Coming Out Letters or Emails - no discussions please

[Rianna Humble]

Several members have suggested that we have a sticky thread with examples of letters or emails you have used to come out as TS to those around you.

If you want comments on your own letter/email, please start a separate thread, then when you are happy with your letter/email post it here for others to see.

Please do not reply to these letters or email in this thread. If you would like to comment and there is not an open thread, please contact the member by PM (s)he can then decide whether or not to start a thread.

Any comments will be deleted from the thread.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM one of the mods (currently Rianna and Nigella)

[I Am Paula]

This is the 'form letter' part of my coming out email. I add a personal bit at the beginning, as each recipient has different needs to know.

Dear ****,

Fifty five years ago I was born, by appearances, a healthy male child. By the time I was an adolescent, I realized that life was playing a very cruel joke on me. I was born with gender dysphoria, or, transexual. To use the cliche, which still fits to a degree, born in the wrong body. This is not a psychiatric, or medical condition. More of a birth defect, that can be corrected, but not cured. About 1 in 27,000 natal males are in this boat. Transexualism does not automatically imply gay. Transexuals can be of any sexuality, just like those content with their gender.

You have always known me as a guy. I assure you, this was just an act, perfected by years of rehearsal. Undernieth, lives a terrified, lonely, and confused woman. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to live a happy and fulfilled life is to align body and mind. After doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists all agreed, I have started hormone replacement therapy, were the testosterone based male chemistry is changed to an estrogen based lifeform. This will cause some physical feminization, but more importantly, help with mental conflicts as my body and mind meld into one single feminine being. This is a long tedious process, with major changes taking a couple of years. I have openly lived as a woman for quite awhile now, only presenting as a guy when society dictates, so you may run into me in social, or business situations presenting as female. I'm still ****, the one we know and love, but my body, and presentation are different. I'm now ****, and my mind is finally properly set.

I have no idea how far my transition will go. Letting the chips fall where they may, I could someday have surgery to fully replicate a natal woman, or I may stop when the level of anxiety lessens. I realized my entire life has been a well orchestrated lie, so I'm letting some things just flow, and I'll see where it goes.

**** and I are staying together. She has come a long way in accepting me. She has seen me looking like a woman since we got married, but it's a different kettle of fish when I announced that this is not just a hobby or weird fetish, but a manifestation of who I truly am. It is shallow solace to think she has lived 17 years under a veil of falsehood, while I have had to endure 55.

If you feel disgusted, repulsed, have moral or religious objections, or if you feel you could never accept me like this, I understand. Just delete this Email, and if we see each other in social situations, just ignore me. Some people will. If you feel that this is part of the progression of life, and stay my friend, thank you very much, I will always cherish our relationship.

Celeste

[Ann Louise]

Ann’s Open Transition Letter To Co-Workers, 07Aug13

Dear Colleagues,

The time has come for me to share with you something which is deeply personal to me, yet unavoidably very public. I share, in common with many thousands of others around the world, in a clinical condition known as “gender dysphoria.” In its simplest terms this means that my inner gender identity as a female is inconsistent with my birth sex, as a male. I am fortunate, however, in that gender dysphoria is a bona fide clinical condition for which established and effective medical care exists.

To definitively treat this condition in accordance with contemporary standards of medical practice I have been undergoing a “gender transition.” Among the many aspects of this change, I will take several weeks of medical leave later this fall, and will return early next year to carry on with my work. But, as many of you already know, my process of gender transition actually began months ago. This may explain some of the physical and other changes in me that you might have noticed if you work with me day-by-day, or see me in passing. I’m pleased to note that my name has been legally changed to “Ann Louise ___________,” and all pertinent legal documentation now reflects my correct gender designation as female, too.

I fully appreciate that this is quite unusual and unexpected, and that some of you may find it at odds with your personal beliefs. I respect this and will make no effort to convince you otherwise. But I want to assure you that I will continue to deliver the best work that I am able to in my role as Senior Civil Engineer for the ___________ , and I will always strive to be a valued member of our team. In return, I would request that you treat me with the same professionalism and respect that you always have, and extend to me the courtesy that you would to any valued co-worker. This includes addressing me by my actual name, “Ann,” and using the feminine pronouns “her,” “she,” etc., in reference to me. I understand that for many it may take some time to become accustomed to my changed identity and name, and your understanding and cooperation in these matters is greatly appreciated.

It may be that you have questions about me in particular, or transgender issues in general, and while in recognition of the bounds of my personal and medical privacy, I would be happy to address these to the best of my ability.

Thank you very much,

Ann Louise ___________, P.E.

