I am getting **** for my long girly nails

[BlairP]

Hi peeps...I recently decided to grow my nails out for the first time in my life. They are quite long...about 1/4" past my fingertips and shape squarish and with a clear pink tint polish. I just totally love the way they look and evrything I touch all day long makes me feel erotic and girly. They are so sexy to me and I dont want to cut them. But they get longer every day and I know I have to trim or file them at some point.

I work at a retail store and I am starting to get funny looks and comments by customers and coworkers. My god they are just nails but people have such strong opinions about them. Sometimes I feel self conscious but mostly I dont give a shit any more. I love my girly nails very much and they help me to e press my fem self all day long in a really real and up front way. I keep then very clean and polish them twice a week.

Do any of you have any thoughts or experience with this? How long is too long in guy mode? (Its a bad indoor picture...they are actually very white...I dont like yellow nails...the tips are ao white it looks like i have a french manicure (if only)

[bridget thronton]

If you like your nails long - ignore the comments, they will stop when they no longer get a reaction from you

[SophieKitty]

You should totally go in in girl mode and say "I thought I'd match the rest of my body to my nails" xD

[brandi.tgurl]

haha Sophie!
if you like them (the nails), and they (the nails, again) make you feel good, who cares what others have to say? i mean, unless it is actually causing a distraction or situation where work is not, or can not be done - or be done safely, and properly, they are your nails, and no one can tell you, or expect you to wear them a specific way. i personally think they look amazing! (and they look all natural, too. congrats). i love what you did with the tint. i also grow my nails out on a regular basis (anywhere from 1/8" to 1/4"). however, i don't color them, except with clear coat - sometimes. and, i also groom my eyebrows. i've never had anyone comment on my nails - and comments about my eyebrows have never been negative, and i work in an industry that is much more gruff than retail. i am actually surprised that you are getting that response in a retail field. you could always give into the pressure, but, it really comes down to having less drama from them (coworkers and customers), or is it worth putting up with it to feel good and have pride in how you look? but, i think they look great, and would expect, if you keep it up, the heckling should go away.

[Lynn Marie]

You stated that you work at a retail store. Therefore you are representing the owner of the store while you are there. In order to stay employed your appearance must conform to the owners image of an ideal employee. The store pays you, they have every right to expect you to represent them well. Anything you do that causes your appearance to appear out of the ordinary will be noticed by the store and will jeopardize your future employment. They own you during business hours.

[SophieKitty]

Unfortunately Lynn Marie is right. You'll have to trim if your boss says so but your nails aren't freakishly long. Maybe say you've joined a religion that forbids cutting of hair or nails. They can't fire you on religious grounds!

[Rogina B]

Nails are a funny thing in that they are like an eye magnet. I am only a boy while doing dirty work. I am constantly laying out work for my crew to be doing and often illustrating it with a piece of soapstone on the steel plate.I notice that eyes seem to follow my fingers because my long nails aren't what one expects on the waterfront..lol and I knew that I had cleaned off my latest "bubble gum" colored polish "more or less" before heading across the street to the boat..I think being able to grow them out makes me happy in that it is an indication of health..I hope!

[Rhonda Darling]

I, too, love to let my nails grow longer than is generally acceptable for 'MEN' to have. My GF gets on me when mine start to be longer than hers. I sometimes use clear polish during the day for work, but usually chicken out on that and just go bare. I do use an emery board to round them off a bit, so they don't catch and break. [First time I went in for a manicure (in drab mode), the girl thought I wanted them trimmed down to the nub. Fortunately I caught her in time and told her I just wanted them shaped and left long. Got the quizzical look from her, w/o the realization of why I might want long nails (this was one dumb young chick). She just did it and chatted away with her co-workers in Vietnamese.]

Rhonda

[deebra]

Is growing your nails long any different than growing a beard or mustach, having one or two earings, several rings on your fingers. Girls do it (not the mustach /beard), is it discriminating if you have to cut them. Equal rights for both sexes?????? Does management have the right to stop you from wearing panties, how about a bra and panties where some might notice the strap under your shirt. Lynn Marie's thread has a lot of truth but where does the emplyer/employee's rights start and stop?

[noeleena]

Hi,

As a girl or boy mode, ? .

My self i did for a time though as you all know im a builder so would break them so i keep them short, did do nail pol not any more ,if it lasted more than an hour was good,

Mind you it makes little difference now wether i have them long or not .

