Transition as far as your comfortable?

[dreamer_2.0]

Considering I'm searching for transition options before deciding which path to take, I've heard a few times that you can transition as far as your comfortable (or SO is comfortable). This seems self-explanatory but I don't think I fully understand what life this would lead to.

Does it mean:

- full transition, assuming comfort level is fine
- partial transition, HRT but no SRS
- semi-partial transition, HRT but continue presenting as male (or androgynous)
- all of the above depending on the individual

Are there other possibilities I'm not considering?

[Angela Campbell]

I would think (and someone correct me if I am wrong) transition is changing your life and body to live in the gender you are changing to. If MtF it is beginning life as a female full time and not going back to a male life. Going part way is not transition. In my case it will be changing my legal name, legal gender, SRS and living as a female the rest of my life. Not something done overnight but it is in the process.

- semi-partial transition, HRT but continue presenting as male (or androgynous) is not transition at all. To go as far as you or your SO is "comfortable" is not transition. Maybe that would be something more like crossdressing.

[I Am Paula]

Many therapists will not recommend, nor Doctors prescribe, HRT to someone with no plans to transtion.
Your SO will probably object to the first effect of hormones- Loss of erection, desire, fertility.
One of the secondary effects- growing breasts, may make presenting male challenging.
Other than that...it's personal choice.

[LeaP]

I wouldn't considered anyone transitioned in any sense or degree unless they were full-time. For me, transition is full-time, hormones, and SRS. Without SRS, I would consider myself partially-transitioned. That is my desire and need. It would be unfortunate if I could not pursue SRS for reasons beyond my control, but I would still consider it a partial transition.

Being in transition by doing something like starting hormones is not transitioned - not even "semi-partial." If hormones alone are the goal because that gets you to where you need to be, terrific ... but it's not transition.

[groove67]

Hello ladies i am reading this and having just had srs 10 days ago and going home tuesday i can say i lived as a woman three and half tears on hrt and fely that i was a transgender woman and now in my mind that you need to go all the way if you desire to be a woman witch i now consider myself yes a transexual woman but a woman. I have total relief that i am whole and think most transexual women would agree. I understand that at times health problems prevent the surgery and i am so sorry for these ladies whom really want to be total female. All i can say is we maybe different, different body but we are women and human beings not some circus person, and if you stay on the border want to dress like a woman, think you feel like a woman you have no idea the difference. I am know a woman ok transexual woman but a woman whom i always knew i was. Just my thoughts as i am where i want to be and very happy to join the great women of this world. Marianne

[Angela Campbell]

I just have to add, that there is not much that is "comfortable" about transition.

[KellyJameson]

Think of yourself as living with two people in one body.

If one of those people is a woman as your "identity" than you will not have a choice to the degree this identity is formed because you will always live with the relentless compulsion to make yourself on the outside what you know yourself to be on the inside and you would have been living with this compulsion (desire) in one degree or the other since very early in your life.

It is not possible to escape the self so it only becomes a question of how far you can go in turning your back on yourself.

HRT may calm your mind and in this calmness bring clarity but in this clarity you will have a more difficult time ignoring your identity so HRT will propel you down the road of transitioning not stop you from transitioning.

If your subconscious mind knows itself to be female because the mind experiences itself as female than the choice is made for you.

There really is no choice but discovering where you fall on the spectrum of identity and the more extreme you swing toward female the more you will be compelled to transition .

Many men and women live without a sense of their own gender because they are not conflicted between their body and identity to a degree that causes distress

It is your distress that will decide your ultimate behavior and you do not have a choice in this matter.

It can be very dangerous not to listen to this distress but at the same time you must be clear that your distress is related to gender identity and not anything else.

There is absolutely no room for self deception concerning transitioning.

Many transition for reasons other than identity and it will create hardship for them often leading to self destructive behavior and or suicide because they are still in pain and do not understand why.

They often become very militant after transitioning because they need the fanaticism to quiet their own internal doubts after the fact.

You must discover inside yourself the unequivocal conviction and understanding that you are a female but paradoxically the only way to do this is to live as one.

[Sara Jessica]

- semi-partial transition, HRT but continue presenting as male (or androgynous) is not transition at all. To go as far as you or your SO is "comfortable" is not transition. Maybe that would be something more like crossdressing.

Yes, because we all know very well that all who are truly TS go through full transition. Anything less and you're just a fence sitter.


To the OP, there is a similar quote floating around out there which I will not try to recite verbatim but it essentially states what you are saying, go as far as you need to go to alleviate your own GID. For some it is full transition. For others it might be something less. Do what is right for YOU, not what others suggest is the correct path.

