And boy was it fun!!!
A little background first. A few years ago I had confided in a friend, someone I connected with almost instantly and someone I trust with my deepest, darkest secrets. Was I drawing some comfort in the fact that he is gay? Perhaps I was. But more importantly, I don't believe I had fully accepted myself at that stage and he picked up on that I'm sure. We talked about it occasionally but it never went beyond that.
Cut to earlier this year when in the course of one conversation I found a courage previously unknown to me; and I suggested that I should go out all dressed provided it was safe. In turn he suggested we have a little party at my place where I could get dressed up and see how it goes, an idea I readily agreed with. When the plan for a party happened he wanted to know if he could call 3 of his friends and I agreed despite never having met these people before, safe in the knowledge that if he trusts them then I trust them. So come the day of the party, Sonia gets dressed and comes out to her living room to take the first step out of her comfort zone. And the evening that began at 2200 hrs ended at 0430 with much fun being had by all.
In retrospect, that first step broke the ice and gave us all comfort with each other I would say. Walls and defense mechanisms came hurtling down and we all had the freedom to be ourselves no matter what, knowing there would be total unconditional acceptance amongst us.
Fast forward 3 weeks to last Friday when one of the guys suggested that I dress up and go with them to a gay party. Without my asking they started telling me it would be safe and I wouldn't have to worry even if that wasn't on my mind at all. I must have been in an adventurous mood and said yes to what seemed like a million miles from the comfort of closeted dressing. We discussed the look, accessories and make-up and I could barely sleep that night given how excited and nervous I was.
Saturday was the day of the party. The theme was "juicy" and Sonia settled on a magenta cowl neck fitted dress, with copper heels and smoky eyes with long hair. Because she had never been out before there was no need for a bag/clutch/purse but that was not going to work and she even bought her first handbag, a delicate copper clutch type sling bag with a thin chain strap. The morning of Saturday passed uneventfully and most of the afternoon was spent in what can only be termed deforestation Finally at 1730 the preparations began. Because we were going to take my car to the party, I decided to get dressed at a friends place.
So I got all dolled up, all the friends assembled, some of them had a couple of drinks before we headed out and at 2100 hrs Sonia took her first high heeled steps into the real world. Driving in heels was interesting but certainly not as difficult as I imagined it might have been. I might have been more concerned with being pulled over by the cops but was assured that they wouldn't be able to tell I was a bloke in a sexy party dress!
We reach the party and the parking lot was full. And it was raining!! So here we are, no going back now and Sonia will have to take a deep breath and get into character. This was going to be an evening of firsts so I might as well enjoy it I said. We parked about 30 meters from the club and for the first time ever I had a guard hold an umbrella for me as I carefully made my way in 5 inch heels to the entrance, trying not to slip. From the entrance to the elevator I was given the once over by 2 guys and a middle aged woman who I'm told was "checking me out"! hahahahahahaha!!
Enter the club and it is practically dark (hence the lack of photos...sorry), which is brilliant until vanity takes over and you want to be looked at. Jeez! I never thought I would want to be started at in that way. But as my friends kept saying, none of the guys are gonna check me out because I didn't look like a guy in a dress and looked more like a woman all glammed up. The heels were comfy despite being 5 inches high and a little dancing later Sonia decided to cease and desist thanks to highly ineffective air-conditioning. Now I have to say the Kryolan base is absolutely fantastic and didn't run one teeny weeny bit!!
So that evening Sonia danced a little, sat a little, wiggled her pretty little butt a little, smiled a lot, and had so much fun she couldn't believe it was actually happening. She remembered to keep her shoulders pulled back and her elbows in at all times, she remembered to climb up and down stairs sideways thanks to her dress, she remembered to make fluid movements on the floor and even remembered to let the boys lead her into a twirl. My god did she have a good time!!! And my god she wants to do this more and more!!
Epilogue: In 2007 I found this site and in the 6 years since I've gained comfort in the experiences of others, skill in make-up, taste in clothes, confidence in myself and most importantly, an acceptance of myself. It is only right that I offer to you all my gratitude and sharing this experience is one way of doing that. I am sure there will be more opportunities and I will share the interesting ones with you and include photos the next time. But for now I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did that evening.
xoxo...Sonia