out dressed on cape cod ...man troubles.....

[Wendy me]

hey Wendy here.... bought a place at cape cod this year and been haveing the time of my life ... shopping ......... beach time and just hanging out .....not any incounters that even caused any issues.....

well Fridaynight out and abought dressed nicely .... my long blonde hair with some gray highlites ... makeup not over the top .... black dress just above the knees long sleaves sorta low vneck....and a cute lose flow to it ....weaing a black lacey pushup bra gave may 36 c boobs nice cleaveage .... big gold hoops in my ears ... and a few long gold neckless ... two braceletts .... and black 4 inch open toes heels pink nails .... and my fav zibra print glassess..........and a small black bag...


dressed like this tons of times no trouble kinda hot older laddy look (lol). well i go to one of my stops in sit down the bartender gets me my caption and cherry coke zero with 2 limes ... i sit and sip it... this guy sitts down next to me and starts with a brage of the worst pick up lines .... i play nice... finish my drink and tell him i have to go... he walks up behinde me grabs my ass.... (two hands) i tell him stop .... i walk out going to my car he comes out trys to kiss me grabs my boobs ... i start to freek out...the bartender comes out and runs him off ... asks me if i am ok i said yes... i went home ....woke up the next day with my boobs brused....

what to do? next week going to the bar as 'HIM'...... going to smack that graby as*hole upside the head......

[Raychel]

Sorry for your troubles Wendy, Men can be such jerks, especially in a Bar situation.

Best bet is just be yourself, If he confronts you again tell the bartender, A good bartender should have
the offending patron removed. that simple

actually a good bartender will not allow that person back in the bar again.
So you should never see him again.

[linda allen]

................. what to do? next week going to the bar as 'HIM'...... going to smack that graby as*hole upside the head......

1) What the guy did to you was a crime. You could have called the police and had him arrested.

2) What you're planning on doing next week is also a crime but this time it's you who will be arrested.

[reb.femme]

Hi Wendy,

No surprises that there are a number of sphincters at large in the world, but why must they inflict themselves upon the human race in such ways. My thoughts too would be to deal with the clown man to man but time out away from the situation then allows for a moderate and real world approach, let it be and move on. One more experience than I've got to date, not that I'm wishing for similar.

The outfit sounds really nice, except for the glasses, not my style. You'll need to hire personal protection in future if you go out looking so good .

Rebecca

[Jaylyn]

Pick your battles carefully. You walk in and he is there and suppose that you are really gonna walk up to him and hit him up side the head..... You should have filed on him then or defended yourself not next week. Most likely if you-smack him he wont know what for unless you tell him why you are doing it? Did he really believe you were a female? If he just grabs females then he needs to be stopped and if he has a mad on against CDs then he needs an attitude adjustment but the local police or LEO should handle it. I've been in a few bar fights and the results usually don't end up the way we plan. Also sounds like you might have a premeditated fight so u might be the one going to jail for something he should have been incarcerated for when it happened last week. Be careful.

[nhlighthouse]

Wendy dear...Please please do not lower your standards to meet this scumbags level...elevate yourself above this and go to the bar as male and say that you represent your sister who was assaulted by a patron of this bar. Give the owner to ban this person or you will go to the media and law enforcement.
The ball will be in his court also us CDERS could picket the location for your cause!

[Beverley Sims]

It is sad that this happens, do not lower yourself to his level, however inviting it may seem to bop him one.

[Wendy me]

for the most part i was not dressed ****ty just cleavege showing.....i delt with guys hitting .. it happens .. don't like it don't go out dressed ... the ass grab well i could let that go... grabbing my boobs and trying to kiss me after a no.... thats not right ... oh i am going to let him know who i am and slap his head.... it's going to happen for sure ..... just how many women has this pig grabbed??? time he getts a lesson...

[Marcelle]

Hi Wendy,

I agree with the others . . . take some time before you rush and in a clock "Mr Handsy" as he may not know what it is for and you could end up in a knock down battle royale or worse, arrested for assault.

If you feel a need to confront him, I like the suggestion of going back "male mode" indicate you represent your sister and remind both "Mr Handsy" and the establishment owner this was by definition "sexual assault" and unless "Mr Handsy" wants to spend some quality up close time in a jail cell with other "Mr Handsies" he should think before he acts and it might be best if he doesn't patronize this establishment in the future. Then walk away.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

I'm glad you are okay my friend. Had it been me instead of you, that guy would have been a whole lot bruised rather than me. Even if we are acting like a prim and proper lady, we never have to take that kind of abuse from anyone, especially some jackass.

[Jodi]

The worst combination--alcohol and a weak, overinflated male ego.

Jodi

[linda allen]

If you're hanging around in bars and having trouble, perhaps you shouldn't be hanging around in bars or at the very least, choosing a better class of bar.

[Alice Torn]

I like Isha" idea, go as male, representing your sister who was abuse, and warn him, and the establishment about him.

[vallerie lacy]

Sounds like you had a great start and bad finish to your Friday. Must have been the old "little black dress" that mesmirized the idiot. Just remember if you smack him up one side of the head so he remembers you, be sure to smack him up the other side so he forgets you.

