Any ideas on this?
I'm not sure if the safe haven is the right place for that sort of thing plus I probably don't qualify yet.
Something where you can get critical, yet honest and not dickish feedback on which direction to go.
And yes, I'm already aware that both my male and female pictures are available here so privacy isn't the real concern.
Posting this here since it's more of a TS issue I think.
There is no such thing as a 'safe space' when it comes to one's appearance interacting with cisnormative patriarchal beauty standards.
With that said, I moderate /r/transpassing on reddit; feel free to post.
There is a Sticky in the Safe Haven where members can post their photos and ask for comments.
AFterthought: How exactly do you identify at the moment, Corinne?
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 08-11-2013 at 05:36 AM. Reason: Afterthought
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
I haven't had that kind of reaction myself. Yes I have noticed a few times when people "look" at me but so far no comments I have heard. I do tend to ignore other people most of the time anyway. I do notice sometimes that people will make a point to walk up and talk to me asking some question or another. I get the feeling sometimes they just want to talk to the tranny but they are always polite and nice about it.
Then again I am in a pretty accepting area and even in crowded tourist areas (Downtown Disney, Kissimmee, International drive) there has never been any problems at all.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Corinne,
How you look has very little to do with the problem of "which way you should go." If your quote means deciding if you are male or female then you are missing the point. Some M to F transsexuals look like football linebackers. That is unfortunate but they are still women. They can't decide to not be a women because they can't "pass." We are on this forum to give encouragement and support to one another. We have to play with the cards that we were dealt. Some men can doll up and pass as beautiful women but they know that they are men. Good luck with your quest. And, by the way, to me you look drop dead gorgeous. Leanne
I actually believe that you get the most accurate feedback when you are out in public, you know, face to face with the real world.
I have posted some truly terrible pictures of myself here and on other sites and been told that I look great. I have gone to Meetup sessions and social T gatherings on a bad hair day and been told that I look good. IMHO, at times, we tend to be rather forgiving of one another rather than being totally honest. I myself, tend to believe in not saying anything if you can't say something positive. Thus the reason that I may not post a reply, I don't want to hurt any ones feelings.
But step out into the real world and face people who don't know you and you will get all of the honesty you can handle. Oh sure, people are busy today and don't pay attention to you, but they do see you, and if you walk with your head looking forward, and not at the ground, you can see their reaction to you. Better yet, go into a woman's clothing store and try on a few dresses. Not just in the dressing room, walk out into the mirror area and ask what another woman thinks of this dress on you. You want honesty, well, be careful what you ask for.....
Women are always wondering how they look to others and are never satisfied with how they look. Kind of goes with the territory. But it is nice to get honest critical feedback sometimes. I have a few friends and we help each other. You need some work on your hips, makeup suggestions, hair styles, mannerisms it goes on and on. If it is critical with some ideas of how to correct and not just insulting comments it is very helpful. BUT....opinions are just that and what someone else like may not be what you want to look like.
Leanne is right some of us will never be pretty or very feminine, but that is just the luck of the draw. You have some pretty good features and may be one of the lucky ones. But no matter appearance takes a lot of learning and it is good to always be looking for a way to improve.
Last edited by Angela Campbell; 08-11-2013 at 07:32 AM.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Corinne, the most important thing is to work with what you have, not with what you have not. We had a thread like that some time ago in the Light Topics. People were very afraid to post pictures of themselves there because the whole idea was to be honest and not go for the "you look great" thing. I would love to give it another try, but unless people take heart and post it's going to be difficult.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
I get more feedback from my wife than from anyone else. Unfortunately most of it is "You look fat" or head-shaking "I don't like it" or "Can't you do anything right?", with not much that is "usable" for improvement. And my wife's "I don't like it" is often that when wearing it, I don't look like her image of what I should look like: I am not elegant enough, I am not fun enough, and so on; for me to look like just a woman going out to buy groceries is not right for her.
