One Small Step (well, maybe huge)

[Marie-Elise]

So, yesterday, my wife and I are discussing a book she is reading and she asks me what I am reading these days. I had just finshed "My Husband Betty" the day before so I told her that. We discussed it for about 15 minutes with her asking questions and me obviously excited about telling her more.

So, toward the end of the conversation, she says that if I want to come out we should discuss it.

That threw me for a loop. For the past three years since I came out to her, her attitude about my crossdressing has been that she has no time or patience to deal with it. She won't freak out about it but she doesn't want to have to worry about it or contribute to it. And don't even think about bringing it into the bedroom. If she wanted to sleep with a woman, she would not have facial hair.

After regaining my composure, I told her that she should read the book and that I don't really want to come out to our friends and family. I really don't because I don't think it will contribute anything to the relationships.

Anyway, fast forward later that night. I am trying to catch up on some episodes of one of my TV series and I hear her come down the stairs. I hear her say "Why don't you turn that off?"

I turn around to question this and see her standing there in a negligee. So, sexy times were had even though I had panties on. It did not phase her which, in the past, she had expressed displeasure.

All this is to say that I am surprised and happy at these developments. I think reading that book helped me to realize that my needs as a crossdresser are not perverted or weird; they are just needs.

I had been talking to her about our lackluster sex life and what I wanted sexually and emotionally since I started reading this book. I am thinking it helped me to accept myself and that, in turn, helped her to accept me.

I don't know but I love my wife.

[alesha_cd]

Wow, that's a great post! So nice to read something like that. I take it that you would recommend that book. Has your wife read it?

[Marie-Elise]

She is in the middle of another book now but she says she will read it. I recommend it to both CDs and their SOs. It actually made me feel more confident and accepting of myself.

[Tracii G]

Have her read " Hung in the Middle" its a great book too.

[Marie-Elise]

Have her read " Hung in the Middle" its a great book too.

I just downloaded a sample. I will see if I want to read all of it. I just started a new book.

Wonder if there is any interest in starting a reading group here? It might be a good way of getting/providing support.

[alwayshave]

Marie-Elise, that is great development. I must assume for some woman, reading someone else's perspective rather than relying on the preconceived notions of who or what crossdressers are, goes a long way toward developing acceptance.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Can you tell us more about your conversations with your wife after she read the Betty book ? I'd love to understand what caused the change in her to better accept your CD . Please let us know more of those details... and let our minds go astray as to your night of great passion! I am very jealous . Thank you- Melissa

[Marie-Elise]

Can you tell us more about your conversations with your wife after she read the Betty book ? I'd love to understand what caused the change in her to better accept your CD . Please let us know more of those details... and let our minds go astray as to your night of great passion! I am very jealous . Thank you- Melissa

Actually, she has not yet read the book.

I think a major change in me after I started reading the book was the realization that, by hiding my crossdressing from her even though she said it was OK to dress in front of her, I was saying my needs were not valid. Everything I did was to meet her needs and keep her happy while mine were suppressed or not important enough to work toward satisfying.

Before I told her about the book, we had had a couple of conversations where we discussed each other's needs and wants including sex. Frankly, it was the first time since I have known her that I told her that I was frustrated at her going to bed with a book at 8:30PM every night. This leaves me to either go out to the bar or to watch TV or read myself.

She said that she was afraid I would have an affair. I said that that was not in my plans. That was a couple of days before we discussed the book.

I guess I can start another thread about any discussions we have after she reads the book if people are interested.

[Beverley Sims]

It is good that you have made advances.
Keep it slow and you will be successful.

[Tina B.]

Marie, sounds like things are progressing, and that's a good thing.