1985? You're carrying a grudge a pretty long time, don't you think?Originally Posted by heathr1
The worst I can think of was at Penny's and my wife was trying on a nightgown and wanted me to see it. I was in drab. The SA said I couldn't stay in the hall by the dressing rooms if any other women came in. No big deal. Nobody has ever said anything cross about me shopping for women's things.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
I haven't had a bad experience yet. I get out quite often (like two to three times a week) and I am actually a little surprised. Someone is going to be rude sooner or later just because there is a percentage of the population is that way. I did get called sir once.... But!
I love this phrase and use it myself. We are still coming out of the closet to the population in general. If we let people stomp on us or if we get angry with other people, it won't improve things. But if we teach them and let them know we aren't hurting anyone and are their neighbors, then that percentage of uneducated people goes down a notch and that person may be our next defender. We don't win by running away or turning our back on bad situations.
Can I make what might sound like a crazy suggestion? Next time, go against this tendency. Talk to the SAs. Ask for help. "Do you have this in a medium?" I really like this but it's a bit short on me." Don't shrink back, assert your right to exist and to be their customer. A GG with a deepish voice wouldn't hide it, you shouldn't either.
It's scary. It might be tough the first couple of times. In the long run it will give you a lot more confidence and make your outings more comfortable.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
The wife and I were shopping and we were in the ladies section of a rather large department store. I was looking at some dresses and a sales lady came up to me and in a rather loud voice asked what I was doing in the ladies department. Before I could say anything my wife spoke up in a equally loud voice and told the lady how she hates to shop and that I always pick out things for her to try on and that I always picked out things that made her look good. The sales lady then smiled really nice and told me how great a husband I was for helping my wife shop. I smiled at her and said thank you. By then a floor manager had come over and discretely admonished the lady for her tone and loudness of her first remark. As we were leaving the store the lady came over and again apologized. I gave her my best smile and in a very low tone told her my wife was lying and that I really was looking for myself and then in a louder voice I told her to have a good day. We never went back to that store
I was told that this certain store was very CD friendly; I even called a few days ahead
of my arrival. I wanted a corset, and they specialized in corsets. Sure, come on in.
Now it was a 2 hour drive to the location for me, about 100 miles through the city of
Chicago.
I walked into the store, there where 3 SA tending to 3 GG customers.
I walled around a while admiring all the clothes they had, and even found a few things in
my size, (30).
About 30 minuets later, one of the younger SA came up to me and asked me what
I wanted. I spoke in a quiet voice that I wanted to be fitted for a corset.
She asked again, like she did not hear me the first time, I said that I wanted a corset
fitting.
She thens repeats what I said at the top of her voice.... "You want a Corset Fitting?"
I nodded my head, then she says again very loud as so everyone in the store could hear
it..."You want a corset fitting" "Are you Nuts"
With that last comment, I walked out fast. s I was leaving, I herd, He wanted a corset!
I was very hurt by this experience, and the drive home seemed to take twice as long.
Rader
I bought some really warm fleece type sweaters on sale in a local shop a few weeks back (In-Drab). The SA was a gorgeous young blonde girl. She had noticed me looking around because she said at the till 'You knew what you were looking for ! I smiled, winked and paid. I hope I see her next time.
The attitude has not change much since 85. Yes it is more accepting now but there are still the same idiots out there that have to belittle you for whatever reason they have. Some places probably evolved faster than others.
Never thought about it back in the day, when I actually was buying for my wife. I remember looking for an item that she'd wanted, and being confronted by an obnoxious SA. I very nastily told her that I was looking for a birthday present for my wife and she just blew a substantial sale. I was loud enough that the manager came out of his office and I unloaded on him. He looked sick when I waved several C notes under his nose and walked out.
I'm much nicer now.
Leah
Be nice; It don't cost nothing.
