool with sharing. Just ask/talk first.
    Another really good point. In fact, my wife has lost quite a bit of weight and I have gained some. As a result, she is fitting into many of my cuter clothes. She loves that she can steal MY clothes, but she knows that she would have my permission if she asked . When she dropped to size 16, I pulled out my old size 16 stuff from storage boxes, and gave them to her.

    DO have her help you purchase new ones:
    Buying clothes for luca was a bonding experience. I actually found out his size and went shopping for him on my own. It gave me time to get used to the idea that this was a new reality. I could pick up something and decide that I liked it. Yeah this way some things didn't fit. We had to do some returns, but I got comfortable knowing.
    My wife has told me I can't buy any more clothes until I get rid of some of what I have now. The fact that I have twice as many girl clothes as she does, and neither of us has to do laundry for 3 weeks (in girl mode), suggests that she has a valid point. One of the advantages of being in my 50s is that I know how to manage my finances, so I have been able to buy what I want when I want it. But I also need to be realistic. If I have 10 pairs of boots in the closet already, do I really need another pair? Is it really impossible for me to donate a few pair to charity?

    I have the hardest time getting casual shoes. I have some sketchers I like, but I don't want athletic shoes that look too boyish, yet I still want to be able to blend.

    My wife and I love to go shopping together these days. I help her find things that she wouldn't normally get, and she gets LOTS of compliments on those. She helps me find things that I might normally ignore, and the result is outfits that pass quite easily. In some cases, I even get complements and they don't even realize that they are not talking to a woman.

    DON'T use CDing as a substitute:
    For anything. For sex. For emotional connection. CDing is a part of you, but it cannot rule you. Once you start using CDing as a substitute for something else it becomes this large pink fog monster that your wife will have no idea how to handle.
    This is a BIG problem. For many CDs and transsexuals, social interactions with women were easy, but romantic and sexual interactions were nearly impossible. I had dozens of women who were friends, but would often go YEARS between girl-friends in romantic terms. I was a virgin until I was 21, and it was 3 years between when that relationship ended and my next lover/first wife.

    Part of this was that I was transsexual and had great difficulty with the whole prospect of being sexual as a man. I was also very small, which made me even more self-conscious. I didn't tell most of my romantic girl-friends about being transgender (didn't even know the term), but several of them figured out that I made love like a lesbian, and really LIKED that. They liked that I didn't try to rush to intercourse, that I was more than willing to give them as much pleasure and orgasms as they wanted. Several of my lovers prior to 21 loved that they didn't have to reciprocate. Those who tried found that I was too ticklish and was unusually small, so they didn't feel like they were missing anything. What they didn't know is that I would often go home and dress up and imagine them seducing me the way I seduced them, and would satisfy myself that way.

    I had the same problem with men who tried to seduce me. I liked being persued, and I loved being submissive, but since they were still relating to me as a male, I'd react poorly when they tried to stimulate me "down there" like I was male. In fact, they often wondered if I was having a good time because I never seemed to get very hard or very large (3 inches at best).

    For many of us, there is the fantasy and the false hope that once we start having regular sexual relations with a real woman, an SO or spouse, that the desire to cross-dress or gender-shift will somehow subside. For some of us, especially transsexuals, the prospect of making love, as men, is quite unappealing, or difficult.

    The big challenge here is when there are conflicts in boundaries. For example, an SO who doesn't want to bring it into the bedroom, and a TG who has difficulty with the masculine role.

    DO tell her when its going to move further:
    So this part sucks. CDing for most is progressive. Luca and I had a conversation about always being honest when he needs more. But I am always allowed to be honest and say when it becomes to much. Is this scary? Yes. Could this mean either a massive compromise that leaves one of us un happy? Maybe? Could this lead to a break up? Maybe. But in the end just TALKING about wants, needs, fears. Will give a greater understanding of "what's going on."
    This one is probably the hardest. Often, there are terms negotiated, boundaries established, and a state of mutual agreement, which may have been difficult to reach in the first place. The problem when these boundaries need to shift is that it can often result in retaliation or even STRICTER boundaries. Often, the SO will feel cheated or deceived. If your SO has reluctantly accepted your going out in public, without her, and you suddenly want to bring it into the bedroom, it could be a problem.

    One of the hardest times with my current wife, was when I wanted to start hormones. I had told her I was transgendered, but when we first started dating, I weighed nearly 300 lbs and couldn't imagine going out in public as Debbie. When Debbie started losing weight, and the weight dropped to 230, and I was fitting comfortably into size 16 or even size 14 in certain styles, the prospect of transition began to come up again. I had started transition when I was 33 - over 20 years ago, and aborted because my ex-wife threatened to have my visitation revoked. Now, my children were grown, my father had just died - telling me he wanted me to "Be yourself, even if it's Debbie". I became more aware of my own mortality, and realized that I might live another 10-30 years. Would I regret even more than I already did, that I had not transitioned - ever?

