Is Crossdressing "Normal" ?

[nylon45]

Hello Everyone - My question for today is simply , is crossdressing normal behaviour

The reason I ask , is because , for the very very very first time in ages , I met a lovely woman and initially , she kinda' accepted my love of dressing up even though it was something she wanted me to do in private and not particularly , in front of her

That said , just of late , whilst she hasnt exactly resorted to words such as "strange" or "weirdo" or "pervy" , thank goodness - she has , started to question whether I am , in her words "normal" for enjoying wearing womens clothes

Do you think she is being unreasonable and ultimately , do you think I should move on and call it a day as I am never going to stop dressing up as I love it far to much and it makes me feel happy

Cheers

[suzy1]

No, I don’t think she is being unreasonable to her! To me and you it is normal.
So what is normal? What is perceived as normal to one person is abnormal to another.
Either you can talk her round to seeing it as just an unusual but still a healthy lifestyle or you have a problem.
And getting most people to see C.D.ing as normal is in my experience impossible.

[TheMissus]

'Normal' is really just a commonly occurring, accepted behavior and while I personally think CD is far more common than is currently reported, as far as your question, no, it's not normal. Doesn't mean it's bad or wrong - just uncommon.

Though, I suspect your SO might feel a little squicky about the whole thing whether its normal or not. Unfortunately for you, this IS a common response and you'll have to decide if you can work through that together.

[SophieKitty]

I could just as easily ask if having sugar in your tea is normal. If there's one thing i've learned that there's no such thing as normal!

[Amanda M]

It is normal for you. I don´t think you should read to much into her question, and should, perhaps try to answer it openly and honestly. If you start being untruthful or dishonest now it WILL come back to bite you.

Why move on until you have thoroughly explored this. You might just get a wonderful surprise!

[Kate Simmons]

That would mostly depend on your feelings for her. Is it "normal"? That really depends on who's standards you are going by."Normal" can be defined by what we are naturally inclined to do. While not "normal" for the general population, it is "normal" for many of us.

[Tawne]

nylon, I think you have already answered your own question You made it very clear that dressing up makes you happy, if she no longer makes you happy due to negative nonsupporting behavior, simply remove her from the picture and back to the game

[Tami Joy]

Nylon If it makes you happy that's all that matter.

[Bifrost]

Normal is whatever the people you know and know about do.

Normal is COMPLETELY subjective. In Fiji the Police wear skirts. Very seriously - it's perfectly normal for a guy to wear a skirt in Fiji. In the 1500s, well-dressed men wore stockings. Before the 1940s it was just about unheard of the women to wear pants.

All of this said, I absolutely LOVE things that are a bit off-kilter. Anything "normal" to me is just a bit boring.

[Tawne]

Totally agree with Bifrost, normal is boring, which is one of the reasons that makes dressing so fun & daring and dam-well exciting.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nylon, One persons poison is another pleasure .

[Erica Marie]

There is no normal. Only what is normal for you. It takes time to find that exact person who is the same normal as you. They say there is someone for everyone so if it is making you feel uncomfortable it may be time to sit down with her and get her true feeling, it may be the beginning of the end, but in turn it will be time to start a new beginning with someone truly accepting.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nylon,

Unfortunately, people tend to look at "normalcy" through the rose coloured lenses of societal conventions. So . . . women wear dresses and men wear suits. By today's standards women can wear typical male clothing (jeans, shirts, suits etc.) but they are still feminine in style. Unfortunately, that same latitude has not been extend to men. So if a man choses to wear women's clothing, don make-up and stroll about, of course people are going to see this as not normal.

But for us, it is normal behavior because it is who we are and we can no easier change who we are then stop the world from spinning. For me I am normal whether I am in male mode or en femme. These are just two different expressions of my being.

Have you talked to your girlfriend to explain why for you this is normal? If not, that might be a good start. She may not understand "normalcy in its true sense" and may only be looking at this from the perspective of society (men wear boxers / women wear panties).

Hugs

Isha

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi,

I think by definition "normal" means the norm of something generally accepted. Normal has nothing to do with right or wrong or mentally stable or instable, it just means the norm. So no, I don't think crossdressing is "normal" in the sense of how society views us. But all that means to me is that simple truth helps me make sounder and safer decisions about what I do with my own crossdressing.

As crossdressers, we cover the spectrum, just like anyone else in society, as to whether or not we are in our right minds or not and that sort of thing. There are some incredibly smart, wise, and mentally stable guys in dresses and heels out there. Lord knows all we have to do is turn on the news to hear about all the psychos roaming around who would never even consider putting on a dress.

So, crossdressing, while not considered the norm as far as men's dressing fashions go, is unrelated to our state of minds and how we live our lives in other ways, which should be the criteria. Take Ted Bundy, serial murderer, for example. He appeared to be "normal" by society's obervations and used his charisma and good looks to lead many women to their demise. Yet if a guy like Ted were walking down one side of the street, and a CD on the other, it's funny how many would choose to walk next to a serial killer without knowing it all the while the dude in a skirt may be an award winning husband and dad at home.

It's all a matter of putting things in perspective and gaining confidence about yourself. Maybe share this example with your girlfriend and see if you can help her adjust her thoughts on what normal is. Now if you really are a strange weirdo on top of crossdressing, then you've got an uphill battle. =) Joking with ya.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Jodie_Lynn]

"Normal" and "Normality" are cultural and societal parameters that are , generally, agreed to by the members of a given society. These parameters can, and do, change due to changing conditions, influx of new members of the society, and the passage of time. "Normal" is a fluid statistic that can be re-defined from person to person and group to group.

Once upon a time, women who argued for equal rights, and the basic right to vote, were viewed as 'abnormal' by the majority of people. that changed.

Once upon a time, to own and possess a fellow human was considered not only "normal" but as "natural'. That also has changed (thank whatever deity you worship)

Once upon a time, an interracial couple was not only considered 'abnormal', but also 'unnatural', and, in some places, 'illegal'. Also thank your deity that that has changed (mostly)

[stephNE]

I guess "normal" refers to the majority of people, so maybe we are not "normal". But that isn't bad, I'm happy not being like the majority!

[Cheryl T]

Normal like Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
For us this is certainly normal. For many segments of society it is not. Then again, to me war is not Normal although it is certainly the way humanity resolves its issues and it has been that way since we first walked on two legs and will probably be that way for many years to come.

I feel very normal. I hold a good job, I am married to a wonderful woman, I have good friends and loving family. Simply because there is a big part of me that feels feminine and requires expression in that form does not make me Abnormal. I'm not a serial killer, suicide bomber (single use job), mass murderer or the like.

Some of us were having a discussion about Gays at work the other day. They asked my opinion. I said if you love someone and don't hate or kill then you're fine with me. I just wish others felt that way too.

Yes, you are Normal!

[DebbieL]

I remember reading a study once, Masters & Johnson I think, that suggested that 75% of all men have cross-dressed at some point in their lives, and enjoyed it. They also indicated that about 25% of all of the men interviewed cross-dressed regularly for extended periods of their lives.

The reason we THINK it is so small is because any boys who express transgender behavior in elementary school or middle school are usually violently and physically attacked, by their class-mates, and by other boys. Many are also attacked by parents as well. Fathers have been known to beat their sons with a belt for cross-dressing.

The violence, especially public displays of violence, tells all boys that they must never let ANYONE know that they actually LIKE dressing up like a girl and should NEVER let ANYONE know they might actually want to BE a girl. This is why so many drag queens claim that they don't really LIKE to be dressed up as women, it's just a job, or it's just for laughs. Ignore the fact that they dress when they are NOT performing.

A boy who starts cross-dressing and likes it, whether at a very young age like so many hard-core transsexuals, or as a Halloween costume or college hazing ritual, will usually feel that he HAS TO KEEP HIS DESIRE TO CROSS-DRESS A SECRET. To a young boy, still trying to be accepted, still trying to get that first date, first kiss, first sexual experience with a partner, or marriage partner, the consequences of telling ANYONE are unthinkable. Many have seen others "outed" and seen them lose all of their friends, get thrown out of their homes, be rejected by ALL girls, and they have even known some who committed suicide.

Much of this may have been a desire on the part of schools, athletic programs, and colleges to prepare boys and young men for military service when they came of age and were drafted. From WWII to the end of Vietnam, the US Military tried hard to find ways to shorten training time. One of the BEST ways was to make sure that the boys were physically fit and prepared mentally for combat and military discipline. Boys fashions were patterned after military uniforms. Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and other boys programs often offered the "perk" of a special Uniform which could be worn to school on certain days.

