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Thread: Tips to an SO's acceptance

  1. #76
    Junior Member Veronica497's Avatar
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    Moonedo,
    Have the two of you discussed yet why she chooses to ignore this?

  2. #77
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    It's a very difficult decision to make on one hand lying or even just withholding the fact that you dress can cause big problems when your s/o finds out. On the other hand telling your s/o can be the end to a relationship. I know that I wish I would be able to tell my wife I dream that we can go out dressed together and have a nice girls night out. But she would never understand and would most probably leave me. I love her too much to lose her so for now I have to limit dressing for when I travel.

  3. #78
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    Great post. Now I just need to do the first step.

  4. #79
    Trying to learn TightsInHiding's Avatar
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    Great post, such great and useful information, thank you.

  5. #80
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    haven't had luck with this one yet. brought it out to one girlfriend and shortly afterwards we are no longer together.

  6. #81
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    I love this thread and some very good advise in it ,I am in a very loving relationship my wife who knew about my CD before we married and accepts that part of my life to the extent that she will buy me clothes and makeup,she has always said that becouse I was honest about it and did not try to force her to go faster at coming to terms with that part of my life than she was comfortable with made all the differance.That and the fact that when I buy some thing for myself I always buy some thing for her helps.

  7. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sue View Post
    Great list Greenie. If I may....

    Don't let CDing become the priority:
    In anything. It shouldn't be the priority when there is free time. A marriage should be about things you do together and things each of you should do without each other. Don't look at every free moment as a CDing opportunity. In the same vein, every free dollar isn't for another dress. Keep the family priorities straight. Every bit of this should be about balance and the balance is achieved through communication.

    Excellent advice! CDing is only part of the relationship, not the entire thing. At least I hope that is not the case.

  8. #83
    Any Ventura TG's here? Sheelah's Avatar
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    My wife gets freaked a little, but is a good sport, for the most part!

  9. #84
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    lots of good reading here, i hope i can come clean eventually, im the girlie, her not so much , very drab, no dresses, heels i bought she does not wear, i dont do it anymore, but love when she wears them ,
    she likes watching football with me , even does the fantasy stuff, got her an app on the co. phone, madden games, fishing when we used to have time and money, she would take her own hooks out,

    always fantasized about sharing this with her, and after joining this forum and reading all the great stories, and great people, my hope would be to have a dress-up date with her, at home or if i get that brave go out, will have to buy some flats, sneaks wont do, and dress down quite a bit.
    she has made negative comments on the lifestyle, but ive always felt she has suspected and uses that to keep the status quo.

    mostly thank you for this thread and sharing your relationship with us , seems i may have a tough task ahead.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  10. #85
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    I have read so many stories of CDs lying about it to their SO's and I would have to say that is so wrong. I think that is the most damaging part of what many CDs do to their relationship. Being dishonest is a total no-no. I have been fortunate to grow up with my SO and thus we have gone through much of this together. She has found out about this as soon as I did.

    Don't lie. Don't be dishonest. Don't deceive. Honesty builds trust, dishonesty destroys hope.

  11. #86
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    When we first started dating I would wear her panties to work to feel her all day is what I told her. After a couple months she questioned me about wearing her panties. I'd made up my mind that the next woman I'll tell of my crossdressing and exhibitionism. That was 15 years ago and she likes for us to go shopping today. I'm so lucky.

  12. #87
    American CD in Germany
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    Thanks for the encouragement, I came out to mine about six months ago. She chooses to ignore and says she will never feel comfortable around me dressed. Every conversation turns into a fight.

  13. #88
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Krissy, don't get too down about this. For a majority of women, this is uncomfortable and not something they enjoy or want. Part of it is society, and part of it is just the normal genetic orientation. I doubt my wife will ever be comfortable with the physical part of me dressing. I do not dress in her presence. We talk about things sometimes. Sometimes I vent, sometimes she does. But through the last year we have come to a point where there is acceptance of this part of me. She will sometimes even joke about it. One thing I find is that I make it ok for her to be not ok with it.... so long as it does not turn into a negative about me. I am still a man who loves her, treats her well and we have a great marriage.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  14. #89
    Junior Member Laura Collette's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    She told me everything about herself, where as I did not.
    I was guilty of this too. I had been in denial and when I finally faced myself as a CD I wanted my wife to know how happy it made me. I took it way too fast and she spent a lot of time crying. Now she understands that Laura is part of me and won't replace her or compete with her. She still doesn't like to see me made up too much or paint my toenails red so I don't when she is here. I'm progressing as Laura right now and want to be up front with her but at the same time not to hurt her. And I know from my past experience that I go through periods of self denial and of self acceptance as Laura, so I don't want to push my wife too hard if my feminine self might soon go into hiding anyway. My marriage is not threatened but I want to treat my wife like my best friend which she is. I'm so lucky to have found her.

  15. #90
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    A good point that in early conversations, we who are somewhere in the middle go through different times where the masculine and feminine side are more in control in a certain sense. There are times where I simply am feeling and relating more masculine, and vice versa. So, when our wives or GF's see the masculine side they should be made aware that it (the fem side) is not of a passing fad, even if it (the masculine side) reigns for weeks or months.