...noeleena..

[Rhonda Darling]

Hi,

Mind you it makes little difference now wether i have them long or not .

...noeleena..

Noeleena: Are you saying there are no longer any moments when you look at your hands and have that deep seated desire to have your nails long and glamorous? For me, the more I mess up my hands (working on boat engine, cleaning things, yard work, etc.), the more that I want my nails long, painted, and out of harms way. Oh, the duality of it all. Arghhhhhhhhh!

Best,
Rhonda

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Blair, Sometimes I let my nails grow and my wife lets me know when they are getting too long.
Some times I will get positive comments from a cashier when making change
and when I was in the hospital the IV nurse said that she wished her nails would look as good as mine.

[Beverley Sims]

Blair when you are in a public place every one notices your grooming.

[Nikki A.]

Mine are a bit long too and I'm in sales. When I really let them grow I've noticed that women notice them more than men or at least are more likely to comment.

[SophieKitty]

Personally i bite my nails, plus i prefer just to use stick on ones while in girl mode, just because i can easily switch from boy to girl no problem, no sacrifice either way. I guess if i start dressing as Sophie more then i may want a more permanent solution

[Susanna66]

I have nails about the same length as you. My mother has always been jealous of us kids as she can not grow her nails very long and we all have great looking longer nails.

I agree with Bridget. Ignore the comments and they will stop.

My nails normally have a light coat of pink. The only comments I get are from the girls who say they like them.

[CD_blue]

Agreed with above posters... If boss tells you to cut your nails your going to have to if you want to keep your job. If he doesn't well then everyone else can go to hell

[Debra Russell]

Lucky you - you have beautiful nails - keep them they belong to you.........................Debra

[DebbieL]

You stated that you work at a retail store. Therefore you are representing the owner of the store while you are there. In order to stay employed your appearance must conform to the owners image of an ideal employee.

The question is what KIND of retail store. If her nails are that noticed, is it because she works in a store that sells auto parts? If she were selling women's clothing, then the longer nails would be an POSITIVE and the comments about the nails would be compliments.

The store pays you, they have every right to expect you to represent them well. Anything you do that causes your appearance to appear out of the ordinary will be noticed by the store and will jeopardize your future employment. They own you during business hours.

This may depend on the state in which you live. If there are safety issues, such as needing short fingernails because you are handling tools or equipment that could do damage if you had longer nails, that would be a legitimate reason to say cut them. In ERA states, an employer is not allowed to have one "code" for men and another for women. If the female employees are required to keep their nails short, then Blair would need to cut hers. If the other women have longer nails, then attempting to enforce gender conformity would be a violation of that state's equal rights amendment.

Note, there have been some legal cases where this has had interesting consequences. For example, Hooters was not allowed to discriminate against male applicants, but could require that they wear the same uniform as all the other waitresses.

In non-ERA states, where discrimination on the base of gender is allowed, Blair might be required to trim her nails.

Keep in mind that many chains and franchises do business in multiple states, and have policies that define dress codes and prohibit discrimination even in non-ERA states.

On the other hand, customers and co-workers also have the right to freedom of speech. So long as they do not make threats, or engage in sexual harassment, they are allowed to make comments, positive or negative, about the nails.

Keep in mind that if you have other effeminate characteristics, you may be getting "read" as a cross-dresser, and they might want to know more about that. Often, we think that people are offended, when in fact, they are curious. Some may even want to know you BETTER if they knew you are a cross-dresser or transgendered. You might even fit into some environments BETTER as a girl.

You may want to consider your current environment. Would you fit in as Blair? Would Blair be a better fit than your male side?
Would you rather be working somewhere where you could actually be Blair rather than your male form?

Are you seeing a gender counselor? Have you considered seeing one? Are you considering a gender change?

Are there multiple departments in this retail store? Would Blair fit better in a different department?

Do you like your job and your co-workers? Do you trust any of them enough to let them know that you are transgendered?

Given how much you enjoy the feminine feelings of wearing longer nails, you occur as a transgender - possibly even transsexual.
Have you considered whether you are, or might be, transsexual?

Once you decide who and what you are, you can decide who you want to be in the world.

Could it be that some of your coworkers would like to help you get the kind of help you'd really like to get if you had the courage to ask?