    I ordered some hormones over the Internet, and started taking them. When my wife found them, she was obviously a bit upset. She told me she wasn't OK with that. Because we hadn't discussed it earlier, I felt like this was an ultimatum, that I HAD to accept my male body, no matter how much I hated it. I struggled for months, eventually becoming suicidal, and had fixed up a "Prestone Cocktail", then that small voice of Debbie almost screamed "GET HELP NOW". I came home from my business trip, told my doctor about it, and she told me I had 20 minutes to get to the psych ward before she called the police and had them take me there.

    Fortunately, I already had numerous tools, and had already been planning remedial measures, but I DID have to call my wife and tell her where I was and have her sign me out. We finally had a nice long conversation about where I was, how I was feeling, and some of the things going on in my head. We started talking about various options. At this point, I'm taking hormones, with doctor's knowledge, and see how that works out. I've also learned that I will need to "pass" as male for family gatherings because Debbie would not be welcome to those events.

    Another of Lee's concerns was legal. She didn't want to lose the rights as a spouse if I had SRS and we were now in a lesbian marriage (which New Jersey does not consider legal). After doing some research, we found that this was a legitimate concern since certain tax benefits and legal status as spouse wouldn't apply, she might lose pension benefits, insurance benefits, social security benefits, and other important benefits - even though there had been no due process of law other than a gender status change on the paperwork. This varies from state to state, but until Chris Christy is replaced or agrees to sign the gay marriage bill on his desk, her 5th amendment rights would be in jeopardy.

    If anyone has any rules of thumb to add, want to talk about mine or whatever. Lets talk about it. I think it would be nice to eventually have a massive list of these. Even though all of them wont work for your specific situation. Even if one tidbit is helpful that would be great.
    One thing that I would add is the willingness to let her add some new terms of her own. Your SO might decide to let you experience being a woman by doing more "Woman's work", like cleaning, laundry, or cooking and/or doing the dishes. If these are chores she has accepted simply because of your previously established gender roles, then she feel more comfortable with having you do some of the chores she least enjoys.

    The same is true socially and sexually. In my case, my wife has learned that there are significant personality traits that are different when I'm Debbie vs when I'm Rex. Rex is a nerd and a clown and tends to "factoid dump" - for hours if given a chance. Rex often jokes about things that might be uncomfortable for others as well. Rex is also more of a loaner and hates playing many games and team activities. On the other hand, if we can get Debbie to come to the party, even though she's not wearing the dress, Debbie is more sociable, more interested in the passions of others, wanting to ask questions and let people share what lights them up and gets them excited in their lives. Debbie likes to participate with others, even when she is terrible at an activity, and knows it, she can have fun doing the best she is able, and taking the coaching and support of others on her team and even other players.

    Debbie is also more compassionate, willing to share her feelings, and share how she was touched, moved, and inspired by a movie, book, or music. She loves to listen to the feelings of others, letting them share what there is to be shared, and sharing how she has felt similar in similar situations, but allowing the other person to feel it more intensely since it's right there for them. Debbie also like to hug, gets excited and animated, and just loves people.

    Once Lee discovered how Debbie could be in the real world situations, she wanted Debbie to come out and play more. The result has been that she now has little hand signals to let me know when Rex has taken over and needs to let Debbie be in charge.

    One of her favorite Debbie things is that when Debbie gets dressed in the skirt, hose, and heels, she becomes almost compulsively neat. A room that Rex has found comfortable for months, Debbie in skirt and heels sees as a "pig sty" and has to clean up. The same is true with documents and paperwork. Rex will struggle to write neatly, writing very very slowly to get things right, while Debbie writes beautifully, just naturally. Rex has very little artistic skill, while Debbie has an appreciation for, and a talent for aesthetics and art.

    The irony is that the more we let Debbie out to play in other areas, the more she participates in areas like work, family gatherings, church, and areas where it can make a difference. The more she plays, the more effective I am as a human being. I have been able to let others in my life know that I'm transgendered, and that I'm transitioning. The result has been that even when I'm having to function as Rex, I don't have to spend so much time, effort, and energy trying to prevent Debbie from coming out to play. I get to be a whole human being.

