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Thread: When GG shop staff humiliate you?

  1. #1
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    When GG shop staff humiliate you?

    Have you ever had this happen?

    I have. The worst time was about 1985, when I asked an assistant to help and she and her boss purposely embarrassed me in front of women customers.

  2. #2
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Sorry, never happened. Thirty years of exemplary service in women's stores.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Its never happened to me, but I have read stories where it has. Ironically most of those stories end with "And guess what? that store is no longer in business."

    I'm a firm believer in the law of Karma. What goes around comes around.
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

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    The one I'm talking about closed down.

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    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Heathr,

    Humiliation can only happen if you let it. Will people have their opinions? Sure. How you react to those opinions determines how you feel about them. Recognize that they may not understand you and what you are doing, that they may not like it, and they might (unprofessionally) let you know about it. Just let it slide. If they do something to warrant the manager being involved, by all means do so - but not as a punitive thing. Instead, use it as a teaching moment. You're not trying to get the person fired, you're trying to educate and gain an ally.

    In my dressing life, I have had two times where I felt they were showing an unprofessional level of distaste. Once was an older lady in Talbot's years ago. When I confronted her about her attitude, she told me that she was simply trying to protect the other ladies from a perceived threat - me. I told her I understood and let her know that I appreciated how protective of her customers she was. I told her that I never wanted to make others feel bad, and apologized for putting her into this position. That attitude . . . . changed her. The next few times I was in, she was nice, helpful, and genuinely glad to see me. What changed? She saw that we weren't the freaks many assume us to be.

    The other time was in my favorite Ulta. There is an older lady that works there. Every time I came in - dressed or otherwise - she made a beeline to the opposite side of the store where I was talking to the other girls. Over the years, she has warmed up to me, and now greets me by name, and will make it a point to come and say hello.

    So, in this - as in everything else - our interactions and our perception take two people. It is not only about what is said or done, but how you react to it.

    Kathi

  6. #6
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    I've gotta admit that it has never happened to me. The least friendly thing I've ever had happen that I can recall, was when I was shopping in boy mode in a mall where the Macy's was separated into two different stores for male and female stuff. I asked if there was someplace I could try on the dress and she gave me kind of a sharp look and said "Not in the ladies dressing room!" I don't blame her for not letting someone who is obviously male enter the womens dressing room, but I do think that she might have been a bit nicer about it, or maybe offered to have it sent to the mens department so that I could try it on there. Blunt and less than helpful - yeah. Rude and try and embarrass me - no.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Debglam's Avatar
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    Never. Me customer, they employees. My money puts food on their table. I have never had any problem of this sort but would have no qualms about elevating it to the appropriate level to get satisfaction. As Kathi said, "Humiliation can only occur if you let it." I don't let it.
    Debby

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Kathi, I like the way you handled all of that! It would have been easy to blow up and make a huge scene, but that would just affirm that they don't want to do business with us. Sometimes taking the time to be calm and explain things goes a long way! Being nice usually goes a lot further than being angry or upset. Good on you! You are a great example for us all.
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    There are impolite salespeople out there, but they get weeded out very quickly. If they're willing to watch a potential big spender (and TGs are!) walk out with a story to tell other potential big spenders then they are not long for the business, nor are their stores if they encourage this sort of thing.

    I went through a sensitive phase where the least negative feel from others bothered me greatly. I'm now to the point where I realize that nobody can truly tell my gender. They might suspect, but there is always the chance lingering in their mind that I am really a tall, not very attractive GG. They might giggle after I'm gone, but they'd do the same with unattractive GGs.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

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    happen to me several times.

    once a FTM said "hey you in the red tee shirt and blue jeans in the TG/TS/CD section of the store on a loud speaker we close in a half our out loud"

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    On a few occasions the sales staff were absolutely horrified that a man was in the bras and panties department. They never said anything but the looks I got were lethal. And to top it off on two separate occasions the evil harridans called security. I know it was because of me. I can't believe that they had never had a man shopping for lingerie. Needless to say I got somewhat spooked. Since then I pretty much stick with the internet. They are happy to service me!

  12. #12
    New Member Brandilynn's Avatar
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    I can pass fairly decently, it's just the voice that gives me away. So I try not to speak that much. I also don't dress to attract too much attention when I'm out, so I can usually cover it up with "God, don't you hate being sick? My voice has been like this all week!" In addition, I usually try to shop on the other side of the state line when I go shopping. It's kind of just a comfort thing. In general, I don't usually get hate, but I do have a crossdressing friend who was told to ask the women's section of a boutique a few months ago. They got robbed the other day, but they haven't gone under (yet)! Lol.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
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    Note that the OP said this happened in 1985. That is 28 years ago. Long before the internet and the age of communication. In 1985, that kind of behavior could be expected.

    In today's world, that kind of behavior is the exception, although, I'm sure it could still happen.

    I have been shopping openly and trying on as a guy since 1999. Early on, I would experience some coldness and refusal, but as was said, these stores were not there the next time I went in. When this would happen, I would smile, tell them I will spend my money elsewhere and leave. In the last 10 years, I have received nothing but acceptance.

    Jodi

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member EllenJo's Avatar
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    Only one time many years ago an SA in a department store lingere department was quite rude when I asked about sizes. She rolled her eyes and walked away without answering my question. However that has been the only time. All of my experiences since then have been exceptional. I would like to think the rude SA was just having a bad day. The department store chain where it happened is no longer in business. (Montgomery Ward)
    Hugs
    Ellen Jo
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    Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
    Truckin by the Grateful Dead

  15. #15
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    This year - I was getting into the habit of going to a thrift store that had the lowest prices, but also always had the same cashier. The last time I was there I'm sure I was being laughed at by her and a male employee. I don't go there anymore. I'm getting a little too familiar in other thrift stores too, but at least they have several different cashiers.

