Met a trans friend for dinner last night at a chain steakhouse (she gets her name legally changed tomorrow and wanted to pre-celebrate a little). The staff was all pleasant and friendly, but when I walked in the hostess looked at me and said "Are you looking for another one?" in a bright and chipper voice.
Should could have simply met another single person but that was a truly odd way to put it.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
Yes, not a good thing to say but it does say you're not quite passable. Me neither!
I'm 6'5" in flats and 280 lbs. I don't ever expect to be passable. But I try to dress appropriately and look put together.Originally Posted by Lacyfem
And flaunt the cleavage, just to confuse people
My friend is simply very androgynous looking. So it was somewhat strange.
I would have said, yes Maam, in a loud manly voice. I most definitely do not want too be confused for a GG.(no offense Girls)
I've always been very soft-spoken. I've always found big guys who were loud and overtly macho kind of annoying, in that "attention *****" sort of way.I would have said, yes Maam, in a loud manly voice. I most definitely do not want too be confused for a GG.(no offense Girls)
Unfortunately people seem to default to rudeness when faced with people, ideas or things they don't fully know or understand. The hostess' comment was totally inappropriate and unwarranted.
maybe a slip, maybe a clunky, mis-worded way of asking if you were joining someone already seated. (sometimes words just get in the way) Your friend prolly asked for a table for 2 and that you would be along. doesn't have to be interpreted as a comment on your appearance.
I would have asked her "another one? What do you mean?"
Another what? Thats what I would have asked to put her on the spot.
Some chains include diversity training as part of their orientation. Other chains only address this with management. Laws also vary from state to state, and even within states, enforcement and culture may vary quite a bit. In 1991, in Colorado, I would be addressed based on my presentation in Denver, and had access to facilities, and there were legal protections. 60 miles south, in Colorado Springs, a manager threatened to have me arrested for using the ladies' room at his restaurant.
In Austin and Dallas, there are large LGBT populations and better support and protections. In Houston, you could be attacked and the perpetrator would get a slap on the wrist, but if you fought back, you would be facing the maximum penalty.
Sometimes, people who have no culture that supports transgender and diversity don't understand that we are PEOPLE, and would like to addressed based on our attempted presentation. What is most offensive is being referred to as an "It" or "One of those", like we are objects or non-people. When it happens, I just assume that they were probably home-schooled, or went to Wasilla High, or some place equally isolated from a world of diversity. The were just never taught that manners apply to ALL people.
There have been a few times when kids have been particularly insulting. I'll turn, and in a sweet voice I'll say "I have a second wife, 2 children, never missed a child support payment, and make a nice 6 figure income. I've also never been violent. Can you say the same about the most masculine men you know?".
Amazing how quickly there is a new respect for "the guy in a dress".
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Yes being 6'2" in flats myself I understand and like others have said you could have or should have put her on the spot. Would have been fun. Either way you have great clevage!
Muggles are often unprepared to deal with us and sometimes they slip up. They may not realize how sensitive we can be to being "made." Her statement may seem odd, but I don't see any disrespect. She was just trying to get you together with your friend in an efficient manner.
Look, If we want to become part of the "mainstream" we have to accept that we will be recognized occasionally. This isn't such a bad thing if we are treated as just another group of people!
Let's say that we did something to strike back at this hostess, such as a complaint or a snide comment. Would that have made her think better of us? I sincerely doubt it.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
"in a bright and chipper voice."
???
Maybe she simply took YOUR bait, ["And flaunt the cleavage, just to confuse people"] and decided to do a little fishing of her own?
That's the catch when one goes fishing?
Eryn said exactly what I going to say, but much better than I would have.
That's a new one. A muggle. I wonder how many muggles lurk the boards?
Maybe she had justed seated another one of us and assumed you were meeting there for diner.
She might have meant "Are you looking for someone like yourself?" and being nervous might have cut herself off. She might have read both of you and just assumed you were performers, or folks coming from a costume party. For most of the cis population we are rarities and not something they see everyday, and she might not have been sure what to say. I would not assume it was necessarily coming from a place of malice.
Sometimes I think that rather than being cheeky,some remarks from staff may come from simply being a little apprehensive upon meeting one of us,could be the girl was unsure of herself,or what to say
Sophie
Last edited by t-girlxsophie; 08-07-2013 at 08:56 PM.
We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire
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A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a roseFacebook:Sophie Johnson
I always like to throw about fear, uncertainty and doubt. While I know I wouldn't have been quick enough on the draw (I don't usually think fast on my feet), this is what I think would be a good response.
Um, yeah, but there's supposed to be six of us
the implication being that 4 of us already snuck by you without you even noticing.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
You should have put your hand on your breast and said "Did I lose one?"
Ever have something in your head that sounds fine, and then it when comes out it's sorta of like, "Well, that didn't quite come out like I imagined."
This is an awesome post and most definitely something I agree with.(two thumbs up!)
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The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I had that comment beofre...nother to do with gender... its just her saying there is only one other alone person waiting for someone. Asking, are you with another 'one'?
Chickie
Three thumbs up.
or you could have just said, "Oh, I thought YOU were him."
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