Members of the public do not tend to say a whole lot to me about my appearance. Not even when I accidentally wear something inside out (though I did have that pointed out to me the other day). I do get occasional compliments from women. I get few stares. I do not get much "avoidance"; I get about as much attention as the next average-looking not-overdressed person.
I don't want to steal the thread, but I'm blown away by how many young people are transitioning and that may be on hormone therapy. Wow. And so open and accepting about it. Kudos to you all.Originally Posted by ameliabee
When the answers escape us when we start to fade
Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are
So much truth to this. The internet is truly a terrible place for passing feedback - depending on where I post I get told that I'm absolutely gorgeous or need a ton of FFS. I pass virtually perfectly IRL but don't feel all that attractive.
Heh, I want to cry every time I hear of 'em getting younger and I'm 22 and recently post-op.
IDK I don't think I want the brutal honesty thing. I'm quite happy with my fantasy that I look okay.
The posters that said being in public is the true test are right. You'll be able to tell by the reactions...There's more to it than just looking female. It's the attitude and the way you carry yourself too (comportment).
I pretty much feel that I'm TS, but honestly I'm not too big a fan on the word for some reason.
I'm actually going to get a referral from my doc tomorrow to see an endocrinologist.
What I mean for the appearance feedback is whether or not I need FFS, is my hairstyle going to work, strong points, weak points, ect...
I could do it in the main pics forum but tbh it is a little hugboxy.
I agree that interacting with people IRL is an acid test; certainly better than comments from pictures on the Internet. The most honest feedback will come from face to face critique from other TS you know and trust.
It's been my experience, that most cis people (those who know that I am TS and also those who do not) are too polite to stare overtly or say anything to my face if I'm dressed feminine. It's when I'm dressed as a dude that people really do stare. :-/
Simone.
Last edited by gonegirl; 08-11-2013 at 02:08 PM.
If you don't have money for FFS don't worry about your face structure for now. Work with what you have. Concentrate on makeup and hair instead as well as body shape. You could post pics in the photo gallery and ask for honest opinions only. Kathryn's idea might work too.
Seems to me that Safe Haven is the place for this and I'm sure that the people who have responded in this thread will be happy to give you the sort of feedback you have requested.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
That's kinda what bothers me a bit though.
I'm definitely more of a tomboy, I don't want to have to wear makeup and I'm a bit upset by the fact that it's going to be a necessity.
Maybe this week I'll work on it a bit and join the other forum when I have enough done that at least the shadow is hidden.
Thanks all
Hi Corinne
you have to decide what you want to do....makeup and wigs are a lot of work..you have to decide for yourself how important your appearance is to your quality of life...and decide for yourself what impact "passing" will have on your quality of life..
FFS is not beauty surgery...in my own life, it was just as important to my congruence as SRS was...prior to either surgery, FFS was way more important..
I'm not pretty by any stretch but I look female effortlessly.. and that was only after significant ffs...its possible that your face (which looks great in your picture) is effortlessly female in appearance, but that's only from one angle as others have mentioned...
I look more like a woman in person that I do in pictures!!! that's what ffs does..
think of it this way...when people see you or hear your voice and "wonder" about you, with successful ffs, they will look at your face and say "oh, its a woman"...and that's with or without makeup...
ffs works very well most of the time, based only on the one pic I bet it would work well for you..
Kaitlyn,Corrine is young and isn't going to have the money for FFS any time soon. Plan B is that she work with the pretty face that she already has..
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
That was the best pic I chose from all the angles...
Myspace angle syndrome I think
I guess one of the bigger differences now is that my face is getting thinner because I'm weaning off a drug that puffs your face out quite a bit.
While I most certainly could never afford FFS in the next few years it'd be nice to know what would be best to focus on.
Unfortunately I can't do a recent pic until at least Thursday since I'm under a shave embargo until electro on Wednesday afternoon plus the healing time.
