Why MUST you progress??

[ReineD]

Missus, it's because they have to start somewhere, and the easiest place to start is something small like panties and hose.

The mistake that you may be making is believing that a CDer has reached his end point when he is just starting out. A lot of the CDers don't help with this, since the tendency is to downplay it and not divulge everything to a wife right away. Very few CDers will be able to tell their wives, "Honey, I know that I only underdress and I know that I'm in the closet because I feel as if I don't pass, but you need to know that it is my secret wish to start practicing on the makeup, eventually get forms and a wig, learn to hide my beard, shave my legs, build up a wardrobe, all so that I will be able to go out and look like a believable female. Or, if I can't go out, at least I want to look in the mirror and see a believable representation of a female".

It takes time to reach that point, but the desire to get there for CDers like your husband, perhaps, was always there.

On the CD front however, I had tried to avoid over the years the lure of the lingerie and silky soft materials but, after a short period of abstinence, bang! I'm back with avengeance.

You mention lingerie and silky soft materials, so I'm guessing that for you the dressing is sensual and/or sexual. It's uncanny how powerful are sexual urges and this is why they come back with a vengeance after a period of abstinence, while the desire for alcohol for example, abates with abstinence. I think that sexual urges are among the most powerful that we humans have. The reason for this is pure biology. We have a primitive and fundamental desire to propagate our species. So, any behavior that is tied to our sexual desires is imprinted at a very young age and it is almost impossible to get rid of it once it is imprinted.

[PaulaQ]

Hi again, TheMissus. I'm going to fire back some fairly blunt questions - not because I'm trying to challenge you or to be mean, but just because I'm not so sure about your conclusions.

I am actually one who will disagree though as my H and I have had extensive counselling in this area and can pinpoint the very thing that got him on this path. Up until this point, (age 7 I think?) he hadn't a 'girl' thought in his head. Nothing. The idea never even occurred as it doesn't to most young boys.

My H started CD in large part because of how his father outright rejected him - and in small part - because his father rejected his sister less. (He also had incidents of being forced to wear his sister's clothing that sealed his fate, so to speak) That's it. My H soon took comfort in all things NOT his father (his mother's clothing, her perfume etc) and the path was made. Now here we are.

If his desire to dress is largely a result of a psychological shock / abusive childhood, then surely it's being well controlled with psychotherapy right? If so, then why are you here asking "Why MUST you progress?" If it's because you have found a solution for your husband, then congratulations, and tell us the secret - and sign me up for a triple shot of it. My opinion is that your husband's gender issue may very well have started with a trauma of some sort - but more as a psychological trigger for an underlying physical issue. Anxiety disorders work in this way. It is certainly possible that for some of us, there are gender issues with both a physical and a psychological component needed to trigger them. We don't really know one way or the other about this with TG, because frankly, no one gives enough of a damn to seriously study this, and it is fairly rare.

Would you ask your counselor about other physical disorders of the brain or body?

So I don't believe everyone here has a different brain gender anymore than I have a boy brain because I like to rock climb on occasion because it calms me down. I think SOME have gender dysphoria, while the rest unwittingly picked a path brought about by circumstances not of their doing. I mean, what little boy REALLY understands the hard reality of his future when he tries on that dress? None, of course. They're just doing what makes sense at that moment, as any child does.

And we would differentiate between people with GD and people with "something else" how? How does this serve any purpose other than to stigmatize a person for something that happened to them in childhood? What purpose would this idea serve, other than to provide an alternative to a simple, but potentially ghastly diagnosis? Again, it's useful why?

Anyway, I'm fairly certain male brains can decide to wear a dress too, so I'm firmly in the camp that gender dysphoria is a condition SOME here face, while others walk a very different path that COULD lead to addictive behaviour.

So why then do the following types of treatments help eliminate neither cross dressing, nor transsexualism:
- psychotherapy
- antidepressants, antianxiety medications, other psychoactive medications prescribed by physicians
- electro-convulsive therapy, or other, much gentler and actually ethical forms of behavior modification
- 12 step recovery programs
- other addiction treatment programs

So we have two independent conditions - gender dysphoria and cross dressing. They are independent because "much arm waving ensues - mostly because cross dressers and TS folks say they are independent"? Yet CD can be a symptom of GD. Both are unaffected by the same types of treatments that help other psychological or physical brain conditions. Yet we are certain there is no relation between the two? I mean, I'm not certain that there is - but it makes a hell of a lot more sense to me than the arm-waving bullshit I've read (not from you, dear TheMissus, I respect your opinion - in papers and such) that says they aren't. Maybe they aren't identical conditions, but are closely related, and this is confusing because both have some common symptoms, with "just a CD" being MUCH, MUCH, MUCH less severe.