[Kathryn Martin]

Clients and colleagues:


Re: Significant changes in my life
I am writing to you to inform you of significant changes in my life. You have known me as Martin ***** for many years.
After many years of discomfort and uncertainty, during which I indentified as female but presented as male, I realized that I must come to grips with my inner identity and find congruence as a person. I have recently begun transition to correct my gender expression, making myself whole as a person.
In the past transsexuals have too often been sensationalized, but fortunately we have moved into an era where the reality of these changes can be treated with dignity and purpose. I am fortunate to have the benefit of the many -- in business, medicine, academia, law, engineering and virtually every other field -- who have gone before, and proved that we are successful and productive. I am energized and confident that my new life will make me a better person and a better professional lawyer.
I have been in treatment with hormones for over six months now. Beginning the middle of May, 2011 I will begin presenting as a woman full time. My legal female name is Kathryn *****.
I am including with this letter some materials for your information, which will help you better understand my situation. I will be most open and honest to discuss with you or answer any questions or address any concerns you might have.
Having come to know you professionally, I am confident that we will be able to deal with this change in a professional manner. I appreciate your understanding and support in this venture for me. I believe in people, and have already discovered depths of understanding, wisdom, and humor that I long feared did not exist.
Sincerely


Kathryn *****

29 December 2010

To professional partners:


Re: Significant changes in my life
I am writing to you to inform you of significant changes in my life, and this letter is one of the most difficult I have had to write.
After many years of discomfort and uncertainty, during which I identified as female but presented as male, I realized that I must come to grips with my inner identity and find congruence as a person. Beginning in 2009 I began seeing a psychologist and gender specialist. I have been diagnosed with intense gender dysphoria and I have recently at the recommendations of my medical advisors begun transition to my correct gender and gender expression, making myself whole as a person. I am a male to female transsexual.
Transsexualism in men and women is more prevalent than most members of our society would admit. While older studies suggested that 1 in 30,000 males are intensely gender dysphoric (i.e. transsexuals seeking sex reassignment surgery, SRS) more recent studies suggest that the number is too low by a factor of 10. The current estimates based on empirical data in North America suggest that 1:2500 transsexuals seek SRS and 1:500 males experience some form of gender dysphoria, as transgendered persons (a spectrum including crossdressers to fully transitioned transsexuals). See F. Olyslager and L. Conway "On theCalculation of the Prevalence of Transsexualism".
In the past transsexualism has too often been sensationalized, but fortunately we have moved into an era where the reality of these changes can be treated with dignity and purpose. I am fortunate to have the benefit of the many -- in business, medicine, academia, law, engineering and virtually every other field -- who have gone before, and proved that we can be successful and productive. (See as an example *************** who transitioned successfully 18 months ago at age 58. ) So while I am a little frightened, I am also energized and confident that my new life will make me a better person, a stronger ally and a more productive member of society.
I am fully aware of the potential impact my transition may have on our law partnership, and the firm's reputation in the community we live in. Through my transition which includes hormones, and hair removal I am on a time schedule by which in approximately 6-8 months my physical changes will no longer go unnoticed. As a result I feel it is appropriate to inform you now, to enable us to discuss the future of our partnership in a manner that will have the least impact on your and my future as lawyers in this county and Province.
During the coming months I will not present as female in the workplace or locally in any way. In fact I will not do so until April, 2011. You will however see subtle changes in me during this time, relating to medications and other steps, including potentially surgical intervention to correct facial features which I might require immediately before transition. However, that is months into the future and is related to the results of my hormone regimen.
I am including with this letter some materials for your information, which will help you better understand my situation. I will be most open and honest to discuss with your any concerns you might have, or answer any questions. Having come to know you I know I can count on your fairness and honesty in planning the next year in a manner that maximizes both of our benefits from this transition and minimizes any impact it might have.
Please treat the information I have given you with the utmost confidentiality and do not disclose it to anyone outside of the partners of our firm without my prior consent. I appreciate your understanding and support in this venture for me, I believe in people, and have already discovered depths of understanding, wisdom, humor and caring that I long feared did not exist.
Sincerely


Kathryn *****

To Family:







I am writing to you to inform you in confidence about a difficult biographical aspect in my life. I am choosing to write to you because the information I am writing about is not suitable to be given over the telephone and I am not in a position to see you before sometime next year.
I would like to inform you about a very significant change in my life. I have spend much time considering how to convey what I need to tell you because I am concerned that the news I have to tell is strange and can provide uncertainty for you and Chuck. In many ways this letter is one of the most difficult I have ever had to write.
After many years of discomfort and uncertainty, during which I experienced myself as female but presented as male I ended up in deep depression and realized that I must come to grips with my inner identity and find congruence as a person. I am a male to female transsexual. I sought professional help in 2009 and have been diagnosed in September 2010 with intense gender dysphoria. I have recently at the recommendations of my medical advisors begun hormone treatment to transition to my correct gender and gender expression, making myself whole as a person.
The experience not be in the right body has been with me since I was 9 years old. At that time I discovered and later fully realized that I was different from other boys in my school. Hand in hand with these experiences came an inability to communicate these experiences to anyone, to be male, eventually a man, not to show anything and to be my part as a man as best I could. Certain events in my life led me to go down the path of having a family and to have three children, for which I am grateful.
******* has long been aware of my situation. The decision to transition was and is not easy for her, but we made it together. We are deeply committed to each other and she has accompanied me with love in these steps. We have a life together and are looking into the future. I asked her to keep this confidential because it was my responsibility to tell you not hers.
It is of utmost importance that this news be treated with utmost confidentiality, for the time being. Without proper preparation and planning the transition can easily end in a complete disaster especially professionally.
I will be presenting as a male until April, 2011, at which time I will socially and professionally transition and continue to live as a woman. After all I do not want to distract from Frieder and Amy's wedding in September.
I will be speaking to ****** in the new year.
I hope that you will be able to take my transition with fondness and our love for one another will not be lost. I am painfully aware of how difficult this is because my family and friends will have to say farewell to part of who I am. In the end I assure you, I am who I am and that will not change.
I am happy to answer any questions either of you might have. I will call you in the next week or so to speak to you both.