Other cues are likely going to stop me from passing anyway, but at the very least I'd like to erase as many masculine features as possible.
The couple of photos I saw, you look good in femme mode. You are not fat, face isn't overly masculine etc.
If you look as good in RL as in the photos, I don't see where you would have many problems.
Everyone thinks it takes all these surgeries to live as a woman. FFS has limited effect, no one sees what is in someone's pants, so what is the point of obsessing about those?
For looks alone, the first step is to establish a look. Seems you have done that. That tends to change though as we learn more and get bored with the old look.
The next step is figuring out how to OWN who you are. Once you do that, you will actually start to get annoyed at the number of compliments you hear. Even if you don't "pass" but still own it, people will see that and you will do fine.
I don't pass any better than you yet I am out most days made up, hair done, and something pretty, even if but a blouse and capris.
Keep in mind that the most likely people to tear you down are other TG.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Did you read my message Rogina? I guess not...
Corrine..
If FFS is out of the question, but are possibly getting it in the future..there will be a lot of change if you go full time and start HRT...
if you do HRT for a long time you will see a lot of change...if you go fulltime you will get the best feedback because over time you'll get the real world feedback that will help you..
that feedback will include the everyday grind, if you don't pass without makeup, you won't pass with makeup except in a very cursory way...or you may feel you need a lot of makeup....day to day you'll get the reactions of people and you will learn how you feel about it..
you'll see on a daily basis how well you are passing, you will see yourself everyday and get used to it...and most importantly you will develop your own sense of confidence and congruence
...people that haven't lived full time (including folks planning a transition) can't really speak to what its like and how it can impact you....after 3, 6 or 24 months full time , you will know much better what this all means to YOU, and you'll be in a good place to decide what to do about...
Nicole is right....you OWN who you are by stepping out and living full time(assuming you are TS), and by owning who you are , it makes every decision in your life much LESS complicated and scary..
I've been doing a lot of thinking and aside from me being slow as hell I've decided to go into this as real as I can be.
Here is me, as I am with only the 19 hours of completed electrolysis and the closest shave I could manage.
This is what faces the public every day.
Makeup would just hide the truth of what I have to work with so without getting too hugboxy what could I work on or go to a pro and say "here are my issues"?
Also: Yes, the mirror is dirty - I'll get around to it... eventually.
:P
The idea that makeup is necessary is interesting. It's certainly necessary to get to the image you have in mind (or closer to it, anyway) - but I don't think that's what you meant.
This makes me think of oft-updated slideshows showing celebrities with and without makeup. Many who are stunning when made up are incredibly plain when not, and some are butt-ugly. Neither reflects on their womanhood.
You look a bit like a young Bette Davis made up. So yes, if you want to look like Bette Davis (or whomever), the makeup is "necessary."
I share what I assume is your fear - of being easily and instantly read as male. Makeup, however, only goes so far anyway.
[edit]
Oh, I forgot add that one way of soliciting more direct feedback is by sending some excruciatingly revealing shots privately to someone you trust. No makeup. Even lighting. No wig. All angles - front, side, three quarter, etc. I did this and it was mortifying, but the feedback was honest.
Last edited by LeaP; 08-20-2013 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Added content
Lea
By a necessity I mean to hide the beard shadow and attempt to mask the more masculine features that I have.
Enough other things are going to give me away regardless but I'd rather try and work toward something that won't have me gendered as a man 100% of the time.
I don't have anyone I could trust, that's why I posted my everyday look on the last page instead of in a more private area because there is more visibility.[edit]
Oh, I forgot add that one way of soliciting more direct feedback is by sending some excruciatingly revealing shots privately to someone you trust. No makeup. Even lighting. No wig. All angles - front, side, three quarter, etc. I did this and it was mortifying, but the feedback was honest.
You're right though in that I need better quality pictures and from more angles.
Last edited by whowhatwhen; 08-20-2013 at 08:32 PM. Reason: Caught edit
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