Consider, for example, type I and type II diabetes. They ultimately have different root causes in most cases - but until newer medications were invented, the treatments for both were identical - insulin shots.

Sorry if this comes off kind of strong. I've thought about this a great deal, and I think that the medical community likely misses the boat on CD'ers even worse than they do on TS folks, because even the gender therapists and stuff I've spoken with generally don't give a shit about CD'ers. (I've asked.) I respect your opinion, and I have no idea whether or not I'm on the right track on all this, or not, but I just fail to see how your idea explains anything. I can't say with certainty that some types of psychological scarring and abuse situations couldn't lead to someone becoming a CD - it is possible that there really are multiple ways this stuff happens. But I still maintain that it is probable that there is a common, or small related set of biological issues that leads someone to react this way to certain stresses, and then ultimately makes it so compelling that even MASSIVE social pressures don't stop it.

[DonniDarkness]

the reason treatment doesn't work is because its not an illness.

Societies intolerance to crossdressing is what causes people to become ill. being a crossdresser does not mean you are unhealthy, how you deal with crossdressing does effect your health

and Missus......there are women in this world who are attracted to femme guys.

-Donni-

[TheMissus]

You mention lingerie and silky soft materials, so I'm guessing that for you the dressing is sensual and/or sexual. It's uncanny how powerful are sexual urges and this is why they come back with a vengeance after a period of abstinence, while the desire for alcohol for example, abates with abstinence. I think that sexual urges are among the most powerful that we humans have. The reason for this is pure biology. We have a primitive and fundamental desire to propagate our species. So, any behavior that is tied to our sexual desires is imprinted at a very young age and it is almost impossible to get rid of it once it is imprinted.

Reine, here you've described my H! There is and never was a 'girl inside'. He sexualised some very painful moments in his life many moons ago and to this day he is STILL a guy even when he looks uncannily like a woman. He dresses as the woman he'd like to have sex with - it's pure paraphilia and in no way related to gender dysphoria. That is a crock of BS in my book and denies men like my H understanding as I'm reading how so many here progress and go public and tell the children etc, but my H may NOT do any of these things because he likes to dress fully in private, orgasm and take it all off as fast as he can! It's an illusion that he lives, but he can no more quit doing it than the CD's with gender dysphoria as, like you mentioned, he's webbed this through his sexuality and it's bloody impossible to remove a fetish once it's imprinted. I think most psychologists would say impossible and instead they treat people with paraphilia like they do men who CD for gender dysphoria - they help them accept this part of themselves and incorporate it best they can into their life.

My only feeling on the biology of all this is that my H must have been genetically wired somehow to form a fetish. Or, they just randomly come upon a person at the right (or wrong) sexual developmental milestone. Erotic Target Location Error actually sums things up fairly well - for whatever reason, a combination of social, sexual and perhaps genetic issues misdirects a persons sexuality away from others and shifts it onto themselves or a body part or an object or situation or whatever. It's quite interesting and some scientists even think there may be some evolutionary benefit to paraphilia. Ha, as a wife I'm yet to discover it!

Anyway, thanks for understanding where I'm coming from

And Donni, I know plenty of women DO like femme men, but I was talking of men who present and pass (as best they can) as women - the average CD in other words. That's not a femme man - that's a woman, at least to the unsuspecting eye and that's a whole other ball game. I think women can and have evolved past the chest beating knuckle dragger and enjoy the things about men that JessM mentioned, but they're still presenting as men. It's the average CD who removes all trace of the man who will forever struggle and women can hardly be blamed for that. Heterosexual does not mean 'lesbian in disguise'. I know this will disappoint men all over the world, lol

Of course, if you're insanely hot, it's possible you can wear what you like and the girls will follow

[PaulaQ]

He dresses as the woman he'd like to have sex with - it's pure paraphilia and in no way related to gender dysphoria. That is a crock of BS in my book and denies men like my H understanding as I'm reading how so many here progress and go public and tell the children etc, but my H may NOT do any of these things because he likes to dress fully in private, orgasm and take it all off as fast as he can!