[alwayshave]

I will admit to having represented clients in criminal matters in Massachusetts including Cape Cod, so I will tell you unequivocally, do not confront this person. While you could have pushed him away, you may not go back and confront him. Massachusetts law specifically requires all individuals to flee from any confrontation. Even in your own home, if there is any means of egress, you must attempt to take it prior to any physical altercation.

Massachusetts law does not allow for self help or self protection. Many an individual who has shot a home invader ends up getting charged with manslaughter or 2nd degree murder because the did not attempt to leave their own home.

Additionally, even if you thought you could palm any future altercation with this individual off as self defense, you have posted in public your intent to confront him. Not good.

My only advise is, either file a police report or if you know who the individual is and the police won't help, you can swear out a criminal complaint in the district court (Falmouth, Barnstable or Orleans).

[linda allen]

That's good advice. Anywhere.

[Chickhe]

You must file a police report. You have the bartender as a witness and physical bruising. Nobody has the right to touch anyone else. You will not regret doing so, it will make you feel better, nothing may happen at first, but you never know what will happen in the future...this guy is probably going to do it to someone else or has already done it, your report might tip the balance in helping the police catch him.

[docrobbysherry]

This may have been a one time situation, Wendy. It sounds like you're a regular at that bar. There's a good chance will never come back when u r there.

As far as describing your outfit? Some of us have very little imagination, (ME). And, a picture is worth a thousand words!

[Di]

Gosh Wendy......some men are pigs ....over the yrs met a few pigs myself.
Sorry it happened hon
But do not go to his level.....he is not worth it.

[bobbimo]

Dont wait, and don't change.
I bet he'd sing a different tune if a girl clocked him and put is jewels way up in Tuck 2.0 land.
Bobbi

[ReineD]

..... just how many women has this pig grabbed??? time he getts a lesson...

Wendy, I don't know if up close, people take you as a GG or if they do read you as a CDer. But it seems, according to similar stories in this forum, that men will take many more liberties with CDers than with GGs. Maybe they think that since CDers are male, they should be interested in the same thing as them, especially if they're out there dressed? It's unfortunate but there are still lots of people who think that CDers dress only for sexual reasons.

I wouldn't go back specifically to look for a fight in guy mode. I'd just go back and be yourself and if he is there and provokes you again, then take off your heels (for balance) and smack him one.

[heatherdress]

Wendy - Too bad that you had such an unpleasant experience. There is already many excellent suggestions. I think most pubs on the Cape are very resectable, low-key and safe. I hope you will not have any more bad experiences and you will enjoy your home.

[Persephone]

This does happen to GGs too. A friend of mine was shopping in a grocery store when some guy came along and suddenly grabbed her boobs! Not a bar, not dressed in any manner that could be considered "seductive," just bang! out of the blue.

As Always pointed out, Mass is one of the worst states for human rights. You not only have no right to bash him later (which would be true in most states), but you don't even have a right to self-defense at the time the incident occurred!

I see a lot of macho "hit 'em" boy talk here on this thread and, frankly, it bothers me a great deal. If you're out-and-about en femme it seems you should take a more feminine approach - scream, raise hell, and if you are in a more humane state stab his instep with your heel or skewer him with a knitting needle.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ReineD]

I don't know Persephone, there seem to be an awful lot of stories in this forum about men who are unduly forward with CDers, way more than I've ever encountered or heard from the GGs that I know, even though there are jerks around for sure. Admittedly, this may be because most women tend to avoid compromising situations?

I like your approach to stab his foot with a heel, rather than hitting him. What about a knee in the groin? This is another way we are told to protect ourselves. Actually, they even suggest that women learn martial arts to protect themselves.

Wendy would face repercussion for protecting herself in MA? So any male or female should allow themselves to be mugged or otherwise mistreated, should this happen in a dark parking lot late at night? This doesn't seem right, although I agree with not going up to someone in male mode and knocking them silly, for an prior incident.

[Persephone]

Admittedly, this may be because most women tend to avoid compromising situations?

It is probably a combination of things. It is possible that, as you wrote earlier in this thread, "men will take many more liberties with CDers than with GGs." not only might they assume that the CDs are more likely to be interested in sex, but they may also figure that the CDs are less likely to report it than GGs might be (even though many sexual crimes against GGs go unreported because of feelings of shame or guilt).

It may also have a lot to do with CD behavior and expectations based upon male background. My spouse and I were discussing it over lunch. We couldn't think of any of our female family, friends, or acquaintances who would go to a bar alone.

When my best friend was going through a divorce and needed to talk she and I would meet for a drink, but we'd sit at a table in a restaurant with a bar and order drinks since we wanted to talk, not get hit on.

Also, a lot of CDs seem to be comfortable in a bar, judging by many of the posts here, while they are not comfortable in many other "mainstream" venues. As a very infrequent bar patron I don't know why that is the case since I would tend to think just the opposite.

Put 'em all together and you get a potentially difficult, maybe even dangerous, situation.

Hugs,
Persephone.