In an Article for my professional governing body's magazine:




In summer of 2010 I made a most significant decision of my life. I decided to reveal my true gender to those that formed my circle of life, family, friends, colleagues and my profession.
I am a civil litigator with emphasis on commercial and civil litigation. I also work on corporate and commercial transactions and am a partner in a two women boutique firm. I articled my partner seven years ago in another firm in which I was a partner, responsible for human resources management.
Fifty eight years ago I was born transsexual, that is with a gender that did not match my sex. I have know otherness since I was four years old and was certain that I was a girl born in the wrong body since I was 9. It is important to understand that a transsexual is born this way and our need to achieve congruence between our gender and sex is not a choice but a fundamental need akin to being born with a congenital birth defect and wanting it fixed. I was born a woman with a defective body.
On March 22nd, 2011 I distributed an email to colleagues in my profession, my clients and the courts. At that time I was a member of Council in Nova Scotia and President of our local Barristers Association. I wrote in part this:
After many years of discomfort and uncertainty, during which I identified as female but presented as male, I realized that I must come to grips with my inner identity and find congruence as a person. I have recently begun transition to my correct gender and gender expression, making myself whole as a person.
In the past transsexuals have too often been sensationalized, but fortunately we have moved into an era where the reality of these changes can be treated with dignity and purpose. I am fortunate to have the benefit of the many -- in business, medicine, academia, law, engineering and virtually every other field -- who have gone before, and proved that we can be successful and productive. I am energized and confident that my new life will make me a better person and a better professional lawyer.
Having come to know you professionally, I am confident that we will be able to deal with this change in a professional manner.
Having been born transsexual and taking a step to transition to your true self both inside and out is a shocking event for most persons that know you. Unless you have a congenital defect it is impossible to understand why someone would do as I did. In addition, I have deceived everyone for almost all of my life presenting myself a man that was not there. Having to work at presenting masculine and perfecting masculinity in my presentation internalized my growing up a woman to the core. For most of us transsexuals this deception means survival. When I was a child and later an adolescent my revealing my true nature would have resulted in commitment to a mental institution, aversion therapy including electro shocks and other approaches none of which can be acceptable to a modern mind. Another aspect of revealing who I am is the association of transsexuals with the seedy underbelly of society and paraphilia and the consequences to your credibility and ability to find work, shelter and a decent life. It is often for this reason that Transsexuals commit suicide. 42% of transsexual youth will make at least one serious attempt at suicide before 30 years of age and 48% of adult transsexuals will do the same.
Transsexuals are still included under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Conversely, there are no statutory protections per se in existence that afford us legislative visibility as members of our society in general. Statutory and regulatory provisions in fact are designed to ferret out and name our otherness. A recent example is the denial of flight privileges to persons whose documented gender marker deviates from their appearance. The reading in of transsexual persons into the Human Rights Legislation grounds of sex and disability takes nothing away from this statement. Recent ratification of the uniform Code of Professional Conduct ties discrimination into the Canadian legislative framework thereby reducing the much more general and human protections that i.e. Nova Scotia had before, which prohibited discrimination without specifying grounds.
Consequently, we are viewed mentally deficient, somehow perverted human beings that make a lifestyle choice and have very little visibility in a positive context in our society. I have yet to meet a transsexual person that wanted to be transsexual. We have no choice in the matter, and being transsexual is not a lifestyle.
Other persons are gender variant. This is not my experience but I have friends that are gender variant and I have seen their difficulties. Their life experience is not rooted in the gender binary our society has constructed. The issue is one of non-conformity and breaking the bonds of gender expectations that we as a society have constructed. While gender variant persons do not suffer from a defective body their non-specific gender foundation pushes them into the same seedy environment that is anathema for a gender binary society. The suicide statistics are virtually the same.
When I say that my gender did match my sex I am actually telling you an untruth. My sex did not match my gender would be the correct way to put it. If you look through Canadian case law for cases that substantially impact transsexual persons you will find that the Courts have always drawn the distinction between reproductive organs capable of carrying a child and those that cannot. You must have at least had the ability to carry a child to be a woman from a law perspective. One example is Brooks (Brooks citation)
The foregoing sets the backdrop for transitioning in a professional environment. Lawyers understand the fundamental importance of controlling the message. To be able to transition as a 56 year old professional lawyer you cannot lose control of your message and cannot reveal anything until ready. Notwithstanding, most professionals lose their practice, their job, their families and professional friendships. For me this was a frightening concern. I saw myself having to move, transition, and re-appear somewhere else on the planet to try and create a new life for myself. We call this going stealth, meaning all ties to our roots, communities and family and friends must be cut to allow a new fully integrated life.
I decided against stealth, instead staying in the community in which I have practiced and lived for the last 22 years. My community and my professional colleagues have accepted me and my clients have stayed. For that I am grateful. I am treated with respect and continuing friendship, professional and otherwise. This is not the norm, but rather an exception. And that is sad.