1. What about MtF TS who seem to have a transvestic fetish, like your husband, but who eventually transition? What are they?
2.a - I'm glad your husband isn't apparently going to progress, that's really excellent news. Why'd you ask why some of us progress then?
2.b - Nobody but me thinks MtF CD suffer anything like GD. (That many who suffer from GD do CD is demonstrable - but they are not considered "just a CD".) For the most part though, as I said and as best I can tell, nobody in the medical community cares much one way or another about CD.
3. Many MtF TS have one or more paraphilias. This is something Blanchard observed, and as much as I dislike his conclusions, it seems like a sound observation. Indeed, his theory is that older MtF TS suffer from a paraphilia as you describe, but ultimately find the need to transition. So if Dr. Blanchard is correct, this condition could very well be progressive for someone like your husband.

So I again, ask what the point of the thread was? Are you trying to say some of us shouldn't find this stuff progressive - that it is some type of choice to progress? Or is that only true in the case of someone with autogynephilia, as your husband apparently suffers from? Or what are you implying?

edit: BTW, I wish I knew why my condition was progressing. It is progressing extremely rapidly. At it's present rate, I figure I have a (I hope) at least a few months before I totally break down and become either completely non-functional as a person, or just end it all. Maybe it's only a few weeks though. It is moving fast, and I am in serious trouble. (CD'ing helps a lot - but it's starting not to help as much. The Paxil and Buspar I take for anxiety helps a lot - but it's starting to not help as much. Too many more meds though, and I fear I won't do much else but sleep.)

So let me say that I hope you are correct, and that what your husband suffers from is different than what I suffer from, and won't be progressive. Because nobody should go through the hell I'm currently going through. I am by no means certain this stuff isn't going to kill me in relatively short order.

[Vickie_CDTV]

My only feeling on the biology of all this is that my H must have been genetically wired somehow to form a fetish. Or, they just randomly come upon a person at the right (or wrong) sexual developmental milestone. Erotic Target Location Error actually sums things up fairly well - for whatever reason, a combination of social, sexual and perhaps genetic issues misdirects a persons sexuality away from others and shifts it onto themselves or a body part or an object or situation or whatever. It's quite interesting and some scientists even think there may be some evolutionary benefit to paraphilia. Ha, as a wife I'm yet to discover it!

Some studies indicate "ETLE" is more common in those who are introverted and/or have been abused (I am both) than the general population at large.

Given the profound effect abuse can have in determining how a child ends up, I can't image that it includes so many different facets of development but somehow sexuality magically is always excluded in every case.

[TheMissus]

PaulaQ, you sound in a terrible place. I'm very sorry my question upset you - I was genuinely curious and concerned what I read here as my H has always insisted it's not progressive with him but I see now that for many other men it's not either. For some it is, and I now feel I understand why a little better. Maybe that also helps with my fears?

As for how you're doing, I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. Why do you think it's getting worse for you? If you could transition today do you think you'd feel better?

I'm really sorry you're unhappy and I also hope you don't harm yourself in any way. You might feel useless and pointless but you're not!!! You're part of all this and understanding won't come if people don't stick around!!

[TheMissus]

Some studies indicate "ETLE" is more common in those who are introverted and/or have been abused (I am both) than the general population at large.

Given the profound effect abuse can have in determining how a child ends up, I can't image that it includes so many different facets of development but somehow sexuality magically is always excluded in every case.

You mean, people have sex?? OMG, we couldn't possibly acknowledge that! Let's pretend instead that all problems stem from non-sexual issues and leave all that icky sex stuff for the weirdos.

Yep, I'm a little cynical here too, lol. We've been through the ringer dealing with my H's CD and it's only after learning how important sexuality is for human development that I started to understand all this better. (My situation, that is - I'm in the dark still about CD as a whole).

Anyway, I remember reading something not long back about a mother worried about her teenage son who kept having sex with plush animals. He was also looking at hardcore Furry online porn etc. She asked the son outright WHY and he said he was always rejected by girls. In this case, a fetish began from something as basic as no girls were available.

Hormones and sexuality are HUGE deciders in who we become - I don't doubt this at all. It's just a shame we're all too squeamish to discuss it.

[Angela Campbell]

I sometimes get the feeling that some here have seen things unfold for others...me for instance....that trouble them. My story has been here for all to see but understand that those like me are rare. Even on this site. Most of the men who crossdress are not a woman, and most will not end up in transition. Very few will.

Reading about the lives of people like me can be upsetting if you worry that your spouse will end up like me. He will not. At least the chances are overwhelming that it will not happen. I know reading about those who do progress and progress rapidly can make you sit down and think, and that can lead to fears and insecurities.

I know over a hundred crossdressing men who all have no desire to be a woman and just enjoy having some time to get dressed up and go have a little fun. For a lot of them it is much like a hobby. No harm no foul, they dress up, go out, have a good time, then resume a normal male life with their family and friends.

Yes it is pretty common for many to progress but very few progress..."all the way". I do not know you or your H at all so I cannot know but I can understand the concern. I wish you both well.

[Andinera]

Why do rock climbers progress from 500ft cliffs to scaling icy waterfalls and solo cliffhangers. It amplifies that feeling we love and chase after.

[DonniDarkness]

Of course, if you're insanely hot, it's possible you can wear what you like and the girls will follow

Yes. Because to be insanely hot requires someone to carry themselves with confidence and conviction... no matter their gender or sexuality.

And Donni, I know plenty of women DO like femme men, but I was talking of men who present and pass (as best they can) as women - the average CD in other words. That's not a femme man - that's a woman, at least to the unsuspecting eye and that's a whole other ball game.

Forgive me but this thread and the questions you have asked here are more aimed at YOUR view of your CD. A man putting on a dress and making an effort to pass does not make him a woman, that makes him a very good crossdresser/transvestite. If a CD or TV lives their lives as men then they ARE MEN, its not until the progression of hormones/surgery and living full time as a woman that this perception of both the world and their inner selves are changed permanently.

Some of us here have very healthy relationships with our spouses. A few of the members have stated such in this very thread. What all these relationships have in common is communication and an incredible effort to understand each other. This is something i see in your posts here and its why ive chosen to speak up.

Spouses of TG people go thru a transition too. You're in yours now. All the ish has hit the fan and now you're mentally scrambling to understand, feeling somewhat left behind and grabbing at the last bastion of masculinity from your husband.

But seriously dont worry, all of the spouses of CD's and TG people go thru this. Its going to make you question: sexuality, identity, social repecussions, your future, his future, and many many other things. Right now you're looking for anything to justify his actions and give yourself peace of mind about your own vanity as a woman. There is fear and anxiety that your family and friends will think lesser of you.

Im not saying all this to be mean. Im saying this because ive watched the woman i am in love with grow and develop with me. This is not my journey this is our journey.

The more you are involved in his life as a crossdresser, the more you come out as a TG/CD couple, and the more people you meet that have healthy relationships that exist within the enormous realm of Trans*...the more all of these fears and anxieties diminish. It's human nature to fear the unknown. When the unknown becomes known, it ceases to fuel these social, marital and self-identity issues.

My wife and i have been through a lot learning and soul searching in the last few years. When i came out to her 12 years ago, before we were married, we had no idea we would be where we are today. Our life together is strong outside of our self identities. We raise children. Own small businesses. All the while being out and involved in our local LGBT community.

Something that helped us the greatest aside from communication was getting involved in the local LGBT community. It gave us an insight to see that even though we may be different than most couples, there is a normalcy involved within our dynamic. Having friend in your life that you can vent to about whats going on in your relationship without the fear of being judged is also incredibly priceless.

All in all. If you don't progress together its not going to work.

the insanely hawt,

-Donni-

[Trishpdxcd2]

Interesting thread. I know that dressing is more sexual for me than about dysphoria. Having said that, the more passable I am the more gratification I receive even when sex isn't involved. But I agree with how strong sexuality is and for me it is tied to my dressing even when sex isn't involved.

[MysticLady]

Yes trust me...it goes by fast. And I would rather "progress" than become "stagnate"

I don't believe that progression is pre-ordained. You DO see a lot of people saying that here. I object every once and a while; everyone is different. One thing most of us genetic males who post here have in common is that we are actively involved in dressing to some degree or other, and we choose to be here.

