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Thread: Am I a crossdresser or a transsexual?

  1. #26
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    If you don't like having a penis you're TS. If you value it, you're not. Is that too black and white? Many CDs enjoy feeling like a woman, but MTF TS don't want any part of being a man. That's what I've always understood, but maybe there's a gray area for some?

  2. #27
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    The gray area may very well be the gray area between genders, e.g. something 'gender non-conforming'.

    But is it really that simple? I surely hope so, that seems like a very easy litmus test

  3. #28
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Not all transwomen go for SRS, some are comfortable just with hormones
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  4. #29
    Junior Member AveryS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dee3 View Post
    If you don't like having a penis you're TS. If you value it, you're not. Is that too black and white? Many CDs enjoy feeling like a woman, but MTF TS don't want any part of being a man. That's what I've always understood, but maybe there's a gray area for some?
    Absolutely incorrect. I don't mind my penis. Well, I don't HATE my penis. It can be frustrating, and I wouldn't miss it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to remove it. Yet I am a trans woman. Clinically diagnosed and fit cleanly within all definitions, tests, etc. It is funny, though. I have to peg you as a straight CD, as a trans woman wouldn't think of it that way at all. We don't base decisions on our penis

    Of course, everyone is different. There are absolutely trans women who have incredible genital dysphoria. Mine is not - mine is based on everything else, and much of my dysphoria has left since going on hormones... A hormonal imbalance is a terrible thing, and it is amazing what correcting it can do! My hormones are fully female, low levels of testosterone (low to mid level for an average female) and high estrogen (high for a normal female even) and I feel like a million bucks.

    (For the record, even with HRT, the plumbing works great.... And seriously, what woman without a penis doesn't secretly wish they could pee standing up )

  5. #30
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    I agree with AveryS. Here is a link to the symptoms of gender dysphoria for the DSM-V (I'm not sure if it's gone official though).
    http://psychcentral.com/disorders/ge...oria-symptoms/

    Anyways, in section A, it says you need to have any 2 (or more) out of the 6 criteria. Therefore genital dysphoria is NOT required to have gender dysphoria, although some transwomen may have it. 3 of the 6 criteria have nothing to do with genitals and everything to do with inner feelings and social roles. The first 3 criteria may refer to either the penis or breasts, therefore it's possible for someone to meet all 6 and still not have genital dysphoria.

    Btw I neither like nor hate my penis, although sometimes I find it annoying. I'm not sure if I'd want SRS, and I don't know how I'm going to feel about it in the future either.

    For me the issue is how I feel on the inside and how I want to express myself, it's about finding the real me.

    xdressed is right too that not all transwomen go for SRS.

    There are many paths to take and things could change in the future. It's a journey not a competition.
    Last edited by Michelle789; 09-09-2013 at 09:58 PM.

  6. #31
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Avery I was trying not to be absolute in my post. That's why I added question marks rather than making statements as absolute facts. I'm a bit older than you and materials that I read long ago on the subject have apparently become somewhat obsolete and antiquated.

  7. #32
    Junior Member AveryS's Avatar
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    Dee3 It wasn't a personal address to you I was pointing out for those reading along that genital dysphoria, although common with many trans men and women is not an absolute. OP has many classic tells of a trans woman...

    Ultimately, it comes down to how you feel inside and how you want to be treated from outside. Most crossdressers feel like men, but want to expose their feminine side. They WANT to feel girly, so they dress accordingly. However they also feel manly, have a male role in society the rest of the time, and are happy with that.

    Trans women generally DO feel girly, and are upset that they are treated/look manly. Having to play the male role is often uncomfortable, although we may do it well. We will often overcompensate and act extra manly to make up for / hide it.

    It's a horrible thing, really... If OP is TG, she needs to deal with it sooner rather than later

  8. #33
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Michelle789, I read through your initial post and I remember going through nearly everything you have, at one point of my life or another. And more. None of it defines whether you are CD, TS or something in between. Neither does whether you're attracted to men or women sexually; gender identity and who we're attracted to are completely separate things. It comes down to what you feel yourself to be, and, more important, why you feel that way. I thought I was TS for the longest time, until I figured out where those feelings were coming from. And no, knowing why, does not stop those feelings from happening! Every day, from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, there's this feeling in the back of my mind telling me that I'm supposed to behave, and dress, as a girl. I know why it's there. I know that it's wrong. I know that it's not going to go away, so I deal with it a day at a time. It took me decades to figure it all out. Maybe you're smarter than me; you have the whole internet available for information; I did not, I lived through the years with virtually no gender identity information available to me at all. Like others, I would suggest that you try to find a therapist familiar with gender identity cases; they may not know everything, but it will be a start, and at least you will have an accepting person to talk to. Next, read. And read some more. Don't accept every theory out there; many are offered by the person who's life and feelings were used as the example for the theory. My own bio in the writers forum (link at the bottom of my posts) will give you some idea of some of the psychological mechanisms at work; however, just because that is what did it to me, doesn't mean that it applies to everyone who has questions about their own gender identity. Good luck. If you have any questions, PM me, I will do my best to answer to the best of my knowledge.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  9. #34
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I can't say whether you're a woman or a man either ... or if you're in between, a person who is gender non-conforming.

    But I am curious about something, if you don't mind answering. You say that you have days and moments when you feel like a girl, but you don't feel this way 24/7. You also say that you feel female on both good and bad days, and that you never really felt male although you were OK with being male for years.

    So could you describe how you feel when you feel female, how you feel when you feel neutral, and also what the differences might be?
    Reine

  10. #35
    Complex Lolita...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle789
    I’m not married, never been married and have no kids.
    Same here...