One of the things the military wanted to prevent, was boys who didn't want to fight, who were to effeminate, who wanted out on a 4F based on being homosexual, a cross-dresser, or too "sensitive". If the military couldn't have them, they could be used as targets - teaching the boys who WERE fit to fight to treat these "rejects" as something not human, the kind of thinking they would have to have when going into a war where they would often have to shoot women, children, and young men who looked more like children than men. The conditioning started early, in the 1960s, as part of president Kennedy's Council on Physical Fitness, the conditioning started as early as second grade, with boys doing military calisthenics for 30 minutes, often to such songs as "Go you chicken fat Go". Boys were taught to play in team sports, and the losing team was allowed to punish anyone on the team they felt was "unfit" or just didn't try hard enough. In one school, the LaCrosse coach would tell his team "If you don't get BLOOD from the other team during the game, your team will get BLOOD out of YOU during the next practice. I will see to it that it happens.". And this was considered NORMAL.

Boys were encouraged to fight, and those who couldn't or didn't fight back were offered no refuge by the faculty.

The result is that those 25-75% of the boys/men who really enjoyed cross-dressing were "programmed" to keep it a secret at all costs. They couldn't even tell their own wives. Many men keep these secrets into their 30s or even their 50s. They fear losing their job, wives, children, and homes. They fear losing the status and respect they've built up in their communities, churches, and social groups.

We know that the suicide rate among transgender boys is extremely high, as high as 50-60%. I suspect it's even higher among middle-class males, possibly as high as 75%. Now that police are investigating suicides for signs of bullying or cyber-bullying, they are discovering that AT LEAST HALF of all teen suicides involve gay or transgender boys, many of whom kill themselves after either being "outed" or rejected by a potential or actual love interest.

I suspect that if we had coroners do the "finger test" and scan the brains of suicidals, they would find that an even higher number had markers for "feminine" traits.

When we look out there in the general population, even those who ARE transsexual are invisible. A transsexual who has transitioned is nearly impossible to identify or distinguish from a normal woman. The few that we see in public and recognize as such are usually cross-dressers who haven't learned to "Blend" or don't want to.

[Launa]

Its definitely not normal to mainstream society, I'm far from normal.

Normal to most North Americans would be a life lived like Mike and Carol Brady.

[kimdl93]

It's totally normal and widespread. Society takes a while to catch up with itself!

[Beverley Sims]

I think read Debbie Lawrence's reply.
It is most comprehensive.
I agree we have all been programmed to think that it is an activity that is abnormal.
It is different yes but no different to being gay or lesbian.
They enjoy greater acceptance.

[jillleanne]

I got kicked out of Psychology class in university the first week of class for arguing with the prof about 'norms'. The following week I returned and recall spewing out a lot of ' un huh's ' to keep the peace. I passed.

[MissJoanne]

As others have alluded to, what is "Normal"? For me, it's whatever makes me happy. The therapist I spoke with takes the view that what we do is akin to a hobby. Some may not share that view: fair enough. I don't have a problem viewing it that way. It calms and relaxes me, therefore it's good.

[Alice Torn]

Kallista, Good analogy! I knew tow women who actually worked with Ted Bundy, in Seattle.. So true. A normally dressed serial killer, walking anywhere, will be accepted as normal, but a law abiding, kind man dressed up as a woman will be automatically branded as abnormal, weird, odd, pervert, potential child molester, yadayada yada. Lots of interesting posts here. Debbie, So true, the sports, teach boys to have a killer instinct, to "beat" the other guy, or team. I am sick unto death of all the cruel, hostile, pride, and competition in school, and pro sports, wher winning is everything, even if you hurt another human being. It s a smaller form of war, only not actually killing.And, that, is "normal", to be hostile, and cruel. Human nature will have to change, or no one will survive the shit about to hit the fan. Humanity has not learned a damn thing, it seems. Maybe we need a flying saucer with a strong alien to warn us, if we don't change, earth will be blown up!, As in "The Day The Earth Stood Still", the classic 1950's movie!

[ryenmatt]

YES. Normality is relative.