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Thread: The transsexual wound

  1. #1
    Member bas1985's Avatar
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    The transsexual wound

    Sometimes I think that a TS before coming out is like a wounded person whose wound cannot heal because it is covered. I see myself as a badly burned person, he tries to conceal the deformity with a mask. In my teen years there was a girl in my school who had the entire face burnt for an accident. Poor girl, the face was almost gone, she could see (with glasses), but she had no nose. She wore mini skirts that showed beautiful legs, she was tall, had ample breast... but the face!... oh, the face...

    A TS person is like her. Her wound will not heal, no plastic surgeon will entirely correct the accident, he may restore something, but the wound will be forever.

    Coming out as TS is like putting off the mask and show the TS wound to the world. The "horrible" wound, infected. Exposing the wound to the outside may heal it so it will not get infected and, at least, it will save our life, but it is exposed. Coming out, especially later in life, is a never ending battle because we will never be like a "normal" woman, no amount of plastic surgery will entirely correct the birth defect. I see myself as that girl in her teens, with life ruined by an accident, a GG which could not aspire to be pretty because the wound is healed but has left a monster behind.

    I never saw her again, we went to different universities, maybe she did manage to have some face reconstruction, maybe a face transplant, I don't know, in any case her memory reminds me of my wound. My TS wound which is becoming infected. I am arriving to the point of choosing between keeping the mask on the wound, and die of infection, or exposing it to the air, saying "look at the monster", but healing it. Yes, maybe I would become a monster, at 40 I would maybe "blend" with other women, not certainly "pass", but the choice is not really a choice.

    It's a different kind of wound. A blind person, or a mutilated one are "visible", their wounds are clear... the TS wound is scary, because usually it is exposed after years of "normalcy". I think for myself, I see my shame, the fear of exposing my illness, my "discrepancy".

    I also think that the trans phobia is related to the type of the wound. I recall that girl. Even if she was the nicest person in the world you cannot saw her without an initial feeling of eeriness. It was difficult to look into her eyes. I suppose that for the average person it is the same feeling when there is a TS. I think it is the nature of the wound.

    The face is what we have most personal in this world, even movies work on this subject (face off, for example). The term "persona" in latin was the "mask", but now in Italian you say "persona" to intend all the body. Strange, isn't?

    That girl had no face, so she was not a "persona", a TS is putting off the male mask but he has not a female mask ready, it takes years to at least look "almost" female to the casual observer (without surgery). But... the good news is that a healed TS is better than a ill man with a mask.

    The wounded healer can heal. It returns the subject of "healing", of being witnesses of a difficult path. In a interview an Italian TS which I estimate (she transitioned in her 50s), said that the TS are martyrs but in the original meaning. The Greek original word μαρτύριον (martirion) means "witness". Trans sexuality brings a message. Hopefully we are not like the oldest martyrs tortured and sent into the Colosseum eaten by lions. Those "witnesses" paid a high price for their conditions. Now the price is lower, not so lower, but lower somewhat.

    We may pay with loss of job, of families, necessity to relocate to discover new people... but hopefully not with our lives.

    Well my Saturday sermon is over . Sorry for the boredom.

  2. #2
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    I really like your analogy. I never thought of it like you describ. I think it fits well to our condition.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  3. #3
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    I'd say apropos.

    Leah
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  4. #4
    Aspiring Member
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    Agrees with stefan37. I've never considered it as a wound being covered by a mask, it makes sense though. Particularly when bas1985 says she's at the point of choosing to keep the mask on over the wound and risk dying of infection versus exposing the "monster" and working to heal. That's exactly how I feel currently.

    "Monster" is of course a harsh term, but, it accurately describes internal feelings towards myself. Though my brain seems to prefer the term "freak" which is equally harsh.

    Regarding the girl in that tragic accident, I've seen a few people with similar deformities (born that way or from an accident) and often wonder what life is like for them.

  5. #5
    Member bas1985's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    "Monster" is of course a harsh term,
    Oh, yes, that is another interesting point. In English there is the distinction between "monster" and "freak". In Italian in the everyday language the word is the same: "mostro". It is curious that the word "mostro" has the same root as the verb "mostrare" (to show), in this sense a "monster" is somebody who shows some deformity or another particular characteristics (maybe also positive, for example "you are a monster in maths", but usually it is said to derogate, maybe because that person is very good at math but maybe a failure at gym).

    It returns the idea of "showing". A monster shows. So he-she is punished because (the act of showing) frightens the other people. The other people would prefer we die of infection, than to show to the public our wound.

  6. #6
    Senior Member StephanieC's Avatar
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    This really resonated with me.

    Very nice posting...thanks!

    And just like some people ask how you got a particular wound/scar, sometimes people ask "what is your story". In both cases, it can make people uncomfortable.

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