Thank You Both for Helping me Understand Myself Better.

[ElaineB]

One thing I saw pop up a few times was the desire for more acceptance and honestly, I don't think that's far off. Society is changing FAST and I don't doubt crossdressing will be boring to most people in the future.

Maybe... we can hope... but maybe not. GLBTQ crusaders have made a lot of progress in pushing tolerance but if you keep your eyes and ears open you will notice there are a lot of people out there who havent really changed in their dislike of anyone not vanilla-sexual... they just keep more quiet about it but they have not gone away. Big changes invite backlashes and we may see that too.

Anyway... on the central question:

There are many reasons why people crossdress... as many sets of complex reasons as there are crossdressers. We should all look at ourselves trying to figure out why we do what we do, because there is personal growth to be had there. That is probably the super-short answer to "why must we progress?" ... because it is simply natural to explore yourself.

However... we should make an effort to do that honestly! All of us ask ourselves why we do it at some point ... often in great length in forum posts... but too often people are obviously just looking for ways to rationalize doing what they want to do. Some people are willing to ask themselves if they are really women or men on the inside because that lets them carry on dressing... but not willing to ask themselves if maybe they are just looking for a way to escape stressful reality because that might lead to them not doing it. I think that sort of path is the one that leads to the broken marriages and disrupted families and similar trauma (and that was the real question was it not? "Why do some progress too far?")

Sticking labels on our reasons does not make them less any complex and it often does get in the way of figuring ourselves out. So you are a transsexual or an addict or a fetishist or gender-dysphoric or an abuse survivor... so what? People within these groups still have a zillion differences between them. If there is some actual useful information that goes with the label... take that onboard without letting yourself be pigeonholed.

[ReineD]

My only feeling on the biology of all this is that my H must have been genetically wired somehow to form a fetish. Or, they just randomly come upon a person at the right (or wrong) sexual developmental milestone. Erotic Target Location Error actually sums things up fairly well - for whatever reason, a combination of social, sexual and perhaps genetic issues misdirects a persons sexuality away from others and shifts it onto themselves or a body part or an object or situation or whatever. It's quite interesting and some scientists even think there may be some evolutionary benefit to paraphilia. Ha, as a wife I'm yet to discover it!

The word "fetish" has, unfortunately, been associated with some sort of pathology as if it is somehow unhealthy to be attracted to something else than a partner. People do need to educate themselves about fetishes. There is an intensity scale with fetishes just as there is with any other human behavior. For some people it is a mild, harmless kink and it is not a preference over a partner. But for others, engaging in the fetish behavior is most definitely the preferred sexual activity which is not an issue for single people but if they are in relationships, it places the non-fetish partner in the unenviable position of taking second place to the fetish. This level obviously causes issues in relationships. And for the more extreme, rarer cases (this level and this level only is pathologized), the fetish takes over a person's life and has a decided negative impact on their concentration levels, their work, their relationships, their socializations (they will isolate themselves to engage in the fetish behavior), etc. This is when couples or an individual seeks help.

I'm not sure how fetishes develop (or, if you will, a sexual preference that is directed to something else than a partner whether it is an object or a scenario) ... whether someone is predisposed to cultivate a fetish, or if it does become imprinted on a person's sexual map sometime in their childhoods. Here's a link that offers a theory, so readers can judge for themselves:

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/0...-and-fetishes/

I think that in your paragraph above you are describing the vast majority of CDers across the spectrum of fetish intensity ... and not necessarily the CDers who participate extensively here since this site does not allow sexual content; but certainly the CDers who visit the plethora of trans-sites devoted to the sexual aspect of the CDing. For example, Google will return millions of sites that have a sexual flavor vs. the few hundred CDers who post here on a regular basis, even if some of the CDers also visit those sites.

