Oppsie... (6 degrees of separation?)

[sandra-leigh]

Not long ago I joined a site to make new friends. I've written to a few people, a little back and forth, not especially much yet, but it is interesting to see all the various kinds of people, and the question section is giving me a bunch of food for thought.

One of the women I clicked on randomly had done work similar some I had done in the past and has personal goals quite similar to mine. I wrote her a note of appreciation for what she has done. After all, people like to be appreciated for their hard work; and perhaps we might end up conversing.

At the end of the note, I mentioned that I am trans -- which I did to avoid the possibility of her feeling that I had "led her on". One of the transwomen I had communicated with on the site had mentioned that nearly everyone dropped her from communication when they found out she was trans, and I didn't want to go through that scenario. (Hey, I'm new there and still trying to figure out how to talk to strangers.)

We exchanged a few messages, such as her asking me to critique her profile (which I did.) She wondered how I had happened upon her specifically; I explained how I clicked on one of the near-random-selection buttons and been interested by what I saw.

Today she sent me a note saying that she had been wondering what attracted my attention, as she had herself transitioned a number of years ago and was concerned that her past was coming back to haunt her (nb. not the phrase she used.)

Opps! I did not know, I was just writing to someone interesting!

[jillleanne]

So tell her exactly that, and, if she has trouble accepting the fact you couldn't care less who she was in the past, that a friendship will be hard to establish in the future.

[sandra-leigh]

I wrote her an explanation before I posted this thread. She hasn't replied as yet, but I know she had plans for the evening anyhow.

Part of the reason I mentioned this is as a counterpart to the advice about "approaching other crossdressers or transsexuals" (i.e., don't out them, don't hint they didn't pass.) I had, just a day before, refrained from contacting a transwoman I detected (to advise what information to change ); but I did not want to seem creepy or threatening. But in today's situation I inadvertently triggered the woman I contacted to out herself, her thinking she had been detected.

[Barbara Ella]

Honesty and good intentions are all we have. It is so difficult to know who is in what situation with their life, and whether we are intruders at times.

Met a girl at my first Trans support group meeting. I was in drab, and maybe she thought me a bit creepy (well, I do at times...). Few days later, I saw her picture up on the LGBT support center's website, next to mine. (Yep, I am still there, and have never been rotated out as a FB friend of the center). I clicked on her pic, and sent her a message saying hi, and what not, and would she mind another friend on FB. Have not heard back, so don't know if I was put in the wierdo category, or she just has a real life and is just busy. Time will tell.

Good intentions, not stalking her, but I guess we never know how contacts will go. Just be honest, Sandra, that is all we have.

Barbara

[jillleanne]

Sounds like she has her guard up a tad too high and is so self conscious and or insecure about herself so reads things into her situations unnecessarily. Sounds like she has some issues to deal with.

[LeaP]

Met a girl at my first Trans support group meeting. I was in drab ...

I've gone to my last support meeting in drab. Even though I haven't been the only such, it makes me feel self-conscious. The last meeting didn't go well for me and I had a bad emotional reaction. No more.

[sandra-leigh]

It is looking like it isn't going to be a problem; she gave me a little transition advice this morning.

To clarify, she has not sounded "upset" about me communicating with her, more wondering what gave her away such that I wrote to her.

Sorry if I somehow gave the impression that I was "in trouble" because of this; rather I was startled and embarrassed.

[Angela Campbell]

Sounds like she has her guard up a tad too high and is so self conscious and or insecure about herself so reads things into her situations unnecessarily. Sounds like she has some issues to deal with.

LOL I would like to meet a transsexual who doesn't have issues to deal with. So far I have not met one. I know quite a few pre and post..