From being on this forum. I am discovering a part of me, I thought was buried. It's not like my wife , never knew about my cd.Early in our marriage I let her know, it was more a sexual thing for the bedroom. But was hit with the " if I knew this before I never would have married you" , its was very early in the marriage(we have never had children). But I slowly buried it not knowing or fully understanding what really i am. Hid my cd then , very sporadic , but would go in spurts. Fast forward 23yrs.Then she found my little hidden stash, was confronted about it. The usual fight ensued, talks of divorce, and the such ensued. But with me telling her how I felt, why I felt I cd, we stayed together .I still don't think I knew what I needed. Nor wanting to hurt her again I didn't pursue it. So it went back in the deep recess's. But then in the ensuring years, my wife would see feminine undertones, and actually started calling me Aretha at times(being a diva) So the name stuck. But when I would be showing a much more caring self. And I of course would feel more at ease and relaxed. No anger/temper issues, which she thought i needed to talk with someone about.But after awhile she'd jokingly say "Aretha can I have my husband back" So now being older and realizing I like to cd ,it's relaxing. I like that I can express my softer side, I enjoy my feminine side. Having been the type who could tear up easy, ultra amount of empathy. But always hid it with the tough guy bad ass image, a real self protection thing. So I know we will have to talk, let her know(I think she knows some but not all). Thanks for reading this. There are so many of you that have given me advice and your experiences. I know I am a little way off from our talk. It will happen, but there are things in our life that are taking up too much energy and time right now.i am hoping by years end. I know It will be a shock, but iam hoping that our years together and the times we have endured, will see us through. Hugs