Many of our members who dress strictly for identity reasons whether they are TS or they are gender non-conforming (they fall somewhere between both genders), may have difficulty acknowledging the existence of cross gender expression for sexual reasons. A different scenario is the natural ebbing of libido in middle age as the result of diminishing testosterone. Often, CDers for whom it was sexual in their youths will have developed a bond, if you will, with the feminine persona so that in middle age she becomes an integral part of their inner being. I believe that it is at this point that thoughts of transsexualism or "transgenderism" (for some people) begin to manifest themselves simply because a person cannot explain otherwise, a desire for cross gender expression that is no longer mainly sexual. But, this is beside the point. For a lot of CDers (including, apparently, your husband although in all fairness we have not heard his take on this?) it is predominately a sexual thing and it is difficult to redirect sexual preference to a partner without a CDer's wish to do so and without professional help. But first, he must acknowledge that there is a problem and that he potentially risks losing his relationship over the fetish.

[Wildaboutheels]

It's really quite simple. Unless a female can look at 2 dimensional images of a man [OR a man's body parts] and "get ready" in as little as 30 seconds, SHE will NEVER understand.

CAN you do it?

Unless you are a female that is capable [and easily obtains] an O 99% of the time, with or w/o a partner, you will NEVER understand. Just as a man is never going to understand how "most" women can discuss a "problem" endlessly, [and be content] w/o ever discussing a "solution" that will easily solve or end the problem.

When and ONLY when men can become pregnant, will we [men] lose this "silly" vision thing, that easily enables us to achieve MEN'S most basic programming to impregnate as many females as possible.

[PaulaQ]

@ TheMissus - I'm not upset. Let me tell you a short version of my story, and perhaps you'll see why I asked such pointed questions. (I'm typing this sitting in a doctor's waiting room, going in to talk about HRT).

So I always had kind of a fetish for legs, feet, and especially stockings and heels. The reason for this was completely obvious to me, I was born with crippled, deformed legs, and suffered greatly through surgeries, learning to walk, all sorts of unimaginably painful experiences. We won't even go into my Dad, that was bad too. So obviously I sexualized my early experiences - that's what I told myself.

Sound familiar so far?

So this time last year, once every 3-6 weeks, I'd masturbate while wearing stockings and sometimes panties. I bet I dressed up less than your spouse, and did this less frequently too. I didn't have much opportunity.

And yet here I sit, one year later, awaiting to discuss HRT, and praying for relief.

This stuff can change fast, the current theories suck, the medical establishment doesn't care mostly, and the idea that having a transvestic fetish means someone won't transition is flat out wrong.

Watch for signs that things are getting worse, not so much dressing more, but worsening emotional condition when not dressing.

[Marleena]

@ Missus.

From what I have see here some don't progress at all. Many find a comfort zone and are happy with it too. It depends where they are on the gender spectrum. I can understand wives panicking though. A very small minority will discover or finally accept they are TS. The numbers may seem larger here only because this is an MTF board. Your SO will know where he's going with it.

[MatildaJ.]

Watch for signs that things are getting worse, not so much dressing more, but worsening emotional condition when not dressing.

Good advice. Thanks, Paula, and here's hoping that your appointment goes well and you get some relief soon.

[MissTee]

Gheesh, this is becoming quite the cocktail party post. Got room for one more?

So, I like dressing because I like dressing. That's all. Wife of 35+ years knows and supports. We have fun with it. I do NOT want to "progress" or transition or change. I like being a man, doing man stuff, etc. Being a husband in all ways. Dressing gives me a creative outlet and it allows me to channel off stress. I so enjoy that. Not sure why, but don't care to analyze it for value because not everything that feels good needs an explanation.

My wife and I share dressing time in private. Makes for some fun adult get aways . I don't want to "share" with the kids, neighbors, community. If I can digress and offer a fitting analogy: I like to go bowling, but I do not want to bowl for a living. Same goes for Cd-ing. I will always be just a dude in a dress, but it has its advantages.

BTW, it urks my wife that my hooters are removable. Says it's an unfair man-vantage.

[Lainie]

Addiction is defined by habituation & withdrawal. Those who dress for the thrill of forbidden fruit become habituated when small steps are not scary anymore, & suffer boredom in withdrawal of the thrill. There is also the sense of accomplishment in doing a difficult thing & developing a skill.

Everyone can rationalize to justify their own behavior in any area, CDing included. However, it is apparently true that CDing itself is not harmful, since many suffer no significant ill effects. People who suffer do so because it drives a wedge between them and people they care about (love, work, ...). A big factor here is disparity of experience. CDers tend to be secretive, so they habituate while those around them remain unaware. Hard to preserve relationships that way. Hence many report success when disclosure happens early in a relationship, failure when it happens after a long period of secrecy.

