Dreamer_girl, do you go out at all? Have you considered joining a TG support group, to make friends with others in your shoes?
Dreamer_girl, do you go out at all? Have you considered joining a TG support group, to make friends with others in your shoes?
Reine
No, I don't go out anymore and recognize that's a problem that needs addressing. There is a TG support group every 3rd Friday of the month in my city. Naturally, I work every Friday but I have submitted a time off request last week for this month's meeting. Haven't heard back yet but there is still lots of time. Although, how many people want to pick up a Friday shift? Probably not many. Fingers are crossed though. Speaking with you ladies is insightful but as many of you probably know, real life connections are desperately needed.
I don't think you can overestimate how important it is to actually meet other trans* people face-to-face! For your own peace of mind but you will also find what absolutely amazing people most of these 1 in 200 are! I wish all of my friends were as wonderful as my trans friends are!
Best to you,
Debby
Debby
I'm not sure if I get your analogy, I know enough theory about 'gender' to turn myself into a perfect example of one or either gender? I don't think I ever claimed something like that.
If you think I'm wrong about something in this thread please correct me. I'm no expert and I'm here to learn as well. It's all fine with me if you don't want to do that, but a "you know nothing" statement like you just made isn't really helpful to anyone (including the OP).
Last edited by Zylia; 09-02-2013 at 01:38 AM.
I am not overly fond of border policing, not at all. I know that some do it, especially amongst the recently transitioned (who feel less secure about their status) but I don't think we really need to be engaging in it.
I"m a bit more permissive than most... I think one can be transitioned without GRS. Simply put
1. It costs money that some do not have.
2. some can't do it for medical reasons
3. the surgery results aren't quite so good for FTM's and it's even more expensive for them, so they often don't do it.
But... I do consider full time + name change status to be a requirement. Which basically means, once you've started that RLE, you've pretty much transitioned in my book... everything else is icing on the cake.
As for the Transsexual label, I consider that a self-identification. There have been plenty of people I consider/considered TS who haven't transitioned and/or not currently done so. Some might be slip siding their way in various forms androgyny only needing a name change and HRT... some might transition after their wife passes away....some might not have figured out for themselves that they're TS yet....but they're still TS. They're just not transitioning/transitioned TS. Since some of those might end up transitioning.. I don't think we should be border policing those people, which includes me.
Veronica
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
Hi again Dreamer..
just reading your responses...
my thoughts to you are to drop the long term thinking and immerse yourself in the here and now...(as best as you can!!!)
As you can see from these posts, there is no law that says you have to do this or that...
maybe in the future you can be the centerpiece of a huge debate, but you will only drive yourself crazy
for now its time to get a real life connection or two
..time to get out there and experience your own life and gather the info you will need to make the decisions that will impact your quality of life
Thank you Kaitlyn, the one thing to remember for anyone who want's answers, IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU !!
If you really care what others think about what YOU want to do, then you will get nothing done because there are too many variables, DO WHAT YOU WANT
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
I will echo what others have said. You need to live your life. Explore the various options by doing. You can theorycraft till the sun explodes and will tread water only. You need to start swimming. You can read all the how-to books on any subject you wish. You may become an expert by reading. Reading and doing things are polar opposites in many cases.
Live your life as you want. Not what others would impose.
"When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes
"Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation
"A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
There's no substitute for practical experience if you're trying to decide whether you'd be happier living openly as a woman. I often lament that for those considering transition it's essentially impossible to properly "test drive" their female identity. So it's a question of finding the best approximation you can.
Trans support groups can be useful as a source of information, though there can be as much misinformation spread there as here on the forum. People can and do misrepresent themselves, they just have less leeway in doing so. You'll also likely meet a number of people who are comfortable in a "trans ghetto" environment but who are ill-equipped to venture beyond. These environments are a poor substitute for interacting with the general public, but they're a good non-threatening place to get started.
For anyone seriously considering transition, I'd strongly encourage a progression that gets you as close as practical to a Real Life Experience before committing. I found a week at Diva Las Vegas to be an invaluable start, combining trans* connections with the practical experience of getting out. Not that a vacation in Las Vegas is the real world, not by a long shot, but heading out on my own to find meals or go shopping taught me a lot about myself. Spending an evening dancing made me realize how awkward and confining my life had been while I was trying to make my assigned male identity work. It was positively revelatory to collapse in tears at the end of the week when I contemplated returning to my prior life.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
Quite simple, you may have a little theoretical knowledge of some aspects of gender, but what you lack is experience which will give understanding. This is common amongst non-transsexual people since you have absolutely no basis upon which to compare.
I never made a "you know nothing statement" in my earlier post, but your theoretical knowledge of gender does not qualify you to understand the intricacies of transsexual experience. Claiming the opposite does not make it so.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Sorry, but, please, where did I claim to "understand the intricacies of transsexual experience"? Didn't I start my very first reply with "I'm not a doctor or transsexual, so take my reply with as much grains of salt as needed"?
Rianna, how can you say that any human being has only theoretical knowledge of gender? that's just weird. Every person born has a very personal and intimate knowledge of gender experiences. I am not sure what the "intricacies" of the transsexual experience are but they seem to have little or nothing to do with gender.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Mods - Feel free to close this thread anytime. It's getting off-topic and frankly not helpful.
Closed at OP request
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity