A SAD day

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Thirty years ago I was in the same situation. We had been married for about 7 years. She helped me with outfits and all but wasn't 100% comfortable with it. Her cheating was to get involved with drugs and a drugging "friend." We separated for a month and my coming back home was to give up CDing. For 8 months I was miserable and everything else fell apart and I left for good. Very few of us can actually give up CDing without other problems starting including underlying resentment because of ultimatums. You do realize from reading other threads that this is basically a permanent part of our being. Today I have a wife who totally accepts me the way I am, and I work to give much back to our marriage, and her.

Just my experience.

Cheryl

[Alice B]

That is a very difficult decision for you to make.I hope it works out well for you. Don;t be a stranger.

[Lex321]

I am not sure I could or would be willing to give up dressing. The longest I have ever gone has been 3 months. My wife seems accepting, I am really hoping it stays that way.

[Sejd]

Hi Carrie
A couple of thoughts comes to mind. It is relatively easy for any SO to blame everything on your gender queerness, but sometimes they have problems of their own to work on. Secondly, it seems a bit unrealistic that you would be able to kill off something which is a central part of you. Why don't the two of you go into some therapy and find a solution for dress up which serves both of you. The issue of infidelity is something completely separate which you guys must deal with. I wish you luck for sure.

[DonnaT]

Best of luck Carrie.

Been married 38 yrs this month. My wife started out accepting, then not, etc. etc.

I gave it up for her several times. But it always came back.

8 yrs ago, she was not accepting again. This time, however, I told her she could leave if she wanted to, and that if she did, I would still love her. But the fact is, I've tried it too many times to know that I can't give it up, so I wasn't going to try again. It was to be her choice this time. She was shocked.

She left, stayed gone a few hours, but came back. We had a frank discussion, and now I dress anytime I wish, except for wig and makeup (only for going out). She knows all too well that I cannot quit, so there is no reason to even say I'll try.

So, maybe it will work out for you. Maybe you'll dress again, and go through similar cycles. All you can do is hope for the best. If you reach the point I did, and don't want to put yourself through the cycle anymore, and tell her it's her choice to go, hopefully she'll stay.

[CynthiaD]

The way I read this is that she's behaved badly, and she's trying to pretend it's your fault. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't believe the "just short of" part of the having sex either.

[Sonya]

Do not make the mistake of promising things that you will not be able to uphold.

I agree with this 100% from my own experience, I wish someone gave me this advise when I was found out by my ex.