[Jonianne]

This is the letter to my company stating my date of intention to transition to full time. Most of them already knew over the past year that I was going to transition.


LETTER OF INTENT TO TRANSITION TO FULLTIME


"May 3, 2013

To: President, Vice-Presidents of ..............., Inc.

Dear ....., ....., ......, ....... and all concerned,
This is my “official” letter of intent to begin my transition to living fulltime as a female. The date I have chosen is Monday, June 3, 2013.
I want to thank all of you for your support of me through all the years of good times and hard times. You have been essentially my family here in Tidewater.
I also want to express my appreciation to your kindness in giving me leeway this past year and more, in allowing me to transition my presentation gradually. On and after June 3, it is important my gender presentation be as female as possible and as appropriate for my job description. I must live fulltime as my target gender for a minimum of 1 year to meet the standards of care to be eligible for gender reassignment surgery.
Please share with me any concerns and I will be happy to talk and work things out as much as possible. With 30 years we have together already here, I hope we can share many, many more and I will do all I can to be the best service to you.

Thank you,
Joni"


NAME CHANGE LETTER

This letter was probably not necessary for my name change, however the clerk suggested that I could write a letter to the judge, so I did.

"YOUR HONOR,

My name is Johnny ........ and I am a 56 year old male to female transsexual. I am widowed, living alone (all my children are grown and living on their own) and have been in therapy with my gender therapist, ........, LCSW and in transition for the past year and half. I live 90% of the time as a female, including work, and now it is time for me to be completely fulltime so that I can begin the one year “real life test” requirement mandated by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health before gender reassignment surgery. For me, that includes changing my name to “Joni”, a more feminine variation.

Thank you for your consideration,

Ms. Joni"


Here is the letter my therapist wrote to my VA doctor requesting begining my HRT:



October 2, 2012

Dr .............
VA Hospital

Dear Dr. .........,

This letter is to respond to your request for a formal diagnosis on Johnny ...... (DOB ..........). My “official” diagnosis for insurance purposes is Mild Major Depression, as most insurance companies do not recognize Transsexualism as a “medically necessary” diagnosis. Johnny ....... is indeed a Male to Female Transsexual. As she currently dresses in female mode in all settings outside of work, I will refer to her as female.

In my diagnostic interview she revealed that she has wanted to become female for most of her life, but respected the wishes of her now-deceased wife that she not begin hormonal treatment while she was alive. In my professional opinion as a contributing member of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), Ms ........ qualifies and is ready to begin hormonal treatment. WPATH’s Standards of Care apply to both my work and Ms .........’ readiness for this next phase of treatment. When she is ready to transition at work (usually about six months after initiating hormonal treatment) she will do so. In fact, she has already informed her work of her intentions. Her family is also fully aware of her intentions, also.

Should you have any further questions, please have Ms ....... sign a Release of Information and give me a call.

Sincerely, and with gratitude that the VA has taken on this responsibility for its members,



........, LCSW

[Rachel Smith]

This is my coming clean letter to my family. I prefer coming clean to coming out as once you come clean with yourself and and those around you it is a very cleansing feeling.

Letter To My Family

I am writing this letter to my immediate family, Mom & Dad, Bill, Susan, Judy and Currie. Since each of you will be receiving one don’t be afraid to discuss amongst yourselves how you feel. Each of you can decide who to share this information with and who not to, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, etc. While each letter will be somewhat different the basic information contained in each will be the same.

I came out to Mom & Dad about my crossdressing about a year ago in the mountains. Judy (sister) was there, she already knew because I get some of my makeup from her. Susan (sister) knew but thought it was just a Halloween thing. Hell it was the one day of the year I could be me in public without ridicule. I ask Mom & Dad this and will ask the same of the rest you and that is. Don’t judge people by how they look or the color of their skin or any physical trait but only by how they treat you. That is what Mom & Dad taught us.

No I am not gay and that is part of the reason I struggle with this so much. Sherry (soon to be ex-wife) is not a lesbian and that is why she no longer finds me attractive so don’t blame her for not accepting me as I changed the way I looked.

For those of you that have internet access you may want to read here http://www.webmd.com/sex/gender-identity-disorder and here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder . I will print them for Mom & Dad.

I am on female hormones now, estrodil, read here http://transhealthmodule.com/hormones.html . The reason I am telling you all this is that my body is changing and I wouldn’t feel comfortable just showing up one day with breasts. I expect each of you to feel different about this but please get together and talk as a family and please include Currie (daughter by marriage have never called her my step-daughter). I will not force this on any of you and I will dress in drab (dressed as a boy in my world) when I come to visit if that’s what you decide is best for you and your family. If you can find it in your hearts just please don’t tell me I am no longer welcome to come home or to visit any of you.

