Time for me to take crossdressing seriously again.

[mariehart]

For years I was an active CD. I had a full wardrobe, make up, wigs the lot. I never purged, not once. Then something changed. I eventually realised that I was actually TG or finally admitted it to myself after years of denial. The ironic fallout from that was that I dressed less and less. After all it's not about dressing up.

I became slightly depressed, realising I would never go through with transition or any of that. Then I met a woman. We got on well and one thing led to another and we married. Reflecting on that I suppose it was an attempt to leave my past behind although to be fair I do love her very much and our children.

When we moved in together. I got rid of everything. I didn't stop crossdressing although it was more sporadic and I had few clothes of my own anymore and some of them are ambiguous. For example I only wear women's socks.

But I've decided that's not enough anymore. I'm going to get a wardrobe together of my own clothes, shoes make up etc. I was always one for being fully dressed as a woman. Underwear is just underwear. I need to look like a woman, maybe not so convincing anymore but do the best I can.

As I mentioned in other threads. I think my wife suspects, in fact probably she's worked it out. But I haven't told her officially and she hasn't brought it up. So really I believe I have nothing to lose.

Also I now have the opportunity to dress up and even go out at times.

So time for a shopping spree. First off I'll get a lock for the old box I used to keep my clothes in. Then buy some basics. I like the current fashions too.

I'm really happy now with this decision. The only thing to make it better would be for my wife to acknowledge it. Oh well one thing at a time.

[kimdl93]

Be thoughtful and considerate when you finally have that talk. Ask her to if she has questions and answer honestly. Then ask about her feelings. Don't try to change them, whatever she feels at the moment. Just try to be understanding and let her express herself.

[MatildaJ.]

I do love her very much and our children...I need to look like a woman, maybe not so convincing anymore but do the best I can...I think my wife suspects, in fact probably she's worked it out. But I haven't told her officially and she hasn't brought it up. So really I believe I have nothing to lose...I'm really happy now with this decision. The only thing to make it better would be for my wife to acknowledge it.

You have nothing to lose? It's great that you've gotten to a place where you understand that your own opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters.

[Amy R Lynn]

I hope that your wife is understanding! I would talk to her about it before you go all out with dressing up. It would certainly go over better if you told her before you bought all of the stuff that us girls need. Rather than her wondering what secrets you are keeping in that locked box! The unknown's can really get ugly.... Imagine if you found a locked box that was hers. What would you think she was hiding from you?

Just be careful is all that I'm saying. Take it slow. There are many threads on this forum about different ways to tell a SO about this side of you.

[Shae Baby]

There is a really well thought out thread that tackles the topic of how to come clean with your SO http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...O-s-acceptance

there are a lot of great points made by this SO, and I think that they would really help you. other than that, have fun! Best wishes!

~Shae

[danielletorresani]

You have nothing to lose? It's great that you've gotten to a place where you understand that your own opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters.

His wife's opinions don't matter?

[MatildaJ.]

Not to mariehart, apparently.

[Beverley Sims]

Marie,
I would not get a lock for the old box, just booby trap it so as you can see if it has been opened.
Locks draw suspicion and you could make it worse when she busts it open.

[Lynn Marie]

Personally, I think you have the cart before the horse. You have nothing to lose? How about your marriage, family, and about half of everything you own! Don't assume that your wife will be okay with this. You could be in for a very rude surprise.

[Danitgirl1]

'Take crossdressing seriously'?
Isn't that a contradiction?
Just kidding
Dani

[mariehart]

Thanks for the suggestions. My wife's opinion does matter to me, otherwise I wouldn't have waited this long.

Plus knowing her as I do I don't think she would leap to any extremes. In any case I really do have nothing to lose as I own practically nothing anyway. Not even a car. She already owns it all.

But I do feel I'll be happier if I can crossdress properly sometimes. I gave up on a number of aspects of my life when I got married and had kids. Not just crossdressing, hobbies and a career and the freedom to do things for or by myself. That's just the way life is of course. But I think I'm entitled to have something back.

The irony is that I ended up like my Mother, a housewife effectively. Never planned for that.

[Michelle789]

Mariehart - best of wishes!!! If you feel happier being able to crossdress sometimes than you should go for it. But do talk with her about it first so she is not left in the dark or has any surprises. (Honestly I've never been married so I technically shouldn't offer marriage advice lol) Another question, does she know you feel more TG or TS and have thought about transitioning?

The irony is that I ended up like my Mother, a housewife effectively. Never planned for that.

Maybe since you decided you couldn't go through with transition, that your female gender identity manifested itself in the role of traditional housewife.

Sometimes I feel like I could end up being a housewife too and that I'm not cut out to be a provider or breadwinner, sometimes I feel like I am running away from relationships or marriage so I can sort out my gender issues first.

[kimdl93]

Of course, we cant get a complete picture of your situation here. But I detected a tiny...well, not so tiny bit of resentment in your earlier comments, as though you've been denied freedom, career, and hobbies by entering into a relationship. Am I right about this? If you feel resentment, opening up about your CDing is a rather passive-aggressive way of expressing that resentment.

I entirely understand the desire or need to express the feminine part of your nature. But don't do it rashly and as a way to balance the score in some way. And don't assume your wife knows or that she'll accept out of a sense of equity. Start a conversation and make it about feelings...hers and yours...as they relate to your and your need to express femininity. Make it constructive, not destructive.

[MatildaJ.]

In any case I really do have nothing to lose as I own practically nothing anyway. Not even a car. She already owns it all.

So wouldn't it be reasonable to say that you might lose everything if she walks away from you? If she is funding all your basic needs, then what will you do if she stops wanting to support you?