What the heck is going on?

[Emma Beth]

Last Thursday or Friday, I had an incident that has me wondering just what the heck the powers that be are trying to tell me.

Let me start from the beginning.

Almost a month ago I posted the thread Cat calls. I've gotten over that incident and continued on from there.

That is until.

Last Thursday or Friday I had just gotten off from work and I had picked up a few things to carry home on my back for my bike ride home.

I was in the entry to where I work and customers were coming and going while I knelt on the floor packing my backpack before I hopped onto my bike and left for home.

While I was doing this I noticed a pair of feet out of the corner of my eye and a Hispanic gentleman in his 40's or 50's had asked me a question.

I didn't look up and quietly asked him to repeat his question because I was intent on my packing.

When he repeated his question, my mind did a double take and I was momentarily speechless.

This Gentleman had asked me out!

With my natural voice a bit louder I told him that I was married and stood up.

I suddenly felt so sorry for this guy when I saw the expression on his face and he stammered his apologies at his mistake.

Even though this doesn't happen to me all the time I told him it did to try and put him at ease.

He left in silence with a dejected slump to his shoulders.

I can't believe how horrible I felt for this obviously lonely guy.

Anyway, now I can't help but wonder with this latest incident if the powers that be are trying to tell me something with a proverbial 2x4.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I could use some help because I am still in shock.

Now don't get me wrong. I felt flattered that this guy had asked me out and he wasn't unattractive, but I am not going to cheat on my wife either. Not to mention I'm relieved that none of my coworkers or bosses were anywhere near to hear this short conversation.

Again, any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Many Hugs,
Liz

[suzy1]

I feel sorry for this lonely man. There are so many lonely people in this world.
And you get to go home to your wife.

We should all be grateful for what we have got.

[Persephone]

You are certainly having some strange adventures, Elizabeth! You must be looking good!

But I'll let you in on a little secret -- once you enter "girlworld" you are considered a fair target by all of the lonely men in the world and there are a lot of them! I'm an old broad, also your height, and with not much going for me, but every once in a while I get hit on. Sometimes, like this one (click here), it can be a bit scary (I clipped a prominent pink can of pepper spray to my belt after that) and sometimes it can be a bit of an ego boost, but given our married circumstances it is probably best to "catch and release" unharmed.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Emma Beth]

Persephone, I can't agree with you more.

However, it can be a bit confusing with everything that's going on inside my head. It's bad enough questioning my sexuality, I have to wonder what it is about me that prompts these situations.

A few weeks ago I noticed that my "physique" is not typical of the masculine figure. My line is almost straight line and I realized that with very little corset use I could have a good femme figure, not perfect but good.

Another part of me wonders that if on a metaphysical level if my spirit is giving off something of myself and these guys are picking up on it or some other kind of vibe.


Suzy, you have no idea how grateful I am for my wife.

That Hispanic Gentleman reminded me so much of the song Eleanor Rigby, that I cried a bit on my ride home.

I remembered how my life felt before I met my wife.


One thing is for sure. If I was single and further along in my transition, I would have gotten that mans digits and taken him up on his offer of dinner in my own way. After all, a girl can't be too careful when it comes to her personal safety.

Hugs,
Liz

[Ann Louise]

Hi Elizabeth, I took the opportunity to look over your previous posts over my morning orange and bowl of cereal, and I must say, we have things in our history's in common. I, too, dressed in mom's clothes as a pre-pubescent boy, and CD'd my entire life in the closet. I was even in the USN long ago.

I discern that you're a thinker, and a writer, are close to your wife, and, to overwork a tired cliche even more, have "been in touch with your feminine side" for a long while, too, and are becoming more so as time passes. Long hair, nails, hair removal, even a statement back in April that you were going to transition. One word that comes to mind reading your story is "graceful." Not a stormy tempest, rather a more and more in-depth exploration of your feminine nature. I think that's wonderful!

Your reaction to the gentleman who approached you was admirable, too. You addressed him directly, and were true to your love for your wife. Still, you had thoughtful, emotional reactions to that man, thinking on higher-level tracks about your emotions, his emotions, and even took care to ease his disappointment. And you even imagined dating him in a parallel universe! Gosh, what a sweet person you are.

What's going on? Holy moly sweetie, you're steadily and gracefully moving your day to day life towards the feminine. You're sweet and kind, and it shows. You must be healthy since you ride a bike exclusively, and I'll bet your legs and all are toned and strong. I suspect you're exuding confidence and good health, are generally pretty happy, and it expresses itself in your demeanor and presentation. No wonder he hit on you. I want to hit on you! LOL!

Tears, the fact that you shed them, are a window to your heart. You're a writer, and I think you know that, too. Although it wasn't the case for me, I think that some girl's expressions of GD are not quite as dramatic as others, and maybe yours is that slow, increasing, ramping up of your dissatisfaction with your male shell that I've heard tell about. Since you're relatively young, what, 42 or 43, you have the opportunity to live a long, wonderful life being your genuine self.

"What the heck is going on?" You seem to be sensitive and thoughtful enough to find out in relatively short order, and I think you would benefit immensely from regular sessions with a clinical psychologist who specializes in gender dysphoria. May I suggest that you don't worry about your labels or categories, and that you not pre-suppose the eventual diagnosis, if in fact one ever arises?

In my opinion you are thoughtful and compassionate already, dear, and blessed with attunement to your feminine nature. If your genuine self is indeed female as is the case for many of us here, and you have the means and courage to act upon it, you could be looking at many years of a wonderful and very fulfilling life.

All the best to you hun, Ann

[Emma Beth]

Thank you Ann.

I do in fact do a lot of writing and I am currently working on a romance/erotica piece about a trans woman. I'm not published, yet. But I hope to some day.

As far as being in touch with my feminine side, I have attuned to it earlier this year and I have had quite a few epiphanies as a result. Otherwise I have been walled off for many years with bouts of connection.

I already know what the therapist or clinical psychologist is going to find. I just need professional confirmation and guidance as to how best to proceed.

I'm impressed by you. You have been the most accurate in guessing my correct age at 43. Most people guess me at least 10 to 15 years younger than I really am, sometimes 20.

My hair's not that long yet, but I am growing it out and I think by the first of next year I might be able to pull it into to a pony tail again. Something I haven't been able to do since within a year after I left the Navy back in '93.

I had to trim my nails just last week because my wife insisted. Oh well, they will grow again.

I have to admit that since I started with cross dressing that we have gotten a lot closer and we have had a lot of fun with our toes at least. She hasn't had her toes ever done since we have been together. Since I have been doing mine, she sees how much fun I'm having and she has recently joined me and let me do her toes for her. I'm learning so much so fast this way that I have even thought about a career change to nail tech.

Enough of my rambling.

Again, thank you for the complement Ann.

Hugs,
Liz

Edit: I forgot to mention that as far as my overall health, I'm not as healthy as one might think. Oh yes, my legs and backside are my best features from all that bike riding. But, I need some work on my core to get rid of what gut I do have.