    A few years a ago I walked into a consignment shop and within minutes the manager/owner? said out loud in a joking way, "there's a man in the store ladies". I wasn't actually outed, but still felt it was best to leave.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Robin777's Avatar
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    If you go into a national dept store and get treated badly you can always contact the corporate office and I bet they will fall over themselves apologizing. I don't know what to tell you to do about a local business in a smaller city. I know in a larger city there usually a web page that rates businesses. Post something on a site like that would get their attention. A small town with with a small minded owner I don't know what you can do. I shop with my wife all the time and we buy clothes that the cashier has to know won't fit my wife and I have never had any of them make a comment.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    I have never experienced any poor service or bad behavior from sale associates, and I shop a lot. Debglam and I have done a lot of shopping together, and I cannot recall a single bad incident in a lot of different stores. If someone asks nicely, Debby may share the rules to a game she came up with called Arden Fair Mall Melissa Bingo.

    The attitudes in 1985 are quite different from today so incidences from ~30 years ago are not reflections upon today. Jerks and bitches can be found anywhere and at anytime. As others have said, most important is your reaction to the boorish behavior. Going ballistic rarely helps, and handling it with poise and grace often nets a better outcome.

  18. #18
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    A few times for me. I was nice to the SA verbally but I gave her a good stare that let her know I wasn't happy.
    99% of the time I get treated well.I have a few SA's that call me by name and always give me a hug.
    If you raise a big stink it won't accomplish anything.If you have problems call the corporate office or complain on line.
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  19. #19
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Never happened to me. I cant say what might have happened 28 years ago, but I assure you I would have looked a lot better!

  20. #20
    Member Christinedreamer's Avatar
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    Only once and it was when I was a teen in 1969. I had an absolute passion for nylon nightgowns (peignoirs) and I still do. I went into a small shop that catered to teen girls and found several drop dead gorgeous, super full and frilly 3 piece babydolls. I gave the usual beginner's BS line about buying for my sister. The silly thing is, I had made more than a few visits to this shop over the span of a year and being a kid, I did not realize they had noticed my several visits with a slightly different story each time.

    The the next time I went in I started with my story -again- and the manager took the outfit off the hanger and rang up the sale. Just as soon as I gave her my hard earned money from my part time job, she loudly asked "What do you do with these when you are through with them?" I guess she assumed I was using them for sexual gratification. She then said "I KNOW you are wearing all these outfits. Do you want to put this one on now and wear it home?" That got everyone in the shop laughing at me. I know I turned 27 shades of red.

    A couple weeks later I was walking by the store trying not to look in the window and one of the SAs came out and called after me just as I was going into the Woolworth's.. I stopped and was quite scared about being further embarrassed. She said she knew I was wearing these at home and that is was fine with her and the other younger clerks. She said they felt terrible about the way I was teased and she apologized. She asked for my number and said if I was interested, she would call me when something new came in and when the manager would not be in the store. I did and she did and it was a great way to forget the humiliation from the one visit.

  21. #21
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    I've usually been treated OK in a variety of settings. In boy mode one time a sales associate gave me bug eyes when she saw the sandals I was buying (the kind that lace up your leg and you tie in a knot, flat). I weakly said they were for my girlfriend, and she said, "Yeah right." At another store I couldn't quite tell if the gg SA was crackig wise at the flip flops I was buying, saying they will look really pretty on me. Ironically when I go out dressed up, I pass 3/4 (as in from the sides and from behind but not in the face), and I receive fewer issues. At an adult store a gg SA pointedly addressed me as sir, but that's usually been it. Yeah some are uncomfortable, but some are helpful. Vote with your cute feet.

    Also when I was in grad school, there was a student in a class I TA-ed. She worked at Victoria's Secret. She told me about a guy who wanted to try stuff on in dressing room. Now Vicky's I think has a very tolerant position in that you need to wait for the rooms to be clear, but have at it. This young lady did allow the gentleman to do so, but unfortunately she commented to me how f'ing disgusting she found the whole episode. I seriously lost respect for her then, and small surprise she was fired shortly thereafter.
    Last edited by LasVegasXD; 09-02-2013 at 05:40 PM. Reason: Swap where to put unfortunately. Didn't want to make it look like it was bad he got to try the merch.

  22. #22
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    I don't recall ever being treated in a humiliating manner. I have had a few have to take a second look, then compose themselves, but then it was all smiles and helpfulness. Or at least a reasonable facsimile. A distant cousin of mine recieved a bad reception in a clothing store from a matronly SA. She politely asked for the SA's name, saying the state civil rights commission would love to hear about her. Instant 180, but my cousin, just smiled and said her money had better places to be spent. That cousin was TS at the time.

    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  23. #23
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I have negative experiences, but as a bystander. I don't feel humiliated over them, I just feel as if the people involved are idiots. lol. But I've been in situations where I saw SAs nodding toward my SO (without my SO's knowledge), and two of them were particularly noxious. They never would have shown me their true faces had they realized that I was with my SO.

    But to our faces, they're always polite, always professional.

    In all fairness, I think that most SAs are more open-minded about CDers than were the two that I mentioned above. At least most have the curtesy to keep their opinions to themselves.
    Reine

  24. #24
    Member Christinedreamer's Avatar
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    I also consider the possibility that some SAs have encountered those strange guys who get off on dressing up in the dressing room and being exhibitionistic in trying to get a reaction from the SAs. I have seen a couple times first hand. Plus the media always paints us in a negative light especially on TV shows.

    I try my best to dispel that attitude.

  25. #25
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I've never had any problems like that. Most of them want repeat business and will bend over backwards to help as long as your money is green.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

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