What Else Can Go Wrong?

[Leah Lynn]

I was just putting my truck in gear to head out of state, when the phone rang. I was waiting for the full results of Friday's stress test, as well as waiting to hear about my psych appointment.

It was the Heart Center, letting me know that the Dr. found "significant changes" from last year's ST. So, I'm having an angiogram in the morning. If necessary, he'll put in more stents. Oh, yes, I already have seven. On top of six bypasses.

I've been told by a couple cardiologists the I shouldn't transition. So far, this one has been "guardedly" approving. I really hope this isn't the event that becomes the dealbreaker. I've waited so long to get this far, I'll need a shrink if this journey has to end here. I'm standing on the platform, watching that wonderful train pull into the station. Soon it'll come to a stop at this very platform. I'm so eager to climb aboard, to claim a seat on the transition train. But will my ticket be snatched from my trembling hand? Will I be denied that ride? "Please depart from the platform, now, Sir! You, in fact must leave the station. Thank you, Sir!"

I'm sitting here, with tears flowing down my cheeks, my stomach aches, as I wonder what is going to happen with my transition. In a day or two, I'll have the answer to that. And I'll share it, whatever it may be.

Hugs,

Leah

[Persephone]

Thoughts and prayers are with you, Leah.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Marleena]

Hope things work out for you Leah. Best of luck with it.

[IamSara]

I hope all goes well Leah. My thoughts are with you.

[Leah Lynn]

Thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts. I'm hoping everything goes well, not really worried about the angiogram, I've had a few, okay, somewhere around six?

Hugs,
Leah

[Raychel]

My thoughts are with you as well, It sounds like you have enough health issues.
The stress of this can't be helping.

I wish you the best.

[kimdl93]

I hope the news will be positive regarding the ST changes. As for transitioning, I hope you'll follow your cardiologist's advice. But don't lose heart...umm poor choice of words... consider what you can do to change your life even if HRT isn't in the cards. (Sounds like you've had plenty of surgeries already!)

[StephanieC]

My thoughts go out to you.

-stephani

[Julie Gaum]

Kinle93 has, IMO, the best idea for you to prepare your mindset to accept the worst news, then if you are permitted to proceed so much the better. I'm sure that you really wanted to go the full route, but if it isn't in the cards, so be it. Our destinies are only partially in our hands to determine --- fate, destiny, the Will of God --- whichever applies to you personally to enjoy the rest of your life ---- more in that vein: the way the ball bounces, how the dice roll --- not for us to control and that's the way life is --- make the most of the cards dealt.
Enough time worn cliches but you get the idea.
Julie

[Nicole Erin]

Even if you cannot get HRT, SRS and whatever else you are wanting, you can still live as a woman. I know that sounds about as lame as someone telling most TS, "Can't you just dress at home?"

Thing is, if you really NEED these things to be happy, suppose you go thru with transition...
It could shorten your life span but at least your quality of life for those last years will be better.
Seems to me that it is time for some serious soul searching.

[Anne Elizabeth]

I am pulling for you. Hope for the best and whatever that you can find peace in any situation.

[dreamer_2.0]

Also thinking of you, hoping for good news. *hugs*

[Leah Lynn]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm thinking of a quote from Benjamin Franklin. I will paraphrase, as I don't remember the exact words, I am a pessimist. If I expect the worst, and it doesn't happen, I'm pleasantly surprised.

I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised, but must consider the worst case scenario.

Hugs,
Leah

[arbon]

Thoughts and prayers to you to

See what they say , what happens, then you can plan from ther

[Nigella]

Leah

I have always taken the worst case scenario in each step of my transition. It has prepared me to accept that some things must be, but if the outcome is better, it is a bonus. You need to consider what you can do to get the best out of what may be a bad situation.

Your primary concern must be your general health, without that then any form of transition is mute. You may find that if, because of your health issues, certain aspects of transition are not available to you, alternatives may be available.

Thoughts are with you

[linda allen]

Leah, I wish the best for you, but please be carefull and take your cardiologist's advice. Not transitioning has to be better than being dead. And as others have pointed out, you can still live as a woman without it.

[Sara Jessica]

It's one thing to make a conscious decision not to transition and live with the result but yet an entirely different thing when you are ready to rock'n'roll and to have to deal with the specter of your plan being taken from you. I really feel for you and echo the advice given elsewhere that when life deals lemons, make lemonade. It sure beats the alternative.

[I Am Paula]

I pray that they find a way to allow transition with your existing health conditions. It seems like shallow solace that generations of trans girls before us lived as women without HRT.
Don't make plan B, before every chance for plan A's success has been exhausted. Best of luck.

[LeaP]

I hope things go down the happy path. Having badly failed a ST at one point, to be scheduled for a cardiac catheterization ASAP - only to subsequently hear that I had the arteries of a 20 year-old, it DOES happen.

Best of luck.

[Kimberly Long]

Leia I wish you the best. I am 73 have had 5 heart attacks two open heart surgery for by pass. I went to the cardiologist's on June 21 and was told everything was very good, June 23 I had another heart attack. Was taken to the hospital I was dressed and had my nails and toes painted bright Red. Many in the hospital joked with me about my nails but there was nothing I could do.
They put in a pace maker, it is hard at this time to wear a bra, the strap ride across the pace maker. But I will dress again as soon as I can
I have lived full time as Kimberly for the past 5 years and even being old I enjoy every day of my life.
Hang in there life will get better.
Love Kimberly

[Leah Lynn]

I'm home. Dr. put in four more stents (11 total). A couple of the earlier stents were 100% blocked with scar tissue. He said that wasn't my fault; my cholesterol looked great.

As for starting HRT, he wants to discuss the drugs and dosages with the endocrinologist before giving his opinion. Very encouraging wording.

In the darkness, I can see a glimmer of hope. Ladies, thank you so much for the encouragement and well wishes and prayers. Because of you, I do have hope.

Thank you all,so much.

Hugs,
Leah

[Rachel Smith]

I am glad to hear you are home and that your Dr didn't just say no.

Hope the glimmer of hope turns into a blinding light

[Aprilrain]

Murphy's law, what ever can go wrong will!

In spite of this, somehow, it always works out in the end.