Almost all divorces are due to other causes. Why couldn't those people just learn to get along?

[Leona]

I didn't read the rest of the thread, so my apologies if someone else covered this ground.

I read often here of progression so I have to ask - why MUST your dressing progress from whatever minor place it started into a daily nightmare where wives are lost, children are told and extended families broken apart? Why can't you exert some form of self control over the progression? Surely this is part of living in the human race. Surely we can all agree that a society where people indulge entirely in their own needs is not a society that will survive. We'll be scratching our butts with the monkeys in no time.

Why did you progress to grow up to be a woman? Why didn't you stop before it became a problem?

At some level, it's a problem of acceptance. We have to grow up just like GGs do. We have to become adult CDers. Unfortunately, that means for many of us, we're kid CDers in our 30s. But we still have to grow up, and we'll make mistakes along the way, and probably ruin somebody's life in the process (most likely ours, after hurting a few people).

I'm thinking something happened with your H that I'd know if I'd read the whole thread...

2.b - Nobody but me thinks MtF CD suffer anything like GD. (That many who suffer from GD do CD is demonstrable - but they are not considered "just a CD".) For the most part though, as I said and as best I can tell, nobody in the medical community cares much one way or another about CD.

I agree with you. I think I was a MTF CD suffering from GD, and accepting it and moving on cleared it up. No dysphoria now. I don't think in a heartbeat this is true for all who suffer GD. Everybody's different. I DO think that for some it is possible to clear up the dysphoria through self-acceptance and self-expression. For others, not so possible. Your own story tells us that.

[PaulaQ]

Good advice. Thanks, Paula, and here's hoping that your appointment goes well and you get some relief soon.

Well, it went OK - I liked the doctor. I've been having trouble getting a letter for HRT from my therapist. "We shouldn't need a psychologist to tell us what we need," is her philosophy. Unfortunately, in this state, the law says that I need precisely that. I'm talking to her about this, hopefully she'll relent. If not, I'll find another therapist and start over, waiting a while for HRT. FML KMN. I'm pretty depressed. Sorry for the OT.

Nevermind what I said. I'm sure everyone here is just fine, and nobody progresses unless they want to. As for me, I'll bow out. God obviously hates me anyway - that's the obvious explanation for my life thus far. I'm just cursed, what can I say?

[Amanda M]

Missus - progression to transition is NOT inevitable. Far from it, and a very small percentage of crossdressers go down that route. I am a plain vanilla crossdresser, and nobody is going to interfere with my male bits, thanks!

Why did they turn out to be crossdressers? My take is that it is a multi factorial issue, with genetics family environment and peer pressure all playing a part, all at different levels through the entire process of our growth as human creatures.

Now, I´m going to stick my neck out. Crossdressing is to a great extent, narcissistic activity, hence, for example, the large number of posts on the photo form and the "Am I passable? How pretty am I? type of posts. And yes, of course, if I am correct, that since I crossdress, I share that approach to a certain extent.

It is a marked facet of narcissism that the narcissist comes first, often at the expense of friends and relatives, and I´m quite sure that we have all noticed posts on here that are clearly in that vein. I wonder, if the trait of narcissism is prevalent to a degree in our community, how much that has to do with a person´s movement along the transgender spectrum over time. Worth looking at, maybe.

[NicoleScott]

...why MUST your dressing progress from whatever minor place it started into a daily nightmare where wives are lost, children are told and extended families broken apart? Why can't you exert some form of self control over the progression?

This isn't a flogging, but I think your question is flawed, when you assume that the inevitable endpoint is a train wreck. Not so. With some exceptions we can and do progress but keep it in balance and live a normal life.
Progress -from what - to what? Different answers for each of us. My journey is far different from the one who, at a very young age, knew that his identity was a mismatch from others' expectations based on his genetalia. If transition is the only good outcome, it's a long and difficult progression, with crossdressing being one of the stages from here to there (him to her). My progression isn't anything like that. I have always dressed for pleasure, just a guy who likes to dress up occasionally, and I have progressed as well, but in a different way. For me, progress is about developing the look that pleases me. It didn't happen overnight.
Progress in any form doesn't have to end as you suggested.