I know this is a lot to dump on you in an email but it is the only way I felt comfortable doing it. Even if morally any of you think I am doing something wrong and don’t want to see or speak to me again I will understand. Just know I am finally happy on the inside.
Your Loving brother/sister
Rachel/Randy

Part II

GID OR GD LETTER

I am only looking for acceptance from you or at least working towards it as this is who I am. Understanding it is something all together different as I don’t understand it fully myself. It is one, but only one of the reasons I failed at my marriage.

This started a long time ago. The first time I can remember having this feeling was at Susan and Judy’s birthday party. I am not sure how old they were but guessing I would say somewhere around 2 years old that would have made me about 8, if my math is correct, anyway, Mom & Dad threw a big party for them in the basement. All I remember from that day is our whole relation being there and constantly wondering why I couldn’t wear a pretty dress like they had on. My next memory of feeling like there was something that didn’t match was on Halloween. I am not sure how old I was but Mom dressed me up like a girl in one of her skirts, a blouse, hose and heels. NO MOM THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! And NO DAD it doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy all the time I spent with you and you teaching me about life, hunting, fishing, bowling and all that other manly stuff. I went trick or treating with Cindy Moyer and Bill and I never felt so good in all my life. It was like the clothes on the outside matched what was on the inside. Then came Susan & Judy joining the color guard and I wondered why I couldn’t have done that. Such beautiful uniforms they got to wear and marched down the street with their heads held high proud of being a girl.

As I was growing up whenever I got some alone time it was time for me to raid Moms closet for a skirt, blouse and heels. No Mom I didn’t wear your panties or pantyhose that would be gross. I would stay dressed as long as I thought it was safe then I would change back into my clothes. Yes I almost got caught quite a few times, so if you came home and there was sweat on my brow now you know why, lol. When I got older I bought my own stash of just a couple things just to have them so I could feel good during my alone time. I got rid of all those clothes when I joined the USAF.

If you remember I spent a lot of time with Sherry (the Cousin one) from the time I was 12 or 13 planning parties and going to dances. That wasn’t because I was looking to date that early but because I just wanted to be one of the girls doing girl things. Sadly Sherry out grew me when she started seriously dating though I still got to spend some time with her occasionally.

From these early times on I had a feeling of just not fitting in no matter what I did, school, baseball, bowling, the USAF, working for Donnie, I just felt on the inside like I didn’t fit in. Ask Bill how I was at work, mostly quiet and reserved, keeping mostly to myself. So you see Bill it wasn’t ALL your fault, sorry about blaming you, most of it was me. Even during my druggie days and yes there were druggie days but the real reason I had long hair was to feel more in touch with my female side. The drugs involved no needles just pot, hash, uppers, downers, etc. but even then I only felt like I fit in if I had some to share with my friends. You can say what you want about Gary E., druggie friend, but I will tell you this. Of all my druggie friends he is the only one that spent time with me after I quit. I think the drugs and drinking were just an escape to get away from these feelings of not belonging and though being surrounded by a wonderful family there was no place anywhere on earth where I could just be ME. Hell I didn’t feel accepted in male clothes so I surely wasn’t willing to compound that by wearing girls clothes, not to mention the shame it would have brought to the family that loved me but just didn’t know about my struggle. I quit the drugs when I bought my first horse because Sherry said we couldn’t afford both but then the drinking worsened.

All through my adult life I always had a stash of girls’ clothes somewhere. I would buy some wear them when I could then get rid of them as I tried not to be like this, we call this purging. Then I would buy more, stash them, wear them when I could then purge again. It was a never ending cycle. I thought marriage could “cure” me but it was not to be I still had my stash and my moments of dressing and purging swearing I would never do it again.

After I met Michelle and Rick and found out what true acceptance is and how wonderful it can be and the drinking stopped. Not that I don’t enjoy a beer from time to time but I went from a case and ½ plus a week to 1 or 2 beers a week. I didn’t make a conscious effort to quit I just didn’t feel the need any longer, still don’t, I am finally happy and content on the inside. This is not to say I didn’t have a good and happy childhood or adolescence, I did, but at night when I laid my head on the pillow it was always with the thought of, why can’t I just fit in? Why can’t I just be ME?

Bill (brother) this is why I always felt special whenever you ask me to do something with you, hunting at Toms, fishing in your beautiful boat, bowling even if I was most times a last resort, working with you and you teaching me things. You will never know how special I felt. I felt acceptance at those times even if you didn’t know the “real” me. You ask someone at Christmas when I gave you the knife why I got you a present because I love you, silly man. I saw it and thought of you and that I could be with you every day as you are with me no matter where I am.

My life here is Rachel; I am dressed and live my life as Rachel. The only time I am not is at work although I am still as feminine as Rachel, I still only wear female clothes, I just cannot wear my hair and all my makeup yet, I will be working on that in the near future so I can live my life fully as Rachel. As long as I have Michelle and the support I get from her and Rick I will be OK so don’t worry about me I am happy on the inside now. Yes I still go to therapy as well and will never stop, at least not anytime soon. Tried that once and as you all know it didn’t work out too well.

