Hey guys! I know there has been posts on this before but i just need some advice. Im just gonna call my SO "Tom" for this post.
So I going out with my boyfriend over 2 years now. We're madly in love. We suit each other perfectly and I would be quite happy to spend the rest of my life with him. He's sensitive, gentle, loving caring and kind. He is also very masculine...strong, well built, muscly, bearded. We're both very creative individuals and thats part of the reason we were drawn to each other.
Shortly after we told each other we loved each other (about a 6-8 months into relationship)Tom sat me down and said there was something he had to tell me now before the relationship went any further. He told me it wasnt fair to me to continue on without telling me this. Eventally, he came out with it " I like to dress up in womens clothes sometimes".
My first reaction was disbelief (I actually thought he was joking- he is a big joker), followed by hundreds of questions what? why? when? for how long? WHAT?! wHY?!. Then I broke down crying for about an hour. I asked for time by myself to process the information. I was speechless. There was so many things going on in my head. But i managed to deal with them and realised that I loved Tom too much to let this get in the way.
Tom has told me that he only does it about once/twice a week. Its a private thing for him( he has no desire to meet other CDs or go outside dressed up). He doesnt want me to see him doing it.
Things have been progressing very well since then in our relationship and we both believed that this made us stronger. At one stage, we even looked at clothes for him, talked about it openly etc. Tom gets very embarrassed talking to me about it though( its as if he hasn't accepted it himself maybe?!) I was the first person he has told about and talks to about it. But every now and again, I get this niggling feeling, that I haven't fully accepted it. I worry about the future and I have so many questions about CD that Tom cant give me because he doesn't understand it himself. I have asked him these question but I never get an answer that satisfies me.
For example: Why does he do it? Is it sexual? Will he want to do it more as time goes on? WHY? wHATS the attraction? What if our families find out? How will it work if we live together?
Im so confused. I dont want to let this break us up because i love this man with all my heart. I suppose my biggest fear is that 10-15 years down the line if we get married and have kids, and then Tom decides " Oh well actually, I want to do this CD alot more now." Like i just could not handle that. Im worried about that risk.
It all came to a head recently. I was gone away for a few weeks on work business. Me and Tom were talking everyday on Skype, facebook, texting etc... I was soooo excited to come home after the few weeks and see Tom again, as was Tom. We both missed each other terribly! However my elation was shortlived when I discovered Tom had completely shaved himself ( whole body) to experience the smoothness of a woman for himself. This really upset me. He did it in the frst week of my absence, so by the time I came home, he was prickly and stubbly all over. Every time, we held each other, the prickliness just reminded me! It really irritated me, literally! He also dressed up more than he usually would while I was away ( 3-4 times a week). This was my biggest fear realised that he would get into CD more and more.
I want to accept this. I dont want TOM to stop doing this because its obviously a part of him and I wouldnt want to change him. If im honest, part of me wishes that Toms CD did not exist...i know thats horrible. I just need to change my mindset and accept it.
Any advice out there? Do I need to go for counselling to accept it? What do I do?! pLEASE Help I dont know what to do!