Life is too short to live a double life, pretending to be what you are not, and pretending not to be what you are. It takes energy and people will see through it and have difficulty trusting you.

Don't wait until your in your 30s with 2 kids and a wife who can't accept Blair. Don't wait until you're in your late 50s when you can't be a pretty woman, and you have so much more to lose, and so much less to gain.

Keep your nails long, and tell them "The Real Me wants to come out this way today".

The other alternative is to cut your nails, go back to looking, dressing, and acting like a masculine male, and try to live the lie a little bit longer, or a LOT longer.

Honesty is the best policy - even if it causes a bit of pain in the short run.

[sandra-leigh]

Time to check the policy handbook.

If you are in a retail business that asks you to wear uniforms, then probably there is something in the handbook about nails. If it is not a place that uses uniforms, then there still might be something in the handbook about nails -- and Yes, the handbook might have different rules for men than for women.

As you are in California, your gender expression is protected at state level, and California is not a Right To Work state.

If those things were not true, if you were in (say) Kansas, then you would have to consider how much you were willing to antagonize management who could fire you for no reason, or could reduce your hours greatly.

If you are part of a national chain, the employee handbook would be more likely to contain protection for you.

[Debra Russell]

long nails are not an expression of anything other than personal preference - no more than a stud in your ear and it's no body's business but your own....................Debra

[BlairP]

Thank you all so much for all of the support and intelligent comments. Luckily I am the store owner so its my call. I love my natural nails so much. Everything I touch, especially when I type (50 wpm), is a constant reminder of who I really am. Having had 1/2 inch to 1 inch acrylics many times I would love to grow them even longer! Its thrilling. My question is how long is too long in boy mode?

[paulaprimo]

you go girl!! i think they look great. and to address what is too long for male mode...
i lost my rule book so that's entirely up to you and what your comfort level is...enjoy them!

[AllieSF]

From your pics, I think that your nails are at that "almost too long" point. That is my opinion. They look good. I personally like less square and more rounded, but not totally rounded or pointy. My nails normally have that same look in a shorter version all the time.

[brandi.tgurl]

DebbieL.... thanks for going into length about what i said in short. And, I am really surprised at all the responses about to stay employed, "you must do whatever the boss says." That is a very dangerous concept, in my opinion. What if the boss says Blair needs to perform certain acts (of a sexual nature) to stay employed? Would the responses be the same? I doubt it. There are discrimination and harassment laws in every state, and even if your state is a little (or waaaaay) behind the times, there are still federal laws that protect workers from situations like this. It really doesn't have to do with the boss' preferences at all. True, Blair would have more protection and higher ground to stand on, at the end of the day, in an ERA state, but unless the nails actually prevent her from doing her job, or prevents others from doing theirs; there really aren't grounds for anyone to require her to trim them, or leave them uncolored.
There is the question of what kind of retail work she does. I assume, when I hear "retail:" Macy's, H&M, Lane Bryant, Forever 21, Footlocker, even Target, Starbucks, etc. All of which seem to have a very liberal and tolerant interpretation towards "gender bending." I could see, where working in a Big O Tires, or AutoZone might have a different atmosphere. However, unless the nails cause a safety hazard, they isn't much grounds to make a case for her trimming them. There is also a question, of what size of establishment? If Blair is at a national or international chain; she should look at her company's employee handbook, maybe chat with HR about policy, AND read the "worker's rights" posters in her breakroom. If its an SBA, mom and pop type place; how many employees does the owner manage? 50+ and the company falls under Federal and/or State protections - less than 50, and the boss CAN pretty much dictate when, where, and how high to jump.
Doing, or learning, these things will determine what action to do next. Cut and remove polish? keep doing it?
Then, it comes down to how much does the job mean? Or how much is enough. Under discrimination laws, all she should have to say to any heckling is, "I understand your opinion but i enjoy them as they are, thank you, now stop." If it continues, there are grounds for a harassment lawsuit. However, if the company has the right to dictate her appearance, then a suit isn't the right way to go. And, maybe, a new career or job might be in order. Unless, she can live with "male nails" to stay employed here. I know the market is bad, so its a tough call on that one.

*edit... missed Blair's reply. haha. as the store owner? i say, those look wonderful.. be proud and show em off. and make it a policy for all employees to have long and painted nails. j/k on that last part

But, remember that one lady, who refused to sit at the back of the bus; what was her name? ...