Speaking of that dreadful day; I AM SO VERY SORRY. I only wanted to hurt Sherry and found out that she didn’t really care and I ONLY hurt the ones that love me.

My sham of a marriage; I wanted to leave that out of this but I feel there are some things you all need to know.
She told me she hasn’t loved me for 20 years and that she didn’t “let” me go do the horses but rather SENT me away because she couldn’t stand to live with me anymore and that was before all this. Yes it’s true that we never fought during our marriage, if that’s what you want to call it, but that is only because we rarely talked about what was bothering us. From the day we got married we always called it OUR money and just put it in a pile and spent it as she saw fit. Somewhere she changed the rules and it became her money and my money though I was never told of the change. She also told me that she was responsible with her money and I was not. True enough I gave her my whole paycheck to do with as she wanted apparently that was paying the bills and putting hers in her 401K and anywhere else she may have it hid. Please tell your kids to always have separate savings and checking accounts and one together for expenses. I found out too late when push comes to shove it’s to each his own. She told me she wanted a divorce because she is happy being alone then it took her all of a month to have someone else there. It appears alone only lasted until she got all my shit out of the house if that long.

Not that I am faultless in this. Hell I did my part too even without the Rachel part of me.

Insert note susan,judy & currie here.

Susan I don’t hate you or even dislike you. I do feel Sherry had a lot to do with the distance between us. Hell I don’t even know happened between you two she did tell me once but I don’t remember, ****ing drugs and alcohol. I do know I was happy when you came to see me in the physc ward but couldn’t believe you were there as we have not really spoken too much lately. Sherry was my wife and I felt I had to stand by her. I am sorry I couldn’t make Phil’s wedding and that it took me so long to send him a card but I didn’t feel right calling you for his address. Life is getting short and it’s not too late to mend a fence.

Judy you and I have always had a special relationship. For some reason I feel comfortable talking to you about anything. I would have stayed at your house but simply couldn’t after you told me I couldn’t be me as you were afraid as to how it would affect Justin, I don’t fault you for that. From what you told me he has had his own struggles with depression and such. If he ever needs someone to talk to have him call me it surely beats the alternative. Divorce is hard on everyone.

Currie you are special to me and always will be. I will always love you, Azzy (granddaughter) and Tim (son-in-law). You all make a wonderful family. Why you won’t get Azzy out with her bow I don’t know, yes I am sorry I can’t be there to take her but I simply can’t live in Boyertown. (Azzy is ten wanted to take up archery I bought her a $400.00 compound bow for Christmas 2012 and it is just collecting dust under her bed). I found this out the day I had to deliver mail to what used to be my house. I told you when this whole divorce thing started that I wouldn’t blame you if you sided with your mother and I don’t. You said you wouldn’t take sides but you have hell you don’t even send me an email to let me know what’s going on in your life. Like, I don’t know if you went to eat at Maplegrove yet; if you had a good time and enjoyed yourself or if it totally sucked. When I send you an email you answer only the questions I ask and that is short and to the point. When I came here the first time you told me if that’s what you need to do to be happy then go do it. I did it and now you hardly talk to me. I know me coming home and leaving again must have been difficult and hard for Azzy and you as well. I didn’t come home to **** up her life or yours. Know this; I will always love you and do anything I can to help you all you have to do is ask.

[elizabethamy]

This one went to my graduate students: (I'm elizabethamy online, but Michelle IRL)

Dear students,
Since I won’t have most of you in class this semester, I thought I would write to you just to tell you of something big in my world that will, at least to a certain extent, interact with yours.
Today, January 7, 2019, is the day I chose a long time ago to transition publicly from (old-dude) to Michelle W. If you know any transgender people, you’re aware that I have been dealing with this for a long time and that this transition has been in the works for a while now. Those of you who thought last fall that I was capitalizing on my promotion to senior lecturer and being released of administrative responsibility to cultivate some kind of aging long-haired poet guy look – Walt Whitman in the university? – well, now the truth can be told. My hope is that one day this kind of event will be so routine that no memos will be needed, but at present I appear to be the first faculty member on this campus ever to transition genders while on the job here. So welcome to being part of a sliver of local history!

Going forward, I don’t expect to behave significantly differently than before, other than the fairly large difference of living in my real gender. At first having Michelle W around the program instead of (old-dude) might seem somewhat awkward, to you and to me, but we will all quickly get used to it. You’ll discover that I’ve become neither more knowledgeable nor less so about the world, nor has my personality changed in any obvious ways, except that I am already happier than I have been in decades.
I’m pleased to answer questions about this whenever you like. My office hours are ..., and you can always email me for an appointment outside that time.

In conclusion, I’m extremely grateful to the administration and my colleagues on the faculty, for making this transition more pleasant and validating than I had dreamed it could be. And thank you, dear students, for being there with me.

Sincerely,

Michelle W
The Professor
Formerly Known as (old-dude)

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

This one went to my faculty and staff colleagues (400 people, many of whom I do not know)...(I'm elizabethamy online and Michelle IRL)

Dear Colleagues,

You might not be familiar with Michelle W or the email address from which this email was sent to you, but you do know me. I’m the faculty member formerly known as (old-dude). I have waited for this day for many years and now that it’s here, I can live in the world full-time as a woman. Going forward, please call me Michelle.