    One thing I have told my wife, is that even during my more masculine times, there are still feminine feelings and desires present, and also vice versa when the feminine side is more present. I am never 100% in either direction.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  16. #91
    New Member Jubileee's Avatar
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    For me, its weird with my gf, At first I didnt think much of it when I was very open about it when I came, i'm not super sure why cuz I would figure she be okay with it as most girls are.( so i thought) When I think about it though it makes sense at the time bc when she met me I didn't do this, so when all of the sudden I started doing this and expect her to be ok with it. Its a bit of a shocker from her point of view. so I don't blame her. But at first she was supportive about it, she did my make up for me, picked out a wig for me (it was halloween, perfect cover) But then once I was fully dressed trying to be natural about it around the house. She got uncomfortable about it. ....So I told her I would stop. A month later (now) I couldnt resist I started up again but secretly this time. She found out, and was cool about it, especially when I told her I told my mom (who also was okay with it) ....So I asked her "why were you so uncomfortable about it b4, and now your cool about it?"... her response was (no joke) " ....you know you cant take me seriously lol" (true story). SO In my opinion. every woman is so unpredictable and balled up with so much emotion. Some can handle it better than others, but if they cant fight through it all to see that this just makes you flat out happy. Then I dont think you should be with that person anymore... Why would you be with someone who wont let you be happy? I know this wasnt much of a tip but yea...
    Last edited by Di; 12-03-2013 at 12:34 PM. Reason: read the rules

  17. #92
    Junior Member LauraOTN's Avatar
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    My Wife and I met at RHPS, so the first time she met me I was in a skirt! She's always been OK with it, so I think I lucked out on this issue!

  18. #93
    New Member Christina8's Avatar
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    I am more inclined to agree with Krissyrotogirl and her relationship. My wife and I just dont discuss it. She is either ignorant to the fact that I have gender issues and like to cd or she is in denial, but when we discuss, we fight...

  19. #94
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    DON'T be transsexual. And above all - don't transition.
    Sadly, unfair as the above statements are, they are a cold hard fact. If you tell your SO you are transsexual, and in particular that you need to transition, there's about a 90% chance your relationship is done for.

    You can read a bunch of BS opinions on this forum that tell you that this is all your fault, think about how your poor wife feels, how dare you be so dishonest and hide this from her, etc. Ignore the opinions as well.

    It isn't your fault you are transsexual. It isn't your fault you need to transition. It isn't her fault she can't deal with it. Just understand that you've both been dealt one of the cruelest cards life can throw down on you both. It isn't anyone's fault, and anger or guilt on either party's part, while normal and understandable, doesn't change a thing, and isn't very productive in the end.

    I'm NOT saying don't transition. I think a lot of energy on this forum is devoted to the notion you can somehow avoid this. You can't. It isn't an especially safe idea to even try, although won't stop you from trying anyway.

    Just know that when you do, unless you are very lucky, your relationship is over.

  20. #95
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    I recently opened up to my wife. Tell her how you feel and who you are but don't overwhelm her. Its a process. Promote her talking to one of her girlfriends too. I think its good that my wife has an outlet to get her feelings out to a friend. I'm comfortable enough now (took me years to accept that I'm a cross dresser) that I don't mind if people know. I found out that her girlfriend is very supportive and we are actually going to have a girls day at the house soon. Taking it slow is the key, but good things will come! We have our entire life ahead of us sweetie!!!

    Well said!

    Well put! Honesty is the key... Without honesty you are hurting her and yourself.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 12-28-2013 at 08:33 AM. Reason: Merged- please use the edit button

  21. #96
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    Good posting with helpful tips and advice. Laughter and not taking oneself so seriously helps lighten the load too. Thank you

  22. #97
    Aspiring Member MarisaRose.'s Avatar
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    I opened up to my wife years ago (15) and it is still a daily struggle some days for her. I would say that the goods days could be defined as tolerance and the bad as distain. My wife has spent her entire life as a hairdresser, and I can tell you she has an expectation. A crossdressing hubby isn't one of them. I get that and make changes as slowly and predictable as possible. It's a process. The story of how I came out is a great one and I'll share it with anyone, but that's a post for another time

    Marisa

  23. #98
    Junior Member Marsha My Dear's Avatar
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    Wow, such an excellent thread! Thank you Greenie for your perspective. I did tell my wife that as the most feminine woman I've met, she's who I would most like to emulate.

  24. #99
    Junior Member DivineMissAmber's Avatar
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    This isn't really a tip. It's more of a perspective. When I first came out, my wife had an issue with me "taking over her territory" for lack of a better phrase. All individuals have their own ideas of the feminine and masculine roles. When someone you trust starts to cross into your space, you might feel threatened and betrayed. Some people have very strong ideas of feminine and masculine roles. Others have more fluid definitions.

  25. #100
    New Member Krosstina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexis61 View Post
    Promote her talking to one of her girlfriends too. I think its good that my wife has an outlet to get her feelings out to a friend.
    I'm interested to see know how her outlet friend has responded to you in face to face meetings. I also feel bad since I came out to my wife about crossdressing that she has no outlet, but im not sure I am ready for anyone else to know but my wife..

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