[kimdl93]

Like Sara, I'll take a slightly less doctrinaire position here. To me transition must be a process and matter of degree. It can't be defined by a litmus test. If one lives full time, it's transition, but something less, 60, 70, or 90 percent doesn't count? That's irrational. It seems to me that one is transitioning when one shifts the balance of her life from presenting as male towards presenting as female.

I can't compete in any of these categories and its not important t me to prove myself by another persons standards. If it was I'd be sitting here in jockey shorts willing a beer and watching Duck Dynasty.

[dreamer_2.0]

Thanks for the responses everyone. For me personally, it would have to be full transition (SRS is imperative) but I was curious what transitioning as far as you're comfortable would entail.

almostalady - I believe you're right in that transitioning probably doesn't have much that's "comfortable" at all.

To the OP, there is a similar quote floating around out there which I will not try to recite verbatim but it essentially states what you are saying, go as far as you need to go to alleviate your own GID. For some it is full transition. For others it might be something less. Do what is right for YOU, not what others suggest is the correct path.

Bingo. We may be thinking of the same quote.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes, because we all know very well that all who are truly TS go through full transition. Anything less and you're just a fence sitter.


To the OP, there is a similar quote floating around out there which I will not try to recite verbatim but it essentially states what you are saying, go as far as you need to go to alleviate your own GID. For some it is full transition. For others it might be something less. Do what is right for YOU, not what others suggest is the correct path.

Actually some TS people do not transition. However the things I pointed out are not transition.

No one is suggesting what is the right path for anyone, and everyone should do what is right for them, But if it is not transition it is not transition. Growing out your hair, or taking hormones is not transition. Living it full time is. Living it part time is not.

[Badtranny]

I would just settle for changing your name and living full time as your intended gender.

All the other stuff can be argued I suppose, but how are you making a gender transition if you keep your male name and legal status?

[LeaP]

Yes, because we all know very well that all who are truly TS go through full transition. Anything less and you're just a fence sitter.

SJ, you have a real hair across your ... attitude on that topic. No-one said anything about "true TS". I certainly didn't. The responses have been regarding what constitutes transition, not transsexuality.

[Aprilrain]

Do what you gotta do but for me it was full transition or bust.

[sandra-leigh]

I would think (and someone correct me if I am wrong) transition is changing your life and body to live in the gender you are changing to. If MtF it is beginning life as a female full time and not going back to a male life. Going part way is not transition.

You would benefit from some time spent with a good dictionary.

"transition" is a word derived from the verb "transit" in the sense of "to move across", in turn derived from Latin "to cross", noun form "transitio", 'a going across'. Think astronomy.

transition, n, "1. Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.", "2. the period of time during which something changes from one state or stage to another", "2. a period during which such change takes place. "

Notice that the word does not fix any endpoints: it deals with the changing, not the result. "I have gone through transition" just means you changed, somehow -- including possibly apparently back where one started, having changed by no longer desiring to change! (If you go for a walk in the snow because you are confused about something and need to work it out, then if you go back home now unconfused, then something has changed in the meantime.)

Transition can include going through many different elements, such as changing name, changing self-identity, changing perception of self-identity, changing perception of the world, informing various portions of the world about the change, reversible cosmetic alterations (makeup, grow hair, dye it, shave it), minor permanent changes (remove hair, ears pierced), significant cosmetic changes (e.g., implants), biomedical changes (HRT), major physical changes (SRS), changes in the way one dresses, changes in the way one talks, official records changes -- and probably others. While you are engaged in any of the above or working towards them, then you are in transition; when you stop, then you have transitioned... no matter where you ended up.

Is just having HRT "transition", even if one retains one's name and doesn't tell anyone? Yes, if it is done for gender reasons, even if you never tell anyone outside the doctors involved; no if it is for unrelated medical reasons (high blood pressure, enlarged prostate.)

[Catherine Hopkins]

I'd say the question is back to front.

For me the question seems to start from the premise that to be driven to transition, one must be UNcomfortable at the start. Therefore, the question becomes transition UNTIL you're comfortable.

I have no idea where I'm going. I'm part time but body altering (electrolysis, hormones) and, increasingly less passable as a male. I always said I'd stop as soon as I AM comfortable and not go a step further. Transition is a very hard road and I still don't know how far I need to go. Of course, I may not stop until I'm fully transitioned. Only time will tell.