By now you surely know a fair bit about transgender people. It’s something I’ve been aware of about myself for a long time, but have had a hard time facing. Last spring I finally decided to transition from male to female, and ever since I have been a much happier person. I don’t anticipate that changing or any difficulties in my being able to work as I always have.

Why am I doing this? Simply put, I feel compelled to live as my real self. I know that what I feel is literally impossible to understand if you’re not transgender, but transitioning for me does not feel optional in any way. It’s a core identity question, and once answered, is impossible to set aside forever; it nags at you until you can no longer brush it aside.

In terms of interacting with me, I would hope not much has to change for you. I’m still me with the same knowledge, quirks, jokes, flaws, and school supply needs. I’ll just be presenting differently, and though I expect that once in while people will slip up, please call me Michelle and use the old-fashioned female pronouns of “she,” “her,” and “hers.” Those are small things that, it turns out, mean a lot to transgender people.

With my students, I will discuss my situation briefly, ask if there are any questions, answer those questions for a few minutes, then go over chapter one as listed on the syllabus. I hope my example will enable those students (or faculty and staff) who might have their own gender issues to see me as a helpful resource.

I appreciate so much the assistance I’ve gotten from the leadership of our school (a few names). To know at the very beginning of this process that each of them was supportive means more than I can say. I’m glad that our leaders have big hearts! And I’m grateful to many more I haven’t mentioned.

Thank you so much for your support and collegiality. This school has been a welcoming environment for me since I first joined the faculty years ago, which is why I’m glad to be able to become Michelle as your colleague. I’m happy to talk with you personally at any time about my situation and anything related.

Sincerely,

Michelle W (formerly old-dude)


P.S. If you want to know more, I’m happy to say that our dean's office soon will be publishing its (already award-winning!) guide related to faculty-staff transition, which I encourage you to read. Meanwhile, here’s one good place to learn about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/res.../understanding

[Jazzy Jaz]

Perhaps some of you are bored with the ever evolving drama of the Rez or the continual chaos of this crazy big world, so here, I'll spice things up for you!

I am transgender, more specifically I am a trans woman, and at my core I am simply and completely a woman. Unfortunately I was born in a male body. And while I'm grateful to have a body, everyday feels like Opposite Day, or like being a fish spending it's life trying to operate the body of a horse. On top of that, everyone sees me as a horse and treats me like a horse when all I wanna do is frickin swim and be treated like a fish (guess I should be careful saying that to a bunch of Indians lol).

For some trans folks they are able to recognize that their bodies do not match or align with their internal identities from the very beginning as toddlers, or further along as kids, while for others it can be a long, gradual process of realization. For me it's been a long, gradual process. Nobody told me I wasn't a boy, and so it took me a great deal of time to fully understand why I felt so different from the boys/guys I grew up with and why I related so much more with the girls/ladies in my life and was so drawn to stereotypically feminine things like fashion, makeup, nails, soap opera's etc. As a kid I played with many toys that are generally assumed to be for boys such as army men and Gi joes, but I also had a cabbage patch doll and played with barbies and ponies. At 11 years old (1996) I began taking my sister's clothes. Lucky for me my mother also sold Mary Kay so I had access to lipstick, and my grandmother had this nice, shoulder length, black wig she used to wear that somehow ended up laying around our house for a long time, so, you know, score! (Thanks Nim).

From this time, through my teenage years and my early/mid twenties, I couldn't really grasp why I felt so drawn to these clothes, so comfortable, why they just felt so right. I was always on the shy side, and because I was attracted to females I thought that I was just a shy, respectful kind of guy, you know, like the ones in the movies who are rejected or overlooked for most of the time and then finally get the girl at the end. I didn't have the 'male game' that all the bros had, and so I rationalized that my wearing women's clothes was a way for me to feel close to a girl. The fact that you can actually be a girl in a male body didn't fully cross my mind (at least not consciously), and of course back then visibility and knowledge of the existence of trans people was minimal so it wasn't really on my radar. I knew that I was not gay, and so my attraction to men (yes, I like them too) didn't fit with me thinking I was a boy, so I remained partially in denial of this attraction up until the last several years. Don't worry bros, I've always seen you as my brothers. It just so happens that I've always been your sister.

It's been over the course of the last 10 years that I finally began realizing that my complete discontent with my body/voice/social expression, etc is because I'm actually a girl/woman and not the boy/man that the doctor at birth and society thereafter had indicated. One of the defining features of this 10 year period is that it contains my 3 romantic/intimate relationships, each one unique but sharing similar emotional/physical struggles on my part that inevitably led to complications within the relationships, especially the 1st and 3rd as the 2nd was fairly short. Not to say that I'm the only one who brought struggles and complications to these relationships, but definitely acknowledging the underlying enormity of mine. Though unintentional, each one of these relationships turned out to be a stepping stone on my path of self realization. I can only hope that our shared time together has become a stepping stone forward for these amazing women as well. I respect and am very grateful for all 3 of you. I want to express additional gratitude and sincere empathy for Terra as she is the only one of the 3 who knew about my journey of self realization from a year and a half into our 5 and a half year relationship. I am very thankful for your acceptance, patience, and support, as well as acknowledge the frustrating difficulty of dealing with the fact that your boyfriend is progressively realizing that he (she) is actually a girl and all of the aspects that were affected by that reality. If there's one thing I've learned from these relationships it's that it's nearly impossible for a girl to be a boyfriend.