    Isn't that what we all are here for? Support? Acceptance?
    Well put. When our significant other, the person we love and trust the most, is able to accept us as we REALLY ARE, there is a new freedom and a new power. We begin to see that there are new possibilities in other areas of our lives. We no longer have to spend our lives hiding in the shadows, dodging the limelight, and trying to keep others from looking too closely - for fear that they will discover the secret we have struggled to keep for so many years.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
    Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
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  13. #63
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    I am very new to the Forum as I have sat on the sidelines, being a " lurker ", while coming to grips with the realization that I am a crossdresser. Here I am, in my 50's with decades free of crossdressing, and suddenly hit with an anvil that I am a crossdresser. As many of you may know, it's hell when the man and woman inside you do battle. After weeks of doing battle, the woman has won and it feels so incredibly uplifting to know that I will be embarking on a feminine journey... a journey filled with many hopeful joys and pitfalls that I hope to minimize.
    Anyhow, the day of reckoning is on the horizon as I have to share Melissa with my wife. Melissa takes great comfort in reading ALL of the posts and they are so incredibly insightful. THANK YOU all for helping Melissa come to age and thank you for your sage advise. I will keep you posted as to her coming to age with my wife. It is a truly scary prospect, but I agree that honesty is the only way that Melissa can grow as a woman. Thank you all again for being so informative. With great respect-- Melissa in SE Tennessee.

  14. #64
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    Not saying it will happen, but you may be forced to choose. It can be a little like deciding which limb to lop off. Dominant arm or a leg. You want both but sometimes can't have both. Keep us posted and best of luck.
    Ms. Jenny and Mr. Hyde.
    Last edited by Tamara Croft; 09-06-2013 at 06:01 PM. Reason: you don't need to quote the previous post

  15. #65
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    Thanks all for such great posts. And thanks Debbie for adding some thoughts and opinions on my list. You post was a great read.

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    A lot of very good info in this thread.

  17. #67
    Teddy Squisher hallie's Avatar
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    This is a great post. Love it and wish I would have read it before telling my SO.

    The only thing I would mention the thoughts on "Lying and Half Truths". Lying is a complete no no. However, I think there should be an understanding about the difference between a half truth and not saying too much at the time.

    When I told my SO I was honest when answering all my questions. However, my answers did a lot of damage because I was tooooo honest. Had I been smart and gave her simple answers it would have been a much easier start to this whole thing. I wouldn't consider simple answers a half truth or lying but more of a bite of the bigger picture.

    Now we're doing a lot better now that I understand that and make sure to practice it every time we are on this subject. Now that I give simple answers and let her come to me with interest things are moving forward A LOT quicker than before. Now she's letting me borrow her clothes and everything
    Just half girl !
    Skype: hallielynnn - fb.com/hallie.lynn.9 (add me friends!)

  18. #68
    New Member moonedo's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
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    Puyallup Wa
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    My wife knows and chooses to ignore the issue. Wish we handled it differently.

  19. #69
    New Member HCarla's Avatar
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    Oct 2013
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    San Diego
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    Really good post! in the beginning is difficult to do the first step and talk with my wife, we did it and yes she support me, everything is about respect and love.
    About her clothes...mmm like trying her clothes, fit me! Her shoes too!

  20. #70
    Member Caitlin_85's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    101
    Quote Originally Posted by GinaB87 View Post
    My g/f and I try to make crossdressing more into a fun activity for both of us... i.e. We'll make it a girls night and do each others nails, makeup, and then go on chat roulette and flirt with guys... or w/e and get drunk lol! Or we'll go to the beach and lay out to tan etc.. It was weird at first... mostly for my s/o because her fear was that she was going to lose her b/f that she loved... Though it probably helped that I picked a liberal hipster from Portland... lmao!
    I can't imagine how nice that would be to have a girlfriend that enjoys sharing girl mode with you. That would be awesome. I would even love to have a trusted girl/friend that would spend time with me and do the things that you mentioned.
    I want to be a girl - that's all.

  21. #71
    New Member
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    Aug 2013
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    thanks, very good advice.

  22. #72
    New Member
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    Oct 2013
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    I used to help "man" a help phone line for TV's and their partners. used to find lying and hiding caused more trouble than being truthfull .I'am very happly married to a tottaly accepting wonderful woman

  23. #73
    New Member survivor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Canada
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    14
    DebbieL and Greenie,
    The two of you should get together and write a book. There is so much information, in both of your posts, that have helped me and my CD/SO. Thank-you both.

  24. #74
    New Member survivor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Canada
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    14
    Hi Isha,
    As an accepting GG, I can tell you that I think you're going about this perfectly. How long have you been married?
    If you can continue to take things slow and steady, give her the opportunity to participate, and always listen when she tells you how she feels about things, I don't think you will have to worry about losing her. She probably is very glad that you love her and feel comfortable enough to confide in her and share this unique part of who you are. I know I am. Good luck!

  25. #75
    GG/SO of a CD
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Seattle, wa
    Posts
    709
    Quote Originally Posted by survivor View Post
    DebbieL and Greenie,
    The two of you should get together and write a book. There is so much information, in both of your posts, that have helped me and my CD/SO. Thank-you both.
    Haha. Debbie is a much better than I am. I can just dictate.

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