[Barbara Ella]

I know there will be many opinions. I feel that transition is a journey. There is an ultimate end point to have a completed transition, but a transition is not an endpoint. A transition is the facilitation that eases one from one place to another. A transition for a TS involves many steps for the TS to achieve what they need, and what is needed is not the same for all, and the process is not instantaneous, it takes time, which may be many years. I must agree that one must know the endpoint of the transition and realize that that is the goal.

I also believe that if a person who is transitioning becomes locked at some point in their journey, that is not a problem, and they are still in the process of transitioning. I would not recommend planning on doing this and expecting to stop at some point as a permanent goal. I don't believe that planning that way yields happiness. i do believe that life can intrude into the transition process no matter how well planned, and that does not negate the process. you are still in transition, but you have not transitioned no matter how long you remain at that spot in your journey. Thing is, life can change, and you may feel that you can advance. If you planned for that spot, you may be unhappy with your feelings. If you know what a completed transition is, you will not be unhappy with knowing it is just your future, and things are now right for you to move once again.

If I plateau in my transition, I will not be sad, because I know my true endpoint that I want, even if I never get there.

Barbara

[melissaK]

I haven't read all the posts, but I know I'm going to disagree with most and hold a different opinion.

It's not all the way M to F or bust for everyone. Some of us can't imagine being June Cleaver or whatever full time female exists as your secret role model. For some of us happiness is to TRANSITION to a middle ground - as gender fluid, gender outlaw, gender queer. Go read anything by Kate Bornstein who did the whole MTF SRS thing and wasn't really happy about her destination. So she moved off to the middle. Her book Gender Outlaw explains a lot. She remains a controversial figure in our world.

The middle is HARD. It seems way less socially acceptable than passing M or passing F, but every not fully passing TS knows something of the middle. But they are trying to pass all the way, and not passing feels like failure to them. It doesn't to me.

I have done HT for years. I have breasts. I have long hair. I have thin body hair. I have a receded hairline from age. I do not pass F. I don't try to pass F. My wardrobe is 1/2 his and 1/2 hers, but no dresses. Creepy huh.

I am out to family and friends and I got tagged by them with a gender fluid initial - M, which I adore, but I also go by Lissa. They all don't seem to mind much.

I have not transitioned at work and I keep a male identity. In that sense my transition is way incomplete and it does bother me. But name change on a birth certificate doesn't mean anything to me. It's my nature to not care about these things, and it's different for me than it is for others.

There's nothing wrong with wanting the whole MTF name change SRS route. But it's not what I wanted.
But I'll tell you this, I desperately and absolutely HAD to stop being Male all the time. I HAD to start HT and HAD to have breasts. Being all guy has never been right and it about killed me.
I felt the urge to change as badly as anyone here.

We can debate concepts of true TSs, theories that I'm just chickening out midway, that I've compromised to please my spouse (awesome woman BTW, who truly gets what it is to be TS, and is a friend to some of the forum members), or whatever. But in my heart I have never felt so happy. I have more to do to refine "me" in the middle, and I have indeed made some compromises for my wife, ( sex on HT takes some care in setting H levels to keep a meaningful degree of male function. But I think I'm mostly where I want to be.

I can also warn and say thus - I have known for 37 years my sexual orientation is lesbian. I am a woman and I want to get laid by a woman. That I can be content without the SRS is in large part because my wife gets it and in bed I'm treated as Lissa. It makes a huge difference to have that validation and not be expected to be all guy in bed. And because my orientation is lesbian I do not long to be in the arms of a man. A good # of MTF TS want that. Wanting that probably isn't going to result in your wife staying around even if you think the middle is for you. Some middle folk have open relationships to solve these sexual yearnings, and I won't judge. You can also be in the middle and find male sex partners.

Water seeks its level. When I came out of my closet in January my outlined written down transition plan was to go all the way. It became clear to me very early that once I gave myself freedom to go find my level, it wasn't going to be where I first thought it would be.

So if you give yourself permission to find and be yourself, do not think it will be entirely predictable or controllable. The journey is not going to be controlled by logic, it's going to be controlled by your heart. And your logic may tell you you ought to stop here, but your heart may not let you. I started HT years ago, and my logic wanted it to be enough, but it wasn't. My heart insisted I go further. Someone up thread said they knew once they started it would be ALL the way - that sounded to me like a testimonial to how they too were led by their heart's desires.

Have fun discovering yourself Sweetie. It IS worth it!!

[bas1985]

Are there other possibilities I'm not considering?

On my Italian support forum for TS it is commonly said that the difference between "transition" and "not transition" is
how you put YOUR OWN face on the table.