    I just feel really confused and am having lots of doubts. One day I feel convinced I’m TS, another day I feel I’m a CD, and another I should stop CDing. I would really appreciate some feedback. I would like to hear from both CD and TS and know if anyone has common feelings. I’m also confused about whether a CD is a TS just earlier stop on the gender track, or if a CD legitimately identifies as a man and a TS as a woman.
    Only you know how you feel. I think your admission, i.e. “I felt like I was a girl,” is telling. CD’s can be on the path to becoming transsexual, but not necessarily so. I always felt like a boy when I actually was one, but I was always fascinated with girly stuff, albeit in a peripheral sense. That fascination eventually manifested itself in my crossdressing, a relatively mild eruption in the midst of a male life. I had a brief period of confusion, but I got through it and learned to love my crossdressing, no strings attached, all confusion avoided...

    I really have no business responding to your post, but I feel (strongly) that confusion is a choice

  11. #36
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    On feeling female on the inside
    When I feel gender neutral, I'm not really feeling anything at all with respect to gender feelings, it's more of a lack of noticing any gender specific feelings. When I have moments or days where I feel female, I feel it very deeply in my heart and soul, just like a light bulb has lit up. This feeling can be triggered by anything good or bad or simply when I wake up or by any normal part of my daily routine. It just pops out of no where.

    On the never feeling male part
    I never had any deep feelings that I was actually male, I had none of those light bulb moments of feeling male like I did of feeling female.

    On being ok with being male
    I was ok with being male in the sense that it wasn't causing me any deep trouble like wanting to kill myself, asking God to end my life, or to the point of causing me a lot of psychological stress or having a nervous breakdown. I did always have trouble playing the male role and when I did appear to play the male role successfully I still felt like something was missing, it didn't feel right. I did have a lot of trouble asking girls out on dates and couldn't get past the "friend zone" most of the time, and I would've preferred being asked out.
    Last edited by Michelle789; 09-11-2013 at 09:43 PM.

  12. #37
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Michelle, thanks for your response. But I have another question. You say that you occasionally feel that you are a woman deeply in your heart and soul. Are these particular emotions that you are experiencing? Or do you look at the world differently? Are you kinder, or more outgoing, or whatever? Or is it more a belief that you are, in fact, a woman without anything else changing at all? In other words, how do you know that sometimes you feel like a woman and sometimes you don't? Is it like sometimes we're hungry and sometimes we're not? Thanks for trying to answer this. I'd really like to understand.



    Quote Originally Posted by Frédérique View Post
    ... but I feel (strongly) that confusion is a choice [/COLOR]
    Freddy, you and I have disagreed before but I've got to say that I could not agree with you more on this one. Confusion can be a coping mechanism (or avoidance) for not taking a position in life. I have a lot of personal experience with this.
    Reine

  13. #38
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    ReineD - The times where I feel like I'm female are deep gut feelings. I'm not sure how else to explain it. It literally just is.

    Btw, thanks for your questions. They're really thought provoking. I appreciate your willingness and open-mindedness to try to understand the trans experience.

    Please feel free to ask any more questions or offer any other thoughts of your own.

    Like others have said, none of this proves I'm a CD/TG/TS or male/female/in-betweener.

  14. #39
    Junior Member Ashley_K's Avatar
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    I've really appreciated the dialogue here. I'm a believer that gender is fluid and anyone can be anywhere on that gender spectrum. This can be annoying, because there's no clear answer, and yes, you'll be the only one who can make the decision of deciding who you are. The only way to deal with it in a healthy manner is through communication and actively tackling the issues, like you (and all of us) are doing this forum, or with a therapist. I go to counseling with my wife, and it's nice to have the therapist there as a third party to add some perspective and ask thoughtful questions. Now, I know you're not married, but facilitating conversation is really important. One of my problems is that I'm such a collaborative person that sometimes I get TOO MUCH feedback, and making a decision becomes crippling. I still advocate collaborative approaches, and wish you peace as you discover who you are and learn to accept and appreciate that.

    The only way I've been able to describe myself to my wife is that 80% of the time I feel 100% male, and 20% of the time I feel 100% female (not enough for me to be TS, but just enough to be annoying). That's not exactly the case (it's all mixed up in a fluid mess, and I don't have a distinct male persona and distinct female persona...it's all just me), but I just want to snap my fingers and be 100% female when I want, and snap my fingers again and be 100% male. If I (or any of us) could do that, the frustrating gray gender fluidity in the middle that we experience and the resulting gender "mess" others see us as as a result wouldn't be a problem. Oh, there are many great things that would exist in my perfect little world! In the meantime, we just have to be real as to who we really are, fellowship with people who can meet us there and support us, and maybe one day there'll be some clarity. But the fun is in the journey, right...?

    Ashley
    Last edited by Ashley_K; 09-13-2013 at 09:21 AM. Reason: clarity

  15. #40
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    I have to agree and often feel the same. I do think therapy is a great option and I'm really considering it here in the very near future.

  16. #41
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    @Arbon and @PaulaQ
    You both asked how do I feel about being male?
    In the past 2 years, 75% of the time I hate being a male, 25% of the time I'm indifferent.

    @NyssaF
    I'm gonna take you up on my suggestion and try CDing at home as often as I can.

    Btw my vertical blinds in my living room might finally out me to my neighbors. They never seem to close properly, and are such pieces of junk, and my living room faces all my neighbor's apartments. It seems to be a common building pattern in LA to have apartment buildings where the living rooms all face each other in a courtyard, while the bedrooms are on the other side facing the actual outside of the building.

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