So that brings us up to now. Though you all already know me, I shall reintroduce myself. I am Jasmine Flynn Xatma Sqilxw Peone, or Jaz for short. I am a bisexual woman. I go by she/her and am a sister/daughter/aunty/niece etc. I'm the same girl I've always been, just older and wiser and finally about to live as my true self. I've had the name Jasmine for about 20 yrs (2000ish) though for most of that time I was the only one who knew it. When going through names at the time, that was the only one that fit, the only one that felt completely right, the one that was simply me. Though I have great respect for those who do, I personally don't use the term 2 spirit to refer to myself as I don't believe in the literal meaning of having 2 spirits, again I completely respect those who do. I do believe in the metaphorical meaning of 2 spirit acknowledging the double oppression of being indigenous and being LGBTQ2+, though again I don't use it for myself as I don't wish to be interpreted as having 2 spirits. I am currently in the process of medical/social transitioning (a form of shapeshifting), which of course is part of why I'm currently sharing this with you all. I began taking testosterone blockers on March 4th and began taking estrogen on June 1st. I am officially socially transitioning as of now (June 8/9 2020). One misconception about being a trans woman that I want to clear up is that I am not a "man changing to become a woman", I am a "woman changing my body/social expression to finally align with who I truly am and have always been". The experience of being a girl/woman living inside a male body is completely and extremely frustrating (explains why our suicide rates are so high) and is very difficult to effectively describe to those who don't experience it. For me, some of my physical characteristics that bring me the most distress/dysphoria are #1 my voice, as well as my masculine facial features, my current male hair, my facial/body hair, my male smell etc etc etc......... basically the only body part that cooperates with me are my nails. Oh yah, and I do have slender, feminine fingers (thanks great spirit).

For moving forward this will definitely be a process. As I can't stand my current male hair, I will likely wear wigs most of the time (though wigs are not ideal) until my hair grows out a bit and the estrogen over time changes it's texture.Though I had secret access to my moms Mary Kay, I only ever played around with lipstick because our household was busy so I didn't have the privacy or know how to explore all the other makeup, I've only begun sporadically in recent years. This means it's gonna take me a while to get comfortable and confident with it, though I wish I could fast forward my skills a bit because I love makeup so much. My voice is going to be one of the most difficult, frustrating, focused, and time consuming parts of my transition, and will likely be a key factor in people misgendering me as he/him instead of she/her. It sucks that one of the hardest things to change is one of the characteristics that I hate the most, but hey, nothing like extreme motivation to make progress. I will be legally changing my name and gender in the next little while, and though my body will never 100% match with who I am internally, I look forward to this next chapter of my life and getting it as closely aligned with me as possible.

As a note, most trans folks value their privacy regarding medical/body/personal issues much like anyone else, however, perhaps due to me also being a teacher, I want it to be known to you all that I am completely open to questions and with me being an analytical introvert, I actually thrive on detailed discussions about topics/issues that interest and/or affect me, so ask away! Also, science is more and more confirming that people are born transgender and though numbers are not solidified, through statistics it is estimated that possibly .5 percent of the population may be transgender, that's 1 of every 200 people, so hopefully I'm helping pave the way for others who may not be ready or feel safe enough to emerge yet.

To kind of wrap things up here, I want to thank the family and friends who have known about me a little bit ahead of time for their support and acceptance. I thank my mom for the lifelong support, long before you knew about me and for always being here no matter what. I thank Grouse for your continuous love and support. I greatly thank Sheadon, Ava, and Hunter for your amazing acceptance and support, you are solid troopers for sure! I thank my sister Amanda for unknowingly providing me with my early wardrobe, it definitely helped me along my path. I thank my sister Hailey in advance as I know you will be one of my most steady, consistent supports in the long term. I thank my brother Dennis for being just straight up cool. I thank one of my dearest friends Sam for your very heartfelt support. Throughout the years I've had opportunity to be there for you and support you in different ways, and since I shared this with you in December you've been one of my greatest emotional supports. And I look forward to interacting with the rest of my siblings, parents, and everyone else as my true self. Also thanks to my nieces for their support. Thank you all in advance for your acceptance and support.

Finally, I just have to say-

Black Trans Lives Matter, Trans Lives Matter, and Black Lives Matter

in recognition of the epidemic of Black Trans folks, particularly Black Trans women being murdered in the US,

the pandemic of Trans folks being oppressed and murdered around the world,

and of course the continuing atrocity of Black People being murdered and oppressed by police and colonial systems in the US, Canada, and elsewhere.

As an Indigenous Trans woman I stand with you,

All my relations