How you risk your past life: family, work, SO, etc...

The person who transition puts his OLD male name on the table, publicy. He does not hide and becomes a "she".
If you don't put your name on the table, you are more or less a CD, maybe an advanced one, but only a CD.

It is true, however, that most TS pass a (rather long) time as CD, maybe because they have fear of the consequences.

This is normal. I am in this boat too. But... but until your male past identity is still "alive" then there is no transition.

Transition is when your male self is dead and there is no coming back. One can also transition without HRT, for example.

[Persephone]

To the OP, there is a similar quote floating around out there which I will not try to recite verbatim but it essentially states what you are saying, go as far as you need to go to alleviate your own GID. For some it is full transition. For others it might be something less. Do what is right for YOU, not what others suggest is the correct path.

Amen! Beautifully stated!

The only person you need to satisfy is yourself. The only other opinions you really need to consider are those whom you know and love, not some pontificating doctrinaires.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[dreamer_2.0]

The only person you need to satisfy is yourself.

Variations of this have been stated around the forum. As an aside to this topic, has anyone faced the accusation of being selfish?

[melissaK]

Selfishness comes up all the time. I think every last one of us has started a thread asking about it or exploring why it is or isn't. All the books talk about it.

Transition is you looking to be your"self". So, transition IS "self"ish.

When the need to transition is essential, it's selfish of anyone else to ask you not to.

[Sara Jessica]

SJ, you have a real hair across your ... attitude on that topic. No-one said anything about "true TS". I certainly didn't. The responses have been regarding what constitutes transition, not transsexuality.

Yep, I do.

I've been smacked down enough on this subject. Don't "transsexuals" "transition"??? You don't have to say TS, it's kind of a given, don't you think? Yet the quote I originally replied to suggested in no uncertain terms that those who might only do A, B and/or C without fully launching is not TS.

Besides, I answered OP directly because I know exactly what she is referring to. Granted, it doesn't match up to some of the dogma espoused in this section but then again, not everyone subscribes to such dogma.

Regarding that "hair", I rarely call this stuff out. More often than not, I read...shake my head in frustration and move on without saying a word. But this time I felt a need to reply because not only do I know of the quote OP is referring to, I live it. Putting it into context, if one is TS, then the steps they take to alleviate their issues may very well fall short of transition in the classic sense but why discount those steps if said person didn't have a need to turn their entire life upside down? In that context, doesn't "transition as far as you are comfortable" kind of make sense? For some, perhaps many, that's as far as they need to go in order to be fulfilled in their life.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

IN the end you can talk all you want

...but it doesn't change that EVERYBODY knows you either transition or you don't. It's an incredibly simple and powerful idea.
And it benefits transsexuals that transition. And it doesn't harm those that don't

I believe everyone has a right to live however they please.
That includes surgeries and HRT...do your homework, make your choice...its your life...I may have opinions about your choice, and I may express them, but I truly respect each choice for better or worse...

I would ask though that for the sake of people that have transitioned, to let us have the chip back on our shoulder
....transition is transition...we all know what it means..its not about denigrating what others are doing..its about communicating a powerful concept..

seriously,
How bout alternate weekend only, holidays, semi-partial, part time transition..??
If you live part time what exactly are you "transitioning" too?? living part time?? part time as a what??

It seems what you are doing is alleviating symptoms of gd...that's not transitioning from or into anything... that's taking hrt, or its weekend expression, or its electrolysis...
why call it anything more than that?? Why is it so important to use that word ??

If you take HRT and go out en femme on weekends what do you gain by calling that transition?

I totally get what Dreamer is talking about, but I don't get why she cares if a transsexual woman says (even with attitude) "that aint transition honey..."

[stefan37]

This argument always seems to rear its ugly head. Those of us that suffer from Gender Dysphora have varying levels of intensity. A transgender variant individual can certainly attempt steps of transition to achieve a level if comfort. Actually is something I advocate to transition to a point where one finds relief. As far as the label of whether you are transsexual or not, I don't get why somebody that is gender variant. Wishes to keep their life intact. No desire to change their name or legal status wants to identify as transsexual. I mean is it some kind of secret society with a membership card? If it is I am missing all of that. An individual that cross dresses part time, make no effort to physically alter their body or brain chemistry. Live their life as a female us not transitioning in any way. Live your life as a female. Take hormones and live as male I would you are transitioning, but why somebody that reaches that level of comfort would consider themselves transsexual just escapes me.

Excuse the grammer and missing words phones suck sometimes