Interesting question from my wife..

[Trishpdxcd2]

Just before bed last night my wife came out and said,"is that someone's lipstick on your toothbrush?" True I had dressed a couple of days ago but it would be surprising that there was lipstick on my toothbrush. I know I didn't brush my teeth until the end of the night when all my makeup was off. She then asked me if I was having sex with anyone. We have essentially said to each other that it would be okay to have a fwb on occasion as long as it wasn't an affair. So I told her I have no interest in any other women and the erotica I have indulged in lately was autoerotica.

And that was that. I thought she might follow up on things this am and ask me again about the lipstick but it was as if we never had the conversation. Makes me curious if she suspects something. Funny thing was that I didn't see any lipstick on my toothbrush when I went to brush my teeth.

[Stephanie47]

The feline is out of the bag. On July 20th you posted your wife made a comment about mascara and quipped about cross dressing. You're not kidding her. Every woman who wears makeup can spot the smallest spot of makeup. Time to come clean and I don't mean makeup.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Funny though, my wife is very direct which is confusing. I think she would just ask me if she suspected it.

[kimdl93]

More completeMs you owe her a More complete answer.

[AllieSF]

Just surprise her and tell her first. I agree that I think she already knows or has suspicions. She may be just giving you opportunities to open up about it. If you have that somewhat open relationship, then she may be more tolerating/accepting than you may think. So .... think about it.

[MysticLady]

. She then asked me if I was having sex with anyone. We have essentially said to each other that it would be okay to have a fwb on occasion as long as it wasn't an affair.

This concerns me. Is she trying to tell you something between the lines. I would not be ok if my wife would to become someone's toy. That would finalize my divorce for sure, no questions asked and no answers taken.

[Lorileah]

Funny though, my wife is very direct which is confusing. I think she would just ask me if she suspected it.

Better idea...own it and quit playing games. You could be the mature person here and stop the silliness

[Beverley Sims]

No! your wife is fishing, she knows and wants you to take the bait.
This is the second time it has happened and as for an open relationship....
All fraught with danger.
She may have put the lipstick there herself to test your reaction.

Time to tell so she won't yell!

[noeleena]

Hi,

You may think being the mouse is okay, till caught & then wham its over, fishing or not , we know dont keep trying to fool us it wont work.just own up .

...noeleena...

[Amanda M]

How many times have we read here what a believe to be true, that honesty is the best way forward, even though it brings it´s own risks. You´re woman enough to wear the make up. Ask yourself in you are man enough to tell the truth. You might just surprise yourself.

Best, whatever happens, Amanda

[Erica Marie]

Im thinking its time to open up to your wife. If she is open minded enough to allow fwb and doesnt mind you satisfying yourself when needed. I think she may entertain the idea of you crossdressing. Feel her out, bring up the subject in such a fashion that you dont lead her to think that you do. But see what her reaction is about others that dress if she doesnt have any bad reaction maybe slowly let her know that the make up and lipstick is yours.

[Angela Campbell]

She knows something. She is not being direct because she doesn't know everything, but she has some reasons to suspect and may know much more than you think.

[DebbieL]

Time to have "the talk". She knows something is up and fears the worst. At the same time she wants to know more. Pick a time when you are alone together and have at least thirty minutes to talk. Say, "I've been cross dressing", and admit to the signs she has been asking about. Then let her ask questions. She may even support you and want to play with you. If she has guessed right, she may have already done some research. Ask her what she knows about it. She might have some sissy fantasies of her own. Sissy theme is combination of cross dressing and female domination. See where she wants to go with it. At worst she will be relieved and just want you to keep it to yourself. What if she wanted to "force" you to dress up like a girl? No matter what, knowing will be better than uncertainty and fear driven imagination. You can also share how personal this is for you, and your fear about letting anyone know. Women often have a hard time understanding that fear. They don't usually experience or observe the violence directed towards "sissies" starting at about 5 years old and continue into high school. This will help her understand why you kept it such a secret for so long.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Trish, It's funny that at my age that I've never heard of FWBs' I just google it.
By the way I think that your wife knows about Trish.

[linda allen]

What is a "fwb"?

I agree with most answers here that it's time to have the talk with your wife. Tell her about your dressing and use of makeup.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can't share a house (and a relationship) with someone forever without getting caught if you're dressing. Wearing makeup or a wig really increases the risk of getting caught.

[Princess Grandpa]

FWB= friends with benefits

[suchacutie]

If you've already agreed to a fwb situation, can having a femme self be an issue?

[Kimberly Kael]

If you've already agreed to a fwb situation, can having a femme self be an issue?

it can definitely still be an issue. Fidelity and identity are two distinct subjects that she may well have very different feelings about. The one thing I'll guarantee isn't okay, though, is deception. If she feels she can't trust you then things will get a lot more complicated.

Open up to her. You owe her that much.

[MysticLady]

Hi Trish

Just tell her already. Use the cajones you were given. If not, just let her come home one day and you just be sitting on the couch all dolled up. Just remember, It may be, no more pookie for you, if she's on the homophobic side. If they can only understand that they are not lesbians when they are married.
It's just a perk of being married.

[Kimberly Kael]

If not, just let her come home one day and you just be sitting on the couch all dolled up.

Hopefully this is meant in jest, because in practice it's a pretty confrontational approach. Discussing the subject is much more respectful of your partner's feelings and creates less ill will.

If they can only understand that they are not lesbians when they are married.

I'm sure that would be news to married lesbians in 13 states plus the District of Columbia! And sometimes Pennsylvania.

[ruthie801]

Trish
Do you use your owm cosmetics or do you borrow just a little bit from your wife's. That could be the answer maybe she see's her lipstick and mascara being used?

[ReineD]

I agree with the others, tell her. The consequences of not opening up to her will be harsh in terms of eroded trust.

Your wife already suspects something. She knows that the lipstick comes from somewhere, she asked you about it presumably with the expectation of getting the truth, and you also expected her to ask you again since you know that your answer was a half truth.

These are games that I would not engage in. It's no good when SOs project their fears on something that has happened, and they make up all sorts of stories in their heads because the other person is not forthcoming.

[Marie-Elise]

If my wife said it was OK to have an occasional FWB, the last thing I would be worried about is telling her about my crossdressing.

Having said that, who knows...this whole thread sounds fishy to me. But that's just me.

[Annaliese]

I came back from a Conference, when I got off the plane and we were in the car, she said you are wearing make up I thought I had clean it all off. We talk and she said let see all your clothes. She know come clean it easier in the end.

[Tracii G]

Just tell her already and quit playing games.
Sounds to me you are leaving the tips and want to be caught.