And I was the one who told you that they were always good with me and were supporters of the TG scene in Chicagoland.. Anyway,what continues to show in this thread is that an individual SA,shouldn't destroy the shopping experience. Just don't play to it..everyone.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Never had a problem. I was at Sally beauty store saturday and wasn't sure if the girls were giggling about me shopping there or about something else. I just ignored it and continued shopping. A couple asked if they could help me and said i was just looking. When i went to pay they asked if I had a sally card and i did. If they were snickerig about me,so what. I did buy a nice hot pink nail polish so they could really have something to talk about if they wanted. The rest of the items were generic type stuff like shampoo, foot cream and my favorite item was magic shave. I've never had such soft stubble free legs before. I need a gallon of that stuff. Even helped with my facial hair too. All i can say is don't be so sensitive. Sometimes these people just need some education.
Life is too short not to be happy!
I would try my best to not let it destroy my shopping experience. It would really depend on how humiliating the experience was. It could rattle my cage a bit. I don't know .
I like Kathi's approach about teaching them and not trying to turn it into a scene. People are just scared of things that they don't understand. If we don't advocate for ourselves, no one else will.
"Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland
...in 1985, probably happened to me too! But, isn't it time you forget about it and move on and try it again?
Chickie
As with many others, through the years I've had my good and bad. Worst time ever was in a Belk's store. Old bat of an SA wasn't all happy with me being in "her" department, and commenting that there was nothing here a man should be interested in. I bought a bra, and then had her ring it up just for spite.
I turn the humiliation around and leave them stunned.
Nothing like shock value.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Have things really changed that much since 1985? For those that never had any negative responses while shopping, I guarantee that many times the SA was thinking negative thoughts, but knew better not to say anything. Certainly, you are talked about after you leave the store because CDing is just bizarre to most people in 2013. Comments you don't hear - "Did you see that?", "that was a transvestite", "that dude always goes to the ladies dept.", etc.
I kind of get the feeling that shopping for women's clothing and lingerie in drab is okay as long as you either know what you want or are being helped by a SA. It's the wandering around the store, touching and looking closely at things feminine that sort of looks perverted and may just scare women customers.
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
I agree with Lynn Marie about the looking perverted and scaring women customers. I'm sure there are men who do just that.
Remember, many of these SAs are temporary or inexperienced. They may have only seen crossdressers in movies or on TV. Or they may have seen the "man in a dress" in a gay pride parade.
If you know what size you wear, you can say you're shopping for a present for your wife or girlfriend. This may get them to help you find what you want. Just don't look like you're trying to hide from them.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
So your complaint is that 28 years ago, someone was rude? Pretty successful run you got going now.
I've never encountered that either.
I've been going out everywhere the last 10 years and have never had any salesperson humiliate me in any way. Things are so tight right now in the economy that were someone to do that and you have the nerve to bring it to management's attention they will do something about it. Stores cannot afford to lose a customer for any reason these days and they are very attuned to that.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
It always pains me to hear about treatment like that in a retail setting. I've run a small retail business for many years, and take the profession very seriously. There is never any excuse for such behavior. Smart retailers would recognize that opportunity exists in every encounter and every customer must be treated with respect.
We've only been shopping for Tina for 8 years but in that time my only problem has been too much help. Especially in Payless, once they see me trying on heels in drab an SA will invariably show up to tell me about all the savings when buying multiple pairs. Last shoes I bought were suede and at the checkout we had a discussion of what I'd need to keep them looking their best. SA was completely sure they were for me and did all she could to make it clear that was normal.
Still waiting for that first rude SA! It will be fun!
That has totally been an experience for me too. In drab trying to sneak looks at some shoes, and a damn SA keeps popping up to tell me of the sales and closeouts.
Some people have to pay to be degraded and humiliated by women. Just think, you got it for free.
5 bucks says they wake up alone.
I was out shopping a couple of years ago for a present for my wife in drab. I had picked out a skirt and sweater and took it to the check out register. The woman looked at the items and said to me in a not so quite voice, where several women were in ear shot, "Would you like to try them on because I think they are too small for you." My reply in my booming baritone voice was, "Yes I know they are too small for me, but they will fit my wife just perfectly." I turned the tables on her and she was the one embarrassed, not me. I did feel like just leaving the planned purchase on the counter and telling her that it was a rude remark she had made. Before I got a chance to do that another woman, maybe a manager, came over and took over the register and profusely apologized. Then my typical reaction was to feel bad for the SA that I had embarrassed. I completed the transaction and went on my way. And yes they did fit my wife perfectly.
"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn't sit for a month."
~Theodore Roosevelt
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